


Dogged Determination: Hope

by Africanwilderness



Series: Dogged Determination Series [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Animal Magnetism, Consensual Sex, Established Relationship, F/F, Female Ejaculation, Fighting Back, Fluff and Smut, G!P, Heroine's Journey, Hurt/Comfort, Impulse Control, In The Genes, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Pack Hierarchy, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Olivia, Rough Sex, Sexual Tension, Unbreakable Alex, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:41:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 45
Words: 98,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22512676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Africanwilderness/pseuds/Africanwilderness
Summary: Continues to follow Alex in her fight for equality in a heinous societal hierarchy; with her mate, Olivia Benson, by her side.If newer readers aren't necessarily wanting to read 200,000+ words to catch up, I have now added a summary of the Dogged Determination Series, up to this point, in my profile summary. Starting DD:H without reading DD:T and DD:R, won't make much sense otherwise. Reading the summary comes with a SPOILER ALERT warning.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Series: Dogged Determination Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1304300
Comments: 515
Kudos: 208





	1. Preparations

**Author's Note:**

> Current Pack:  
> Alex: Pure Blood Alpha - Pack Alpha 🐺🐺🐺  
> Olivia: Alpha - Joint Pack Leader 🐺  
> George: Beta 🐶  
> Abbie: Beta 🐶  
> Fin (Omi): Omega 🐕  
> Kate: Omega 🐕
> 
> Pack Pre Transition  
> Elizabeth Donnelly: Super Alpha 🐺🐺  
> Olivia: Alpha - Pack Alpha 🐺  
> Huang: Beta 🐶  
> Fin: Omega 🐕  
> Kate: Omega 🐕  
> Alex: Pure Blood Omega 🐩

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Alex's POV

Without the calming sedatives, I know my swimming mind would have whirred all night. As it was, Kate injected me with enough ketamine to knock me out until the following morning. 

It had taken me time to _allow_ my Omega to administer such drugs; my past and recent history making the possibility of someone abusing my body whilst I'm unconscious, or stirring to someone’s abuse, _excrutiatingly_ real. I also have a new found terror of forever seeping into the darkness. _Will I ever wake up? Yet, consciousness holds its own demons..._

 _Today, I can see and touch my Olivia!_ I interrupt my own reverie; nervous excitement surging thru my every fibre as groggy consciousness envelopes me. The roaring ache deep in my centre burns at the thought of touching my mate.

Watching, feeling, _sensing_ every gesture, every expression, every molecule of Olivia’s scent eventually took its toll on both pack Alphas. I would pant at the mere thought of my life partner, and hyperventilate to the point of collapse when scent and sight merged in an exquisite vision of carnal promise. Our hearts, lungs and clits would beat, seize and quiver so aggressively; Kate banned us from being in the same vicinity. We knew we could have overruled this achingly torturous decision. But, we were utterly aware this heart-breaking notion, another of our Omega’s wise yet vehement suggestions, would save my newly donated heart, and my life.

It had taken another two weeks of bed-rest, a further month of physiotherapy, to strengthen limbs that had been idle for three months. 

This waiting, this distance from the woman of my life is the single most brutal torture I've ever known. Given the sheer plethora of mental, physical and sexual abuse I have suffered since puberty, this is no small feat. But it’s my core truth: _my heroine means everything._

I glance at the clock from my hospital bed, noticing visiting hours are only minutes away. _Thank you, Kate,_ I note graciously, my relief palatable as I silently thank the good doctor. I then near leap out of bed; a small tug in my chest reminding me to _'slow down, to take my time_.' Kate’s words echo in my ears. I shake my head rebelliously; _Alexandra Cabot has never been one to take her time._

I peer through the tiny blind slit, spying Omi sat alert and vigilant. _My sentinel._

I carefully dress in the shirt and pencil skirt combination I know Olivia will appreciate, minding the suckers and wires lacing my chest. _The last thing I need is one of the 'safe' nurses or doctors racing in whilst I'm preparing to mate!_

Then I lounge in the stiff and uncomfortable hospital chair, waiting for the one person who can sate my scorching arousal: _my Detective Olivia Benson._ I squeeze the wooden arms as anticipation surges thru my crotch, igniting every single nerve ending. I bite my lip as I squirm against the seat.

The pack knows they won’t be able to stop us, _me._ _I should be concerned, terrified at the very real possibility I won’t be able to stop._ In truth, I know stopping'll be an impossibility. But I'm absolutely certain of one thing; _my Alpha will be just as wanting, especially with our heat coinciding... colliding._

 _Yes, everybody in the vicinity better make themselves scarce because the walls, furniture and medical equipment won’t know what hit them once we're thru;_ _finally_ ending the torture of enforced celibacy. 

Only one thought dominates my mind: _my Alpha, and how good she will feel, taste under my, her Pure Blood Alpha’s, ministrations. Jesus Christ!_ I lick my lips instinctively as I watch the seconds tick down excruciatingly slowly. 


	2. Reconnecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia reconnect for the first time since Liz.
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content

My body, already ignited with wanton anticipation, is engulfed by burning flashes of scorching desire the moment Olivia comes within sensory range. It takes everything to remain seated, my hands gripping the wooden arms as though my life depends on it, as my entire being writhes to one rhythm: _my Alpha._

 _Jesus!_ my mind keens breathlessly as I near map her approach, utilising my senses to their highest capabilities. I feel her stop outside my hospital room. _Why..?_ I ask breathlessly, as I listen to her increasingly shallow breaths of all-consuming arousal. 

_Because this is not a good idea,_ our Beta, George, sighs heavily, feeling every single eruption of fire engulfing his Alphas. 

_Move, G. Now!_ my Olivia growls, using the full force of her dominance to reach me. 

The psychiatrist can only submit to such a demand as my core quivers near climax. _Oh God, Liv!_ I pant as the door opens; my heart spiralling out of control as my eyes latch onto the very being my senses promised me. 

_This is why it’s not a good idea,_ Huang argues again, nudging the door open to step inside, his eyes immediately fixed on the melting, quivering wrecks we’ve become. _You’re not ready..._

 _Either let them mate, in controlled conditions..._ Kate bursts thru the door; her blazing eyes immediately distracted by my writhing form. I’m beyond caring save my Olivia. She clears her throat to stem a ready expletive. _..._ _or... they’ll find a way..._

 _It’s too soon!_ Huang retorts, quietly seething.

Both Olivia and I turn to glare at him; our animal minds in _absolute_ control, our bodies no longer our own; governed by an instinct we are yet to fully comprehend. 

My heroine’s eyes instantly refocus on my writhing form; her hunger as potent as mine. _Le...ave... us..._ she growls thru gritted teeth; neither of us waiting for Huang or Kate to vacate the room before we reach and collide with each other. 

_Liv!_

_Alex... my everything...!_

My hand finds her nape, my fingers threading thru her hair as I pull her to me; her taste the sweetie honey, the most thirst quenching of waters. Once our lips are fused, our tongues locked in the most delicious battle, all damaging fears and anxieties surrounding my Alpha no longer wanting me, loving me, disappear. 

My internal celebration, my external tears of joy don’t go unnoticed by my magnificent Alpha. She finally breaks our ravenous kiss, her eyes gazing into mine with an awe saved only for a most cherished one. _I... love... you... I always... will..._ she further reassures me, her trembling hands cupping my jaw for mere seconds before I surge forward, hungrily taking her mouth once more.

My body, alive and pulsing as our kiss energises my senses for an eternity, shivers and trembles as we vie for dominance. Psychologically, I will always be a Pure Blood Omega; physically, I am now the most powerful status in any known hierarchy. My heroine’s psychology is equally conflicted. Olivia was born an Alpha; born to dominate, to lead. But now, my life partner is hierarchically second to me, her formerly submissive Omega. 

We desperately try not to over think, allowing our bodies to speak for us; our minds suddenly too overwhelmed by carnal desire and intent to focus beyond the scorching mass of heat in our arms. 

Our scorching kiss continues as my Alpha tears my shirt open, making quick work of discarding the suckers, (the ensuing commotion outside amusing and frustrating us; Kate and a reluctant Huang, keeping the other doctors at bay); her hands hungrily roaming over my breasts, back, shoulders and jaw; my lungs screaming for breath as Olivia unzips my skirt; my core aching, on the precipice of unimaginable orgasm.

I finally rip my lips away, inhaling a shuddering breath as my Alpha bites my neck; marking me, her Pure Blood. I gasp as her teeth cut deeper into my skin. 

_Mine!_

Tears sting my eyes at my life partner's dominant marking. The last person to exert their dominance over me was _not_ my Alpha. Olivia is reinstating her dominance as _my_ Alpha. _Oh Liv!_

_Mine!_

_Yours!_

My love growls into my neck. I can’t take anymore; my clit swells and contracts as I melt under the sheer weight and power of her absolute dominance and reconnection: _I’m... yours, forever,_ I husk, my mind spinning as my Alpha cradles my jaw and kisses me with ravenous abandon. I gasp and whimper as her taste utterly consumes me. 

It’s only when my Alpha grunts in surprise, that I realise I’ve backed Olivia against a wall, my hands everywhere as she shivers under _my_ dominance. I tear thru her shirt and bra like tissue paper, before my hands spray against her quivering abdomen. 

I feel my Alpha’s desperation before she inevitably buckles: _Please..._

I don’t have the patience to taunt, my twitching fingers delving inside her panties, urgently stroking her swollen sex; my everything nuzzles into my mane as ripples of ecstasy riot thru her synapses; my incessant fingers taking her again and again, affirming who _really_ is boss.

 _Mine!_ I whisper into her ear as another orgasm erupts, sending pyroclastic clouds of molten liquid heat straight to Olivia’s core.

When my Alpha doesn’t respond, I force myself to stop, my fingers freezing over her quivering nub, waiting; my breaths shallow as I try and fail to control my own arousal, my clit bursting with wave upon wave of pleasure as my mate's disgruntled growl fills my ears.

 _Mine!_ I repeat, using every last fibre of strength I have left to remain standing and steadfast in my resolve to dominate my Alpha. Another growl echoes round the room as my life partner battles her desperation for soul-shattering climax versus relinquishing her status as pack Alpha. 

_Mine!_ I state thru gritted teeth, my own restraint weakening. I do the one thing I know will work: I lower my mouth from Olivia’s ear to her throat and bite... _hard._

A low groan of submission bursts from her lips as she wilts, her usually steady form struggling to remain standing, as my frozen fingers tease her to within an inch of her life. _Yours!_ my Alpha whimpers, her dominance utterly depleted as she begs me to own her. _Please... Goddamnit, I’m yours... Lex... I’m yours... Please!_ she pleads breathlessly, her forehead resting against my shoulder as soon as I relinquish my hold on her exquisite tasting neck.

My fingers restart their urgent endeavour, scribbling against her swollen heat, relentlessly wracking my Alpha's body with incomparable climax, over and over and over again.

 _Tef... lon_! my love can take no more; her frame crumpled on the floor, my fingers orchestrating her every nerve-ending with such skilful artistry, Olivia has entered a near hypnotic state of continual, soul-shattering pleasure. 

I stop at once, kneeling to immediately check on my weary Alpha. This is my mistake. My love takes the opportunity to jump on me, pinning me with her athletic frame; my eyes challenging and scorching with molten lust, hers victorious following my momentary lapse. _Of course, my Alpha recovers quickly..._

 _You... got that... right..._ Olivia further affirms, only her breathy huskiness betraying her sudden confidence. Before I can enjoy this minor win, my life flips me onto my front.

 _No!_ I abruptly howl as my entire frame stiffens; heinous memories of being forcibly taken from behind flooding my psyche.

My Alpha immediately flips me back over, her eyes searching as guilt radiates from her every pore. ‘Lex... I’m so...’

 _Don’t..._ I beg, hurriedly pulling her lips to mine in a shamefully obvious avoidance tactic; _desperate_ to mute this one stumbling block in an otherwise...

Olivia rips her lips away; unwilling to ignore my immediate anxiety and her part in triggering it. She looks at me, waiting until I meet her gaze. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers, her arousal depleted in favour of concern. ‘I should have...’

‘Please Liv...’ I gaze pleadingly into her soul. ‘Not now... _please!’_ I beg, looping my arms around her neck as she looks into my shimmering orbs. _Please... I need you..._


	3. Seeking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to seek new boundaries in their sexual relationship.
> 
> Rating: Explicit content.

_I need you_ _!_ I repeat, desperate for this glorious reconnection to continue. _I NEED you_ _!_ I whimper as tears race down my face. 

My Alpha's soft bronze eyes gaze into my soul, as we attempt to catch our breath. _Lex..._

_I feel... them... inside me... all the time,_ I confess, my anxiety sky rocketing as I watch Olivia try not to fall apart, or take me; my own eyes streaming, my chest heaving. _Please Liv..._ I crush my mouth against hers once more. But my love pulls back again, her mouth working silently. 

I know I could pull rank and _demand_ she take me. But the very idea leaves me feeling even more chilled to the bone. 

_I can’t whilst..._

_You can’t..._

_Shit! I want to... I really want_ _to;_ she vehemently attempts to reassure me. _But would you take..._ the idea almost melts my Alpha’s resolve. I stop myself threading a hand between our bodies to cup her, knowing now... _Would you_ _..._ _take me_ _..._ _if_ _..._ _I’d just been_ _..._ _triggered?_

_No,_ my mind admits at once; my body trembling as guilt pummels me. _I’m so sorry, my love. I’m_ _..._ _so_ _..._

My heroine scoops me up in her arms and gently tucks me into the hospital bed, before spooning my body, above the covers. This is why I will forever love my Olivia. She knows what I need, even when I don’t. 

She holds me as I completely fall apart; my life partners actions conveying as only Olivia Benson can: that she loves me, that she won’t use me, that she won’t leave me, _ever._

We’re too wired to sleep. Our need to touch, to reconnect, to be one, overwhelming nearly all other senses save one: a core deep love so strong and ingrained, even our animal needs, desperate and aching to be realised, can only submit in the wake of cherished adoration. 

I feel my heroine nuzzle my hair, a whisper away from my tingling scalp; her fingers millimetre from mine, her entire form spooning me as tears race down my cheeks. My chest heaves, my frame shudders as images and memories of extreme physical and mental trauma wrack my senses. 

_Oh God... Liv!_ my mind whimpers as I turn into my Alpha’s arms and chest; the thin hospital sheet, our only barrier against renewed carnal intent. 

_I love you... so much_ _,_ Olivia reassures me as I wonder how anyone can; how can she after being forced to watch me being brutalised by two deranged psychopaths? 

_How... how can you?!_ I question, incredulous; my head in my hands as the shame, despair and nausea engulf me. _You_ _... forced... to..._ _to watch... them..._ _me..._ _They..._

My heroine cradles my jaw, using the bed sheet to avoid skin to skin contact. _Yo_ _u were forced to endure it,_ my Alpha counters, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. _I_ _don’t know how you survived_ _, but I have known one thing since the moment I met you...._ Olivia waits until my eyes stop avoiding hers. _You are my one and only. You are my_ _..._ _everything_ _..._ _And_ _..._ _I’m_ _... I’m_ _so sorry I couldn’t protect you..._ She finally, inevitably breaks down under the weight of her misplaced guilt. 

I instinctively cup her jaw, innocently intending to console her, before I realise my mistake. Renewed flashes of heat surge up my forearm, igniting my entire being as my fingers make contact with my heroine’s intoxicating flesh. _Fu..!_ my mind is flooded by such searingly powerful endorphins, I push my Alpha into the bed, blind and unthinking; my lips dominating hers hungrily as my body builds, swells and contracts thru waves of incomparable orgasm. 

_Je...sus... Lex!_ Olivia’s mind howls as I relinquish her mouth and immediately journey my tongue down her throat column and between her breasts. Her fingers intertwine in my hair, her abdomen stiffening, as I lick and suckle my way down to her navel. I hear my love’s gasping breaths above me as I gently brush my tongue against her engorged clit for the first time. Her thighs jolt at the contact, her stomach muscles clenching as I lick her again, more roughly. 

The moans and whimpers tearing from my Alpha, along with her shaky fingers holding my head in place, tell me all I need to know as I latch onto her nub, sucking her dry. 

Squeals and yowls echo thru the room as I drink in my heroine’s incomparable nectar, lapping up every single drop as my mind, body and soul get drunk on her taste. 

I lower my fingers to coax my own, umpteenth orgasm as we ride endless waves of exquisite pleasure, so all-consumingly intoxicating, I could die happy. 

_Tef_ _..._ _Tef_ _..._ my Olivia is so overwhelmed by my dominant taking of her, she can only husk part of our safe word. 

I stop immediately, travelling up her body at speed to check in with my thoroughly dominated Alpha. 

My beautiful life partner stares into my eyes for what feels like an eternity but can only have been seconds; her breaths desperate, her gaze exhausted yet predatory. My lungs seize at this scorchingly arousing sight. _Christ, Liv!_

My Alpha pulls me down onto the bed and crawls on top of me. This one action is enough, my clit quivering to orgasm within seconds. Olivia notices, a smug smile crossing her lips fleetingly before she begins taking my body. 

Her lips bruise mine as her hands kneed my breasts, her thumbs teasing my already stiff peaks to distraction. I whimper into her mouth as our bodies tremble and melt in one wanton mass of liquid heat. 

When my Alpha’s nails graze my ribcage accidentally, I instantly stiffen. _S_ _hit._ _.._ _I... won't..._ she breathe as her fingers retreat instinctively. My conflicted body aches to be tickled, but my mind... 

_Stop!_ I silently scream. My heroine acquiesces immediately. _No!_ I howl before my frenzied mind realises this isn’t helping my cause. _Don’t stop... touching... me!_ I beg, eternally thankful when the woman of my life nods her head, after searching my soul for endless seconds. 

She latches onto my nipple as her fingers fondle my other breast. I arch into her caresses, her mouth, as she plays me like a professional conductor; my core swelling and dripping wet, _waiting_ for her attentions. 

Olivia reads my body better than... _I’m... with... Liv,_ I self-talk as my Alpha raises her head, her eyes instantly searching and radiating concern. _Don’t stop... my Alpha..._ I plead. _Please_ _... take me_ _!_

My heroine's searching gaze spears me for several heart stopping seconds, her control absolutely incredible, before she finally buckles under my, and her, needs. 

She travels down my body; kissing, sucking, caressing, licking, until she reaches my pubic bone. I thrust up, conveying exactly what I want, _need_ her to do. My life partner actions my request dutifully. Her lips suckle my clit, her tongue flicking me intermittently, as my body soars over the precipice of unimaginable climax. I buck, writhe and tremble against her, as she continues her thoroughly attentive ministrations; milking and drinking my essence. 

I bite my lip as I claw at her scalp, never wanting this moment to end. But still, somehow, this isn’t quite enough. Even as my love pleasures me like no one else ever could, I still feel them... _Inside... God, Liv..._ _In..._ _inside... me..._

Once again, my Alpha checks, infuriating me. 

_Just... do... it!_ I demand heatedly, using my hierarchically dominant status to ensure my bidding is done. 

My heroine can only submit, her mouth halting her exquisite work as she probes my entrance gingerly. Her caution jars my nerves as impatience surges thru me. 

_I_ _don’t_ _want to_ _..._ _hurt you..._ she whispers haltingly, melting my sudden ire. 

_I know..._ I pant, _desperate_ for my Alpha to understand I won’t feel whole until she’s inside me. _You... won’t..._ I assure her, my undulating chest conveying my absolute need. 

I watch the conflict rage on in my Olivia’s bronze orbs. I know she wants to take me this way, to _fully_ reconnect and own me, but her uncertainty surrounding the risks of triggering me hold her back. 

_I need... you... inside me to... feel... whole again..._ I eventually admit; my lungs seizing, my heart ricocheting, my clit trembling as I wait for my Alpha to drop her infuriating conscience. 

_Then what... when this... doesn’t work?_ she pants, airing her deepest suspicion. This notion stops me in my tracks, the thought having never crossed my mind. 

For three and a half months, we’ve waited for this moment. I naively hoped a thorough reconnection with my Alpha would heal all evils. In truth, we both know it won’t, even as I try to convince myself otherwise. 

Again, I marvel at the sheer strength and wisdom of my incomparable heroine; her head still positioned precariously between my legs, her face centimetres from my most alluring scent, _her_ Pure Blood leaning back seductively on her elbows, my body naked and presented to her for the ultimate taking; any Alpha’s dream. Yet, Olivia Benson is thinking of _my_ emotional wellbeing over _our_ animal needs. 

_I love... you..._ I husk, in awe of her. 

_And... I love... you..._ my Alpha whines, weakening as my body releases yet more of my core juices right under her highly sensitive nose. _Fuck!_

_We can talk... about it... after..._ I compromise, going back to our earlier topic, as my body is consumed by rioting sparks of molten liquid heat, causing my body to writhe and squirm under my Alpha’s buckling resolve. _I’ll_ _..._ _Tef_ _..._ _lon_ _... if...._ I further affirm as I purposely rub myself against her mouth. 

This breaks my incredible Olivia. She immediately gets to work lapping me up as my body spasms and trembles all over again. 

_Fucki_ _..._ I husk breathlessly, but before I can finish, I scream in soul-shattering pleasure as my Alpha enters me; first with one finger then two when she finds me tight but still wanting. 

Olivia burrows inside me, as she climbs my body, wishing to have direct eye contact as she fucks me. I immediately circle my arms around her neck, pulling her lips to mine for a clit twitching kiss as she begins rubbing and teasing my G-spot, curling her fingers into my front wall, finding and maintaining a steady rhythm as the world blurs around me. All I smell is her gorgeous, autumnal firewood scent. All I can taste is her sweetness as she dominates my mouth. All I feel are her expert fingers, taking me with utter, carnal abandon. 

My sex implodes in on itself as my heroine takes me relentlessly; my body bucking and thrusting furiously against her as my Alpha dominates every single aspect of me. 

Just when I think I can’t take anymore, my life partner curls her thumb over my clit, rubbing and stroking incessantly as my entire being explodes like the 4th of July. My vision blurs, my mouth whimpers, my heart sours, my lungs beg as my core erupts with such scorching heat, I’m momentarily blinded to anything but this exquisite moment, with my Alpha, my heroine, my one. 


	4. Hard Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia talk.
> 
> Rating: Explicit content (due to some of the subject matter discussed).
> 
> Trigger warning for descriptions of sexual assault, fantasies and kink.

I jolt awake; adrenaline surges thru my frame as I assess my surroundings. Almost instantly, I breathe in the only scent that matters: autumnal firewood and spice. My innate fear drains away as I snuggle closer into my Alpha’s muscular frame behind me. This is the first time in weeks, I have fallen asleep without medicinal intervention. Only my life partner makes me feel anything approaching safe; any trust in the effectiveness of my status hike to Pure Blood Alpha since my transition, in tatters. 

_‘_ _Jesus_ Alex,’ Olivia groans into my ear as my buttocks edge closer to her crotch; my intention, to limpet to her flesh, forever. 

‘Sorry,’ I whisper, not entirely repentant. ‘I didn’t know you were awake.’ 

My Alpha scoffs at this. ‘Do you have any idea how..?’ I feel her harsh intake of breath at my nape as she silences my one absolute certainty. My intoxication, as a Pure Blood, remains intact. Transitioning did nothing to stem my unwanted attractiveness, my intoxication, my pull. Transition gave me the fiercest strength of any Alpha. But drug me and tie me down... and I’m a Pure Blood Omega again: helpless, vulnerable; still the world’s most potent aphrodisiac. This was the one thing I hoped transition would extinguish. _Did I do something wrong? Did Kate and_ _I.._ _? Should I have been_ _more dominant..._

_Shush, sweetie._ I cover my face with my hands as Olivia apologises silently, her hand squeezing my bicep gently before she tucks herself into my body, spooning me once more. _We didn’t know..._ _We_ _..._ _You’re the rarest status known to us._ _You, we, the pack didn’t know_ _how your transition would..._

‘Liz did,’ I state evenly. I feel the shiver of revulsion pass thru my willowy frame to my Alpha on speaking her name. ‘She knew I could still be controlled, if I was incapacitated...’ I swipe at a stray tear frustratedly as I turn in my lover’s arms; our eyes meeting, holding, searching. ‘What’s happening with her case?’ I ask one of the thousand questions left unanswered for months. 

My Alpha begins to shake her head, intending to _protect_ me from my own curiosity, just like the pack had. 

‘I _need_ to know Liv,’ I stress, my finger absentmindedly playing with the dip of her throat as my life partner grits her teeth, her eyes bursting with an array of emotions. Her expression only acts to heighten my need. _Please,_ I beg, freezing my caress as I gaze into her cautious bronze orbs. 

_I_ _... Giving that woman any kind of airtime_ _irks me. It... it destroys part of me, every time someone_ _speaks of that fucking..._ I squeeze her forearm gently, hating myself for my selfishness. 

My love watched her, _them,_ repeatedly rape me, watched them tear orgasms from my non-consenting body, watched helplessly feeling every thrust, tear and violation as my mind, body and soul were systematically torn apart, my spirit broken as they acted out every _sick_ fantasy in an ongoing campaign of terror against first my grandmother, then my mother, then me... My mother and grandmother died of injuries sustained during their... I would have died if Kate hadn’t placed my name on the heart donor register. My heart finally succumbed, after years of hyper-vigilance, constant anxiety, terror and abuse. 

My pack saved me, but I will never be the same, my Alpha will never be the same. There’s a caution in Olivia’s eyes that I remember from when we first became intimate. But it goes deepen, so much deeper than that, to the foundations of guilt buried in the recesses of our souls. 

My guilt splinters into a plethora of seemingly insurmountable areas, the core one being if I hadn’t survived the park assault, Detective Olivia Benson wouldn’t have met me and so suffered the many facets of hell. It tears me apart every time I visualise her above me, during our first hell, during our second hell, when Liz forcibly kissed her, admitted her nauseating attraction, forced herself inside her... _Oh God Liv!_

My Alpha listens to every heart-breaking syllable of my inner turmoil. Her arms fold tighter around me as she allows me to fall part in the safety of her embrace. 

Hours pass, as my entire being cries for the life my reason for living has lost, as she patiently whispers endearments, reassurances and love. 

_I_ _chose to be with you, knowing the risks. I_ _will continue to_ _choose to be with you_ _until my dying day_ _... I’d rather die tha_ _n_ _be without you... You_ _are my everything..._ _You are the woman of my life... My reason for living... You are my life, my whole,_ _my one constant, my one known..._ _You_ _will always be my choice... Please_ _..._ _don’t push me away_ _to_ save _me... Without you, I’m..._

‘I... they... I orgasmed whilst they... raped me...’ I break down again as my Alpha nuzzles my temple. 

‘A natural, physiological response considering they were...’ 

‘They were _raping_ me Liv!’ I bark, pushing her away physically and emotionally. ‘They took control of my mind and body... They...’ I gesture to myself in disgust as I sit awkwardly on the side of the hospital bed. ‘It’s as though she knew what my body wanted, _needed_... She played me like a world-renowned musician!’ I spit out, utterly disgusted with and disconnected from my own mind, body and soul. ‘I enjoy and _need_ to be dominated. They succeeded in that. I love being tickled. She did a thorough job of that...’ I reel off all the things they did to me, and how my body and mind responded favourably to them, even as they took every single ounce of control from me. ‘If they’d stopped what they were doing... when I was close... I’d have begged them to finish me off...’ I admit, my world shattering as I avoid my soulmates gaze; _hating_ myself, my body, my sickness with such ferocity, I suddenly stand, swaying slightly after the months of inaction versus the last few hours of complete physical immersion. 

_Lex..._ my Alpha whispers, her arms around me in a heartbeat. 

_I’m_ _sick_ _, Liv! I’m..._ _broken..._ I argue as I break free from her embrace. 

_My life..._

_S_ _top it!_ I snarl, gritting my teeth as I spurn her attempts to console me. _How can_ _I_ _be your life_ _when_ _my body... my_ _mind..?_

_I know what I saw..._ my Alpha counters, her body ramrod straight as she fights to heed my need for space. 

_What did you see, Liv?_ I goad, trying to alienate myself as efficiently as possible; undeserving of anything else. 

Olivia steps towards me again. I raise my hands to ward her off. She whines in despair. The sound nearly breaks my resolve to save her from me. _I... I saw_ _you... a woman..._ _helplessly tied down_ _..._ _her own fantasies_ _relentlessly_ _used against her_ _... her mind and body violated to such an extreme extent_ _..._ _she could only buckle under the weight of_ _it!_

_Liz knew what you liked_ _because_ _she_ listened _to us... She used_ _that_ _knowledge_ _against us..._ _So,_ _you would come for her... whilst I could only_ _watch..._ _another Alpha dominate my life mate._ Her voice breaks as she finds herself fighting for our relationship, not for the first time. _You fought in every way you could. I saw, s_ _ens_ _ed, felt_ every _bead of despair, pain and anguish as they..._

_Ye_ _s_ _, I was in pain later,_ _but only once the drugs wore off,_ I share as Olivia noticeably winces, tearing at my weakening stance. 

_Emotionally..._ she clarifies as I shake my head. 

_The first rape..._ _the re_ _vu_ _lsion_ _I_ _felt when he was on top of me,_ _in_ _side me, was real_ _._ My Alpha can only agree with this nauseating truth. _But as soon as she began tickling me,_ _and he started stroking me..._ _I was so aroused, even his violation came second to_ _..._

For the first time, I see anger and uncertainty in her shimmering orbs. _Stop!_ She growls, her gait suddenly aggressive, intimidating. My heart starts to race as my disgusting clit twitches. 

_Let me tell you what just happened..._

_I know what just happened..._ my Alpha counters, utterly aware of my renewed arousal at her show of dominance. 

_And I know you feel it too,_ I retort, sensing the heat currently coursing thru her entire frame. 

Olivia is mute for several beats, unable to deny her arousal is ignited by my submission. _Watching you be... I did not find that arousing!_ _It..._ _it was disgusting..._

 _I know,_ I reassure her immediately, my heart-breaking as I realise the truth. _That’s the difference between you and I_ _, Liv,_ my voice wavers as I try to keep my rioting emotions in check. _You have firm boundaries of right and wrong_ _, what’s disgusting and_ _what’s_ _not_ _,_ I breathe, hating myself more than ever. _I... I don’t,_ my chest heaves as I finally meet her anguished face. _I learnt from an early age that_ _I’m_ _a vessel for rape and abuse._ _I also learnt the only way to survive it was to find some_ _miniscule_ _positive in it... I know, it sounds sick but_ _it’s_ _the only way I can describe it,_ _especially as I was_ _constantly being ordered_ _to enjoy it, that I should be enjoying it!_ I explain haltingly in response to Olivia’s expression. I take a deep breath. _My stepfather had_ _a_ _tickling fetish._ I feel my Alpha’s equally sharp inhale as she runs her fingers thru her hair. 

_Hell n_ _o!_

_He used to tickle me_ _whilst he abused me..._ I continue, pressing on now that I’ve begun sharing this heinous truth. _He soon realised how it affected me._ _He used it against me. I hated_ _it_ _and loved it. That’s when I ran away,_ I admit, searching my Alpha’s soul for some tiny thread of understanding. 

_So,_ _anyone tickling you will turn you_ _o_ _n basically? Or, you think of your... step-father every time..._ she speaks out of anger, understandably. _Sorry,_ she apologises immediately, as only someone with Olivia Benson’s empathy can. It’s so incredibly infuriating and undeserving. 

_No, I’ve only_ _ever climax_ _ed_ _with you..._

_And Donnelly!_ my Alpha’s ire spikes again. 

I lower my head in shame, knowing I can’t argue this fact. Olivia turns away from me, her anger and disgust painstakingly evident. 

I don’t stop talking. I can’t help myself. My need to ostracize _and_ gain her understanding, overwhelming. ‘Remember the time you choked then pinned me?’ 

My heroine turns back to me at this. ‘How could I ever forget?!’ she states gruffly, still ashamed of herself for her perceived aggressive taking of me. 

‘Your boundaries were crossed, not mine. I’d never been more aroused in my life,’ I say breathlessly. ‘What the _fuck_ does that say about me? That I had no idea, until you, what a healthy relationship was as I’ve only ever known rape? That I feel safe enough with you for you to truly dominate me? Or is it the simple fact that I’m only _truly_ aroused by ‘maltreatment' as that is all I’ve known?’ 

My Alpha stares into my soul. ‘Were you aroused during the park assaults?’ 

We both know the answer, but I say it anyway. ‘No. Not in the slightest,’ I grind out, swallowing back the bile invading my mouth. 

Olivia nods her head knowingly, feeling she’s won her case. 

_But why would I with Donnelly? Why_ _with..?_

_What?_

_Kate_ _,_ I reply, thinking my Alpha had heard us, as I found her outside my door immediately post transition. My heroine's face says different. _You didn't hear us? Me_ _?_ Olivia shakes her head once. _Liz_ _suggested I orgasm with Kate to make the process as willing as possible._ _I thought you'd..._

We both hear an audible gulp and feel the sudden ricochet of Kate’s heartbeat on the other side of the door. 

_I need space, right now!_ my shaken Alpha withdraws herself from me. As soon as the tables are turned, I realise my mistake. All I want, _need,_ is my heroine. 

_Please, Liv... I..._ Before I can finish my sentence, the woman of my life bolts from the room, and surges past Kate before either she or Huang can utter a word. _FUCK!_


	5. Desperate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Alex respond to Olivia leaving?  
> The pack have a fight on their hands.
> 
> Rating: Mature Content

_Liv!_ I try to follow; the flimsy bed sheet wrapped round my otherwise naked frame. Kate instinctively steps back, her chest heaving as I burst through the door. 

Huang stares after Olivia, his jaw clenched, as Omi approaches me cautiously. His soft eyes plead silently with me. _Meg, just give her some room. She'll come around_ _,_ his mind soothes, though his tone is near desperate. 

The idea of me, Alexandra Cabot, a Pure Blood, tearing round the place in search of my mate, clothed only in a bed sheet, fills my pack with dread. 

_Alex..._ Huang tries as I push past him; my _only_ focus: my Alpha. _Please!_ I pick up my pace, adrenaline spurring my body to jog in my efforts to catch up with my heroine. 

_My love_ _... Please!_

_Meg!_

_Alex!_

_No!_

My pack cry as I rush past the ‘safe' doctors who stop their work, seemingly still spell-bound by my presence, my form, as I all out sprint for the rapidly looming exit to this alleged safe place. 

_Liv_ _... Wait_ _!_ my mind screams as I lose sight of her; our packs pleading howls secondary, as I notice several guards blocking the door my life partner just exited. _No!_ _‘MOVE!’_ I bark, fast losing my grip on the sheet in my desperate haste to reach my Alpha. 

Just as the guards move aside, my glee and surprise at their submission exhilarating; my legs abruptly collapse from under me. I half-scream as I watch the floor rise up to meet me. 

Darkness... 

Third Person POV 

It’s takes several moments for Fin, Huang and Kate to catch up with their deceptively fast Pure Blood Alpha. 

‘Stay back!’ Fin orders, to prevent the ‘safe' doctors and nurses touching her. 

‘Fuck!’ Kate mutters under her breath as she listens to Alex's tachycardic heartbeat. ‘Defibrillator... _Now!’_ she demands, pointing to a set handily situated in the hallway, for such occurrences. 

George and Fin rip it off the wall and place it at Kate’s side. Fin then steps back, as G and Kate open the case. They rush to set up and charge the device as those around them stand and stare with bated breath. 

Each ‘safe' doctor and nurse volunteered to aid the pack, following the world’s most prominent Pure Blood Omega’s heinous assault at the hands of a sick and depraved Super Alpha. 

Fin suddenly looks up, smelling a familiar scent. His eyes meet guilt ridden bronze. 

His Alpha, Detective Olivia Benson, the most incredibly compassionate Alpha, woman, person he’s ever met. He’d follow her anywhere. Unless he was forced to choose, torn, between Alex and Olivia. They both know he stayed to protect their Pure Blood. He _always_ would. 

They both watch Kate and G attempt to slow their reason for living’s heart rate. Olivia innately kneels next to her life, intending to reassure Alex with the scent of her presence. 

‘Don’t touch her, Liv,’ G warns urgently as they pull back the bed sheet to place the flaps on Alex's bare chest. 

_‘Move!_ Go about your business!’ Olivia growls at the gawking crowd. Every volunteer has seen Alex’s body naked, bruised, torn, brutalised, more than once, for medical interventions. Now, the reality of them watching whilst the love of her life is bare to their eyes, once again, tears the detective apart. The crowd of eight disperse at once. 

_‘Clear!’_ Kate barks as G and I instinctively lean back, even though we weren’t touching her. Alex’s entire body jolts as the volts attempt to force her heart to beat a healthier rhythm. Kate feels their fallen Pure Bloods heart and pulse again. The doctor’s brow furrows, causing the pack untold anxiety. ‘Clear,’ she repeats, readying the paddles one again. Another shock surges through their achingly vulnerable pack Alpha. 

Kate feels again, demanding absolute silence, with no monitors to help her. Her frown slowly dissipates. ‘Nitroglycerin,’ she identifies unnecessarily as she takes a sheathed needle from her pocket, bites the plastic cap off, then plunges it into Alex’s arm. Kate then shoulders G. ‘We need to get her to her room as calmly as possible,’ she whispers. 

Olivia frowns at this. ‘I’ll take her,’ she states dominantly, as she moves to pick up her life partner. 

‘No!’ Kate howls, more vehemently than intended. Olivia freezes in surprise; her bronze orbs questioning her Omega. ‘Alex’s heart will collapse if you touch her. You shouldn’t even be within sensory range...’ Kate bites her lip to stop her unnecessary tirade. The conflicting emotions flooding her Alpha’s eyes scare her. The good doctor _knows_ when to still her tongue. 

‘Are you suggesting I leave?’ her Alpha asks gruffly. 

‘No,’ Kate whispers submissively. ‘Just, _please, Christ,_ don’t _touch_ her,’ she warns once more, her meaning absolutely clear: if Olivia touches Alex, Alex _will_ die. The detective forcefully stuffs her hands into her pockets, her nails cutting into her palms; the nervous tick having made a reappearance since Donnelly’s assault, and Alex’s subsequent recovery. 

George swiftly picks up their willowy Pure Blood Alpha, and heads back to her hospital room. 

‘No, this way,’ Kate instructs, hastily leading the way to an, until now, unseen area of their ‘safe' hospital. The area consists of a glass room, furnished with all the essential medical equipment required to combat a small plague. 

As G and Kate connect Alex, Olivia’s legs near give way when the beautiful tones of the heart monitor bleep to life in a relatively steady, relief-inducing fashion. Tears prickle her eyes as she digs her nails in deeper in an effort to stop herself pulling her life into her arms, forever. 

‘I need you to back up, Olivia,’ Kate states hoarsely. The detective does as asked, her body straining at this unnatural act. As she steps away from her life partners bedside, Alex’s heart rate slows further. 

Only once Olivia steps outside the glass room, her powerful scent entirely blocked by the glass door, does her life partner's heart slow to a rate described as within normal range, following such a medical emergency, Kate explains gently as Olivia leans against the see through wall, yearning, _aching_ to be as close as her pack are now. ‘She’s going to be okay, and this won’t be forever,’ Kate reassures everyone, letting out a huge sigh of bone-shattering relief. 

Fin followed Olivia’s enforced retreat from the room, just in case she charged them. Now, safely outside Alex's immediate sensory range, they stand together, watching their pack doctors work. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers, wincing in memory at her reaction to Alex’s disclosures. 

Her most loyal friend, her saviour more than once, turns to survey her. ‘Meg... Alex,’ he corrects himself. ‘You guys being in heat was always gonna be a fucking wreck,’ he states so bluntly, Olivia smirks despite herself, before heavy regret causes the twinkle to fade from her face. 

‘I was a bitch back there... leaving her like that...’ 

Fin faces his Alpha. ‘You’ve been thru more than anybody should, Liv. You...’ Emotions swim in the usually stoic Omega’s eyes, as he shakes his head. ‘This is some fecked up shit, and I don’t mean Kate,’ Fin says cautiously, assessing Olivia’s reaction as he speaks his truth. 

Olivia looks at him for a good minute before nodding her head. _‘_ _Fucking_ Donnelly!’ 

_‘Fucking_ Donnelly!’ 


	6. Kate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia and Kate have THE conversation.

As soon as Kate and George are confident Alex is sufficiently stabilised, Olivia knocks on the glass, gesturing for her Omega.

Fin glances at Olivia with heavy eyes. ‘Remember who’s the real enemy ‘ere, Liv,’ he repeats, as they both watch a clearly anxious Kate bite her lip as she removes her gloves and slowly walks towards them, turning to G to suggest some last checks before she opens the door; her tail firmly wedged between her legs.

Fin gives the doctor a reassuring nod, squeezing her shoulder briefly, before leaving her alone with their all-powerful Alpha.

 _Please don’t throw me out..._ Kate’s mind pleads as her head remains submissively bent in respect of Olivia's higher status.

‘Do you _really_ think I’d do that to you, Kate?’ the detective asks in a surprisingly gentle tone, causing the doctor to lift her head slightly. ‘I do wonder what you think of me,’ she adds, suddenly realising Kate's mind is always deathly quiet around her.

It takes several minutes for the redhead to swallow down the lump in her throat. ‘l... I would deserve it,’ she finally whispers, entirely unnerved by the proximity of her almighty Alpha.

Olivia is stunned by her Omega's obvious fear, her guilt, her shame. It breaks her heart, knowing she's at least partially responsible for Kate's shivering form. ‘Why do you think you deserve to be discarded, Kate?’ the detective queries in her softest tone to avoid spooking the doctor further. But, being a cop, Olivia decides to allow the redheaded beauty to explain herself, in her own words. She’s learnt never to assume, _anything. Not after..._

‘Because I took your mate, and she...’ Kate's brow furrows as she wanes under the intense scrutiny of her athletic Alpha: an extraordinary leader. ‘... she seemed to enjoy it... dominating me,’ she admits bravely, wanting to be utterly honest.

Olivia breathes deeply for several beats, to steady the jealous tension boiling just beneath the surface. She clears her throat before opening her mouth. The doctor innately takes a step back. ‘You’re afraid of me.’ It’s a statement, not a question. Kate nods her head in agreement. ‘What do you think I’m capable of with regards to you?” the detective asks, trying to keep the hurt from her tone.

The redhead swallows again. Olivia steps back herself, to convey she is no physical threat to the nervous Omega. It does little to steady the quaking woman in front of her.

‘Kate...’ Olivia breathes, realising she has neglected her Omega since Donnelly’s...

The doctor raises her hand to silence her Alpha. ‘You will do _anything_ for Alex, like any Alpha worth their status should,’ Kate states quickly. ‘I’ve seen what you’d suffer to save her. I’ve also witnessed what you’d _do_ to protect her...’

_Nearly killing an alleged pack member..._

_Yes._

_Do I need to protect Alex from you?_

Kate scoffs at this, the absurd question ringing in her ears. ‘How can you..?’ Fire bursts from the doctor’s green orbs as she tries to control herself. ‘No. I made sure Alex was on the donor...’

‘I know,’ Olivia affirms.

‘I can’t physically hide my thoughts from you because you're...’

‘Then why is your mind always so quiet whenever I’m in range?’ This is the question most pertinent in the detective’s mind. _What else might you be hiding from me?_

Kate looks at her toes. _Em... emotional lockdown. It’s a common psychological, self-preservation strategy after severe trauma_. She raises her head slightly, but still doesn’t meet her Alpha’s gaze. _After Donnelly... I didn’t know who to trust, even in this pack. She made me ‘enjoy’ it and believe that I wanted it. She was that powerful, that manipulative,_ the doctor shakes her head to rid herself of her nausea. _We were close, she forced us to be that way, look that way. I don’t think you have fully trusted me since she ‘tested’ Alex._ Kate finally speaks her truth, wiping a tear away as she bunches her lips to stem more. _I’ve been trying ever since to prove myself to you... And now this!_ She fails to stop her emotions now the dam has burst; rivets of tears flooding her cheeks in endless waves as her entire body is wracked by months, _years,_ of internal suffering.

 _Hey?_ Olivia slowly approaches her, reaching to brush tears from Kate’s cheekbone. _I’m so sorry. I was... So much has happened... and I thought Abbie..._

 _She has been incredible... but nothing was... going to bridge this,_ she gestures between them as her chest wheezes with pure emotion.

The detective steps closer still, emboldened that Kate hasn’t run at their first skin contact in months. _Can I..?_ Olivia starts, gesturing with her arms. Before she can finish her sentence, her Omega races into her arms, her body sagging with such soul-shattering relief, the detective feels tears race down her own cheeks. _I’m sorry I didn’t notice. I’m sorry you felt ignored... felt guilty for the transition when it was agreed. I’m sorry Donnelly spewed poison and I was too blinded to see your suffering, right in front of my..._ Olivia wipes her nose quickly before refolding herself around her slumped Omega. _I’m sorry I haven’t thanked you for saving Alex’s life, several times over. And most of all, I’m sorry for not questioning your deafening silence, then and now._ Kate shudders in Olivia’s embrace; her face lodged in the crook of her Alpha's neck as the detective soothes her with reassurances, appreciation and promises. _I promise I will notice; we will notice. But I also need you to promise me that you’ll speak up, to trust that your voice will be heard and given as much heed as every other member in this pack. Agreed?_

Kate finally pulls away from her Alpha, her stunning features and deportment already that much lighter. ‘Agreed!’ she states with open glee on her face. _I’m sorry I didn’t..._

‘It makes absolute sense, Kate, given what you've been thru... and after watching what I did to... But you know I would have done the same for you if I’d known?’

Kate nods her head immediately. ‘Yes.’

‘It does concern me that you were able to keep this from me for so long...’

‘I've been so focused on saving Alex, enjoying Abbie, or covertly avoiding you because I knew you’d be able to read me...’

Olivia pulls Kate into her arms for a final, reassuring embrace. ‘From this day forward: no secrets, no avoidance and no more not noticing, okay?’

 _Okay,_ the relieved Omega thinks, her mouth gagged by her Alpha’s strong shoulder.

 _Okay,_ Olivia releases her hold and coughs to clear the lump in her throat.

'About time you two had it out,' comes the Texan twang of Kate’s mate from behind them.

'You knew..?' Olivia turns to watch her Beta and Omega nuzzle each other.

 _No,_ Abbie’s mind answers as she kisses her life partner. _Only you..._ She pulls her lips away from Kate before she loses her thread. 'Or Alex have the status to get it out of her,' the raven-haired beauty admits breathlessly. 'This Beta can’t do more than suggest her Omega speak to the high Alpha, to open her locked...'

‘Enough!’ Kate snaps, swatting Abbie playfully before she eyes Olivia once more. ‘You know this one and her smart mouth. She couldn’t keep anything from you if she tried,’ the doctor tries humour but guilt seeps from her every pore. ‘I’m... _so..._ sorry,’ she whispers, her voice trembling, her green eyes misting.

Olivia looks up to find her entire pack, including a now conscious Alex, glued to this interaction, hope and relief adorning their faces. She meets Kate’s gaze, her own orbs shimmering with unshed tears as she inhales a steadying breath. ‘I’m so sorry too.’


	7. ADA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pack share some news with Alex, once they trust her heart enough to take it.
> 
> For Velvet95, Chely99 and artemiskitty ❤
> 
> Alex's POV

I wake with a shuddering breath, feeling like it’s my first... _ever._ I gulp back saliva as I choke under the sudden influx of oxygen, but more devastatingly, under the _weight of my love, the woman of my life, leaving me because I..._

 _My Alpha, my..._ I watch G swim above me as my eyes stream with tears, an arm flailing to grab his scrubs as I try to lever myself up out of bed; my lungs struggling, my muscles protesting under the sudden strain.

 _Liv's here..._ he says the one thing he knows will settle my efforts. _She’s over there, talking it thru with Kate,_ he points to my right, as I climb up his torso to gain a view of my beautiful Alpha, disbelieving that she would...

_Oh God, Liv!_

_Lie down, Alex!_ G demands firmly, taking my attention for mere seconds, as he peels me off him and gently lays me back down.

I immediately refocus on my Alpha. _She... Liv’s really here..?_

 _She’s really here, and she’s talking to Kate,_ he reassures me, softly brushing hair from my face as I watch my soulmate embrace _another_ important woman in my life.

Warmth radiates up my spine as I observe this soul-stirring vista of understanding, empathy and appreciation. _Only my heroine._ The warmth abruptly scorches me as my heroine’s gaze finds and holds my own. _Jesus!_

Olivia tears her shimmering orbs from mine to apologise to Kate one last time, before she turns to face me, her face soaked with renewed tears. She places a hand on the glass and mouths: ‘I’m so sorry, sweetie. Neither you nor Kate did _anything_ wrong. I’m here and I will remain here. I love you.’

‘Alex can hear you thru the glass, Liv!’ G raises his voice briefly before going about his monitoring.

My Alpha licks her lips before repeating most of it, using her liquid molten voice and ending her apology with _Alex. I’ve always loved the way she husks my name._

‘Why aren’t you in here?’ I ask the pertinent question as I suddenly eye my surroundings as though for the first time. ‘Where am I?’

‘The docs say it’s best until your heart is completely settled in,’ Olivia explains, leaning her forehead against the glass in hopes of feeling just that little bit closer to me, her mate.

‘You’re still in the hospital. Just a different wing,’ G states audibly so the entire pack can listen in. ‘Kate suggested we move here, so you can see Olivia, but not be intoxicated by her aura.’

‘You’ll have to do _a lot_ more than that for my heroine _not_ to impact me...’ I pause, suddenly realising my folly as G and Kate glance at each other. _Shit!_

Only G hears me; his smile relaxing me slightly. ‘Don’t worry, Alex. Your heart rate is marginally raised because of...’ he doesn’t finish; he doesn’t need to. The sight of Detective Olivia Benson is one to behold for most mere mortals. As a gay man, even Huang appreciates the rare beauty before him; the _numerous_ rare beauties before him. ‘But we thought it best you have sights on your Alpha...’ I sigh in thanks, ignoring G's inner wonderings about how Omi survives amongst us. ‘Your heart desires and rebuffs Liv. So, we’re trying to find a healthy balance here,’ he adds as he coughs to draw my attention from my goddess of an Alpha. ‘Can I inject you with a sedative..?'

My entire body balks at the idea; the idea of not being entirely in control of my own body sending me back... _No George..._ I refuse him.

‘Even though it will heal your heart quicker, which will mean you’ll be able to smell and touch Liv soone..?’

 _I hate you!_ I bark half-heartedly; us both knowing that I’ll choose _anything_ to be with my Olivia. ‘Fine,’ I growl, feeling my anxiety grow as he injects my drip with...

Two weeks later 

‘We have to ensure Alex at least appears one hundred percent when we leave...’

_Agreed. If there’s any sign of weakness, stray Super Alpha's will do whatever it takes to put her down. They’ll do that anyway..._

‘How will we keep her safe?’

‘Well,’ I finally interrupt my packs deliberations, letting them know I am not only conscious, but coherent to their musings. I hear numerous gasps and one very distinctive inhale: _My Alpha._ Olivia is still behind that _Godforsaken_ glass. I know this without having to open my eyes because she doesn’t immediately respond through telepathy; because I can’t smell her exquisite scent. ‘I think I’ve done enough hiding...’ I continue, opening my eyes to find G, Kate and Abbie inside the _darn_ cube; my love and Omi (I assume as security to ensure Liv doesn’t charge my current cell), outside it. ‘I’ll be damned if I spend another day doing exactly what they want... hiding like some scared _weakling,’_ I voice the last word with disdain, having felt this, physically, for the majority of my life. ‘And, I stress, if anyone comes near me with a tranquilizer again, I will kill them!’ G and Kate feel the full weight of my gaze _. ‘My_ body, _my_ rules... and uh, thank you for saving my life,’ I add to soften my frustrations. They smile crookedly at me, warming my heart. _Thank you, so much._ My gaze remains on Kate. I am particularly thankful to my incredibly forward-thinking Omega.

I inhale a steadying breath before changing topic. ‘It’s pretty clear from Tony Mills’ recording that you and I were grievously assaulted,’ I eye my Alpha with all the warmth and adoration of someone head over heels in love. She mirrors my sentiments. _I’m loved. Liv won’t leave me..._ I stop my mental chatter, realising those inside the glass cell can hear my thoughts. ‘But _five_ months is a stretch. Omegas will think I’ve abandoned them. Not to mention the Donnelly case, which _none_ of you have had the decency to fill me in on!’ I snarl, feeling disappointed and slightly betrayed by my pack, _especially_ Olivia. I feel G, Kate and Abbie shiver under my dominant reprimand. ‘And s _omeone_ is going to tell me what the _hell_ is going in with _your_ case, right now!’

'The attempted murder charge against me was dropped,' Olivia replies at once, a slight smile crossing her features. A rare and beautiful sight. 

'What?' I ask, unable to comprehend this incredible news. 'How?'

'The new ADA,' my Alpha begins. 'Once Mills caught Donnelly on film with...' The irritated expression on my face causes her to continue. _Tell me goddamnit!_ 'Caught Donnelly wearing our... a bloodied dildo, it was pretty obvious what she had been doing.' She pushes on before I have time to dwell... 'The ADA was able to prove self-defence. Along with my recording of her confessing to her... plans for you, there was no way she could deny she was a physical risk to you. I'm free, Lex. I'm a free woman.'

'Jesus, _Liv!_ I'm... I'm...' My body crumples under the weight of this rarely felt emotion: pure unadulterated joy. Tears stream down my cheeks as I focus my entire being on the enthralling smile plastered across my Alpha's beautiful features. 

'It's true, sweetie,' she repeats herself, to convince me. 

'You're... free,' I shout through my tears, my body quaking, but my soul steely and certain for the first time in... _Free..._

Omi gives Liv a tough guy pat on the back whilst G, Kate and Abbie all fight to squeeze my hands; this news old to them, but so very current to me.

 _You didn't trust my heart..?_ I glance at Kate. She shakes her head once. I inhale a shuddering breath; hoping with every fibre of my being that the next question has as positive an outcome. 'And their cases..?'

The jubilation stops abruptly. The pack share nervous glances before my mate steps as far forward as the glass will allow. She swallows thickly. ‘The ADA’s...’

‘Liv?’ I coax when Olivia becomes mute.

‘He’s going for attempted murder, predatory sexual assault, rape one, forcible use of non-prescription sedatives...’ Ketamine, the only drug strong enough to control me, a Pure Blood Alpha, or so Kate told me. It was one of many reasons my heart gave out. ‘... and kidnapping for both of them, for crimes committed against...’ I clear my throat self-consciously as Olivia lays out the stone-cold facts. ‘And two counts of attempted murder and one count of rape, and kidnapping against me.’

I lower my gaze; my life partners suffering significantly more impactful than my own. I’d known Donnelly had successfully penetrated Olivia before our pack saved us. _This,_ and my forced orgasms, have left the deepest scars on my psyche. I shake my head in an attempt to crawl out of the excruciatingly dark hole, in which my demons dwell.

‘Hey,’ she calls to regain my attention. I look up, melting bronze ready to empower me for all time. ‘There’s only one person to blame for all this; well two,’ she corrects, her tone steady yet stilted. ‘Two,’ she repeats herself as her beautiful orbs sun me with golden rays. ‘This is why we...’

‘They didn’t take a deal?’ I ask redundantly, knowing any hopes of this are beyond moot. I raise my hand before anyone answers. _They’ll want their 15 minutes of fun with us._ ‘Whose _stupid_ enough to defend them?’ I enquire instead, glancing between Olivia and Omi.

Omi paws the back of his neck before opening his mouth. ‘Granger, because he wasn’t technically disbarred, and...’

Only when I hear myself growl do I realise I’m about to snap under my packs continued secrecy. _Tell me! I won’t break..._

‘Novak,’ my Alpha interjects, noticing and wishing to alleviate my discomfort.

‘That _sonofabitch!’_ I bark as Kate side-eyes my vitals. ‘I’m _fine_ Kate!’ I snarl, loathing my enforced vulnerability and my packs continued kid-glove treatment. ‘Am I not?’

 _Yes._ ‘Yes, Alex,’ she thinks then voices it, so the entire pack can hear her.

Guilt immediately radiates thru me. ‘I’m sorry,’ I apologise at once, my true frustrations not with the pack.

_It’s okay, Alex. I get that you’re feeling better and wanting to escape this glass prison..._

‘You’ve got that _right,’_ I confirm as I get out of bed. No one tries to stop me. They know they can’t, not now I’m ninety percent healthy. ‘And whose prosecuting?’

‘The new ADA’s an asshole but he got that Rikers’ Island Correctional Officer sent down for rapin’ those female inmates, even when the prison guard system turne' on him,’ Omi offers. ‘He’s gay and a Beta: gravy for us...’

‘Why?’ I question, confused about how a gay Beta will be any better for us than the defence bench.

‘Because, he isn’t interested in politics and getting one up. He’s only interested in what’s right. Hence why he won that Riker’s case, going the extra mile even when they threatened his life,’ Olivia speaks up, her nose millimetres from the glass. ‘He’s Switzerland in this process. If he'd been an Omega, the defence would use his status against him. If he’d been an Alpha, I’d question his true intentions.’

I gaze at my heroine for several seconds before nodding my head, counter-arguing away any potential pitfalls before they become audible. ‘Does this ADA have a name?’

‘Rafael Barba.’


	8. Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pack has a much overdue conversation.
> 
> For Chely99 ❤
> 
> This chapter just seemed to flow, hence the quick upload. Enjoy!

‘Is he working today?’ I ask, having no idea of what day it is.

Abbie snorts despite herself. ‘It’s Sunday, but this guy _works,_ as in _every_ day.’

‘Sounds like my type of prosecutor!’ I admit, loathing that I am yet to meet the man who holds our fate in his hands. ‘I need to meet him,’ I announce, pinching my hospital gown whilst scanning the room for more appropriate attire. I notice a pair of folded jeans, my favourite Zara shirt and some pumps on the seat near the door. I make a bee-line for them.

Only my Alpha entering my glass cell for the first-time in... halts my advance, as my senses are flooded by overpowering endorphins; her scent, her aura, her being, my one reason for living. _Liv...._

 _Don’t... touch her!_ Kate and George bark as I’m about to fall into my heroine’s arms. Olivia and I freeze, millimetres from each other. _One step at a time,_ Kate continues haltingly, alarm achingly evident on her face. _Alex, give your heart time to accustom to Olivia’s presence. Okay?_

We both inhale _painfully_ shallow breaths; our intoxicating scents motivating our animalistic urges to ignore the very real consequences of touch.

It takes everything for us to step away from one another, our eyes eternally fixed on our life partner, as strained growls omit from our throats in damning protest.

Kate checks my vitals, the final heart monitoring sucker hanging onto my flesh by a thread. _We need that one to stay on Alex,_ she states firmly as I eye her angrily, having decided I was _leaving_ this _godforsaken_ place, _and_ falling into the arms of the woman I love for the first time _in too fucking long. ... To monitor Olivia’s impact on you. Just for a little while,_ Kate explains softly as I continue to glare at her. _Or you can just go ahead and potentially kill yourself, wasting all the efforts we have made, not only in the last five months..._

 _‘Okay!’_ I howl, as I tear my eyes from the heated, bronze orbs of my mate and move to the opposite side of the cube; my chest panting, my mouth watering and my skin perspiring under this unnatural act.

The pack take a collective breath, aware only my Alpha and I could make this most torturous of decisions. Even Omi, now inside the cell himself; our one form of self-security, would be powerless to stop us.

The entire pack is now within my glass cell for the first time in a mouth. It’s heartening and also overwhelming for my senses. I inhale a huge shuddering breath as my eyes, ears, lips, nose, skin and mind focus solely on my Olivia. _Jesus Christ, you’re so beautiful!_ I drawl, my mouth watering in carnal anticipation.

 _And you are truly exquisite, Alex_ she replies.

The heady mix of my love being in the same vicinity and her incomparable voice entering my mind, causes my entire being to shake, my pulse to... I suddenly realise how much I have missed the intimacy of our mind connection.

 _Alex... We... we need to discuss certain things, as a pack, and also privately with G, before we leave,_ Olivia’s liquid honey voice melts my unbreakable facade from earlier. I purposely step behind a chair and dig my nails into the upholstery to stem my absolute need to touch my heroine.

A self-conscious clearing of a throat, I am too enamoured to ascertain whose, spears my gut with sudden clarity. _I’m mortified that you heard us and..._ I stutter, embarrassed that my heat, my life partners heat, blinded us to anything but each other; our hunger _so_ intense, we would have taken our mate in front of our own pack, if they hadn’t vacated the room in time.

 _Lex,_ my Olivia whispers. _That’s not what I meant..._

‘But it still stands,’ I speak this time, my absolute need to voice this injustice suddenly deafening. ‘I’m sorry, Kate, G. We violated a sacred trust, and we did it whilst you were preventing others from...’

‘They were never any risk to you,’ Kate explains. ‘We ensured all present doctors and nurses that day were either gay males or red-blooded straight females,’ she clarifies further as I meet her gaze. ‘We knew what we were doing two weeks ago. If we hadn’t controlled... _things,_ Olivia would have forced her way in here, or you’d have escaped,’ our doctor frowns as she voices this last part. ‘You saw how easily that guard stepped aside when you ordered him to.’ I nod, remembering the seconds before I collapsed. ‘The only way to keep everyone safe was to engineer these less than ideal conditions so you could...’ She coughs nervously. ‘I’m sorry that G and I had to... be within range...’ the redhead finishes awkwardly; _utterly_ self-conscious and aware her face currently resembles her hair colour.

 _It’s okay, Kate. Honestly,_ I reassure her as I glance at my mate.

Olivia immediately nods her head in agreement. _You were right. If you hadn’t intervened, we’d have selfishly found a way that would have no doubt put everyone at risk._ _Fucking heat, cycles and time of the month! It makes us primal and puts the entire pack at risk..._

 _Which helpfully leads us on to our next topic, unless anyone has anything further they wish to add to the ‘heat' subject?_ G expertly eases the conversation away from this particularly humiliating topic.

My insides seize with guilt and shame that, in the heat of the moment, my inhibitions and insecurities faded to nothing. I swallow as the pause continues, hoping and praying no one adds something to the topic I stupidly began.

 _Okay,_ George finally speaks after an interminable length of time. _Pack safety. Priority one,_ he looks at each of us in turn before gesturing towards Abbie, an indicator she should speak up next.

‘Yeah, well...’

 _Use your telepathy,_ Kate strokes her lover’s arm to soften her suggestion.

_Why?_

_To keep this entirely private,_ the doctor further explains, knowing more than anyone, the fragility of pack safety.

 _Sorry,_ Abbie squeezes her Omega’s hand in understanding. _I’ve found a place up in Katonah. It’s a sprawling ranch, farm type place with no neighbours for miles and..._

 _Has money changed hands?_ I immediately notice a potential problem.

Abbie locks her jet-black eyes on me. _Online transfer from an unnamed, offshore account. The seller wanted a quick sale, especially when an anonymous buyer with no chain offered the asking price on day one._

_But..._

_The owner died some two months ago. The seller was a relative who wanted it off their hands. No questions asked._

_Who is the seller?_

_No one who can lead back to us._

_Who’s the seller?_ I persist, aware my pack have been hard at work, planning for our future together, whilst I was uselessly unconscious. That said, the control freak in me wishes I’d taken the lead on this particular venture.

_A Pamela Vickers._

_You did background checks on her?_

_Of course._

_And where is she based?_

_Kentucky._

_And she can’t be traced back to you? Us?_

_Alex,_ my Alpha intervenes, saving Abbie from further interrogation. _I helped Abbie where I could. This place is safe._

 _Just like I thought my safe house was impenetrable? Just like the titanic was unsinkable?_ I retort harshly, the pack immediately comprehending my anxiety.

 _It has state of the art security and is nigh on impossible to find without coordinates,_ Olivia counters, actively ensuring her voice remains calm, as my anxiety spears her soul.

 _I’ve seen it, Meg,_ my best friend joins the Fortnox Appreciation Society. _It’s got a safe room and..._

 _Alright!_ I acquiesce, wanting to see it for myself, but knowing my pack would do everything within their power to protect _us._ The very notion of a safe room fills me with numbing dread. But, said rooms had saved me more than once. _Triggering, but necessary,_ I relent as I struggle to expand my lungs. Fuzzy darkness swims at the periphery of my vision as I try and fail to gain adequate breaths.

My Alpha innately approaches me, realising I’m teetering on the edge of a panic attack. George and Omi abruptly place themselves in the firing line as Kate hurriedly offers me a paper bag, instructing me to inhale as deeply as my chest will allow before exhaling even more deeply.

I feel Liv's conflicted desperation: part of her wants to beat G and Omi to a pulp to be by my side. The stronger half utilises every fibre of her being to remain routed to her current position. Touching me will _not_ help matters.

 _Just breathe Alex,_ Kate soothes. _There you go,_ she reassures me as I eventually get my breathing under some semblance of control. _That’s the first time you’ve been able to bring yourself back, without the need for oxygen,_ Kate bolsters my relief. _Well done, Alpha,_ she squeezes my shoulder and stands.

It's only then I realise I’m on the floor; my entire pack looking at me with relief and awe. It makes me incredibly self-conscious. _Please stop looking at me,_ I half beg as everyone checks themselves, stepping back a little to give me some room. Only my heroine keeps her assessing eyes on me. _I’m fine, Liv,_ I try to appease her as I finally swallow the lump that had been suffocating me. I know I don't fool her. I never will.

 _Everyone remembers what 'fine' stands for: feeling insecure, neurotic and emotional,_ Abbie states unhelpfully, parroting one of G's favourite acronyms. 

_So, is everyone a go for the place in Katonah?_ my Alpha asks to lift the mood and attention away from me.

Every pack member affirms, including me.

 _That leaves two more things to discuss,_ G heads this necessary meeting. _The change to our society is next up._

I raise my head at this and meet his gaze. _What’s happening, George?_ I question, this subject so very dear to my heart.

_Well, Omega's took your advice incredibly literally. Thousands have now successfully transitioned to Super Alpha status._

My heart skips a beat as I sigh with soul-warming relief. _Jesus! It worked!_ I sob as my watery eyes drink in my mate.

 _It worked, sweetie,_ she confirms as I notice her nails digging into her palms. I _hate_ that I’m the reason behind her habit.

 _What’s wrong, love?_ I query, uncertainty crossing my features as Olivia glances at George before returning her gaze to me.

 _They need a little guidance that only you can give them,_ she answers, non-committal.

 _Meaning?_ My heart beat deafens me, loathing that I know what the answer will be.

 _Just breathe for me, Alex,_ Kate requests as my monitor spikes sharply.

Olivia kneels two metres away from me. _Hey, my everything,_ she whispers, already having my full attention. _Copy me._ She inhales for four beats, then exhales for eight, repeatedly, until my breaths fall in line. _Good job, Lex._ I know my Alpha wishes to say so much more, but she quietens her mind to stop my heart rate surging again. Though, she never breaks eye contact with me. _Some of the transitioned, ex-Omegas are abusing their new found status._

 _On non-transitioned Omegas?_ I ask abruptly. My worst nightmare unfolding.

 _Their anger is generally directed at Alphas but occasionally..._ Olivia voices what I already suspected. An overwhelming nausea settles in the pit of my stomach.

 _Have they attacked you?_ Thoughts of my mate being...

_No, they view me as an extension of you._

I exhale the breath I’ve been holding as momentary relief floods me. _You're_ _safe,_ _from the newly transitioned Omegas at least._

 _Yes, sweetie,_ she breathes as deeply.

_What is happening to non-transitioned Omegas?_

_Most are being protected by new Super Alphas. But some are... bein’..._ Omi doesn’t finish.

 _Have you or Kate..._ I spin round to face her.

Both deny they have fallen victim to this new societal disorder. I stare them out before I _truly_ believe them.

My world uplifts then abruptly shatters as I imagine this new race of psychopathic sadists, that I _helped_ create. _What have I done?_

 _You have saved so many from a life of slavery, Alex. Please believe that,_ George tries in vain to stem my self-loathing.

The television screen, which I hadn’t realised worked, suddenly hums to life. My Alpha stands with the remote in her hand. _This is what you’ve helped create,_ she states firmly as she navigates the menu to YouTube.

The screen is flooded by copious out-pourings of support, love and awe for the ground-breaking woman they call the unofficial President of Humanity.

_What?_

_That’s you, sweetie. They are talking about you!_


	9. Fierce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pack have some heated debates... particularly our Alpha's...
> 
> Rating: Very mature content.
> 
> For Chely99 and artemiskitty ❤

I turn to my Alpha, my insides celebrating, yet cautious of the repercussions of such rebellion.

‘There’s got to be another side to this...’ My pack look between themselves, pondering how much to share with their porcelain Alpha. _‘Tell me the truth!’_ I snap, expecting _nothing_ less; eyeing them in turn.

Not surprisingly, Olivia steps forward. ‘People are dying. The _fuckers_ who benefited from your suffering and oppression are doing _everything_ they can to scare the remaining Omega’s into submission...’ she voices heatedly, her disgust achingly evident.

‘What are they _doing?’_ I ask the repugnant question, desperately needing to know; _hating_ my ignorance. I sense her reluctance, her anxiety pouring off of her. _Liv?_ I murmur, as my entire body stiffens in dread, my pulse deafening.

 _They’re... Omega’s are disappearing..._ she finally responds, wincing gravely.

I can only stare at her, as I try to swallow the lump suffocating me. A shiver radiates thru my body. Observing my soulmates achingly beautiful features, I realise with horrifying clarity that she’s not finished yet. _Please Liv,_ I coax, my lungs seizing with soul-destroying uncertainty.

‘They're kidnapping young female Omegas...’

 _For breeding..._ I surmise, closing my eyes in an effort to shut down my anguish. _How many? How are they..?_

 _So far, 24 girls and young women have been reported missing. The number could be..._ Olivia stops herself from stating the painfully obvious. _They’re offering monetary rewards to anyone who rats out a_ prized _Omega..._ she stresses the penultimate word, disgusted that these victims are suffering the torment of their lives at this very moment.

Flashes of alien breaths, alien flesh, hands, fingers, mouths, tongues, teeth and other appendages, suddenly violate my psyche. I clutch my head in hopes of silencing these heinous images. _God, no!_

 _Breathe Alex,_ comes G's soothing voice as Kate places the bag over my nose and mouth. I push her away from me; claustrophobia threatening to overwhelm me.

‘I have... to get out there... show my face... _now!’_ I state with utter conviction as my fingers itch to tear at the hospital gown covering my modesty. My pack have seen me naked, during our rescue. Even so, I wouldn’t actively choose to expose myself in front of them.

‘Alex,’ George speaks calmly but forcefully, gaining my attention. ‘You can’t just... They have a considerable reward out for your...’

‘He’s right, Lex,’ my Alpha’s voice cuts thru my panicked haze. ‘We have to tread carefully here,’ she whispers so softly, I actively lean into her dulcet honey tones. Only when my gaze meets bronze orbs, do I realise she’s knelt right in front of me. _Liv..._ Our bodies spark with undeniable heat at our incredibly torturous proximity.

_Don’t..._

_Baby girl..._

_Big nuts..._

_Liv!_

Come the inevitable warnings of our pack.

‘Alex.’ I actively whimper when she husks my name, ignoring those stood around us. ‘If you or Kate...’

_Kate?_

_They want Kate._

_They want Kate?_

_They want me,_ Kate confirms to halt our wasteful cycle.

I stare up at her as Abbie folds her arms around Kate’s abdomen, embracing her from behind. _Not while I’m around, darlin'..._

‘But Cragen and the squad are on it...’ my Olivia tries to reassure me.

I snort at her attempt. _‘Half_ the squad are here,’ I state caustically, eyeing Omi and my soulmate with cool derision. ‘How the _hell..?’_

 _The Cap brought in two new sub-teams;_ Omi speaks for the first time since the current societal disorder became known to me. _Munch and El... iot,_ he stutters the dicks name when rage surges thru Olivia. _They allowed 'im back because we kinda... didn’t... go back..._

I lower my head. _Another thing to add to my astronomical guilt list._ Because Liv and Omi have been otherwise engaged in protecting me and the pack, their roles as detectives have become null and void; leading to Elliot _fucking_ Stabler being reinstated, following his dismissal for assaulting me.

Omi moves on quickly as I feel Olivia's forever assessing eyes on me. _Rollins... Detective Amanda Rollins,_ he adds, remembering we won’t know who she is. _Dominic Carisi. He’s a good kid but he don’t like his name cuz he calls himself Sonny,_ Omi states more to himself than anyone, confusion momentarily marring his features. _Nick Amaro, Chester Lake... and a Kat something..._

‘Don let that _scum_ back? To work _sex_ crimes?’ I roar, getting to my feet, incredulous that a cop, an officer of the _fucking_ law, has been allowed back to work in the most elite and sensitive of units, after sexually assaulting me.

‘I know. It’s just _fucking_ wrong,’ my Alpha immediately soothes me. ‘But without him, SVU would be four green detectives and... well... Munch,’ she concludes, aware this is _nowhere near_ enough reason to reinstate a shamed detective.

‘Without him...’ I half chuckle, half sob, approaching her with seething ire, rather than carnal intent, for the first time.

I sense Omi and Abbie approach us cautiously, preparing their efforts to prize us apart if necessary, as they watch their pack Alpha's stand-off.

Only when I’m within searing distance of Olivia, do I snarl my next sentence. ‘If he _touches_ a hair on _one_ Omega's head, I’ll _kill_ him!’

‘And I’ll be right by your side to see that it is done!’ my mate howls as ferociously.

I suddenly grab her, pulling her close by the collar of that _God damn_ leather jacket she wears to tease me. My mouth is on hers before she can blink; my hands gripping the leather tighter still, to hold her in place as I drink in her incomparable taste as though for the first time. _Christ..._ She somehow knows not to touch me as I take and maintain control of _this,_ our first physical contact, since our ill-fated mating.

My tongue takes hers; my frustration, desire and rage duelling for dominance as I lick, tease and taste Olivia Benson’s achingly kissable mouth. My Alpha just lets me, her hands staying dutifully submissive as I finally tear my lips from hers to breathe.

I feel her breath wash over my skin as we gasp, whimper and moan in wonder at our exquisite reconnection. Nothing... _nothing_ tastes sweeter than the secret caverns of my beautiful mate.

She nuzzles me, correctly deducing my ire has given way to gleeful surrender. ‘I love you,’ she whispers into my hair as my hands tighten their grip on her jacket. _These,_ the _only_ words I'll _never_ become complacent at hearing. Why? Because my Alpha’s the _only_ person to ever make me believe them.

‘And I love you,’ I whisper softly into her ear as Olivia’s arms finally engulf my body in the fiercest embrace I have ever known. I hold her as tightly; our bodies re-adjusting, reaffirming, reconnecting.

Eventually, we loosen our hold; my fingers the last to release their grip on her brown leather jacket. We breathe, gasp and husk as we attempt to calm our rioting hearts, our battering lungs, our quivering clits.

I turn to our stunned pack; standing in frozen awe of our strength, willpower and reconnection. I clear my throat to further distance myself from the all-encompassing scent of my Alpha. I quickly note the rhythmic beeps coming from my heart monitor. ‘And if _anyone_ tells me I’m not allowed to do _that,_ again, I will grab them by the throat and throttle the living _Jesus_ out of them!’

Having made my point, I order them to leave, providing me with the privacy I crave, so I can change into glorious clothes.

_Next step, show them... whoever they are... that this Pure Blood Alpha won’t scare easy._


	10. Movement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George tries to press a final point before the pack galvanise; with rage, determination and justice fuelling them.
> 
> Rating: Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, lgb, shadowcub, M and artemiskitty ❤

I call them back in verbally; the glass cube making telepathy useless. 

The pack hurriedly re-enter; Olivia most of all, her eyes actively appraising my newly clothed form. I feel reborn, empowered and in control of my own body and life choices for the first time... _the first time._ I hold her gaze, a knowing smirk crossing our features as we struggle to inhale adequate oxygen to maintain our balance. 

_I love you._

_And I love you._

_Enough._ I break our intoxication, before it consumes us; my need for utter control and clear thinking galvanising my waning strength to overpower Olivia’s exquisitely delicious pull. 

Her low groan in response to my withdrawal nearly pushes me to my knees. _I need you to_ _be_ _strong, my incredible Alpha_ , I whisper softly. _As you_ _have_ _always_ _been,_ I acknowledge, in awe of her enviable ability to stop herself mounting me... to _hell_ with the world and its implosion. I’m aware of this because, now being the higher status, all I want to do is tear the clothes from her undeniably beautiful body and taste, touch and _take_ every incredible inch that makes up the heavenly whole that is former detective Olivia Benson. _Oh..._

She shudders in spite of herself, swallowing down an expletive as I realise my eyes are on hers, yet again. I tear them away abruptly, praying I break her intoxicating spell. 

_Breathe..._ I clear my throat before glancing at the rest of my pack, who are looking anywhere but at us, their rutting Alphas. _Kate,_ my mind interrupts the suffocating haze. The doctor raises her head, finally meeting my eyes, her own breaths shallow. I purposely don’t concentrate on it. _I need you and Abbie to go to the Katonah ranch..._

_But..._

_No buts,_ I interrupt her plea. _If they_ _find you, I’ll never forgive myself..._

_Nor me,_ Olivia concurs, coming to stand by my side, but not touching, _never_ touching until _I_ acquiesce. 

Kate frowns, looking between her pack Alpha's. _What happened to me wasn’t your fault. Either of you,_ she tries to convince us of our innocence. We will never entirely forgive ourselves. _Particularly_ Olivia. I unconsciously hook my pinkie around hers, desperately attempting to ignore the shiver it produces. 

‘No arguments,’ I counter harshly, my rage from earlier still burning bright. ‘Sorry,’ I immediately apologise, checking my tone. ‘You are too important and too vulnerable not to go straight into hiding,’ I explain more gently as I approach my Omega, her features twisting with quiet affront. ‘Kate,’ I say to capture her attention. ‘The pack can’t lose you. And I can’t bear the thought of you...’ 

‘Going thru what you and Olivia went thru,’ the ever-observant doctor finishes for me. 

I nod my head silently, my breath taken by the truth of her words. I _feel_ rather than hear the surge in my Alpha's heartbeat. I immediately return to her side, my fingers itching to reconnect with her flesh. 

_Abbie, Kate, I need you to go straight to Katonah when we leave, today_ _,_ I repeat myself, whilst keeping my gaze squarely on Olivia. _Breathe..._

Olivia looks at me, nodding her head once as she catches her breath. 

_I get why we’re going there, and thanks for protecting my Omega. But, what exactly do you_ _wan_ _’ us to do there, Big Nuts?_ Abbie asks the distracting question. _Other than..._

I abruptly tear my eyes from my calming Alpha. _I want you to get Katonah prepared for when we send 24 Omegas your way,_ I reply quickly to silence Abbie’s dirty mind, ignoring the gasps of shock at my unbreakable determination. _They’ll no doubt need medical attention and recuperation. Will you do that for me?_

Even without her hierarchically dominant status, Kate and more surprisingly Abbie, can only wilt under the sheer power and grace of their pack leader; their overriding wish to support the pack by helping survivors. No better role models than those who are survivors themselves. 

_Sure._

_Of course._

They both acquiesce, proud and eager to prove themselves in the role they have been assigned. 

I look to my Alpha, whose gleaming orbs are gazing at me with love, awe and adoration. _You approve?_ Olivia can only smile, blinking her lashes rapidly to remove the imaginary dust from her eyes. 

I turn back to our waiting Beta and Omega. _Thank you, ladies. Your efforts_ _will save these Omega's._ They both nod; their chests puffed out and their faces sparkling with rarely seen smiles. 

_Okay._ I glance at Omi and George whilst exhaling a long breath. _I’d prefer you go with Abbie and Kate,_ I state, speaking to Omi, thinking only of his vulnerability as a pack Omega. His gasp is enough. I’m only testing the water. _But I think you’ll tear the place apart if you aren’t within my aura,_ I amend, reading him closely. The relief flooding his face says everything.

A strangled clearing of the throat, that he fails to silence, speaks of the emotions rioting thru this incredibly loyal man and pack member. His eyes focus on me then Olivia, the gratitude we find there enough to melt our plentiful resolve. Liv threads her little finger thru mine, and squeezes once. Once is enough. She approves. 

Then I turn to George, the masterful psychiatrist who has saved both my Alpha and I from certain, mental ruin, in the past. He was also an attentive student to Kate’s master expertise, having not studied A&E medicine since med school, so the pack told me. The ever-modest Dr Huang never once revealing his efforts himself. _G,_ my mind synchronises with his. _I know I’m asking a lot but could you come into the field with us?_ I request softly but earnestly, knowing without him, any triggers Liv, Omi or I may experience could be disastrous, leaving us vulnerable. 

He squares his shoulders, his therapist mask in place. _I’m nervous_ _of us_ _leaving_ _here without_ _you, Olivia and I havi_ _ng_ _at least one session surrounding your..._

_I know,_ I instantly appease him. I hear him loud and clear, more than anyone ever should. I have spent the majority of the past five months sedated and/or unconscious. There has been little time for devastating yet necessary exploration, let alone emotional healing. I’m also completely aware I’m running from it, _running from it like a dear from a pack of..._ I halt this unhelpful metaphor with a shake of the head, my eyes refocusing on George. 

_We haven't have one session, Alex,_ he drives the point home. _Liv and I have had numerous productive sessions, but a portion of healing will come thru joint therapy with both of you,_ he explains further as he glances between us; his eyes pleading whilst his features remain stoic. _I can’t stress this enough._ _It’s like going into a gun battle with fake bullets._ His metaphor bruises my determination. _It’ll only take one of them..._ The pack is fully versed in who ‘them' is. Anyone who isn’t in the pack, or an Omega, or a known ally (Lena Petrovsky and Tony Mills), is a potential threat and should be treated as such. _... to notice a chink in your armour... and they have you..._ His words send shivers of revulsion down my spine as I try with every fibre of my being _not_ to think of _them,_ the ultimate _them._

_So, what would you have me do, George?_ my mind pleads for an answer, an escape from this... 

_Stay here until you’ve given yourself time to heal..._ he starts but I interrupt him. 

_And how long will that take? Months? Years? Never?_ I howl as Olivia grips my hand, tight. _24 girls and young women are being tortured as we speak. Tortured, George!_ I continue, my chest billowing as I state my passionate case. 

_I know,_ he parrots my earlier phrasing. _I saw what you..._ My throat growls unconsciously, _painfully, pleadingly,_ silencing his ready counter. He intakes a steadying breath. _I know what they are experiencing. I know you are thinking of them. But, if you think only of them, you will leave yourself and this pack open and vulnerable,_ he speaks words only a neutral, methodical Beta, or a higher Alpha, or Liv, would dare utter. 

I turn to Olivia. _I can’t..._ I stutter, my insides screaming as my conscience and focus are torn in two. _5 months!_

My Alpha approaches, her gaze solely on me as her knuckle grazes my cheekbone. _Sweetie._ Even whilst experiencing this internal torment, my body involuntarily shivers at her proximity, her voice, her touch. _I share G's concerns on your emotional health._ I inhale sharply as tears materialize in my eyes. _But inaction, when 24 Omega’s are suffering, will tear you apart,_ Olivia adds as she stares into my soul; her eyes conveying her love, anxiety and knowing. _Nothing will keep you here, or make you stay in Katonah, will it?_ she knows me too well. 

_No,_ I husk breathlessly, emotion threatening to consume me. She brushes Judas tears from my cheeks, her mind made up. 

She turns to G. _We hear what you’re saying Doc. But, if we don’t take action, now..._

_I’ll come with you,_ Huang steps forward, interrupting Olivia's summation. _There’s no way I’m leaving you two without an emotional safety net!_ G further exerts as he noticeably inflates in front of us, aware his argument is lost, but his importance in our pack is absolute. 

Without Dr George Huang, our venture into the darkness would only lead to utter, blinding hopelessness and failure. 

_So, h_ _ow're_ _we_ _gonna_ _do this?_ Abbie screws the bulb in even tighter; my scorching determination to see this thru brighter than ever. 

_You and Kate are headed straight to Katonah. We’re going to walk into the bullpen and scare the hell out of everybody._

_What..?_

_Huh?_

20 minutes later

Olivia, George, Omi and I leave the hospital facility that has been our home for 5 months, via a secret tunnel; Kate and Abbie having left ten minutes earlier.

The streets are deserted and the blanket of night aides our journey to a waiting, fully tanked vehicle. 

_Who did all this?_ I asked, incredulous and eternally grateful as my Alpha quickly nudges me into the back seat, before parking herself beside me; the back windows blacked out and protective. 

_Liv had to keep ‘_ _erself_ _busy somehow, with you out of it,_ Omi replies, giving Olivia a wink. _Almost drove ‘_ _er.._ _._

‘Alright!’ she snarls good-naturedly, but her tone is firm. Having effortlessly shut him down, she meets my gaze. _Abbie and this one helped, a little,_ she adds, teasing Omi. 

The unexpected mirth soon evaporates into a heavy silence as we drives to the first of many battles. 

I sense my Alpha’s athletic and mesmerising body, her intoxicating aura, millimetres from my skin. I note her upturned hand laid patiently on her knee, awaiting my acquiescence. I take it instinctively, without thought, allowing her warmth to momentarily ease the anxiety currently sky-rocketing thru my every fibre. 

I lift my head to meet her gaze; forceful, scorching, unwavering. I’m heartbreakingly aware I _should_ have demanded Olivia go with Kate and Abbie, to protect them, and as importantly, my Alpha from further trauma. She knows this. 

I’m also painfully aware there is no ocean Olivia won’t cross to be by my side. This truth, this _knowing_ is what holds me together, _and_ rips the most damning pathway of guilt thru my nervous system. 

_I chose you, always,_ she promises before enveloping me in her arms; kissing my forehead, eyelids and nose, as her strength further galvanises my steely determination to survive, to thrive. 

The Precinct 

The shock on Cragen’s face, when his two absent detectives, his equally absent forensic psychiatrist, and the most wanted woman on the planet walk into his precinct with an air of barely bridled rage, almost makes me smile. Almost. 


	11. Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex makes her presence felt in the Bullpen.
> 
> Rating: Very Mature content and slight trigger warning. 
> 
> For Chely99, artemiskitty and Ima Corker ❤

‘Miss Cabot,’ Cragen gasps, walking out of his office, as every head in the bullpen snaps in the pack’s direction. 

_Subtle Don, subtle,_ Olivia notes sarcastically as we stop to assess the known and unknown quantities employed to save these missing Omegas. 

Once I find Elliot _fucking_ Stabler, my eyes blaze with seething rage. 

Cragen notices, stepping between us. ‘Now, Miss Cabot...’ he cajoles in a futile attempt to calm me; the highest status in the room. 

I clench my teeth and openly snarl, silencing him; utterly disgusted with the Captain’s decision to reinstate an abuser, _my_ abuser. Someone who _will_ show a similar lack of conscience with any future rescued Omegas. 

‘Your office, _now_ _!_ _’_ I growl heatedly, as I strut into his office without further preamble. ‘And none of you have seen me. Go about your work. Aside from you,’ I stare pointedly at Stabler. ‘Just stand there and _don’t_ speak with anyone until I command it!’ I bark through the door before I disappear from view. 

Cragen and Olivia follow me in, shutting the door behind us. Omi remains in the bullpen, to catch up on the cases and ensure Elliot doesn’t leave the precinct. 

‘Come on Miss Cabot...’ 

‘Don’t you _dare_ ‘Come on' me!’ I retort scathingly, my already blazing ire stocked to scorching proportions. The Captain’s blush at my wording makes me wonder if I'm wasting my breath; Cragen is still obviously very much aroused by my presence. My soul shatters as I’m reminded once again that my intoxication remains. ‘You’ve reinstated a cop who admitted to indecently assaulting me in court,’ I continue, stalking the room in an effort to shake my disbelief and disgust. ‘I also question your ability to keep your conscience when the Omegas are found,’ I halt my pacing to stare him down. 

His features turn a deeper shade of puce. ‘I... I...’ he stutters as he looks to his former detective for some shred of support. 

‘Cap has never abused his position and always kept his distance with you,’ my Alpha defends him. 

It takes me a minute to hear the truth in her words over my raging jealousy. I pause until I have my anger under some semblance of control. _Breathe._ ‘To stop wasting time, there’s only one thing that’ll settle this...’ 

‘No,’ Olivia steps forward, knowing exactly what I plan to do. 

I turn to her with challenging eyes. ‘You don’t trust him to pass?’ 

My soulmate can’t lie to me. _No_ _,_ she admits, her shoulders falling. 

_Which is surely why it needs to be done?_ I argue passionately. _I know you think a lot of this man. He’s_ _helped so much. But..._ I watch as my Alpha nods her head in resignation. _But_ _if_ _p_ _redators lurk in SVU, the very squad that’s supposed to_ _protect_ _victims of sexual violence, how will we ever change the world?_

Olivia meets my gaze. _I know. I’m sorry. I love you._

‘What’s going on?’ Cragen asks, anxiety written all over his face as he watches our silent communication. It breaks him that I _still_ don’t trust him. 

‘I’m going to touch you,’ I state concisely, loathing that we’re wasting valuable time, but knowing this is a necessity. ‘How you react...’ 

‘Will tell you everything you need to know, right?’ he finishes for me, knowing he is about to experience the most important test of his life. 

_Ready?_ I ask my Alpha. She nods her head as she unholsters her weapon. 

‘If this...’ he doesn’t need to voice it. ‘... will you shoot me?’ he asks, eyeing Olivia's gun nervously. 

She looks at me with shimmering eyes before meeting his gaze. ‘If I have to,’ she confesses, tapping her piece into her thigh anxiously. 

I _hate_ that I’m pitting my Alpha against a man she admires, even loves. But, to do otherwise could lead to devastating consequences. 

‘Come and stand in front of me.’ Cragen does as asked. ‘I’m going to offer you my hand,’ I say to mark clear boundaries. ‘If you touch me anywhere else, or force yourself on me in any way, I will defend myself,’ I warn him. 

_If he can control himself with a Pure Blood, he can control himself with any Omega,_ my mind knows with absolute certainty. _You can do this_ _Don._ Even I route for him, wanting nothing more than to prove myself wrong, so we can concentrate on more pressing matters. 

I raise my hand slightly, waiting for him to touch my flesh for the first and only time. Cragen inhales a steadying breath, his face and neck reddening with nervous anticipation as he clasps it, in a handshake. I feel the shudder travel the length of his body as he gasps; his brow beading with sweat as his every fibre concentrates on fighting his nature impulses. 

I keep my hand clasped in his, in order to give him a chance to weather the storm raging in him. I don’t need to look down to notice his erection. Revulsion and shame pummel me; it taking every ounce of my resolve not to tear myself away from him. 

The expected pleasure doesn’t come. He looks at me, his teeth still gritted and his face drenched with sweat, but he doesn’t breach my boundaries or come in his pants. 

I finally escape his grip. Cragen immediately intakes several lung bursting breaths as he leans against his desk, exhausted. 

I’m surprised but still not altogether convinced. ‘Again.’ Both Olivia and Don look at me in shock. ‘You had to fight it,’ I explain myself. ‘It can’t be like this, every time you touch an Omega.’ They nod in acquiescence. ‘And Liv,’ my Alpha’s attention is already on me. ‘The Omega's won’t have the luxury of a guard. I need you to wait outside...’ 

_Hell no!_ she argues at once. 

_What have you been saying to me since my transition? That I’m the most powerful status known to humans? Right?_ I stare into Olivia’s beautiful bronze orbs. She can only stare back, clenching her jaw to silence her useless arguments. 

_‘_ _Never take a decision away from me again, Liv._ _’_ Reverberates in her mind as she kisses my shoulder, sends a warning glare Cragen's way, before leaving the office. 

We inhale further steadying breaths as I offer my hand again. He takes it, a similar jolt surging through his body but he doesn’t strain against my pull so overtly. 

A minute later, I remove my hand from his grasp and nod once. ‘Better,’ I state, taking a step back to ease my innate anxieties. ‘But I still think we’ll need to work on that,’ I clarify as Cragen sits on his desk again, his breaths evening out. 

‘Whatever you need, Miss Cabot.’ 

‘I need to test each member of your squad.’ He nods, understanding why. 

‘Now?’ 

‘Now.’ 

Whilst Cragen retrieves the second Guinea pig, Olivia quickly checks on me; her eyes scanning my features and body for any signs of abuse. 

_He_ _didn’t_ _,_ I reassure her having read her gaze. My Alpha sighs with such relief, I can’t help but smile. 

Munch (Beta), Chester (Beta), Sonny (Omega), Nick (Alpha) and Kat (Beta) pass due to impotence, conscience, being gay, conscience and being straight. 

Amanda Rollins is last up. The pretty blonde steps into the office and shrugs nervously at me. I know what she’s going to say before she voices it. ‘I have to be honest and say I’ve had a crush on you since I first heard about ya'll and your cause,’ she blushes, but her gaze remains on me. _Brave_ _woman._ I’m equal parts impressed and on edge. 

I feel Olivia’s protective energy surging through the closed door. 

_Breathe, my Alpha._ She breathes. 

‘Thank you for being so upfront,’ I murmur as the Southern Bell tries to keep her eyes on my face. ‘It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll fail this test,’ I clear my throat and state more clearly, measuring the impact my voice has on her. I sense her clit twitch. _Shit._ ‘You have removed you weapon?’ I ask, reading the danger this spirited little detective may pose to me. 

‘Currently in the custody of your partner,’ Amanda states at once. She does an arm raised twirl to quieten any suspicions I may have. ‘Nothing on me,’ she further asserts as she meets my gaze once more. 

‘You realise if you fail, you’ll be released from not only this squad but the entirety of the NYPD?’ I parrot the questions I asked the other squad members. 

‘Yes,’ she replies, swallowing harshly. ‘That’s what worries me.’ 

I bend my head to the side, eyeing her curiously. 

‘I can’t lose this job,’ her voice breaks a little as she pads her feet on the spot, nervous energy rippling off of her. 

‘I genuinely don’t want you to either,’ I whisper with a smile. ‘We don’t have enough SVU detectives as it is. And I know what you all had to achieve to get here. It's a privileged position for the elite...’ 

‘Is that why Stabler's still here, after what he...?’ 

‘Don’t worry about him. I’ll be making me views known regarding him soon enough,’ I interrupt her, remembering every second counts. _Those poor Omegas._ A shiver migrates down my spine. ‘Shall we?’ I suggest, offering her my hand. 

‘I’m so sorry in advance, darlin',’ Amanda whispers as she approaches me and reaches for my hand; regret and guilt already thriving in her eyes. 

We both expect her to attempt something. I feel the familiar shudder but search her features when nothing else happens. The detective’s eyes are clamped so tightly shut; her whole face is scrunched under the sheer weight of her expected reaction. Eventually she opens one eye, then the other; her hand still holding mine. She looks at me, then our connected hands in shock. 

‘I did it!’ she raises her free hand in celebration as I spot Olivia’s eyes burning through the window. I withdraw my hand and watch amused as the spritely detective literally dances her way round Cragen's office. ‘I have a conscience!’ 

‘That, you do,’ I assure her as her face breaks into an almighty smile. The fact Huang’s study, my video conferences and my case have noticeably increased awareness of the hierarchy, makes my soul sing. 

All SVU squad members have passed the most important test: surviving the touch of a Pure Blood. ‘You can go back to your cases now,’ I dismiss her abruptly to remind her of the gravitas behind my presence here. Amanda (Alpha Beta – _interesting_ _)_ nods her head and dutifully returns to her desk. 

I gaze silently at my Alpha. She is instantly by my side, smiling at my ingenuity. ‘So, the squads good?’ 

‘Yes, my heroine,’ I state, my reaction muted, knowing the following conversation will be the most intense. ‘Now for the kill,’ I murmur as I call Cragen back, before ordering Stabler to join us. 

I demand the detective sit. He does as Cragen takes his seat behind his desk. Olivia and I remain standing, always on alert. 

I would be lying if I didn’t admit to enjoying the cowering excuse for a man sat in front of me. I sit on Cragen’s desk, ensuring I invade his personal space as he looks down submissively. 

I lean forward to further intimidate him; within inches of him. I smell his sweat and anxiety. I abruptly lean back, to stop myself becoming wedded to this feeling; my dominance. _I’m not Donnelly._

_Damn straight you’re not!_ My Alpha immediately reassure me. 

‘How _dare_ you wear a badge, let alone call yourself an SVU elite squad member!’ I snarl as I watch Stabler tremble in his seat. _Pathetic._ I turn to Don to give the bastard time to dry his metaphorically soiled pants. ‘Why is he here?’ 

Cragen coughs, grasping for time to formulate an answer worthy of my question. It doesn’t come. ‘He served his time...’ I look at the Captain quizzically, having been too engaged elsewhere to follow Stablers case beyond him being convicted of indecent assault and abuse of police powers. ‘Three months in prison, three months’ probation and...’ 

‘And?’ I prompt when Cragen pauses. 

‘And immediate dismissal from his role in SVU,’ he barely whispers, chewing his lips as Stabler clears his throat. ‘He’s a changed man, Miss Cabot.’ 

Olivia and I stare both men down. ‘So why is he _working_ in SVU?’ I ask, aghast. ‘If I remember, dismissal is permanent and wasn’t there that little caveat that he could _never_ work in law enforcement again?’ I state, incredulous that a predator has been allowed to return to work on the current Omega cases. ‘When these Omegas are found, they will _hope_ the police will safeguard and protect them.’ I laugh mirthlessly. 

‘You were different,’ Stabler finally speaks up. I turn on him with clear disgust. 

‘So now that you’re off the witness stand, you’re blaming me again?’ 

‘That’s not what I said,’ he counters unwisely, his impulsive nature showing itself. 

‘We don’t have time for this,’ I state with finality. ‘I don’t know how you talked your way back in here but...” 

‘It was Liz,’ Cragen finally speaks up, purging himself of the guilt that has been weighing him down. 

‘What the fuck, Cap?!’ my Alpha steps forward. 

Don raises his hands in resignation. ‘I know. It just happened. Soon after El... Elliot was your witness; Liz quashed his dismissal...’ 

I close my eyes for mere seconds, aware I’m in the company of an abuser, and swallow hard as nausea threatens to engulf me. 

_She didn’t_ _just_ _want to groom me, she wanted_ _Stabler_ _, Novak, to be constant_ _danger_ _s to_ _me_ _;_ _keeping me submissive, afraid, more vulnerable._ _More pliable._

I lock eyes with my Alpha. She mouths for me to breathe. I breathe. I pinch the bridge of my nose, loathing that these men know what that _freak_ did to me, to Olivia. 

Stabler turns to his former partner. ‘Liv, I heard what she...’ 

‘Don’t!’ she simmers, cracking a knuckle so as not to reconnect with his face. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he continues anyway, snapping my weakening resolve. 

‘Stoptalking, _right now!’_ I howl, jarring everyone’s eardrums. I stand, utterly unable to stem the adrenaline rioting through my synapses. ‘So, you’re working for her?’ I ask rhetorically, already knowing the answer. ‘Cragen, it’s not safe for him to be working on these...’ 

‘Miss Cabot, do you really think Donnelly could orchestrate all this from a prison cell?’ Don asks the seemingly innocuous question. 

‘Have you not been keeping up with current events, _Captain?’_ I use his title merely to demean him. ‘Elizabeth Donnelly is the most manipulative, devious and cunning person I have ever had the misfortunate to meet, and I have met more deviants than you _ever_ will,’ I continue as I feel Olivia’s eyes and soul on me. 

_I love you._

‘I need to feed my kids, Alex... Miss Cabot,’ he corrects himself at my icy glare. 

‘And I need to be sure that when abuse survivors come to this unit, they won’t be sat opposite a predator, or be carted off to a sex slave underworld on the next shipment!’ I snarl with such overriding rage, I nearly kick Cragen’s overflowing waste paper basket. ‘Now,’ I flatten my shirt and inhale a steadying breath to calm myself. ‘You will _never_ work in law enforcement again, or in any type of position where you will have any contact whatsoever with Omegas. And if I find out you are, I will hunt you down and tear you to pieces. Do I make myself clear?’ Our faces millimetres apart as I eye him with disdain. 

He suddenly grabs me, pushing me backwards onto Cragen’s desk before any of us have time to think. 

Olivia is immediately upon him as his hand reaches for my crotch. _Stop, my Alpha._ She gazes at me with confused eyes. I grab his wrist in a vice like grip, his body still on top of mine as I stare into his crimson face with absolute certainty. 

‘I knew all I needed to do was goad you into coming at me. I was surprised at how long it took you, but your kind never change. You’re an opportunist with no impulse control...’ I near snap his arm as I push him off me, into my heroine’s waiting cuffs. ‘You will never be safe,’ a sad frown crosses my features as I try to regain control of my breathing; my chest heaving as I attempt to stave a panic attack. ‘I want you arrested for attempted rape and abuse of police powers.’ I smile this time as realisation pools in his eyes. 

‘You _fucking_ bitch!’ 

‘I think _you_ will actually become someone’s _bitch_ when the gen pop gets their hands on you,’ I counter effortlessly, enjoying watching his renewed arrogance evaporate to nothing, as his pallor turns a sickly grey. 

‘But, you’re not a cop anymore Liv!’ Stabler grapples at something, anything. 

‘Nope, but I am, _you_ _sonofabitch!’_ Cragen steps forward, removing his own pair of cuffs before reading Elliot Stabler his rights. 


	12. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does Stablers assault impact Alex?  
> Alex meets Barba.
> 
> Rating: Explicit rating due to flashback descriptions.
> 
> For Chely99, M, artemiskitty, Ima Corker and elphiemolizbethbau ❤
> 
> Thanks for your comments. They mean the world. And to those leaving kudos, thank you!

As soon as Cragen leads a cuffed Stabler out of his office, I lower my head, close my eyes and try to breathe. 

I feel my Alpha standing right beside me, wanting to offer her support but knowing not to touch me whilst my eyes are shut. 

I inhale numerous shuddering breaths in an attempt to ease my crawling skin, my panicking mind, my seizing lungs and my ricocheting heart. 

I bite my lip in an effort to silence a whimper as several traitorous tears escape my lids; knowing to look at my Olivia now, with her beautiful, loving, concerned gaze, would break me. 

_Can you give me a minute?_ my mind begs. I need to learn to gain a handle on my triggers and panic, without my Alpha’s help. 

I hear her whine in protest, but I sense her aura withdraw as she reluctantly leaves me in the Captain’s office, alone. 

_Breathe, Cabot! Just breathe..._ I try to command myself as my chest billows under the strain of thousands of abusive hands violating my skin, groping my breasts, squeezing my butt and cupping my centre. 

I move to stand from Cragen’s desk, hoping a change in position will steady my nerves. It doesn’t, as memories of holding, _feeling_ Stabler's rock hard penis invade my every thought. 

_Stop_ _!_ I walk round Cragen’s desk, in a desperate bid to stem these disturbing images. But as soon as thoughts of one abuser die down, another thrusts into my mind eyes with such damning ferocity, my willowy frame buckles under the weight of them. 

_Oh_ _G_ _od!_ _Please... stop... Liv! Liv!_ I cry, immediately smelling my Alpha's gorgeous scent. 

_Lex,_ I hear her breath catch. _Can I hold you?_ My love dares not touch me without consent, especially with my eyes still clamped shut. 

I reach blindly for her hand as my mind flashes back to seeing, _feeling, sensing_ Donnelly above me, behind me, inside me. Olivia’s touch does little to ease my inner torment. _G... Get G..._ I plead, my head in my hands, my face scrunched as my mind tortures me relentlessly. 

_He’s not back from searching for Barba yet_ _,_ my Alpha whispers dejectedly. I asked George to find our case ADA. Two birds, one stone, whilst out in the open, I’d thought. 

_Fu.._ _!_ I finally open my eyes, hating that I’m _still_ in the office that holds so many painful memories. 

My Alpha finds and holds my gaze. _I need to get you out of this room_ _,_ she states, reading my unspoken despair. 

I tremble with revulsion and terror as another flashback blinds me, this time Ray Daniels smiles down at me as he forces me to call him Daddy. 

I suddenly can’t move. I’m back in Central Park, my body naked and spread-eagled, as the bastard brutalises me. 

Olivia’s little finger laces with mine; the only action my Alpha can take, that won’t send me reeling once more. 

_My life,_ she whispers, desperately trying to focus my glazed eyes and tormented soul. _I’m here, you’re safe. You’re loved._ _You’re with your Alpha._ _.._

I abruptly smell another’s scent, a familiar scent. 

‘Alex,’ George says gently; his voice, its own calming balm. ‘Focus on my voice. I’m crouched right in front of you. Olivia is to my left, your right. You are safe. No one else is in this room. Just us; your pack Alpha and Beta.’ 

I feel my Alpha’s finger squeeze mine as my heart ricochets out of my chest. _Liv..!_ I grasp blindly for her, for them. _G... I’m dying..._

I feel a sudden pinch in my arm. 

Darkness. 

‘...hould have brought Kate,’ I hear my Alpha utter harshly as I’m slowly dragged back to consciousness. 

I flutter my eyes open, desperate to _see_ my Alpha and gauge my surroundings. 

‘Lex,’ she breathes as her shimmering eyes gaze down at me. ‘My life. You’re safe. We’re in Interrogation Room Two...’ 

Interrogation Room One would have held its own memories of sexual assault. _God, this place._

I raise my hand to cup her wet face, brushing away her tears as my own threaten to consume me. ‘I’m... I’m sorry,’ I whisper, my voice trembling, _loathing_ the anxiety I see swimming in my Alphas’ eyes. 

Olivia clasps my hand caressing her cheek. ‘You have _nothing_ to apologise for. You have every right to feel...’ 

‘Liv,’ I interrupt her, my eyes searching hers. ‘I don’t think I’ll survive another attempt...’ 

We both know what ‘attempt' encompasses. 

I feel G approach me, his expression grave. ‘I totally understand your wish to get back into the field, for your Omegas. But, _Jesus_ Alex...’ 

Deep down, I knew the moment I left the safe hospital, I was playing a physical and emotional lottery. 

My donated heart, though keeping me alive, is a constant reminder, a consistent weakness, to remind me of what my body has endured. 

My fragile mind conveying in an instant, what havoc one violating touch can wreak. 

I’m a Pure Blood Alpha; my scent and strength confirm this fact. But my mind and body are buckling under the suffocating weight of decades of physical, emotional and sexual violence of the _worst_ kind. 

My life hangs in the balance; one trip wire away from infinite darkness. A terrifying yet achingly honest truth. 

A tear escapes as my lips tremble, horrifyingly aware my Alpha is listening to every word rioting through my mind. We drink each other in as our chests shudder with all-consuming emotion. 

I thread my free hand through the hair at her nape as I pull her down to me; my Alpha’s arms encircling my body as I hold onto her for dear life. I nuzzle into her neck, her incomparable scent as we allow ourselves to give into our worst fears, our bodies wracked with sobs and whimpers as we realise how devastatingly vulnerable, I am, a seeming Pure Blood Alpha. Never was this more shatteringly apparent than when Donnelly... 

Olivia follows my train of thought. She pulls away slightly to look into my tumultuous blues. ‘You will _never_ be touched, _abused..._ again!’ my Alpha promises futilely as I rake my hand through her curls. ‘Not while I’m around,’ she continues brokenly, reading the hopelessness swirling in my eyes. 

No matter how determinedly my Alpha tries to protect me, no matter how vehemently I try to convince myself I’m a Pure Blood Alpha, I am _still_ that Pure Blood; _still_ intoxicating, _still_ alluring, _still_ the world’s most potent aphrodisiac. _Still_ wanted, _still_ violated, _still_ Omega. 

_Omega... Omegas..._ I freeze under my Alpha. She notices at once, instantly withdrawing her touch, thinking she has triggered me. _The Omega’s_ _..._ my mind repeats again, reminding me why I am here. ‘I’m sorry,’ I sniff, wiping my tears away guiltily as I sit up and shuffle off the table. 

G approaches me. ‘Careful Alex. I shot you with a benzodiazepine/Ketamine mix. You may feel a little...’ 

‘Wake up!’ I command my own body. Surprisingly, my self-domination works this time; my mind, body and soul suddenly alert and raring. 

My Alpha and Beta can only stare at me in wonder. 

‘When you get a handle on _that,_ you’ll be unstoppable,’ George states so forcefully, I can’t stem the hope blossoming in my heart once more. 

I gaze back with renewed urgency. ‘Let’s meet this ADA Barba before something else crushes me,’ I suggest hurriedly, turning towards the door before thinking twice. I eye Olivia. ‘He’s not..?’ 

‘He’s cuffed, in a cell, downstairs,’ my Alpha reassures me, knowing another bout with Stabler will only go one of two ways: murder or utter implosion. 

G leads us to Interrogation Room Five, a room I’ve never frequented before. _Sensible choice._

I inhale a steadying breath as we enter; a dapperly dressed man standing the opposite side of the table. 

_Safe,_ I assess at once. ‘Thank you for meeting with us.’ 

He eyes me, his expression unreadable as he gestures to the one unoccupied chair in the room. I remain standing beside Olivia and George. 

‘I think we need to speak privately, don’t you, Miss Cabot?’ he states without preamble. 

‘This is Olivia’s case as much as it is mine,’ I counter at once. 

He sighs impatiently. ‘Let’s be completely honest here. This is _your_ case. Miss Benson is...’ 

I hear my Alpha growl as I take a step towards him. The arrogant prick doesn’t move. 

‘How _dare_ you minimise what my... what Olivia went through!’ I howl as Barba looks down at his notes and repositions a pen with clear annoyance. 

‘Miss Cabot, you have two choices here,’ he begins, stoking my ire with apparent purpose. ‘As it stands, you and Miss Benson are _both_ case victims. Both your cases are currently going to trial. ... _separately_ _,’_ he stresses, meeting my gaze as his meaning sinks in. 

‘Two trials, two survivors...’ 

‘Two witnesses...’ he nods his head, his eyes conveying a softness for the first time. ‘You have to make a choice whether you’re willing to spend the next six months apart, or forgo Miss Bensons trial, and so potentially half any sentences that may be served to the Donnelly’s,’ he states plainly, revealing a problem my distracted brain hasn’t had the time to process. 

I immediately turn to my Alpha, feeling her eyes already on me; my soul dying at the damage this decision will cause. 

_Unparalleled withdrawal from my mate_ _, the corresponding vulnerability of the pack as a consequence, and the split_ _cases taking up more of the_ _squads’_ _resources_ _when they should_ _be_ _focused_ _on saving the Omegas._

_Or, potentially_ _sh_ _aving decades off the Donnelly’s_ _deserved_ _sentences,_ _IF_ _they are found guilty._

‘Well, there’s no way I’m spending any kind of time away from you,’ Olivia argues at once. 

My lungs seize as I take in the enthralling sight of my Alpha. ‘I can’t dismiss what they did to you, what _she_ did to you.’ 

Olivia turns to cradle my jaw in her palms. ‘And you’re not, I am,’ she counters determinedly. ‘They brutalised you...’ 

‘They brutalised _you!’_ I reflect back as tears threaten once more. 

‘Not in the same way,’ she near whispers as her chest heaves painfully. I clutch her forearms as she thumbs away my tears. ‘They can’t get away with what they did to you.’ 

‘Nor you!’ I continue arguing my case, disgusted that it’s come to this. 

‘If I may,’ George makes his presence known. I extricate myself from Olivia’s intoxicating touch. _I’ve seen how you_ _react to prolonged withdrawal,_ he thinks, looking at my Alpha. _I can only assume it’s a similar experience for you,_ he enquires, turning to me. I nod my head once, affirming his assumption. _You’re both weakened, apart. This weakness and lack of protection will leave you both doubly vulnerable,_ he pauses to take a breath. 

All three pack members hear a very deliberate sigh coming from the increasingly frustrated attorney stood across the table from us; aware we’re communicating and overtly excluding him. 

_My second point_ _:_ _Olivia and I have already discussed this_ _in our sessions..._

_What?_ I spin to search my Alpha’s features. 

_We thought this might come up,_ she shrugs self-consciously as her eyes plead for understanding. 

_And?_ I prompt with baited breath for their conclusions. 

My Alpha links her pinkie with mine. _If found guilty of rape one alone, and sentenced to full term, they’d rot in prison until the day they died_ _._

_You’re willing to risk them being released..._

_If a jury doesn’t find them guilty_ _during your trial, there’s no way they will in mine,_ she states the hauntingly direct fact with such certainty, my soul constricts at the heart-breaking truth of it. Six _months_ _of withdrawal,_ _hard work and dedication for nothing!_

_What you went thought wasn’t nothing,_ I persist as a searing furnace threatens to erupt inside me. 

_It_ _wasn’t,_ my Alpha agrees, her hand once more cradling my jaw. _But_ _we need to look at the bigger picture here._ _You are the statement, the poster girl, the president of humanity,_ she smiles sadly at this. _My trial_ _would_ _waste resources_ _that_ have _to_ _centre_ _on you, and finding the Omegas._

_Just because you were born an Alpha doesn_ _’_ _t make_ _your experiences_ _any less worthy,_ I whisper, my heart shattering as I gaze into swimming bronze orbs. 

Olivia strokes my cheekbones as I clutch the lapels of her leather jacket. _I know. But your trial carries_ _the_ _necessary_ _weight to ensure they rot in hell, and_ _continue_ _your_ _spirited_ _journey_ _in changing the world, the hierarchy_ _,_ _for_ _good._

I melt into her then, my lips taking hers as I completely forget Barba’s bristling presence beside us. 

‘Has a decision been made?’ he barks to interrupt our moment. It has the desired effect. My surging arousal instantly dies under his barb. 

‘Yes, one trial. My trial,’ I growl back, making him grin. 

‘Fine. You may not like me by the end of this,' the ADA warns as he finally sits down. 

‘I don’t like you now!’ I spear back, but mirror his movement.

‘Honesty. Good.’ 


	13. Speaking Plainly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex, Olivia, George and Barba try to work their case whilst uncomfortable in each others company. 
> 
> Rating: Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, elphiemolizbethbau, Ima Corker, artemiskitty and M ❤

‘So, are we still going for attempted murder, predatory sexual assault, rape one, forcible use of a non-prescription drug and kidnapping for both Liz and Bernard Donnelly?’ Barba states concisely and, again, without preamble. 

I stare at him across the table as he splays his hands over the file, _my_ file, in front of him. 

‘Yes, we _still_ are,’ I reply stiltedly, glaring icily at the blunt ADA. 

He gives my stare no mind. ‘Because I know we have a better chance on rape one over predatory sexual assault. I think having two similar indictments could baffle the jury and so lead to a lack of conviction on either. Plus, now that we have dropped Miss Bensons case, predatory sexual assault no longer applies.’ 

Suddenly, his argument makes some semblance of sense. _The predatory element would have been Donnelly..._ I swallow hard. _.. raping me... then_ _raping my..._ I feel a hand squeeze my finger. _My Alpha._ I inhale steadying breaths as Barba looks up with concern for the first time. _So_ _,_ _you do have a soul._

‘Explain it to me, Mr Barba,’ Olivia requests further explanation from her standing position beside me. My Alpha and Beta like sentinels either side of me. 

He looks at my Alpha with clear distain. ‘Really, Miss Benson? Has your detective acumen departed _that_ rapidly?’ he taunts, causing me to slap my hand on the table with impatience. 

‘Don’t you _ever_ dare goad my Alpha without expecting retribution, Barba,’ I snarl, my threat completely unveiled. 

The ADA eyes me testily before lowering his gaze; his lower status forcing his painfully involuntarily submission. 

He doesn’t stay down for long, inhaling an irritated breath as he looks at his watch pointedly. ‘There are 24 Omega’s being raped, _right_ _now_ _!_ And you want me to _explain_ something you should have been taught in cop kindergarten!’ he seethes, causing my Alpha to surge forward, myself to stand and our fearless Beta to place himself between us.

I put my hand up as a warning to Olivia as I stare down Rafael _fucking_ Barba. 

I pause weightily, instantly removing the sting poisoning the room. I place my palm down flat on the cool surface of the table to further ground myself as I wait a further beat, calming my frayed nerves. 

‘My Alpha and I _know_ more than anyone what those Omegas are currently going through, Mr Barba,’ I state with purposeful restraint, sensing the suffocating mix of rage and ego slowly dispersing. ‘I also know that predatory sexual assault will still apply because Bernard Donnelly has been raping me for 23 years,’ I whisper into the painfully silent room, as both Olivia’s and Barba's bodies sag under the heinacity of this utterance. 

I hear G sign heavily with relief as the toxic atmosphere finally evaporates; replaced by a heaviness only a disclosure of sexual assault can cause. Both my Alpha and Beta retake their places either side of me. 

Barba splays his fingertips over my file, his head lowered, deep in thought. 

I continue speaking, suddenly finding it near impossible to stop now that I’ve begun. ‘And the crime can also still be applied to Donnelly because she raped...’ I stop myself at the last minute; my stomach twisting in disgust as I almost share Kate’s assault. 

I fight the urge to cradle my head in my hands, instead settling for sitting back down; my exhaustion so very inviting. 

I exhale a long breath and purposely avoid Olivia’s gaze, knowing I will find understanding where I deserve none. _Jesus!_ _I_ _almost..._

_But you didn’t, Alex,_ G immediately comforts me; my Alpha somehow knowing to remain silent beside me. 

‘Who else did she rape, Miss Cabot?’ Barba sniffs like a hound baying for blood. 

‘Drop the predatory sexual assault and go for rape one times five for Donnelly, times eight for her husband instead,’ I state quickly to dissuade him, lowering my head in shame. 

‘Miss Cabot?’ He won’t let it drop. 

_‘_ _Enough!’_ my Alpha barks, her teeth bared in warning. 

‘Can you at least tell me if the victim is a child?’ he persists. 

I lift my head in alarm. ‘No,’ I answer him, watching as he nods his head, seemingly satisfied. ‘I would _never_ allow child abuse to go unpunished,’ I growl heatedly. 

‘I didn’t mean it to come...’ 

‘I get it. Why trust a woman who didn't disclose her own abuse, from the age of 11? Right?’ I ask, waiting for him to answer. 

He shrugs his shoulders. The gesture irritates me beyond measure. But I have my answer. 

I breathe as deeply as my lungs and nerves will allow; loathe to admit I see some of myself in this rabid attorney. ‘Please say they didn’t make bail?’ I ask, abruptly changing the subject; my ignorance jarring my nerves. 

Barba’s head snaps up in surprise. ‘You didn’t tell her?’ 

My blood runs cold as I immediately turn to question my mate. ‘Liv?’ I husk, my voice and body suddenly riddled with overwhelming anxiety. 

‘They were both denied bail,’ Olivia answers at once, kneeling down beside me. ‘Donnelly's in Bellevue. He's in Sing Sing,’ she continues, guilt radiating from her muscular frame. ‘I didn’t want to utter her name until you were strong enough to...’ she tries to explain why no one decided to share this incredibly important information with me. 

‘I _deserved_ to know, Liv. I _needed_ to _know!_ _’_ I whisper as a Judas tear escapes and flows past my cheekbone. 

‘I’m so sorry sweetie... I...’ she stutters breathlessly, ashamed and utterly desolate at her failed attempt to protect me. 

_I realise what you were trying to do but you know I can’t bear it when you take a decision away from me..._

_Alex,_ G chimes in, his heart breaking watching his Alpha’s fall apart. _Would we_ _have supported you leaving the hospital_ _if..?_

_You didn’t!_ I snap at him before my rage heightens at his words. _And I didn’t_ _require_ _your_ _s_ _or anyone’s support to leave..._

_You are vulnerable, Alex,_ George interrupts me, desperate to explain why the pack, _my_ pack, would keep something so vital from me. _We didn’t know whether your heart could take_ _the mention_ _of her name,_ _let alone the full facts..._

‘Tell me the _full_ facts, _right_ now!’ I order, staring into black eyes with thinly controlled rage. 

G sighs dejectedly as Olivia clears her throat. 

‘Being a Super Alpha, she... Donnelly can command her way out of any cell, any courtroom...’ My Alpha holds my gaze when it lands on her. ‘So, the arraignment had to be conducted with her gagged and restrained.’ 

I shut my eyes as nausea and feelings of past helplessness threaten to engulf me. I feel Olivia tuck her little finger inside mine. She doesn’t continue until I reopen my eyes. 

‘She is in solitary confinement and her guards wear sound mufflers so she can’t dominate them.’ 

I sense there’s more. I look into bronze orbs, hating the despair I find there. 

‘Liv!’ I growl, my frustration and anxiety causing my heart to bruise my rib cage. _Calm down!_ I self soothe, instantly distracting my Alpha and Beta. 

George feels my pulse as Olivia grips my pinkie tighter. _Good, just breathe. Your_ _self-domination_ _is strengthening_ _._

I don’t see it but I sense G nod to my soulmate to continue. 

‘Donnelly’s almost escaped three times, even with these measures, due to a mole on the inside, or a _shit_ guard,’ she hisses as her chest heaves under the weight of the truth. 

‘So, we need to push the trial forward by several weeks, to ensure she doesn’t escape before she’s convicted,’ Barba takes over. 

‘Surely if Bellevue can't safely house her now, how will this change _if_ she’s convicted?’ I ask the obvious question. 

Barba stares straight at me. ‘If she’s convicted, she’ll have to serve her sentence in the hole. It’s the only way we can be sure...’ 

‘What’s the hole?’ I ask, my body leaning over the table. 

‘The ultimate solitary. The inmate is served meals via a deaf guard. Apart from that, they’re on their own. No outdoor exercise, no freedoms, no privileges, and no mail, in or out,’ Barba explains. ‘This punishment is generally only saved for the most dangerous inmates. Thanks to you we now know they’re all Alpha’s and all totally unable to control their violent urges to rape, maim and kill,’ he lays out Donnelly’s hopeful demise. ‘But this extreme punishment comes with a cost. Donnelly will fight its archaic nature. After all, she isn’t a murderer or a foreseen risk to her fellow prisoners... yet,’ he keeps his eyes on me as he levels the score. ‘She’s already got a following after showing up to her arraignment, shackled like Hannibal Lector. Police brutality is already going viral on the Donnelly Dedicated sites.’ 

I half snort in horror. ‘There are Donnelly Dedicators?’ 

‘Not everybody wants to halt this heinous hierarchy, Miss Cabot,’ Barba shakes his head with disgust as he takes a swig of coffee. 

‘I _know,’_ I state icily, glaring at him. 

‘The is the weakness in our case. With Tony Mills video, there is no way she won’t be found guilty of rape one and kidnap. But the only prison secure enough to house her, to keep _you_ safe, will be too hard a pill for some jury members to swallow.’ 

‘What are you telling me?’ I ask, my entire being shivering with dread; knowing my sickening options. 

‘We have two choices: ensure shes convicted. She’ll serve her sentence out at Bellevue with the ever-present threat of her escaping and then hunting you down...' My entire body shivers with fear and disgust. _Hunting is certainly the right word._ 'Versus less likelihood of conviction but an extremely secure cell if she is found guilty.’ 

I just stare at him, my mouth slightly agape as my world slows down. My vision blurs as my heart thunders in my chest. _Breathe!_ I inhale several breaths before I open my eyes. 

‘So, either way, we lose,’ I murmur, desolation threatening to consume me. Olivia takes my hand in hers, and squeezes. I finally comprehend my packs reticence. _I’m sorry._

My Alpha gives me a sad smile; her eyes conveying more than any trite words ever could. 

‘Survivor's never win,’ Barba states with such jarring softness, my eyes search his. 

‘And what’s worse, we don’t even have a say in the matter,’ I groan, finally relenting and cradling my head in front of this man. 

‘But I do,’ Barba reassures me. ‘Though we’re getting ahead of ourselves,' he raises his hands to dismiss the topic 'I need to know whether you’ll testify in front of the grand jury?’ 

I lift my head; my mind, body and soul drained of my meagre reserves. ‘When?’ 

‘Tomorrow.’ 


	14. Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex comes to an unpopular decision.  
> Olivia and Alex try to reconnect.
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> Uploaded early because it was an easy chapter to write and because of the lovely comments.
> 
> For Chely99, shadowcub and elphiemolizbethbau ❤

I raise my head, sensing my Alpha’s absolute horror, and ready refusal, radiating from her rigid frame. 

_Don’t Liv,_ I warn softly as I gaze into her near pleading eyes. 

I turn to Barba. ‘The same rules apply as before the rebellion? The Grand Jury remains secret and my testimony is seal?’ 

The ADA nods his head silently. 

‘Have twenty-three jurors already been selected and notified?’ 

‘They have been selected but not notified of the indictments they will be presiding over.’ 

‘So, they’ll have no idea it’s me until I enter the room?’ 

‘None,’ he states unequivocally. ‘And you will be able to use your higher status to ensure they don’t breathe a word following...’ 

‘But surely the defence could...’ 

‘They won’t know, remember?’ Barba says without malice, as I wonder how I ever survived let alone _won_ my first trial as a lowly trainee attorney. _Elizabeth Donnelly..._ I shudder as this thought suddenly strikes me. _I won because she wanted me to_. By taking that _sleazebag_ Granger and Buchannan out of the picture, she knew I had a better chance of winning against Kressler and Langan. The overwhelming evidence and G's inspiring experiment did the rest. 

_My life..._ _You won your tri_ _a_ _l!_ _No one else._

I wince, ignoring my Alpha’s assurances and G's subtle toe nudge, as I truly look at the aggravating, yet clearly well-versed ADA in front of me. 

_Thank god we have him_ _,_ my mind acknowledges silently as he pauses to look at me, assessing me. ‘Miss Cabot, are you alright?’ 

I can’t hide the shock on my face at his gentle enquiry. I swallow hard, begging my suddenly shimmering orbs to dry before I humiliate myself. All I can do is nod my head as Olivia places a warm and reassuring palm on my denimed thigh. I clasp it with all my might. 

He reads me well enough to know to continue, rapidly. ‘Neither the defence teams or the defendants will have any idea it is happening. Whatever is said will remain sealed. The only inkling the defence will have is when they receive the bill for trial,’ he explains less softly as I finally comprehend his sharpness. 

He’s not cruel for the sake of it. He’s cruel to save valuable time, because he’s not my baby sitter and most importantly, because he’s gauging my resilience for the torture to come. 

I grit my teeth, then cough to externalise some of my built-up tension. I then raise my head and meet his eyes squarely. I note his near invisible grin as I do this. _I’m not_ _disappointing_ _him,_ I think internally, momentarily forgetting Liv and G can hear me. 

_You don’t need his approval, Lex,_ my Alpha immediately seethes. 

‘I do when he’s testing me,’ I voice aloud, surprised to find myself returning Barba's now full smile. 

‘Few people realise what I’m doing at first meet,’ he admits, with something approaching pride in his voice. 

‘I will testify tomorrow,’ I state concisely as Olivia eyes me with awe, shock and anxiety. 

‘You really are as magnificent as your supporters say, Miss Cabot.’ 

My soulmate lands her weighted gaze on Barba. ‘Don’t _ever_ test my Alpha again,’ she warns as she squeezes my thigh possessively. 

‘I’m aware you think Miss Cabot has been tested enough, Miss Benson. It would be remiss of me to disagree with you. But trying to foresee every single trick Donnelly will likely utilise to destroy your case is going to be the hardest test of all,’ he states knowingly. ‘I’ve had my fair share of dealings with her. Elizabeth Donnelly will be the most devious opponent I have ever faced. But I promise to do all that I can to hole the bitch!’ Barba promises passionately as we both nod; our newly formed understanding devolving the last wisps of tension. 

Olivia, G and I walk back into the bullpen; Barba striding out purposefully in the opposite direction. 

Omi quickly comes to meet us. _How'd it go, Meg?_

I feel my eyes involuntarily soften on seeing him. _I’m going to testify in front of the Grand Jury tomorrow..._

_Meg!_

_Things are moving quickly, in order to convict_ _Donnelly_ _,_ _so_ _we can_ _focus_ _more time to the Omega_ _cases,_ I add, suddenly feeling light-headed. 

Olivia moves to stand directly behind me, her arms wrapping around my abdomen securely as her lips brush against my ear. ‘We need to get you home.’ It’s not a question. My exhaustion of moments ago melts away at her touch. Instead, my body ignites in a scorching frenzy. 

I struggle free from her intoxicating grasp to halt our sudden, ravenous hunger. ‘I’m _fine!’_ But as soon as Olivia’s touch vacates my skin, I near collapse again. My Alpha envelops me once more. 

_The cases are_ _bein_ _’_ _investigated_ _‘_ _en_ _handled_ _real_ _well_ _,_ _Meg_ _. I’ll stay to keep an eye on it. But Liv's right,_ _you’re st_ _rung out._ _Go home._

_Yes_ _Alex. We should go home and_ _refresh,_ George agrees before turning to Fin. _Wa_ _nt me to stay with you just in.._ _?_ he begins to offer, always looking out for his fellow pack members. 

_I’m good,_ _and_ _Munch is here. W_ _e can whip ‘_ _em_ _into shape,_ he replies with a smirk, about to turn heel. _Oh, and the Caps decided to step down,_ Omi confides, looking solely at me. _He said you’d_ _understand_ _?_

I stare into my best friends’ gentle eyes, relieved and nervous at this new development. _Who’s_ _in command?_

_Munch._

_Jesus!_

_I know. That’s why I’m_ _stayin'_ _._

I feel my Alpha step forward, propelling me with her. _You want me to_ _hang around, Fin?_

I unconsciously grip my Alpha’s arms, wrapped around my midriff, before I can restrain myself. _Mine_ is the deafening non-verbal cue. 

I watch as Omi glances at me. _I think someone else needs you more, Liv. But thanks. Now get gone!_

Olivia drives at G's insistence, arguing he can’t bear the thought of his two Alpha’s petting each other in the back seat. As awkward as parents or clients suddenly getting frisky, he said. 

For the sake of time, my life partner and I hold back the ready giggles, (borderline hysteria from exhaustion and triggered, frayed nerves), and get into our G assigned positions: Liv in the driver’s seat, G and I in the back. 

As soon as G’s backside hits the seat beside mine, I realise his clever ruse. 

‘How you doing, Alex?’ 

I eye him with frustrated exhaustion. ‘Really, G? We're going to do this now?’ 

I sense my Alpha eye us cautiously in the rear-view mirror. 

‘Only if you want to,’ he cajoles, using that reverse psychology _bullshit_ to make it seem like I’m in control and this is my idea. 

‘I _never_ want to, George,’ I confess breathlessly, my chest heaving sharply with crushing emotion. I turn away quickly but not before he catches my agonised expression. 

All he does is place his hand softly over mine. But G may as well have offered me a cure for my Pure Blood allure; my soul purging such heart-wrenching sobs within seconds. 

I feel his thumb gently stroke the back of my hand as I choke on a sob; my forehead laid against the glass window, my eyes streaming, my chest heaving as my body finally gives itself permission to weep. 

I wake up in an unknown room. I bolt upright in fear and alarm as I... 

_My life,_ Olivia’s dulcet tones fill my ears and her aura hurriedly warms my senses. _We'r_ _e at the ranch. You’re safe. We_ _’_ _re safe. The packs safe. And that includes Kate and Abbie._ _Okay?_ she tries to reassure me as she turns a lamp on so I can assess my surroundings for myself. 

My eyes quietly search my Alpha; I assess her eyes: _no fear._ I assess her wrists: _no ligatures._ I begin to pull our duvet aside to check her ankles but Olivia wraps her arms around me before I can check further. 

‘If we were held captive, would I be able to do this?’ she asks before moulding her lips against mine; the kiss soft, gentle, questioning, giving me utter control. 

The exquisite taste of my Alpha literally electrifies my every nerve ending. My body jolts with supreme arousal as my life partner deepens the kiss, my mouth opening to extend her quest. 

I audibly moan when Olivia accepts my invitation; her lips and tongue taking absolute ownership of my mouth, as our bodies begin to shudder under the weight of weeks of enforced distance and ravenous hunger. 

I rake my fingers through the hair at her nape as my Alpha leans into me, pushing me back onto the bed as her hands feverishly roam under my Zara shirt; searching, finding and teasing my erect nipples and pert breast. 

She squeezes, caresses and softly pinches her way from one peak to the other as she grows bolder: nibbling my lips and gently nudging her knee between my closed thighs. I gasp when her knee nestles against my clothed apex, promising incomparable ecstasy. 

Just as I’m about to thrust against her, Olivia breaks the kiss and gazes into my eyes with such heat, concern and love, I near combust right then. 

She leans her forehead against mine, us both struggling to regain our breath. ‘Is this okay?’ my Alpha asks as I impatiently pull her lips back down to lock and duel with mine. 

Olivia husks and gasps against my ravenous lips as she grasps hold of my wrists, unconsciously pinning me to the bed. 

I instantly freeze, my body becoming rigid and catatonic. She releases me immediately. ‘I’m sorry... I...’ she stammers as she rolls off me; _disgusted_ with herself. 

I turn and cradle her jaw at once, understanding more than anyone, the pull that I create. ‘It’s okay, my love,’ I whisper, reassuring her as I move to straddle her beautiful form. 

‘It’s not, Lex. I got a little carried away. That’s no excuse,’ my Alpha counters, trying to escape my loving eyes; my hand keeping her jaw facing me. 

‘My Alpha, listen to me,’ I command her. She stops fighting my hand. ‘It’s been weeks. No wonder you’re fired up. Also, being pinned by you has _always_ aroused me. But I can’t control how my body respond as the minute. I can’t seem to control my... body...’ 

‘Hey,’ Olivia takes over, rolling me off of her until we’re side by side. ‘I love you. You, you mind, your body, your soul,’ she stresses, tucking a stray strand behind my ear. ‘It’s no wonder your body and mind are in a state of flux because of all you’re having to face,’ she continues, kissing my nose softly. ‘I’m sorry I did that, pinned you. I just...’ _wanted it to be like old times_ goes unsaid. 

‘I know,’ I breathe deeply, steadying the last of my nerves. I bite my lip; _hating_ that all I want to do is ravage my intoxicating Alpha but not trusting my body to allow me to do it. The added unknown of how Olivia’s own body may react makes this, our first non-heat attempt at love making, awkward and terrifyingly unknown. 

_It’s easier in heat,_ my Alpha acknowledges wryly. Without heat blinding us to all but our ravenous, animal urges, it’s easier; filled with its own pitfalls, but still easier. 

Here, now, we know we’re too in our own heads to make this comfortable or ‘easy’. 

‘Can... can I suggest something?’ I whisper, my voice wavering with uncertainty. 

My Alpha nods her head into the pillows beside mine. 

‘Would you mind if I took control?’ I state more strongly as Olivia’s soft bronze orbs melt my soul. ‘Would you trust me?’ I query, as I stare into her depths, afraid of what she might say. 

‘I trust you with my life,’ she immediately quietens my rioting anxiety; threading her fingers through my hair fleetingly. 

‘Okay,’ I whisper with a smile as Olivia lays on her back. Only her audible exhales, rapidly blinking eyes and nail-dented palms belying her anxiety. ‘Liv?’ 

‘Hmm?’ 

‘We could leave it?’ I suggest, giving us both an out. One thing I never expected to offer my Alpha: an escape from explosive love making. 

‘Alex,’ she whispers my name, causing my heart to race, my skin to perspire, my nipples to harden and my clit to swell. ‘I _really_ want to make love to you. But we’re both frightened, anxious, overthinking and sex starved. I think it could be dangerous to let ourselves go without some measures and boundaries in place...’ 

‘That sounds like George speak,’ I hazard a guess. Her eyes tell me everything I need to know. ‘We have ‘Teflon’,’ I argue, suddenly regretting offering the out. _I want my Alpha._

_I want you too,_ she instantly comforts me. ‘But...’ 

‘What time is it?’ I ask, abruptly changing the subject. 

Olivia frowns in confusion. ‘I... er... its 2:15am,’ she offers, turning back to look at me. ‘Lex?’ 

‘I’m going in front of a _goddamn_ Grand Jury today and we’re talking about sex!’ I growl angrily, getting out of this strange bed and unzipping my uncomfortable jeans. ‘Maybe we should discuss that small, tiny, _insignificant_ fact instead.’ I know what I’m doing but I can’t seem to stop myself. I’m hurt, upset, traumatised, triggered, frightened, terrified, exhausted, hungry, overwhelmingly horny and _devastatingly_ adrift from the body I should recognise and know as my own. 

Only once my Alpha’s arms envelop me do I realise I’m on the floor; her scent the only thing keeping me from drowning. 

A knock at our door splinters through both of us as dread settles over our hearts. 

_Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,_ comes G's reassuring voice through the door. _I had a feeling you might be awake._ _I’m going to be in the kitchen if you want talk._


	15. Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to explore some devastating truths with George.
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> This is quite a long chapter that seemed to spill out.
> 
> For Chely99, elphiemolizbethbau, lgb, M and Ima Corker ❤

I let my Alpha hold me, on the floor of this alien place; our new home. 

The warmth of her body keeps me grounded, where everything outside of her touch threatens to freeze me, trigger me, own me. 

_I’m sorry I got angry,_ my mind murmurs as Olivia tightens her grip on me. 

_I think you have every right to be angry,_ _my life,_ her thoughts try to reassure me. Instead, they stoke my ready ire. 

‘I _don't_ deserve your compassion, Liv,' I voice with piercing honesty, my feelings too powerful to remain internal. ‘You’re _too_ understanding, _too_ calm, _too_ you!’ I goad her as I shake her off of me. ‘You should be _seething_ with Stabler, Donnelly, all of _them_ _!’_

_I am,_ my Alpha states evenly, biting her lip to stop her verb retort. 

‘Why are you fighting it?’ I demand, picking myself off the floor; my eyes sparking with hurt, frustration and rage. 

_Because I need to support you... protect you..._ Olivia maintains her tone but I can sense she’s bristling. It radiates off of her in waves. 

‘And what about me supporting you? Liv?’ I ask, slowly approaching my Alpha with each question. ‘Because I’ve had _enough_ of being the _damsel!'_ I spit towards my soulmate, loathing every word I’m spouting, but not having the control to contain them. ‘I hoped overpowering Stabler would show you I’m no longer defenceless but...’ 

‘Can you blame _me?’_ Olivia’s voice finally breaks through as she steps forward, reducing the metre gap between us. 

I bite my tongue to stop my ready rebuttal, hoping against hope my Alpha will continue, continue sharing what she is currently fighting so hard to hide. 

As the silence continues, my life partners incredible restraint doesn’t surprise me, Liv having been the only pull Alpha to stop herself from attempting to rape me. But this very restraint, causes me untold anguish. 

‘Blame you?’ I reflect, hoping this nudge will push her over the edge of her incomparable self-control. 

I watch as Olivia swallows hard, her chest billowing under the strain as her shimmering orbs lift to meet mine. 

Silence reigns supreme. It breaks my heart. 

‘Liv?’ I say to regain her full attention. ‘Blame you for what?’ I poke the beast once more, hating that I’m having to do this to get an inkling of where my Alpha's thoughts are. 

I know I could just _demand_ she tell me, but that would violate the unspoken code between us. 

‘You are going in front of the Grand Jury in...’ she looks at her watch. ‘In a little over 13 hours,’ my Alpha states, meeting my gaze. 

So, after several silent minutes punctuated only by my own sniffs, gasps and whimpers, as the last few tears drain out of me, I feel myself rise subconsciously from the floor, irritably wiping away the residual moisture before inhaling sharply. 

‘I know what you’re going to say,’ I whisper, staring hopelessly into compassionate, warm, bottomless bronze pools. I know with every fibre of my being I won’t survive the Grand Jury without our psychiatrist’s intervention. 

‘So, don’t make me say it,’ Olivia cajoles, expertly shifting the focus away from her and on to me. 

Resigned, I now sit opposite G at the breakfast bar, at 2:37 in the morning. 

I focus determinedly on a crumb in the centre of the counter top as G waits for me to meet his gaze. 

Eventually, he grows uncharacteristically impatient. Time is of the essence. ‘Does that crumb signify something to you?’ 

That does it. My eyes meet his. ‘What?’ 

‘What does this crumb signify to you?’ he asks again, gesturing towards the morsel landlocked in the middle of the granite surface. 

I return my gaze to the tiny, vulnerable speck; once part of a whole, a whole item, now reduced to little more than dust, easily forgotten, discarded; easily jostled in a gust of wind, easily wiped away and binned, never to be thought of again. 

Every time I’m abused for a prolonged period, I try to disassociate by focusing on a stone, a speck, a star, a leaf; _anything_ but the rapist hurting, dominating, violating my body. 

I make up stories for these objects; where they formed, where they’ve travelled, where they’re yet to go. I study the beauty of Autumn leaves, a blade of grass; the cleanliness of a dreary carpet or the grime of a paving slab... 

‘Alex?’ G draws me back. ‘The crumb.’ 

I lick my lips as anxiety, terror and despair threaten to engulf me. I swallow harshly, relieved it’s enough to dislodge the lump blocking my throat. 

‘Me,’ I whisper, biting my lip self-consciously. ‘It reminds me of me,’ I state more clearly, continuing to focus on it so intensely, I almost forget where I am and whom I’m with. _Disassociation_. 

As if from afar, George's calming voice presses forward. ‘How so?’ 

I find myself speaking without conscious thought. ‘Because it’s so vulnerable, so at the mercy of others; currently discarded and waiting for the next assault. It’s literally waiting for something to destroy it... It’s only a matter of time...’ 

A silent minute passes as Olivia and G give me an entirely awkward space to reveal more. I don’t. Instead, I eye the crumb with such focus, I forget I have company; again. 

‘You feel it’s only a matter of time before someone destroys you?’ G’s gentle voice draws me out of my revelry. 

I snap my head up to look him in the eye. I feel my chest constrict and my heart beat roar deafeningly. Perspiration prickles my skin as I open my mouth to increase the flow of oxygen to my suddenly seizing lungs. 

‘The Grand Jury expect my statement, _today,_ and I’m comparing myself to a _fucking_ crumb!’ I blurt, aggressively brushing the crumb off the counter top, sending it falling into obscurity, forever. 

I rarely swear, unless I’m sexually or emotionally frustrated. This is one of those moments. 

‘Is _that_ what you think you deserve? To be swiped off the face of the earth..?’ G isn’t perturbed. 

‘Are we still on _that_ godforsaken crumb?’ I challenge heatedly, ignoring the discomfort radiating from my Alpha. 

‘Yes,’ G meets my ire bravely; his eyes unwavering in his resolve to... 

‘What are you doing?’ I ask abruptly, having no idea what our pack psychiatrist is aiming for. 

‘What do you think I’m doing?’ 

_You fucker!_ my mind barks, as I shake my head in irritation. I take a breath, deciding I am too _goddamn_ tired to play games. ‘Fine!’ I growl, gritting my teeth. ‘I’m so _frickin_ tired of being afraid. I’m terrified every breath I take brings danger to you,’ I confess, glancing at Olivia. ‘And to you, the others,’ I continue, returning my gaze to G. ‘I can't protect you,’ the break in my voice almost kills me, and I sense, my Alpha. ‘I can’t be this strong Alpha you all expect me to be because as soon as I’m drugged and/or tied up, I’m that weak, helpless Pure Blood Omega; only useful as someone’s plaything... I have _no_ control,’ I realise my gaze has wandered. I peel it back to G. ‘And I still haven’t forgiven you for drugging me in Cragen’s office.’ I put up my hand when George opens his mouth to speak. ‘But I know why you did it,’ I add quickly, agonisingly aware I’m on a precipice; my heart and Pure Blood status, my Achilles heel. 

I swallow hard as my Alpha links our pinkies once more. Even this gesture, so small and seemingly insignificant, conveys Olivia’s fear of triggering me; the precipice only ever millimetres away. 

It shocks me how much Olivia’s unwavering support, strength and seeming unbrokenness impact me. I feel alone, in crushing waves of desolation; _utterly_ adrift. 

I rip my finger away, _hating_ that my soulmate fears touching me further in case I freeze, fall apart, have a flashback or experience full mental breakdown. 

My status maybe the most powerful in any known hierarchy. But I am also the most fragile I have _ever_ been; more fragile even than when my step father first raped me, more fragile than when Bernard _fucking_ Donnelly first forced my body into the dirt; more fragile than when those three strays raped me for seven hours straight. 

And all because of one sadistic psychopath: ElizabethDonnelly. 

She utterly and wholeheartedly sought to destroy every vestige of renewed confidence and control I was reaping from my relationship with Olivia, my loving pack, my newly transitioned status. 

By brutalising me, in front of my Alpha, Donnelly knew _exactly_ what she was doing. By forcing me to orgasm, using my fantasies against me, she ensured every whisper of pleasure, every accidental tickle, every look into my beautiful Olivia’s eyes would forever take me back to those hours, days or weeks we were under _her_ heinous control. 

By infiltrating my pack and grooming her way into our hearts, I allowed her free reign to abuse Kate, Omi by proxy and eventually my Alpha and I. 

Donnelly has left me questioning everything. _Everything_ _;_ even down to winning my case. Donnelly wanted me to win to ingratiate herself into the pack. 

She _used_ me in every way a deviant could. Then, when my pathetic body succumbed to this heinous trauma, my heart collapsed and died. 

_Sometimes, I wish I’d died_ _there_ _._ I hear my unconquerable Alpha whine at this heart-breaking truth. 

I lift my head, suddenly realising I’m leaning against the counter top; the marble cooling my hot, perspiring flesh. 

Both G and Liv are looking at me with compassion, love and awe. I _hate_ it! 

‘I _hate_ when you look at me like this!’ I spit passionately. ‘I _don’t_ deserve it!’ I bark further as I withdraw from my Alpha’s approaching touch. _‘I’m_ the reason she raped you. _I’m_ the reason she raped Kate. _I’m_ the reason the crowd raped Omi. Because of _me,_ you risk your lives repeatedly and what have we got to show for it...’ 

‘47 million supporters in the US alone, a complete _shift_ in understanding of the hierarchy and the release of _thousands_ of Omegas from a life of heinous slavery...’ Liv counters effortlessly as I stare at her, my eyes wide and shimmering. 

‘Twenty-four Omega’s are being...’ I begin to counter. 

‘Yes, but before you stood up for every Omega, those numbers were in the thousands, Alex. _Thousands,’_ my Alpha argues, using my name to ground and arouse me. 

‘Twenty-four is too many. One is _too_ many!’ I howl, standing as adrenaline surges through my veins. 

‘Yes, sweetie. One is too many,’ Olivia agrees, staying perched on her stool even though I know she wants to follow me. 

I inhale several shuddering breaths, in an effort to ease the pressure building in my chest. 

‘... and out through the mouth... Good, Alex,’ G reassures me as I regain control of my rioting heart. 

I meet my Alpha’s gaze; her beautiful, gentle bronze orbs communicating all the love, devotion and faith she has for and in me. I literally drink in her olive perfection, her muscular beauty, her internal strength. My clit twitches on cue as my heart beats to a new rhythm of aching desire, heated arousal and envy at her infallibility. 

I tear my eyes away from hers, ashamed. Ashamed that I can’t even give my Alpha the gift of reaffirming sex. Our one fail safe in absolute tatters. 

‘Hey,’ my Alpha speaks, her voice dominant and abruptly stern. I meet her gaze. ‘I'm not infallible. I am not some robot built just to support and love you...’ 

‘Then _stop_ acting like it!’ I stress, slapping my hand onto the countertop in anger 

Olivia looks at me strangely. ‘Would you rather I fell apart, curled into a ball and left you to suffer alone?’ she argues fiercely. 

Her retort stings, as that is _exactly_ what I have become. ‘No, but...’ I’m surprised my life partner allows me to continue. ‘But... we went through something together, that will scar our souls forever,’ I whisper, my wide eyes glued to my Alpha’s features . _‘Together.’_

‘G and I had numerous sessions whilst you were healing...’ 

‘Which leaves me _complete_ _ly_ blind to your feelings, thoughts and fears,’ I admit as I stare into her soul. ‘When Kate said about her emotional withdrawal for self-preservation, I fear she isn't the only one.’ I miss the wry smile forming on G's lips as tears form in my soulmate’s eyes. _Oh Liv._

‘I _need_ to be strong for you,’ she barks, spooked at suddenly being the centre of attention... _again_. A similar feeling to when Donnelly forcibly kissed her and admitted her _sick_ attraction, even sicker intentions. 

Olivia suddenly heaves, only just making it to the kitchen sink before vomiting. I grip the marble, fully intending to join my Alpha, but a warning look from G stops me. 

Instead, I watch Olivia’s shaking hands brace the sink for support, for grounding, as I observe the impact Donnelly has wreaked on my love for the first time. 

I actively inhale shuddering breaths as I watch my Alpha’s finely orchestrated mask peel away. 

She wipes her mouth before leaning into to her own shoulder; her eyes distant and unfeeling. 

‘I was the centre of their attention for three minutes total. The kiss, the...’ Liv shakes her head and swallows audibly; her watery bronze orbs suddenly finding mine; her expression angry. ‘You suffered days...’ 

_Days?_ I can’t stop myself asking. My skin shivers and my muscles tense at the implication. 

My Alpha inhales sharply, loathing that she's revealed something she hoped never to. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers softly, her shoulders slumped; her misplaced guilt heart-breakingly apparent. 

I go to her then, ignoring G's earlier warning. I lean against the counter top beside my Olivia and wait for her to turn towards me. As soon as she does, I raise my palm to graze her wet cheek; my soul shattering as she nuzzles into it whilst tears flood her features. 

‘I’m so sorry,’ she murmurs again, her chest heaving as I envelop her in a crushing embrace. 

‘There is _nothing_ to apologise for. None of this was within our control. They made sure of it,’ I whisper in her ear as I tighten my hold still further, _desperate_ for my Olivia to realise how much I love her and don’t blame her. _How could I?_ ‘I couldn’t save you and you couldn’t save me...’ 

‘But that’s just it, you _did_ save me,’ my soulmate corrects me, her statement stronger and more coherent. 

‘Not before she'd...’ 

‘You _saved_ me, my life,’ Olivia states more forcefully, gripping my jaw to deepen her point. ‘Whilst all I did was watch; watch them...’ 

‘I wouldn’t have survived without you,’ I admit, my brow furrowing. ‘Which makes me feel sick to my stomach because I would have given anything for you _not_ to be there.’ 

‘Alex, you said _no_ _ne_ of this was within either of your control, so how can either of you be to blame?’ G interjects for the first time. Olivia and I look at him mutely. ‘And it seems you both felt saved by the other,’ he reflects, gazing between us. ‘Never forget the compassion you show your life partner, as it’s this _very_ compassion that will _save_ yourselves.’ 

I hold my Alpha as she sniffs and composes herself, nuzzling into my hair as her hands grip my body like her life depends on it. 

When she finally leans back to gaze into my eyes, I read the guilt blazing in her soul. I clear my throat to ensure my voice doesn’t break. ‘This didn’t just happen to me,’ I gaze at her imploringly, her jaw in my hands. ‘The drugs probably allowed me to forget most of it...’ My Alpha's pulsing neck column conveys more than words ever could. _My love. ‘You_ witnessed _everything_... and I want to be here for you, like you are for me,’ I request softly, desperate for her acquiescence. 

Olivia strokes her thumb across my cheekbone as she loses herself in my eyes, my words, my proximity. To stem the hunger and shame radiating through her, she looks to George for assistance. I turn to him confused. 

‘Perhaps allow Liv to process that for now?’ he suggests, making me wonder whether they’ve already covered this in their own sessions. Jealousy rears its ugly head in my psyche. Before it overwhelms me, G continues sharing his thoughts. ‘What you've both shared confirms you are incredibly brave, strong and mindful of your partner. It’s a gift to see.’ I sense he has more to say so I swallow down my envy once more. ‘We are time limited here, so I’m wondering what you think best to focus on to help you through today?’ He looks at both of us. 

Even though I’ll be providing a statement to the Grand Jury, privately, I’m aware more than ever that there are bound to be numerous holes in my recital. 

My Alpha knows the true extent of the horrors inflicted on us and it kills me that she's holding it. My selfish jealousy at their sessions gives way to a core deep relief that she hasn’t been entirely alone with her trauma. 

My prosecutor head bulks at the idea of the defence calling Olivia as a witness, again. My stomach revolts in nauseating protest. 

_One step at a time, Cabot_ _!_

I feel my Alpha’s attention entirely on me, forcing me to be the priority once again. 

I turn to her, frustrated. ‘Liv, I _can’t_ make these decisions alone,’ I confess gently. ‘We experienced... _that_ together and we will face this together,’ I add, making my thoughts known on her worth. 

_Okay,_ she relents, moving until her thigh brushes mine; an endearingly desperate sign my Alpha wants contact. I immediately push my thigh back against hers and reach for her hand. The touch so loving and natural, we both relax into the caresses for the first time in too long. 

After a moment, Liv finds her voice. ‘The only way I relaxed before something traumatic was making love to you,’ she admits diplomatically. We both know a dominant fuck was more appropriate. 

We both blush crimson as we remember G can hear our every thought. He smiles softly in an attempt to put us at ease. 

My Alpha presses on in hopes of relieving our embarrassment. ‘But I’m personally struggling to dominate in a safe, non-triggering way or to submit in any fashion,’ she says bravely; our thoughts going back to our most recent failed attempt at love making. 

I feel the overwhelming need to stand with Olivia. ‘I agree,’ I whisper before kicking myself for my apparent meekness. ‘I agree that sex has always been _the_ go-to, the failsafe. But now, I can’t submit without flashbacks and dominating is just too... triggering for Olivia?’ I part surmise, half ask to ensure I’m assuming nothing. One thing I learnt from George many months ago; assumptions only provide false truths. 

My Alpha immediate nods her head. ‘Yes, the idea of Alex dominating me... just...’ 

‘Just?’ G nudges her. 

‘It just doesn’t seem decent or right to touch you in a sexual manner after everything,’ she confesses, her bronze eyes soft and watery. ‘And after what Donnelly did... to me, the idea of being dominated...’ Liv doesn’t finish, her meaning entirely evident as she shakes her head in disgust. ‘We never had this problem before,’ she continues, squeezing my hand before kissing my knuckle. ‘We didn’t think about it. We just did it.’ 

‘Yes, exactly,’ I add, nodding towards G. ‘Now, without animal heat to overwhelm my human mind, I feel stuck in a place of constant flashbacks, sexual frustration and angst. Any hopes of having entirely relaxed orgasms are gone, _ruined_ _._ And...’ I pause, not wanting to voice the next part though my brain is already there. _I hate that my Alpha watched me being dominated by another... I HATE that you watched them tear orgasm_ _s_ _from my body._ _.. I don’t want you to think every second of pleasure we have_ _together is in anyway related to..._

‘I know it’s not,’ Olivia reassures me at once. ‘But in that moment, when I innately pinned you and you froze, it made me feel like a rapist,’ she voices her core fear. The one she had been exploring with G, unbeknownst to me until now. 

I graze her cheek with my knuckles as my chest hitches in response to the fear I find in her eyes. ‘You have _never_ raped me. And you stopped as soon as I showed discomfort,’ I state passionately, maintaining eye contact until my struggling Alpha nods her head half-heartedly. ‘You don’t want to be dominated. I don’t want to be pinned down, right?’ Olivia nods again. 

‘So, we already have two agreements in place,’ G states to bolster our frail confidence. 

We both smile wanly; the weight of the world on our shoulders. 

‘Would you both agree making love is the key to calming yourselves and each other?’ 

‘More like fuck each other’s brains out, yes!’ Liv voices abruptly before regretting it. 

‘It’s true,’ I instantly come to her defence. She sucks my knuckle in thanks. 

‘Can you think of any ways you can _be_ together without a triggering orgasm or touch?’ G asks the key question. 

This time, my eyes tear up as I try to think of something Donnelly didn’t violate. After some thought, I come up blank. ‘She performed oral sex, manual sex, digital penetration and vaginal penetration on me, whilst pawing or tickling my body,’ I murmur hopelessly, threading a hand through my hair. 

‘What’s the most important and satisfying aspect of making love, besides your release?’ G asks, dumbfounding both of us for several seconds. 

I look at my Alpha, who keeps her eyes squarely on me. We think it simultaneously: _connection_. 

‘Emotional or physical?’ 

_Both,_ we share in unison. 

_See,_ _yo_ _u’re_ _more connected than you think_ _you are_ _,_ G reminds us as we smile genuinely for the first time in months. ‘Remind yourselves of that. The emotional connection is there. So how do we combat the physical?’ 

We both stare at him blankly, hoping he'll be the conduit of such questions. 

‘Okay,’ he states after a minute. ‘I’m going to suggest something and may I stress the end result is about feeling good, _not_ about release.’ 

Olivia and I stare into his soul as our hands almost break under our hopeful grip. 

‘How do you feel about self-love? Masturbation?’ he explains further when we don’t react. 

I feel my Alpha instinctively turn to me to await my answer before she heeds my repeated warning that we are in this together. ‘So, we won’t touch each other?’ 

‘Indeed.’ 

‘I personally think that’s safer for now,’ Liv adds, looking at me. 

‘Would you be comfortable watching me because you...’ 

‘The idea of watching you pleasure _yourself_...’ Olivia clears her throat to dampen her sudden arousal. 

‘Okay,’ I say to punctuate the heavy silence. ‘I’ve rarely done it... touched myself,’ I correct to avoid hiding away from the necessary, empowering use of language. (Another tool G gave me during my trial). ‘Because so many people have done it to me...’ 

‘Forced digital stimulation and self-masturbation can become linked, especially if a person rarely touches their body, themselves,’ G conveys his understanding. ‘We can think of something else,’ G offers, giving me an out. 

‘I can’t think of anything safer, that will be anywhere near successful, within our time constraints,’ I admit, not altogether adverse to the idea of watching Olivia writhe against her own ministrations. 

‘Can it be agreed that if one of you is uncomfortable, you both stop? Like you would if you were pleasuring each other?’ 

I notice a blush climb my Alpha's features as we're both hit by surging flames of heated desire. The warming sensations take my breath away as Liv hungrily stares at me; her eyes already beginning to devour me. 

_Oh Jesus!_ my mind howls, entranced and similarly enamoured by the crashing waves of blinding arousal flooding my senses, at my Alpha's perusal. 


	16. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to balance arousal versus triggers.
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content.
> 
> For elphiemolizbethbau ❤ (Hope my other regular commenters are okay). 
> 
> Caveat: they continued their discussion with G until they agreed on their boundaries:  
> No touching, no undressing, Teflon in effect, mutual halt if one of them becomes uncomfortable, check ins and exploring their bodies with the sole aim of feeling good, not necessarily orgasm.

Somehow, my Alpha and I make it back to our room before we ruin the kitchen counter top with our searing arousal, beading sweat and unrivalled anticipation. 

The idea of watching Olivia cum, writhing into her own touch as she strokes herself with carnal vigour... _Jesus!_

I swallow harshly to stop myself openly salivating at the thought, as my entire beings consumed by one, achingly desperate need: to watch my life partner pleasure herself and relax enough to let go. 

The urge to touch my soulmate is almost unbearable as she stares at me with animal intent. Knowing my Alpha won’t touch me, suddenly makes this game safe, yet its own form of torture. 

I inhale several breaths in hopes of curtailing my rioting desire, but one look at _my_ Olivia Benson sprawled on our bed, thrusting a hand unceremoniously inside her panties is enough to make me... 

‘We still have Teflon and we’ll remain fully clothed, okay?’ she checks in breathlessly, even as her fingers scribble against her deliciously soaked folds, agonisingly hidden from view. 

I smell her arousal, her essence, her perfection. All I want to do is lap up every last drop of her delicious arousal; my animal urges taking over my human mind for the... _Stay in the moment!_

My Alpha checks in on me; her eyes exploring my unmoved form, my feasting eyes as she openly writhes against the sheets, her fingers unrelenting as she purposely strokes herself even more furiously to aide my view and appreciation of her current ministrations. 

_Oh..._ I gasp as she spears me with her intense gaze; hunger, arousal and heat blazing in their depths. 

_God, you’re so beau..._ _tiful,_ her mind shares its most coherent thought amongst a litany of jumbled half utterances and whimpers. 

I can’t help it; my body is magnetically drawn towards hers. I only stop myself at the last second, my hand millimetres from her own rabid, pleasure seeking fingers. 

I note the concern mixed with the intense heat, want and determination swimming in her gently searching orbs. I hold my breath as I back away until I’m leaning against the wall for support, for grounding. 

My seizing lungs and demanding clit twitch in protest, as I finally remember to take a shuddering breath. 

_Breathe,_ my Alpha suggests; a smirk crossing her effortlessly beautiful features, enjoying my obvious arousal. I thrust my shoulders back, opening up my clothed chest to increase my air flow, whilst unwittingly stoking Olivia’s desire still further. _Oh_ _Alex..._ she husks, continuing to stroke herself as her eyes devour my body. _Touch yourself._

I swallow audibly, as my ferociously pulsating clit demands my undivided attention. My left-hand travels to my oversized boxer shorts (a gift from Omi as Kate and Abbie had been too busy preparing for Omega patients to think to buy bed clothes. Liv was currently clothed in a similarly array of borrowed masculinity). My fingers dip inside the waist band cautiously; my eyes peeled on my encouragingly patient Alpha whose hand had slowed her pace to stave premature release. 

Another agreement: to avoid coming, without our partner being aroused at the very least. Olivia senses my arousal, but to come before I’ve even stroked my folds is blatant blasphemy. 

My fingers travel lower still, as my hips innately thrust forward to quicken their descent. It’s only then I realise I’m actively teasing myself. My abdomen clenches and my heart ricochets as my fingertips thread slowly through my curls before dipping into my heated warmth. 

I overtly gasp, my head leaning back against the wall as I stroke my engorged clit for the first time. Having never felt deserving of self-induced pleasure, and always associating... _No..._ I halt my wandering thoughts as my Alpha calls my name. 

‘Alex.’ _Look at me, my life,_ my clit-throbbingly writhing Olivia suggests as she increases the tempo of her scribbling fingers, as much for my benefit as hers. 

My gaze unconsciously migrates to her tented crotch, avidly watching her figures work herself as I bite my lip, running two figures either side of my achingly sensitive nub. 

I sense my love relax as I become more involved in my own pleasure, my body pleading with me to continue this most alluring of touches... 

_Touch..._ my minds suddenly flooded by the sensation of a thousand fingers, hands, roughly touching me, stroking me, entering me, _forcing_ me to... 

I rip my hand out of my boxers and move to flee. My Alpha is quicker, her comforting form by my side as I clutch the door handle. I lean my forehead against the frame, my eyes closed as my chest heaves, tears threatening to escape my restraint. 

_I love you, I’m here. You’re safe._ _You’re_ _with your Alpha. Only your Alpha_ _,_ Liv immediately tries to soothe me. Her mere presence isn’t enough. 

After several heart-wrenching minutes fighting my demons, nausea and core deep wish to flee, Olivia curls her pinkie finger around mine. 

This time, it jolts me back. I inhale a lung bursting breath as her finger gently squeezes mine; flickers of molten heat migrating up my arm and settling in the recesses of my core; throbbing and sparking infinitely as my body waits, begs, pleads for a release my mind isn’t capable of giving. 

‘If I’m not touching you, I trigger...’ I pause, knowingly leaning back into my Alpha's chest. 

Olivia moans into my hair as she moulds her body to mine, wrapping her strong arms around my waist as she comprehends my meaning: hold me so I can focus on your scent and _yours_ alone. Provide me with the necessary armour to fight off my abusers: _your scent, your touch, you._

Even as my Alpha acquiesces, I sense her internal struggle. ‘But the last time your triggered...’ 

I swallow my surging hunger to form the necessary reassurances. _YOU_ _didn’t trigger me, being pinned did_ _, my love,_ I utter huskily as I unconsciously grind my butt into her crotch; causing my Alpha to gasp and nuzzle deeper into my hair, her chest heaving behind me. 

_Jesus Lex!_

_Liv?_ I request her undivided attention, above our waist. 

_Mmm?_ After several moments, she realises the appropriate response. Liv removes her nose and mouth from my mane and clutches me tighter against her. _Yes, my life?_

_Better..._ I admire her incredible restraint. Any other pull person holding me like this, wouldn’t be able to stop, besides my Alpha and D.... 

_Don’t,_ my soulmate warns, realising whose name was about to appear beside hers. _I’m here, sweetie. Only me_ _,_ she comforts my damaged soul, her arms clutching me ever closer. 

I shake my head quickly to clear it, before turning in Olivia’s arms, hooking my jaw over her shoulder in a loving embrace that renews my entire being. _You love me,_ I spout as a statement, not a question. 

My Alpha presses herself firmly against me, her hold effortlessly loving, comforting, reassuring. _I love you now, I’ll love you always, my everything._

Her words almost break me. My chest shudders as I lean back to gaze into her eyes, tears shimmering in my own orbs. _I love you, so much it hurts,_ I stress, cradling her cheekbone as I move forward to kiss her. I watch concern dance across her features. I pause to calm her fears. _Have I ever triggered when you’ve kissed me?_

_No,_ Olivia answers, relieved. 

_Then kiss me_ _,_ I request, waiting midway for my Alpha to meet me. She does. 

Her mouth covers mine in the most exquisitely gentle kiss I have ever experienced. Her silk lips whisper against mine as she holds me, her arms strong, yet unthreatening as she deepens our connection, reading my renewed urgency with the accuracy of a seasoned seductress. 

I match her passion, whimpering into her mouth as she opens herself up for me, allowing me to take control as my tongue begins to explore her delicious taste, her cravenness mouth. 

I feel my entire body shiver into Olivia’s embrace as her intoxication utterly consumes me. Molten liquid heat surges through my veins, as my heart ricochets, the lungs collapse and my clit swells with overwhelming promise. I rake my fingers through her hair as my entire being yearns for her touch. 

_Please..._ I silently beg, my body bucking earnestly against her thigh as I’m scorched by blinding rays of warmth so excruciatingly volcanic, I fear I’ll melt in my suns arms before she even strokes me. 

_Please what?_ my Alpha asks breathlessly for absolute clarity, though my near writhing form conveys _everything_ my life partner needs to know. 

_Touch me, stroke me... my..._ _stroke my clit, please!_ I beg haltingly as I delve my own hand inside her boxers, only just stopping myself before asking her permission. 

I gaze into Liv’s eyes, my hand frozen, my fingers millimetres from her swollen clit; her folds slick and impatiently waiting. _If you don’t touch me in the next..._

My fingers instantly oblige, delving into her warmth, making several passes across her entrance before setting camp over her engorged clitoris; stroking my Alpha in ever more vigorous circles as she follows my lead, her expert fingers rubbing my own clit feverishly with too long-awaited glee. 

I lean back against the door as my legs weaken under Liv's tenacious ministrations. Her body gives me space to escape her touch, her forehead leaning against mine, keeping my mouth free in case Teflon bursts from my lips. 

But as her exquisite fingers coax me closer to the precipice of oblivion, I _hunger_ for more contact, more connection, more fusion of scents, bodies, minds and souls to hold my ready nightmares at bay. 

I nuzzle into Liv’s cheek as my lips brush against hers, allowing her to pull away if the sensations are too much for her. 

A sound I haven’t heard before, tears from my Alpha’s core as her mouth fuses with mine. It’s the sound of unadulterated need, want, promise and hope merging in the earth-shatteringly sweet revelation of mutual bliss, love, trust, comfort and permission. 

Until this moment, I hadn’t realised Olivia had been waiting, wishing, hoping, _praying,_ for me to return to her. Until this moment, I hadn’t realised how far and how long I’d been absent. 

_My._ _.._ _everything._

_My._ _.._ _heroine._

And as our lips fuse for a soul-lifting kiss that obliterates all conscious thought, our fingers skittering on auto-pilot, our bodies succumb to the throbbing ache deep in the recesses of our very souls; as wave upon wave of liquid heat riots through our frames, migrating and crashing at our centre; in perfect synchronisation, making us gloriously one again. 

_Home_. 


	17. Supreme Court

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia travel to the Supreme Courthouse to face old demons.
> 
> Rating: Mature Content.
> 
> For Ima Corker, Chely99, elphiemolizbethbau and M ❤.  
> (Up early due to your lovely comments)

I close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing as G drives us to the Supreme Courthouse.

My Alpha tightens her grip on my hand, in concern. I open my eyes to gaze at my beautiful soulmate, to check on her as much to reassure her of my own welfare.

She stares back, her bronze orbs so gentle and loving, I can’t help but tuck my fingers under her chin and pull her lips towards mine for a chaste kiss.

My anxiety abates in favour of desire. I observe similar feelings ignite in Olivia’s pupils. I release her before we ruin the upholstery, and the progress we made earlier this morning.

We stopped after our first round of orgasms; too nervous of imminent failure to push further, no matter how earnestly our loins begged us.

I withdraw my touch and go back to looking out the window.

It's daylight. My first reasonable hour public appearance since I met with Lena Pretrosky and Tony Mills in this very building, many months ago.

Even with the Grand Jury process entirely confidential, the likelihood of at least _one_ person becoming excitedly loose lipped at the reappearance of the most wanted woman on the planet, seems almost too high a price to pay for my attendance.

Only one thing prevents me throwing this entire court case away: _Justice_. Justice for my Alpha, for Kate, for Omi, for my grandmother, for my mother, and for each and every Omega at risk, if Elizabeth Donnelly were to walk free.

_That cannot be allowed to happen!_

The only way to end her relentless reign of terror is to sit in front of 23 jurors and relive every last detail of Donnelly’s heinous abuse, as far as my drug addled mind can recall at least.

I inhale sharply as we near the courthouse; a place of multiple nightmares, Donnelly in the starring role.

I clear my throat and blindly search for my Alpha’s hand as I continue assessing the external threats.

Surprisingly, as we turn into Hogan Place, the huge crowds I was expecting don’t materialise. _No one tipped them off,_ my mind celebrates as Olivia squeezes my hand just tightly enough to gain my attention.

‘Can we celebrate once we get the hell out of here?’ she suggests, hoping the small smile lifting the edge of her mouth will distract from the worry marring her features.

I squeeze her hand in acquiescence, giving her the most confident expression I can muster, though we both know it's false; our insides crawling and nauseous.

‘I love you.’

‘I love you.’

The last words we voice before G drops us off at the back entrance.

‘I’ll be a phone call away and Alex, go get those indictments!’ he states encouragingly, giving us a half smile as we leave the relative safety of the vehicle.

We walk to the back entrance at pace; several court stewards and attorneys, leaning against the building having a cigarette break, eye us a little too intensely. When one of them wolf whistles in unhindered shock, I turn to the growing group of unknown quantities, not trusting their intentions.

‘You haven’t seen me,’ I state to negate any plans they may have of sharing Alexandra Cabot’s current location with the press, social media or worse. ‘As you were. Go about your business,’ I order, watching them for any signs of rebellion.

My Alpha eventually tugs my arm to stop me suspiciously observing the smoking group of lunching courthouse employees. Time is of the essence.

Olivia enters the back exit first, to ensure Barba is there to meet us. The ADA quickly beckons us to a side deliberation room as I finally remember to exhale the breath I’ve been holding.

My relief at reaching this point without being accosted is only momentary as the reason behind us being here, in this soulless courthouse, creeps up on my senses as subtly as a freight train running over my nerve endings.

I glance at my Alpha, who bronze orbs are following my every move and thought.

‘Pleased you could make it, Miss Cabot,’ Barba welcomes relatively warmly, for him. ‘I still don’t know why you wouldn’t give your statement via video link.’

After prepping most of the early morning with Liv and, intermittently, the rest of the pack, the final decision was regarding my physical presence in front of the Grand Jury.

Predictably, the entire pack argued against my preference to attend the courthouse, citing the plethora of dangers inherent in doing so. I countered that I’m _more_ aware of the risks than any other person on the planet. I’m _acutely_ aware I could be triggered, assaulted, kidnapped and/or murdered.

But, as five months ago made excruciatingly clear, those same possibilities occurred within my very own home, when Donnelly and her minions... _Stop!_ I halt my wondering mind and grip the oak table in front of me until my knuckles hurt. Other than my Alpha’s touch, physical pain is the only grounding method that currently succeeds. _Breathe_.

I’m determined _not_ to let her dominate my every waking minute, and _every_ terrifying nightmare. I’m _determined_ to show our supporters that they have a worthy leader in their chosen ‘President of Humanity.’

Now was not the time to hide behind an LSD screen. My supporters have taken the initiative whilst I’ve been noticeably absent for the past several months. It’s my turn now to take back _my_ initiative and shape the next stage of the fight against all Donnelly Dedicators and Omegas Oppressors.

‘You know why I have to do this,’ I say in response to Barba's video link quip.

‘Well that’s just the thing, I don’t,’ he retorts, his fitted pinstripe suit flexing with his movements. ‘This stage of the process is entirely sealed. There is absolutely no lawful reason to notify anyone beyond the 23 people in that room, and the judge who will then be presiding, when the indictments return a true bill.’

I appreciate his confidence but not his tone. ‘Mr Barba, Donnelly wants me afraid, terrified. The only way to fight her is to do what she won’t expect,’ I explain, loosening my grip on the table as I find myself enjoying another round of tit-for-tat with the ADA. Such conversations allow my prosecutor head to kick in; muting the deafening voices forever trying to destroy the last vestiges of my character, my esteem, my soul.

 _Breathe,_ Olivia insists silently. I breathe.

‘And the presiding judge is why I’m here,’ I add, not altogether surprising an intrigued Barba.

‘You know you won’t be able to speak to Judge Ridenour,’ he states suddenly, his brow furrowing as he tries to comprehend my questionable presence.

‘I know,’ I concede, crossing my arms over my abdomen reflexively. ‘But I need to test whether he is a physical danger to me,’ I share my truth as I look down at my feet.

If Right Honourable Alan Ridenour is a sexual threat to me, this case is dead and buried before it’s even begun.

I notice Barba move, so raise my head to focus on what he’s doing. He’s looking at me aghast. ‘You can’t be in the same room as him until the trial, let alone...’

‘I know,’ I interrupt him, losing patience with this conversation. ’Which is why...’

I turn to Liv beside me who retrieves a plain white T-shirt from her bag. ‘You need to pass this to him,’ my Alpha explains cryptically, though Barba’s features convey his understanding. 

I kicked myself for not taking some for testing the squad yesterday.

‘You know about Dr Huang's study,’ I voice, watching the ADA nod his head.

‘I didn’t just know about it, I volunteered to participate in it,’ he says, gesturing for the T-shirt.

We smile at each other with a new knowing. _You really are safe and good for us._

 _Indeed, sweetie,_ Olivia agrees, passing it to him.

‘But with this,’ he says, lifting the item briefly. ‘I still don’t quite understand your physical presence here,’ he repeats, making me grind my teeth with abrupt irritation.

‘Because Donnelly will not make a coward out of me,’ I state a little too passionately, causing Barba to raise his hands in faux surrender. ‘Sorry,’ I apologise at once. ‘It’s just she wants me terrified, cowed and submissive,’ I explain, meeting his gaze. ‘I was forced out of my supporters lives for five months. I need to give them something to continue their fight. Plus, she won’t expect this, my presence here. Does that make sense?’

Barba looks at me, his expression mixed. ‘It does,’ he admits begrudgingly before looking at his watch. ‘We have seven minutes. We better get going,’ he suggests, making for the door.

‘Where will we be?’ I ask, suddenly realising my previous trial didn’t attest indictments in front of the Grand Jury. _Donnelly_.

My Alpha steps behind me, linking our pinkies and kissing the side of my neck quickly. _I’m here._ I close my eyes and melt into the sensations engulfing me for several minutes before I remember Barba's presence.

He does his best to cover his surprise at our overt intimacy ‘We... we’re literally across the hall,’ he points uselessly at the closed door. ‘I purposely chose this room to reduce your...’

‘Thank you,’ I state clearly, appreciating his thoughtfulness.

‘Three minutes. We better go,’ he urges, stuffing my scented T-shirt in his man bag.

‘Remember to hand it to the Judge,’ Liv reminds him. He nods once.

Barba opens the door but stops dead, making me accidentally collide with him.

 _What the..?_ I see the reasons before he has the chance to tell me to back up.

Lionel Granger and Casey Novak are framing the Grand Jury door, seemingly awaiting my presence.

My Alpha steps in front of me instinctively when the two predators get a whiff of my intoxicating scent.

‘We thought that smell was you,’ Lionel near salivates, his balls having dropped again since he cowered under by Pure Blood Alpha dominance in Cragen's office. Having a powerful Alpha by his side does that to a coward.

Novak doesn’t utter a single word but her eyes hungrily feast on me, her chosen prey. _We will ruin you,_ radiates from her every pore as Olivia purposely breaks her penetrating eyeline.

 _‘Neither_ of you have _any_ right to be here,’ Barba scolds vehemently as both defence attorneys snicker.

‘Well, it’s not our fault if a distinctly delicious scent suddenly permeates the corridors,’ Granger leers, openly licking his lips as he sniffs the air theatrically.

I struggle not to look at the floor as disgust and shame riot through me. Feeling their eyes raping me as my Alpha meets them head on in a tensely subtle battle of wills as the final jurors make their way through the suddenly crowded hallway, makes me want the ground to swallow me up.

‘You two better get out of the building in the next five seconds or I’ll be sending motions to Judge Ridenour for your _immediate_ dismissals, pre-trial,’ Barba whispers threateningly as Sleazebag and Novak finally decide their presence may damage their chances of destroying me on the witness stand.

‘Oww, I do love a prosecutor who plays dirty,’ Novak drawls perversely.

Unperturbed, Barba steps within inches of her. ‘You have _no idea,_ baby cakes!’ he shoots back sarcastically, his sass in full swing.

Both defence attorneys deflate slightly. Several minutes of sexually charged threats aren’t worth the potential loss of hours of boundary pushing and probing they intend to inflict on me.

As they step aside to let Barba and I pass, Novak can’t help herself. She tweaks my nipple, causing painfully scorching disgust to surge through my synapses as Liv and I charge her.

Only her clever words stop us. ‘Before you decide to pummel me,’ she states huskily, her arousal soul-shatteringly obviously. ‘I’m still in sight of some of the jurors,’ she explains breathlessly, gesturing her head to the open door. ‘Won’t look good, the _star_ witness beating up one of the defence attorneys before the trial even begins,’ she scoffs, an ugly smirk adorning her features.

‘You’re forgetting one thing, _Casey,’_ I spit her name. ‘I'm the highest status of any known hierarchy,’ I whisper hauntingly, approaching her. ‘And that means I can do this,’ I step into her personal space and bare my teeth, growling in her face. After several seconds, her lower status forces her to buckle in submission, her body bowed and quaking. ‘If you _ever_ touch me again, I’ll have _no_ qualms in killing you,’ I snarl with such serious sincerity, Novak whimpers down the hall before Granger has the chance to realise he’s suddenly alone with three higher status’d foes. He abruptly staggers after his guard dog.

If my heart wasn’t bruising and battering my rib cage, I’d find his fleeing form amusing. As it is, I use these final seconds of minimal reprieve to ground myself; nudging into my Alpha until she envelops me in her protective embrace.

 _Breathe. I’m here. Hear me, feel me, smell me. I’m here,_ Olivia whispers into my soul as I brush my nose against her exquisitely scented neck, desperately breathing in her essence to save and soothe me. _You showed them. You dominated them. They know their place now,_ she continues as her hands caress my sides.

I feel myself responding to her soothing strokes. My Alpha stops stroking me, in case I trigger more overtly or unwittingly attract further pull people with my scent. She knows I’m half way to a flashback following Novak's latest violation.

‘Miss Cabot?’ Barba softly calls behind me. ‘Sorry to rush this but they’re waiting.’


	18. Verdict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex, Olivia and Barba await the Grand Jury's verdict.  
> Barba tests Judge Ridenour.
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, Velvet95, M, Ima Corker and elphiemolizbethbau ❤  
> (Up early for similar reasons as the last chapter, and I just can't seem to stop right now, even though I don't necessarily have to time).

We decided to remain at the courthouse after my Grand Jury testimony for two reasons. One, Barba was confident the jury would return a quick verdict on the indictments. Two, someone had tipped the world and her husband off about my presence at the courthouse.

So, in the deliberation room we wait as the Grand Jury deliberate further down the hall.

Having shared the harrowing details of what I could remember, I feel surprisingly lighter; that these 23 people have the truth of what happened to us, instead of the diluted picture making repeated rounds in the media.

However, more than that, I believe I did my Alpha proud. I felt her aura support me and her mind encourage me as she leant against the closed door, waiting desperately to reconnect with my perspiring flesh and ricocheting heart

Barba guided me expertly as I sat in front of 23 strangers and bared my soul to them in the most terrifyingly vulnerable of ways.

I noted the manner in which they gulped down their surprise and glee as I marched into the courtroom, Olivia having shielded me in the busy hallway. One woman near choked on her glass of water when our eyes locked; another had to stop herself clapping excitedly; another, a man, crossed his legs in futile hopes of hiding his erection.

I groaned internally as I assessed each and every person in the room, quickly gleaning that I was the highest status. Even though my Pure Blood Alpha status is currently undisputed, having lived the life that I have, I rue the day a stronger Alpha blindsides me. Hence my alertness when surrounded by unknown quantities.

I knew there’d be a high possibility of me dying here, being assaulted here. But my senses kept reminding me I dominated the group lunching outside, I dominated Sleazebag and the Bitch, and I was still breathing, uninjured and relatively unscathed.

The hum of excitement at my arrival died down as the details of my experiences began escaping my lips.

I watched as 21 jurors’ arousal dissipated in favour of empathy, horror and decency. My faith in humanity was gradually restored, even when the final two jurors overtly writhed in their seats, as I revealed my heinous treatment at the hands of Elizabeth Donnelly and her minions.

I fought against the overwhelming urge to silence these two perverted jurors; having more confidence in my abilities following this morning. But to overtly dominate them, whilst providing testimony in a judicial setting was morally wrong. _I’m not like her. I’m not like Donnelly._

The fear of my strength, power and status going to my head and gradually turning me into a pseudo Donnelly plague my thoughts.

 _Lex,_ my Alpha draws me out of my revelry. _You are nothing like that... woman. You didn’t abuse your status to sway the jury. You didn’t kill or beat Novak or Granger, even though you were well within your rights to. You..._

_That’s the thing, Liv, I wasn’t within my rights to kill them..._

_I know,_ my Alpha checks herself. _Point made._ She suddenly smirks at me.

 _You..._ I can’t help but laugh suddenly, at my loves effortless manipulations to prove her point.

Barba’s lips lift into a lop-sided grin as he watches our silent communication. Even though he has no idea what we’re talking about, his heart warms in this moment of levity.

Earlier 

When he’d passed the shirt to Right Honourable Ridenour, the Judge looked at him as though he was thick.

‘I know why you’re doing this and fine,’ he proceeds to sniff the T-shirt before liberally running it over his face. Barba paled.

What started off as an awkward encounter soon turned to mirth as Judge Ridenour threw the garment back into Barba’s fumbling hands and laughed. It’s the first time the ADA ever heard the man laugh.

‘Don't be disturbed Rafael. Petrovsky championed me due to my preference for no sex at all,’ he explained after his quite disgusting show of moments ago.

Barba swallowed down the bile as a chuckle escaped his lips instead. ‘You’re asexual.’

Judge Ridenour nodded, his moustache twitching in amusement. ‘Clever lady, that Lena,’ he mused. ‘With no sexual preference, there’s no way either party...’ Barba and the Judge both knew who he was truly talking about. ‘... can argue a mistrial through unfair representation of judicial-ship. _Plus,_ I’m human enough to admit I’m rather looking forward to presiding over the trial of the _century,_ possibly history,’ he confessed, smiling again, and shocking the ADA in the process. ‘I’ve never been happier to have no sexual desires,’ he added, his uncharacteristic enthusiasm taking a nose dive at the disgust written on Barba’s face. ‘Apologies,’ he blustered, suddenly clearing his throat. ‘I assume I have passed your test?’

Present

I palm the oak table, enjoying the sensation of smooth yet uneven wood against my fingers. I close my eyes and exhale a shuddering breath, for once, quite pleased with myself.

 _I didn’t crumble whilst giving my testimony. I didn’t trigger whilst those two jurors got off on it. I didn’t shy away from Barba’s questions_.

I noted the fleeting expression of awe in Barba's eyes as I met him head on. I noted the way my Alpha encouraged me through the closed door separating us, how she calmed my frayed nerves and soothed my internal demons sufficiently for me to form comprehensible sentences. I noted how the overwhelming majority of the room heard _every single_ word and were deeply moved, horrified and/or repulsed by it. I noted a shift in majorities, a shift in stakes, a shift in confidence in my own status.

 _I can dominate evil. I can fight the darkness_.

Olivia looks at me with such pride and joy, I can’t hide the smile that abruptly splits my face. I observe a similar smile blossom on my Alpha’s lips in open wonder and worship.

My centre throbs in response. We break our heated gaze before I melt into a pool of molten lava in front of Barba’s eyes.

I swallow audibly as the ADA straights his tie. ‘Thoughts on the crowds outside,’ he breaks the pregnant silence, with the one subject I’ve been actively avoiding.

‘I think we need to call backup,’ Olivia verbalises her view for the first time, having rightly guessed I wasn’t ready to discuss this topic

‘We can use it to our advantage,’ I state with certainty, surprising both my Alpha and Barba. I look between them before sharing my angle. ‘There is _no_ _way_ the Grand Jury won’t return a true bill. 21 jurors were sympathising with me, the other...’ I shiver despite myself. ‘The other two will want to hear more about it in the news for their personal ‘spank banks'.’

The hideous phrase was explained to me by three sisters, at the convent, as they pinned me to my bed and proceeded to rub themselves against me.

I shake my head before my mind dives headfirst down that slippery slope. Olivia innately approaches me and links her pinkie with mine. I inhale a steadying breath as I gaze into her bronze orbs.

 _Breathe._ I breathe.

I can tell my Alpha wants to know more about my traumas before we met, so she can hunt down every abuser, groper, stalker and rapist. But I can’t begin to share my entire lifetime of... I swallow sharply, ridding myself of further internal exploration.

‘So, when the bill is passed,’ I abruptly state, ignoring the last two minutes entirely. ‘I’m going to make a statement.’ I meet my soulmates questioning gaze.

‘Lex...’

 _‘No, Liv!’_ I snap. ‘This is the perfect time to reach out to our supporters. For them to see their heroine alive, strong and ready to fight...’

My Alpha grits her teeth to silence her ready retort as she kicks out at a chair, causing Barba to scowl in surprise.

‘Say it,’ I goad, baring my own teeth as she paces the room.

‘I _don’t_ understand why you _keep_ putting yourself at risk to...’

 _‘She_ won’t expect it, and I owe our followers...’

My Alpha lifts then slams the chair to the ground. ‘Just like she _didn’t_ expect your attendance, here, today, _right?’_ She approaches me, her athletic form rippling with sudden anger. ‘And you _owe_ them _nothing!_ You almost _died_ for them! You...’

I stand and immediately nuzzle my shaking Olivia. _Shh, my love,_ I whisper, cradling her face as I try to soothe and dampen her rage. _I know you’re fighting this to protect me. But, how can I expect my supporters to keep fighting for us if I don’t show them I’m here, in the trenches, fighting with them?_ I ask rhetorically as my life partner exhales a defeated breath. _I need to give them hope and guidance before they form their own factions and agendas that may hinder or even endanger their lives._ I brush her cheekbone delicately as a lone tear attempts an escape. _Just because I’m a Pure Blood Alpha, just because we've been through so much, doesn’t mean I can stop fighting,_ I add, staring into my intoxicating Alpha's soul. _I can never stop,_ I conclude, desolate. _The moment I do, the Super Alpha’s will win. She will win._

 _Why..._ my heroine pauses, her chest heaving. _Why you?_ she asks, already knowing the gut-wrenching answer as she threads a hand through my hair.

_Because I was born a Pure Blood Omega and I have a voice that is changing the world as we speak._

My Alpha shivers at the strength of my passion. _Christ! I love you!_ she moans before crushing her lips against mine.

A knock at the door prevents us totally embarrassing ourselves in front of Barba, whose presence we had entirely forgotten in the throes of our impassioned debate.

He goes to answer the door, a court orderly handing him a piece of paper.

Anxiety suddenly riots through my entire frame as he unfurls the jury’s decision. Olivia and I wait with bated breath as Barba reads the document, then lifts his irritating poker face to us.

‘Want to read it?’ he offers infuriatingly.

My Alpha grabs it and passes it straight to me. ‘I can’t wait. Can he just tell us, Liv?’

 _‘Damn straight!’_ she replies instantly.

‘We’re going to trial.’


	19. Silenced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Alex safely and successfully convey her message?
> 
> Rating: Mature and Timely Content.
> 
> For Chely99, elphiemolizbethbau, M and Ima Corker ❤.  
> Thank you also for the kudos. I love kudos.

‘It’s time,’ I state with more confidence than I feel, when Barba gives the nod that the defence team and all other necessary parties have been appropriately notified of the upcoming trial. Conducting a conference before these steps are taken, would be legal suicide.

I walk past a noticeably bristling Barba as my Alpha follows stiffly behind me. I sense their unease. Olivia’s aura is overpoweringly anxious, yet protective; her chest puffed out like a silver back gorilla; staking her claim on me, her mate, whilst intimidating every potential threat in sight.

I swallow thickly; my heart battering my rib cage as my lungs struggle to garner sufficient oxygen.

 _Breathe,_ my Alpha whispers behind me; her instruction simple yet effective. I breathe. _You’ve got this, and you have me,_ her encouraging words soothe my terrified soul. I reach for her hand and clasp it tightly in mine, for grounding, as we weave through the busy hallways.

Attorneys, witnesses, victims, perps and family members stand frozen in shock as we pass by. Thankfully, none of them charge us. Though, one seemingly seasoned criminal begins touching himself whilst purposely stepping into my path; his eyes raking me.

 _Don’t Liv..._ I warn, reading the precariousness of the situation, as my Alpha surges forward, intimidating the pervert into back off and fully intending to follow up with a crushing fist punch. Tens of people are crowded into the Supreme Courthouse atrium. _One wrong move and another hell could...._

 _You’re too powerful, Lex,_ Olivia reassures me as we observe the crowd clear a path for us, to the entrance of the Courthouse.

My body innately stiffens as I realise the protective detail (the same one we used during my trial) is not yet here. _Shit! You idiot!_ I internally scold my impatience. Omi promised Liv, via cell, he’d galvanise the detail as quickly as possible. _Thirty minutes is nowhere near long enough._

I turn to face the crowds to ensure they don’t attack me from behind. _A favourite manoeuvre of many a cowardly rapist._

My Alpha hears my train of thought and ricocheting heart, senses my anxiety, smells my perspiration as we stare at the stunned crowd in a nauseating stalemate.

‘We can go back to the...’ Barba starts to suggest.

‘No,’ I refuse abruptly; my eyes remaining peeled on the people in front of us. ‘That room only has one way in and out. We’d be cornered...’

‘And we’re not now?’ Barba sarcastically volleys back.

A shiver riots through my body as I try to stave off my increasing panic. Olivia’s hand squeezes mine as a woman steps forward anxiously.

My Alpha moves, intending to stand in front of me, her throat already emitting a warning growl as I squeeze her fingers painfully. My action has the desired effect; my soulmate halts her advance to look at me.

 _No, Liv,_ my mind demands. She immediately heeds my warning as the woman pauses her own advance; her arms splayed in front of her in a nervous and submissive gesture.

‘Sorry if I... Of course I scare you. Sorry,’ she mumbles as she ducks her head, her eyes looking at the floor. ‘I mean you no harm, Miss Cabot,’ she whispers breathlessly, seemingly overawed by my presence. ‘You... you saved me,’ she stutters, as she risks meeting my gaze briefly. ‘You’re my idol,’ she states more confidently after reading my features as more intrigued than fearful.

I sense her status: _non-pull Super Alpha. You must have been an..._

‘I was a brutalised Omega until you enlightened me, during your press conference,’ she explains, her eyes now holding mine. ‘I owe you my life,’ she adds as she turns to the crowd surrounding us, her stance becoming aggressively protective as others leer at me.

My relief at gaining an ally is short lived. I stare wide eyed, my hackles raised and my adrenaline sky rocketing as one woman, who hadn’t taken her eyes off my pulse point, lunges at us; several others following her lead as my Alpha, the Super Alpha, Barba and I brace ourselves for contact.

Suddenly, everything is deathly quiet but for the deafening drum of my own heartbeat. The crowd moves in slow motion as my brain attempts to engage under the shattering weight of fight or flight.

 _‘STOP!’_ I yell into the abruptly frozen atrium. Bodies halt their advance; voices mute their threats and genitals shrivel as my lungs inflate for the first time in minutes.

Every single person within the vicinity; friend, foe or bystander, freezes as though I’ve pressed pause on the world. Their eyes convey their shock at the power of my voice, my words.

My frame shudders as I take in this bizarre scene. Even my Alpha is frozen in place, commanded to stop as is every other person in the Courthouse atrium. Only I have the ability to move freely, something I test by clicking my fingers and working my shoulders.

I belatedly realise I have ensnared everyone within hearing range, in a void of interrupted action. I inhale several steadying breaths as I’m once again reminded of my power.

My heart skips a beat as I turn to Olivia; her eyes shining with hope, awe and love. ‘Let’s do this!’

I unfreeze everyone, with the express wish that the people who lunged at me be arrested and the pervert be charged with public indecency; a small addition to his already significant wrap sheet, I'm informed.

I now stand at the top of the steps to the Supreme Courthouse; my Alpha and Barba standing just behind me like sentinels, as I gaze at the huge crowd of supporters, the equally strong number of opposers.

The range of banners alter dramatically dependent on where I settle my gaze. My people; the past and present Omegas, the non-pullers, the Betas, and even the Alphas with conscience convey their loyalty, admiration and support.

The Donnelly Dedicators and Omega Oppressors... I refuse to give them the satisfaction of my gaze.

Instead, I swallow hard as several of them decide to chant in rebellion at my aloofness.

‘Rape the bitch to death!’

‘Wait til we get our hands on you!’

‘Die bitch!’

‘Whore!’

‘Free our Goddess!’

Their last utterance, in a cacophony of heinous slurs, disturbs me most. _Donnelly, a psychopathic rapist and attempted murderer, is their Goddess?_ Its unfathomable.

‘Silence!’ I command as I glance at the Donnelly Dedicators for the first time, watching their shock as their mouths continue to strain, but no sound omits.

I proceed before I allow the smirk internally feeding my confidence to air itself and goad this highly delicate balance.

I clear my throat whilst gazing softly towards my supporters, aptly named the Freedom Fighters.

‘My name is Alexandra Cabot. I am a past Pure Blood Omega, now Pure Blood Alpha. I am alive. I am strong. I am forever fighting for freedom of all Omegas,’ I pause as my supporters try to cheer and shout, but to no avail. My instruction encompasses everybody. Instead, they wave their banners and silently fist pump in an adorable show of celebration.

_Their leader is alive. Not only alive, I am here, fighting for them._

‘Elizabeth and Bernard Donnelly have been charged with kidnap, rape and attempted murder,’ I reveal to the crowds, the worlds media, every riveted eye behind a screen.

The Dedicators erupt with silent, indecent gestures and girations. I ignore them.

‘The trial will take place in a closed court.’ The disappointment in all three camps is clear to read as their faces drop. ‘But a trusted journalist will provide an unbiased view of the trial, having met the approval of the presiding Judge.’ I inhale a breath as I anxiously watch the thousands of people being held back by an unseen veil of dominance in my one single utterance: _Silence_. I _still_ don’t trust the gravity and longevity of such a command. I look down at my trembling hands for several moments before I return my gaze to the masses.

‘But this fight goes so much further than one single, joint trial,’ I observe as a third of the crowd nod their heads vigorously. ‘I am living proof that a Pure Blood Omega can fight adversity. _You_ are living proof that Omegas can fight for freedom, equal rights and common decency,’ I state with conviction, whilst eyeing as many of my Freedom Fighters as I can. ‘But our fight is not over. Your ongoing support and bravery have been incredible. You are no doubt exhausted, anxious and scared. Yet, we are not done,’ I voice as several Oppressors thrust their groins in my direction in an attempt to throw me off topic. Their efforts are futile. ‘Twenty-four Omegas have been kidnapped...’ I pause to regain control of my suddenly heaving chest. ‘Twenty-four souls have been taken, in attempts to frighten us into submission,’ I glance at my people. _‘Don’t_ let them. Because we have an elite task force working all hours of the day and night, following up on every lead, every tip, every shred of evidence.’ I turn to my opposition, watching their faces burst with silenced venom. ‘We will _not_ stop; we will no longer be cowed,’ I bark, staring into one particularly crimson faced woman’s eyes, effortlessly goading her. ‘Your sexual hierarchy is no longer cloaked in an ignorant dust of obscurity. Your sexual hierarchy is no longer the dominant force in our lands... _I AM!’_ My people, my Freedom Fighters jump and fist pump with gleeful vigour. ‘And my sole aim is to promote equality, respect, loyalty and decency!’ More fist pumps follow.

‘A word of warning to any transitioned, past Omegas. You have a _choice_. You have a _choice_ as to whether you _allow_ your understandable rage and resentment to overwhelm you. You have a _choice_ over whether to use your new dominance for good or for evil. But ask yourself this: if a Pure Blood Omega, the lowest and most vulnerable of all status', can become so powerful, yet remain reasonable, just _imagine_ what you can do for good,’ I state vehemently in hopes of inspiring them and stalling further malicious intent.

‘And finally, a thought for my opponents, the Donnelly Dedicators and Omega Oppressors: When you are used to privilege, equality feels like oppression,' I recite the incredibly potent phrase I’d read somewhere on social media. ‘We aren't looking to overthrow you, we are simple aiming for appropriate justice and then a common ground where kidnap, rape and murder are no longer weapons used to silence and abuse the more vulnerable factions in society.’


	20. Flee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Alex, Olivia and Barba escape safely?
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content.
> 
> For Chely99, elphiemolizbethbau, M and Ima Corker ❤
> 
> Thank you for all comments and kudos, they keep this going.

I notice the moment the crowds gesticulating mouths begin to regain their voices. During my final impassioned paragraph, I heard murmurings that became bellows by my last words. 

_Shit!_ My dominance has limits. 

_Let’s go,_ my Alpha suggests hurriedly, sensing the growing danger. 

Just as I’m about to finalise my address, Omi's protective detail belatedly arrives, swarming Olivia and I in a protective shield and muffling any final words of encouragement, warning or thanks I planned to utter. 

Before we can protest, my Alpha and I are unceremoniously nudged back into the courthouse, through the atrium and offshoot corridors, and propelled into a waiting car. 

_Not G's!_ I note immediately, sitting bolt upright as my Alpha is similarly deposited into the back seat. 

Before I can try the door; my mind panicking, my heart roaring in terror that we are being kidnapped; the locks shut us in our metal prison; the unknown vehicle speeding off through the actively avoidant crowd, who judge correctly that the car will mow them down if they don’t move aside. 

I grab Olivia’s hand so fiercely I almost break it as she audibly winces in protest. I hold on, _terrified_ that we are in mortal danger. 

My Alpha realises my panic. ‘Hey sweetie,’ she voices, trying to gain my absolute attention. 

My pulse drums deafeningly in my ears and my lungs seize, making breathing near impossible as I clutch onto her for dear life with both hands, as my entire frame shudders uncontrollably. 

‘Speak to her Fin!’ I hear my Alpha demand, but her voice is muffled, as though I’m under water or she’s far away. 

_Liv!_

‘We’re safe, Lex. Just your pack...’ 

‘What ya playing at, Meg? Don’t need no panicking ‘ere,’ I hear my dearest friend voice. _Surely, he can’t be...?_ ‘I ain’t _that_ scary,’ he snorts, continuing in his efforts to ground me. ‘Meg, it’s just Liv, you and me here. Nobody else,’ he explains, trying to cut through my panic attack as I maintain my vice like grip on my Alpha’s hand and arm. 

Somewhere along the line, I screwed my eyes so tightly shut, in fear of opening them to the heinous reality of our final hours or days of torture before... 

_I’m so sorry,_ my frayed mind whispers haltingly as I attempt to shut down my brain, body, mind and soul to the earth shattering truth that my Alpha will no doubt be killed in front of my eyes... _I’m so sorry_ _._

_No problem Meg. You’re safe,_ my mind plays tricks on me as this ghost Omi takes my apology the wrong way. 

_No, she’s not saying sorry for that, Fin,_ my always intuitive Olivia is studying me so intensely, I can feel her behind my eyelids. _My life, you are safe. Fin... Omi truly is here, driving us away. We’re safe_ _, just us. We’re going home._ _We’re going back to the ranch..._

I feel her free hand caressing my cheekbone as my body shivers; due to her touch, and due to my perceived danger. 

_We’re going to die..._ I utter, my inner voice heart-broken as my chest heaves a desperate breath. _Because of me..._

I feel Olivia forcefully twist her hand out of my deathly grasp to cradle my jaw in her gentle hands. _Alex,_ she whispers, inappropriately igniting my suddenly raging arousal. _Open your eyes sweetie. Open your eyes... please_ _..._ I hear the desperation in my reason for livings soul as I attempt to heed her, my lids feeling impossibly heavy and inoperable. _Please sweetie, my Alex,_ my Alpha purposely fans my arousal in hopes the sensations unceremoniously rioting through my, _our_ bodies, will overpower my ratcheting panic. _Open your eyes and see for yourself._

My breathing takes on a different timber, as I finally win the battle to peak past my lids. I cautiously open one eye, my Alpha completely filling me vision; her features so close I could nuzzle her, kiss her, breathe in every intoxicating inch of her. 

Just as I’m about to action my ricocheting thoughts, she leans back to allow me to take in the heart-warming sight of our most original pack member, steering our chariot skilfully home. 

_Omi..._ my mind _finally_ computes what my Alpha and Omega have been trying desperately to convince me of. _You’re... here?_

He looks through the review mirror with a mischievous twinkle, dusted with relief, in his eyes. _Well this_ _crapheap_ _won’t drive itself!_ he quips as I glance around this unknown vehicle for the first time. 

_Where’s G and how did_ _you..?_ I ask breathlessly, my panic and arousal still vying for dominance; my mind always on my pack. 

_H_ _e was at the precinct, with me, when you called_ _requesting_ _that protective detail_ _.._ _. I’m sorry it took so long,_ he apologises unnecessarily. I shake my head and begin to reassure him but he beats me to it. _I_ _know what_ _ya_ _gonna_ _say... Anyway, after_ _eveythin_ _' that’s happened, we thought it was a good idea to change vehicles_ _and drivers_ _every time you_ _attend court._ _So,_ _then the crowds, the dicks, the creeps and the media can’t_ _..._

I stop listening as I recall our second hell, _where we used Liv's black fucking Tesla for the entire case._ _Part of th_ _e reason_ _my Alpha was almost stabbed to death_ _._ _Part of th_ _e reason_ _Omi was gang raped_ _..._ My entire frame shudders with revulsion. _No wonder you drove out of there like a bat out of hell..._

_Hey,_ my Alpha interrupts my spiralling mind. _You’re safe_ _, with_ _your_ _soul_ _mate and best friend._ _My life, you’re safe..._

_Did that just happen?_ I ask abruptly, not quite believing we survived yet another precarious situation. 

_Yes,_ _Lex,_ _you did it! You’re magnificent!_

_Say my name Liv..._ I request huskily as my lips ache to taste hers, millimetres from my own. 

_Alex_ _,_ she acquiesces immediately, breathing my name with such effortless desire, I can’t stop myself crashing my lips against hers in the most animalistically, spontaneous kiss we’ve experienced since our last heat. The resulting sensations are exhilarating, intoxicating and utterly overwhelming as my Alpha tangles her fingers in my hair to deepen our soul-soaring kiss. 

_Oh, Liv..._ my mind whimpers, as Olivia opens her eyes to read my expression, her body already sensing my willingness, my _need_. 

I hear rustling and scraping metallic sounds beside us. I freeze, digging my nails into my Alpha’s leather clad back as my eyes bolt open in fear. 

_Just... you know... some privacy.._ _. Another of G's ide.._ _. We_ _gotta_ _way to go yet,_ _dodging some tails..._ Omi explains awkwardly, curtaining off the back seats from his view, as he concentrates on evading the most dogged of high-speed chasers. 

With the blackout windows and sudden partition curtail, Olivia and I are in near pitch blackness. 

Only her taste, her touch, her scent, her aura, keep me grounded as she lays her body on top of mine, grinding her rioting, and oh so annoyingly clothed, arousal against my thigh. I follow her lead, thrusting myself against her as her lips and tongue utterly dominate me. 

I melt into her intoxication as her mouth orphans my hungry lips to blaze a trail of fire to my collar bones. I thread my fingers through her hair as she sucks and nibbles my neck column, my jugular notch. I arch into her heated breaths as our gyrations intensify, in time with our ever more desperate need. 

I actively claw at her leather jacket, yearning to clasp and pierce her beautifully olive skin. My Alpha comprehends my wish without question, hurriedly removing her jacket as well as her shirt before she leans back into me, her thrusts restarting earnestly. 

As soon as my fingers make contact with her glowing flesh, my mind, body and soul are overtaken by one singular focus: my _ravenous_ need for my Alpha. 

The incredibly freeing quiet that comes with this lately, rarely, experienced clarity of thinking causes me to cry out in absolute elation. My Alpha continues her exploration of my body, quickly unbuttoning my shirt for easier access, instead of checking in on my consent, causing my euphoria to only intensify, as I realise my Alpha is on a similar plane, the _same_ plane of thought: _right now, the woman in my arms is the only thing that matters in this world_ _and we both want this, more than life itself._ Our pheromones and scents communicate silently as I feel the incredible flickers of heat blaze through me. 

Olivia’s lips latch onto my breast, my nipple, teasing and tugging me to distraction. I whimper into my left bicep, my left hand clasped around the door handle for purchase as my right hand pushes my Alpha down my body; my hips thrusting desperately, impatiently, wantonly. 

_Take me, my Alpha!_ my mind screams as she obliges, unzipping my black dress pants (suitable for court, less suitable for making love in the back seat of a tiny scrapheap), and tearing them from my body with one flick of the wrist. 

Olivia wastes no time in ridding me of my panties before her scorching lips travel excruciatingly slowly from one nipple to the other, to my belly button, to below my navel, to my curls, to my _a_ _chingly_ ready centre. 

_Please!_ I beg, as her tongue gently traces my slick folds, causing spasms of liquid heat to surge through me with ever increasing intensity. I claw her scalp frenziedly as my Alpha teases me torturously; her licks, suckles and nibbles not quite firm enough to coax me over the edge. 

I keen in frustration; smelling, sensing and feeling Olivia’s own pleasure spike through her as she drinks in my essence with painstakingly gentle vigour; her own orgasms ripping through her as she becomes drunk on my scent; her skilful tongue lapping up my juices as I’m teased to the edge of the precipice, over and over again. 

My heart, lungs, mind and clit can’t take much more teasing; my Alpha seemingly delighting in this most achingly pleasurable of tortures. 

_Liv_ _..._ I cry out, actively bucking my centre against her softness in hopes of gaining more friction. I huff in carnal frustration as Olivia continues her gentle laps; her tongue instinctively moving away at the last second, repeatedly. _Please!_

_Please what?_ my Alpha goads me. 

_Please let me..._ Her magnificent tongue silences further telepathy; her oral muscle instantly stroking firmly over my starving clit. I steady my fingers in her hair, hoping and praying she stays _right there_ ; lapping, nibbling and suckling me with firm, expert strokes. 

I feel the pressure build inside me once more; my every fibre begging my Alpha to allow the pressure to explode, to cascade into an avalanche of heavenly sensations, the most potently intoxicating of highs. 

The car lurches haphazardly, causing Omi's mind to form an apology that never leaves his lips. 

The moment, _our_ moment, almost withers and dies. Yet, my Olivia determinedly continues her ministrations, successfully heightening my abated arousal within seconds; her masterful tongue flicking my clit so expertly, I fear I may drown under the sudden, relentless waves of excruciating pleasure; so perfect, so powerful, so pure, all I can do is melt and writhe under the crushing weight of them. 

Eventually, my love withdraws her no doubt exhausted tongue from my swollen and thoroughly used centre; my body a trembling mass of expose nerve endings as she journeys her way back up my stomach, my breasts, my neck, until her lips find and hold mine in a kiss of searing passion, unadulterated devotion and unconditional love. 

I cradle her cheeks in my hands; _n_ _ever_ wanting this moment to end as I taste her scent, and mine, on her lips. 

_I love you,_ I state passionately, _never_ more certain of anything in my life. 

_And I love you!_ my Alpha husks as passionately, making me _believe_ like no one else ever could. 

Our lips finally part; Olivia leans back slightly to look into my eyes, her thumb brushing my cheekbone. _How did that just happen without any...?_

_Please do_ _n’t,_ _Liv._ _.._ I plead, not wanting _anything_ to sully this moment; as I pull her down to ravage my lips once more. 

_Jesus,_ _you’re everything to me,_ my Alpha breathes instead, escaping the kiss to lean her forehead against mine. _I'm the luckiest person alive!_

_Lucky?!_ I half laugh, half sob at the absurd acclamation. 

_Please don’t, Alex,_ Olivia mirrors the words I muttered moments ago. _I feel how I feel. Nothing you or anybody can say_ _or do will_ _change that,_ she adds, vehement in her argument. 

Before I can rebuttal, my Alpha nuzzles into my neck, kissing, licking and nibbling my vulnerable flesh, achingly aware she has stoked my abruptly rampant urges once more. 

I sigh into her efforts as my hands search and find her jeans zip and button. Before my Alpha can utterly dominate me again, I thrust my hand inside her pants, and begin teasing her through her panties with gentle, yet thorough strokes. Olivia instantly thrusts into my touch whilst proceeding to bite my delicate flesh in an act of pure dominance that throws my still pulsing clit over the edge before I have time to realise, I’ve come undone again. 

My Alpha comes seconds behind me, as her tongue licks at my beading blood, lapping up my most potent of bodily fluids, my most intoxicating of scents. She quickly places a knee between my thighs and begins rubbing herself against my fingers and thigh in ever increasing desperation. 

After several minutes, and several earth-shattering orgasms, she flips us. As soon as she’s bottom, I realise the gift she has given me: the permission to dominate her. I look into her eyes for clarification, finding all the love, trust and consent I need to journey my tongue down my Alpha’s torso; deftly lowering her jeans and panties with one swift motion, as my own clit twitches in recognition of my newfound urge to dominate. 

I immediately duck between her now splayed thighs and drink in her exquisite taste, with ravenous strokes of my tenacious tongue. I circle her for an eternity as my senses become re-addicted to her essence; my final wish, to never ever stop orally pleasuring my mate, my soulmate, my heroine, my reason for living. 

We hear an awkward cough come from the front of the car, causing us to freeze our positions of giver and receiver. 

_S_ _orry to... umm... you know... but I_ _lost every last tailing bastard_ _over_ _an hour ago_ _and we’_ _r_ _e a_ _bout five minutes_ _out._

Our naked, frozen bodies suddenly galvanise in a frantic whir of activity as I rebelliously lick my Alpha's swollen clit one last time. I immediately replace my mouth with my fingers as I climb her body in earnest; my lips instantly taking hers to muffle her whimpers and cries of ecstasy, as I continue to tickle her clit past the point of no return, over and over and over... 

_Meg?_ I hear an awkwardly gruff Omi call from the window beside our heads. 

_Fuck!_ my Alpha spits blindly, still in the throes of her last, inescapable orgasm. 

_We're stopping..._ I finally relent, breathlessly trying to extricate myself from my achingly beautiful Olivia. 

My Alpha doesn’t make it easy when she cups me as I straddle her form. I snap her hand away begrudgingly, her cheeky lopsided-grin weakening my resolve to end this... 

‘Meg? Liv? We got a problem,’ Omi voices more impatiently as our bodies suddenly shiver in dread at the graveness of his tone. 

_Did they find us?_

_Are Kate, Abbie and G okay..?_

‘Packs fine. It’s the Omega’s. We’ve found a body. Carisi's just called it in...’ 


	21. Bodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pack find out more about the body.  
> These discoveries lead to lots of questions and soul-searching, especially for our leading ladies.
> 
> Rating: Explicit content.
> 
> Any Oncers, be warned this could hit hard. (If you've never watched Once Upon A Time, I would recommend it!)
> 
> For Chely99 and elphiemolizbethbau ❤

Present 

I stare mutely into the granite of the kitchen island counter top; my body frozen, my mind void of anything but numbing guilt as George sits across from me; his face pale, his shock painfully visible whenever his psychiatrist mask slips involuntarily; a sure sign even our G is rattled. 

I feel his black eyes on me, but all I can do is stare blindly into the spot the crumb I viciously discarded once lay. 

This time the crumb _isn_ _’_ _t_ me. 

Last night 

Emma Morris' body was discarded like trash in front of a dumpster, three blocks from the Supreme Courthouse. The 28-year-old Omega, mother, bail bond person, was found naked, grievously abused and horrifically beaten. 

_She got blonde hair_ _, pale skin and high cheek bones_ _. She looks a_ _lil_ _like you_ _, Meg_ _,_ Omi noticed. _That_ _why they_ _choose her?_ he wondered, on his cell, at the crime scene. 

Omi shared that Emma’s face had been left largely untouched, but for severely bitten lips and literal chucks taken out of her neck. Her body had been used, torn, split open and reused to the extent cause of death was difficult to determine and pinpoint to one single affliction. 

Melinda Warner finally concluded Miss Morris had died from internal bleeding caused by repeated perforation of the vaginal and anal walls. 

A crudely gouged tally was discernible on her lower back; the number of times her kidnappers abused her body before she succumbed. 

This disgusting detail was particularly significant. To my knowledge, only three people carried that heinous tally: myself, my Alpha and now Miss Morris. 

The tally was a purposeful threat, _if_ we somehow missed the brutalised body of our newly discovered Omega. 

_Not as_ _fuckable_ _as PBO,_ etched above Miss Morris' tally, with the ‘PBO’ scratched out and ‘PBA’ replacing it, strengthened the already overt threat. 

Yet it was the note stapled, yes _stapled_ , into the victim’s nipple that truly made me heave with nausea. 

_Each_ _rebellion will_ _kill another Omega!_

_Pay_ _for your arrogance,_ _bitch!_

A second body was found within hours; an Omega by the name of Gina Parrilla. 

This beautiful 31-year-old woman, an ex-Mayor, now full-time mum, had such a striking resemblance to Olivia, Omi reportedly doubled over and dry heaved for the second time that evening; the first time being on discovering Emma Morris' body and her sickening resemblance to me, his other pack Alpha. 

A similar tally and threat were sliced into her back: _Probably on par with_ _your Alpha!_ Because of course the bastards, _Donnelly,_ hadn’t had the opportunity to finish raping my heroine. 

Warner eventually documented cause of death as a heart attack. I swallowed hard at that particular detail. 

Carisi and Rollins quickly discovered the victims were together, partners, lovers; mutually bringing up Miss Morris' birth son, Miss Parrilla adopting him as her own. 

After attempting to comprehend this heart-breaking catalogue of events, Omi ended the speaker phone call, leaving Liv, G, Kate, Abbie and I in a shocked haze so suffocating, I feared we’d be crushed under the weight of it. 

Olivia and I locked eyes, acknowledging the heinous truth these poor women were mercilessly tortured to death, _beyond_ being Omega’s: because they _resembled_ us. As the monsters (Warner was able to glean from the varying depths of scarring, tearing and punctures that both victims were raped by multiple perpetrators and/or objects) brutalised them, they were fantasizing they were assaulting _us_ : the ultimate threat. They were raping, torturing and murdering _us._

Their notes didn’t lie either: _My two rebellions:_ _disclosing Donnelly’s abuse to the Grand Jury and_ _speaking to the masses,_ _so_ _galvanising my supporters._

But somehow, beyond all this devastation, the only thing that kept creeping into my heart, mind and soul were images of a ten-month-old boy, now motherless because obsessive Super Alpha’s wanted to make a point; _because I blindly spoke out._

With Omi understandably otherwise engaged, Liv and I tasked Abbie and Lena with calling social services and other emergency child protection agencies in hopes of finding this newly orphaned child. 

My entire body shuddered at the thought of this helpless orphan being yet another casualty of my rebellion. 

Present

‘What do you plan to do once Lena and Abs find him?’ G asks practically as I lift my head to stare through him. 

‘We don’t know if anyone was even looking after him whilst his mums...’ my Alpha states from across the kitchen, a hand raking her hair aggressively. ‘How the fuck did we..?’ 

_‘They_ did this, _not_ you,’ G states more firmly than he intended as my eyes finally see him. 

_‘Don’t_ _,_ George!’ I seethe, gnashing my teeth as guilt, fear and rage consume me. I stand abruptly, near tipping my stall and begin pacing around the island. My Alpha knows to step out of my way as G stays motionless. 

I feel traitorous tears start to spill down my face as I circle the room with no destination in mind. _‘I_ _’m_ the reason they were kidnapped in the first place. They _targeted_ Omega's and _purposely_ killed two _innocent_ women who just _happen_ _ed_ to look like us, with _personal_ messages cut into their bodies,’ I bark, talking to no one in particular. _‘Fuck!’_ I howl, slamming my hands down on the granite. 

A shiver suddenly runs the length of my body as I look around me. ‘Where's Kate?’ I ask, searching blindly for our noticeably absent doctor. 

‘She’s resting, Lex,’ Olivia immediately reassures me our most vulnerable pack member is still within our circle; safe and unharmed. 

‘Is she okay?’ I query further. 

‘Yes. She’s just enjoying a bit of time out,’ G confirms. ‘Kate’s been on call for months,’ he adds gently. 

I nod my head in understanding. Dr Kate Reisner has been the packs personal physician since her inclusion. She has been kept pretty busy since then. I shake my head free of thoughts of our incredible doctor. 

I realise I’m leaning against the cooker, my arms crossed over my abdomen, bracing myself for further terrible news. I roll my head to stretch out my neck as I close my heavy eyes in mourning. ‘We need to find that kid...’ 

‘And what then?’ G asks the pertinent question. 

I snap my eyes open and glance towards my Alpha, shrugging my shoulders helplessly. 

‘You didn’t cause this, Alex,’ George whispers so softly, his compassion hits me square in the chest; tears flooding my cheek hollows in seconds. 

I cry silently; my mind too overwhelmed to be coherent as my Alpha approaches me. I let her pull me into her arms as my chest heaves under the weight of my emotions. 

‘Hush, my life,’ she breathes into my hair as I shiver against her. ‘You have saved tens of thousands of Omegas around the world. They have transitioned and will no longer be vulnerable to abuse. Those who haven’t will be protected by those who have,’ she whispers into my trellises. 

‘We will get these fuckers,’ she growls, a low rumble permeating her chest; inappropriately stirring my arousal as the vibrations echo through our bodies. 

I withdraw myself from Olivia’s arms, loathing that my clit is suddenly, achingly swollen when two innocent women have lost their lives in the most heinous of ways, leaving a 10-month-old son lost and alone, somewhere in the system. 

I re-cross my arms over my abdomen as soon as Olivia’s warmth leaves my body. A sudden chill seeps through me. I raise my head to look at G, moistening my lips to speak. ‘I did everything right,’ I whisper, shaking my head. ‘I did _everything_ I had a moral obligation to do,’ I stress, my iridescent blues boring into gentle black. “Yet, the fates _still_ deem me unworthy!’ I state, my shoulders sagging under the weight of immense trauma. 

_‘Unworthy?’_ G half snorts, surprising us. ‘The very reason the fates put you in this position is because you’re the _only_ person pure enough of mind, strong enough of figurative heart and worthy enough of the price and status that comes with being a Pure Blood Alpha,’ George states so vehemently, his passion almost convinces me. _Almost_. 

‘All I want is the... the remaining 22 Omega’s saved...’ I swallow, knowing _exactly_ what they’re going through, at this very moment. ‘Their 10-month-old...’ 

‘Henry,’ my Alpha supplies, causing me to raise my brow and cock my head in shock. 

‘Henry,’ I repeat his name, staring weightily at my life partner. Olivia, for her part, unwaveringly holds my questioning gaze; an unspoken understanding materialising between us. G notices our silent communication but knows better than to question it. 

‘Sorry to play devil’s advocate but...’ George starts, sending shards of ice through me. 

_We don’t need any more devils..._

_I know,_ he agrees but we both know he'll continue anyway. _But_ _perhaps when they find him,_ _we_ _shouldn’t_ _remove him from his current situation, unless there’s a safeguarding issue?_

My frazzled brain finds this utterly impossible to compute. I begin shaking my head in denial at this _ridiculous_ suggestion, as my eyes glaze over once more. 

‘My life,’ Olivia steps into my line of vision. _‘_ _Saving_ him won’t bring them back,’ she whispers bravely. I bite my lip in a last-ditch effort to stop myself from falling apart again. ‘He may be safer where he is than with us right now,’ she continues, acknowledging and dashing my sudden wish in one damning breath. 

My instincts are screaming at me that this baby, this poor little bundle of orphan, is meant to be with us, with our pack. ‘He should be with _us,’_ I retort uselessly, knowing in my heart, Olivia and George are right. _Placing Henry_ _within our pack_ _could endanger his life more than if he remains anonymous_ _._

_Indeed,_ G focuses on my inner monologue. _We can find him after all this, if he hasn’t already been placed with a_ _loving_ _family_ _,_ he appeases me. 

‘Why do you want him so badly, Lex?’ my Alpha asks, more curious than wary. 

I completely ignore the loaded question, choosing to eyeball G instead. I inhale a steadying breath before I talk on, not wanting my mind to... ‘Do you really see an end to this, George?’ This equally loaded question is perfectly weighted to distract my Olivia... for now. I feel her intense eyes burning into my temple as I purposely turn further away to face G, to avoid her suspicious features. 

G thankfully moves the conversation along, reading my pleading eyes expertly. ‘Miss Morris and Miss Parrilla were covered in saliva and semen, Alex,’ he states affirmatively. He coughs before voicing his next sentence; slightly nervous of how we may take it. ‘They were too... excited to be careful,’ he near whispers, biting his lip when my Alpha and I swallow harshly. 

I shake my head sceptically as I finally feel safe to look at my Alpha. _I love you,_ I murmur, reaching for her. 

_Love you,_ she replies at once, clutching and squeezing my hand to her chest. 

‘I can’t believe _they_ would make such an obvious mistake...’ I voice aloud, untrusting of this strange oversight. _Being an ex-judge_ _presiding over_ _sex crimes, D_ _onnelly wouldn’t make such_ _a glaring..._

_Perhaps we have to_ _look at the possibility Donnelly isn’t the only Super Alpha_ _with a vendetta against you._

As soon as G says it, it makes absolute sense. _Why didn’t_ _I..?_

_Because she has been_ _your, the packs, nemesis for so long..._ Olivia empathises immediately with my narrow mindedness. ‘And the notes and... tally do lend themselves to what she, _they_ _,_ did.’ 

The idea of numerous, faceless enemies _terrifies_ me. 'I suppose focusing solely on Donnelly gave me reassurance, especially given her _alleged_ incarceration,’ I say the penultimate word with distinct unease given Barba's disclosure of questionable security regarding Donnelly’s imprisonment at Bellevue. 

‘The squad and Melinda are working round the clock, Lex,’ Olivia attempts to reassure me. ‘As soon as they get DNA hits, those responsible will be arrested, charged and convicted.’ 

I run a hand through my hair before rubbing my face with exhaustion. ‘Why do I feel so exhausted when I’m literally doing nothing, whilst the rest of the pack are out there, doing their part in...’ 

‘Says the woman who faced her demons alone in front of 22 strangers in a place that holds nightmares. Says the woman who spoke out to millions of her people, in person and via social media, defying the societal hierarchy so many have been victimised by for so long. Says the woman who...’ my Alpha and G stumble over themselves to reel off my achievements over the last 12 hours. 

‘These decisions resulted in the deaths of two women and left their 10-month-old...’ 

‘They died before you gave your statement, Alex,’ G repeats what Omi told us during one of the many harrowing calls several hours prior. 

I move to say something but find I’m unable to form a worthy argument to counter it. ‘They’re still brutalising the Omega’s because of me,’ I mutter under my breath. 

‘Without wishing to diminish the heinacity of what’s happening, these pull people without conscience would be doing it whether you spoke out or not,’ my Alpha argues gently. ‘I worked in SVU for four years remember? Five years as a beat cop and seven as a child protection detective after that,’ she continues, her soft eyes praying I don’t take this the wrong way. ‘Rape didn’t start because of you, or your mother or grandmother. It started because some bastards will _never_ have a conscience, no matter what lessons, laws or punishments are put to them...’ 

‘So, you’re saying we’ll never win?’ I can’t help but bite back defensively. 

‘That’s not what I’m saying,’ Olivia bravely leans into me; the only person on the planet courageous enough to do this, whilst having such a triggering conversation. ‘I’m saying you are doing _everything_ you can to protect the vulnerable from abuse, through transition, through knowledge, through shared experiences; whilst educating those Beta’s who may have been blind or oblivious, whilst educating those Alpha’s who have a conscience, who have decency and who wish to join our fight to weaken those who have oppressed your people for so long,’ my Alpha finishes, her chest heaving as she watches my features nervously. 

I gaze down at the granite, slowly nodding my head as I mull over her words. 

‘And Betas are the most numerous of all statuses. That’s got to count for something,’ G pipes up once he decides my ire has abated. 

‘You do,’ I finally say. ‘You all do,’ I squeeze Liv's hand whilst reaching for G's. I take a sharp breath, as the relief that I have these incredible people in my corner infuses me. ‘Thank god I have you,’ I state haltingly, attempting to inhale another breath to fight my swirling emotions. 


	22. Empath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex can't sleep, so decides to be productive.  
> A fellow pack member has a similar idea.
> 
> Rating: Mature Content
> 
> For Lacepriest, Chely99 and elphiemolizbethbau ❤

After tossing and turning for hours, I finally give up and sigh with a quiet huff. I sense my Alpha’s eyes on me; her entire aura radiating exhausted concern.

I turn over to meet her droopy bronze orbs, cupping her jaw as I kiss her nose and forehead.

 _I can't keep unsettling your sleep..._ I whisper, acutely aware of how drained my forever alert Olivia is.

 _But..._ she attempts a sleepy counter.

 _No..._ I interrupt her. _You’re dog tired,_ I stress, caressing her cheek with my thumb. _I’m going to go downstairs and try to eat something;_ I say the one thing that may appease my continually present Alpha; my appetite non-existent for the past 18 hours. _I’ll holler if I need you,_ I add to massage her protective ego.

She opens her mouth to speak, but her eyes shut before she can voice whatever it was she planned to say; her cheek and jaw falling away from my hand, onto the pillows beneath us.

I carefully get out of bed and wrap a newly bought, and washed, dressing gown around my silk night gown. Feeling suitably clothed, I walk down to the kitchen, as promised, but I ignore the fridge and cupboards entirely; instead pulling my phone from my pocket as I sit at the island; my favourite thinking spot.

I dial Omi's number, hoping he’ll pick up but knowing the case will take precedence. When the call goes to voicemail, I resist the urge to try again, placing it down on the counter top before I throw it across the room.

To distract myself from the guilt gnawing away at me, I hook up my laptop and start researching the families of the still missing Omega’s.

I don’t know how long I’ve been there when I sense someone else making their way down the stairs.

For once in my life, I hope it’s not my Alpha; my need for space a primary factor in me currently sitting in the kitchen, alone, hunched over my keyboard.

The light is suddenly switched on causing me to startle in alarm.

 _It’s me,_ she says, her hands apologising whilst her green eyes question my solitary presence in the dark.

 _I... I needed some space,_ I reveal, surprising myself; pinching the bridge of my nose as my strained eyes gleefully welcome the light.

 _Oh,_ Kate begins her retreat at once. _Sure..._ That’s something I’ve always loved about my Omega's: their responsiveness to my wishes, without question; and not just from a hierarchical perspective. Omi and Kate’s empathy is different. It's _lived._

 _Not from you..._ I mutter before thinking how _that_ must sound. I thread my fingers through my hair in frustration. _I mean..._

Kate reads my conflict, my struggle expertly; slowly entering the kitchen and perching on a stall across from me. She remains beautifully silent. Even her mind doesn’t overwhelm me with questions regarding my need for space from my Alpha.

 _Are you feeling more rested?_ I ask, pleased to see the good doctor looking refreshed. She nods her head with the tiniest smile, her lips remaining silent, patiently waiting for me to voice my inner turmoil.

 _Sometimes..._ I begin sharing again, seemingly having waited for this brave, kind and incredibly important pack member to seek me out. _I know Liv and G mean the best, more than anything!_ I state passionately, wanting Kate to know I love them, _my Alpha,_ above all else. _But sometimes that added level of understanding, of knowing, just isn't quite there..._ I admit, relieving the breath I’ve been holding as I look up, meeting emerald eyes; the comprehension rioting in her depths, enough.

 _Last night, they thought convincing me I was incredibly strong for facing the Grand Jury, speaking up to the masses, was enough to stop me blaming myself..._ I shake my head at the foolishness of it. _How can I ever not blame myself for their...?_

 _They were already dead, Alex,_ my Omega argues gently, baffling me. _They'd been dead over 16 hours by the time you appeared in front of the Grand Jury._

 _Does that make it right?_ I retort fiercely, before veering off tangent again. _I feel like my head’s splintering into a thousand pieces!_ I cradle my head in my hands; my brain feeling fit to burst.

‘What are you most afraid of, Alex?’ Kate speaks for the first time, shying away from preaching or blindly grappling for solutions in this impossible situation.

I glance at her, silently thanking her for not trying to make everything okay, everything right. Kate knows innately to listen, not to fix.

‘I’m stuck between ensuring Donnelly’s necessary conviction and signing the death warrants of every single kidnapped Omega,’ I state breathlessly, voicing my inner most conflict for the first time. ‘I’m terrified no matter if I provide my witness statement or not, people will die; whether it be those poor young women, or others if Donnelly were freed,’ I continue, now finding it impossible to stop. ‘I’m terrified more children will be left parentless, homeless, vulnerable to abuse...’ I, of all people, _know_ what it’s like to grow up without a mother, with an abusive step father and brother. ‘I’m _terrified_ I’ve started a war I don’t know how to win and I’m _terrified_ the only way this pain will stop is with my slow, torturous death,’ I eventually pause to inhale a huge shuddering breath.

‘And I’ve bought you all in to this.’ My body trembles convulsively. ‘I feel I’m being forced to choose between my pack and the kidnapped Omega’s,’ I whisper, heartbroken. ‘Because we know who Donnelly will come for if she's ever released.’ Kate nods her head solemnly; her keen eyes continuing to watch me. ‘And we _know_ what those women are going through, right now, and I don’t know what the _hell_ I can do to stop it!’ I actively seethe at my own helplessness. ‘I’m a _fucking_ Pure Blood Alpha for _Christs sake!_ But what does that _even_ mean in a situation like this?’ I ask rhetorically, certain no answer will ever come.

Kate can’t stay silent any longer. ‘We...’ she clears her throat and changes her pronoun. ‘I choose to be by your side. You didn’t demand my presence,’ she states, vehement in her protests. ‘And I’d rather die, a member of Alexandra Cabot’s pack, knowing I did _everything_ within my power to fight those who have taken me, intimidated me, abused me my entire life...’ Her chest billows as she tries to inhale adequate oxygen to continue her impassioned statement. ‘... than spend _one_ more day oppressed by those who made our lives a living hell.’ Her green eyes blaze with searing rage as I watch, transfixed by her fury.

‘I saw you, on the news,’ Kate’s voice quakes as her anger threatens to consume her. ‘I saw you dominate an entire crowd of people, _thousands of them,_ for over seven minutes,’ she notes, absentmindedly tapping her wrist watch. ‘I timed it.’

 _Clever Kate,_ I observe, admiring her intelligence for the hundredth time.

‘You held them off,’ she continues, her verbal dam having burst, like mine moments before. ‘You didn’t command they stop; you demanded their _silence._ So, what stopped them from storming the steps and killing you, right there? What held them back?’ My Omega gestures animatedly with her hands. ‘They _fear_ you. They fear the ex-Pure Blood Omega turned Alpha. They know what they did to you and _still_ you survive, _still_ you stand, and _still_ you fight; stronger, braver and more powerful than any of them could ever have imagined.’ Kate stands from her stool, her impassioned speech reaching a crescendo. ‘You may be mortal, but you, Alexandra Cabot, are _unbreakable._ And that’s something _no one_ but a Pure Blood can ever truly _achieve,’_ she slams her hand down on the counter top to punctuate her plea. ‘Somewhere, in the depths of their souls, they _admire_ you for that. And that’s why they didn’t storm the steps to get to you.

They know you have started something; the momentum is building every day. And one day they fear they’ll become what they forced us to be: _vulnerable, fearful, broken.’_

I openly stare at the magnificently passionate Omega before me; her fiery mane untamed, her athletic frame rippling with adrenaline as she actively paces the floor.

‘Good will _fucking_ win because most Donnelly Dedicators and Omega Oppressors are glorified cowards, hoping and _praying_ people like Donnelly won’t prey on them.’

_Dominance through fear._

_Yes, dominance through fear,_ she nods insistently. _You’re challenging that doctrine. And eventually, these cowards will realise they have nothing to fear from us, besides justice. They will pay for what they have done._

‘Besides justice,’ I use my voice for the first time since Kate’s vehement counter began. I cock my head to the side and inhale my first slow breath in weeks. ‘You ever thought about becoming a lawyer, doc?’ I murmur, half serious.

‘Too many sleazebags,’ she replies at once.

‘You got that right!’ I snort derisively.

‘So, what are you going to do, Alex?’ Kate asks, not giving me an inch.

‘I’m going to provide my witness statement when Barba calls me. I’m going to continue my fight for freedom for all Omega’s whilst SVU seeks those responsible,’ I rattle off, my shoulders squaring with renewed resolve.

‘Yeah, you are!’ Kate claps her hands and engulfs me in a fierce embrace. ‘I’m _so_ proud of you.’

I sniff into her shoulder as my chest heaves painfully. ‘Thank you, Kate.’

After several minutes, with our emotions finally under some semblance of control, my Omega eyes me curiously.

Kate deserves to have her silent question answered following her incredibly passionate show of loyalty; following the sheer amount of times she has saved my life.

 _I lost the ability to have children after a particularly... Well after one too many assaults. Doctors had to remove my uterus to save my life,_ I begin to share something even my Alpha doesn’t know in full. _I would never have wanted to bring a child into this world anyway, given the strong probability they would have been Pure Blood,_ I reveal to my Omega for the first time. _But I’ve always had this inescapable void in my heart._

_So, Henry..._

_Is currently being fostered by his mother’s psychiatrist, his pseudo godfather, Abbie said. By all accounts he's a good man. One of the squad, Beech I think, did background checks and they came up clean. G knows him professionally and personally, further abating my concerns._

_Fostered doesn’t mean adopted, Alex..._

_I know,_ I nod my head as I swallow down renewed tears. _I’m just so thankful he’s safe and loved._

_Does Liv know...?_


	23. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pack have some time together.  
> Alex and Olivia have a revealing conversation regarding their relationship. 
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content.
> 
> For elphiemolizbethbau, Chely99, Ima Corker and M ❤
> 
> (Sorry, quite a few edits. Happy with it now).

Kate was right, of course. Emma Morris and Gina Parrilla were killed prior to my appearance in front of the Grand Jury; before I dominated thousands of people for over seven minutes. Their bodies dumped post rebellion, to place blame firmly on my shoulders. 

The reason I know this, beyond Dr Warner’s thorough analysis: another body, this time holding a nauseating resemblance to Kate, was found within days. 

Eliza Moore had been dead more than 96 hours when her body was discovered in front of the very tree Kate was tied to and repeatedly raped by Bob Ashton, over six years ago. 

This sickening detail proved beyond all doubt that the kidnappers are sending one hell of a harrowing message to my pack: we know you; we hate you; we’re killing you. 

Eliza had been similarly tallied and branded; the note stapled to her breast conveying her rapist’s disappointment in the fact she _only_ survived two weeks at their tortuous hands and appendages. 

Olivia and I glance at Kate across the crumb island as Omi, finally physically present for the first time in days, updates us on the case. 

Our good doctor lowers her gaze to the granite as Abbie squeezes her hand in comfort. Her alabaster skin turns a sickly shade of pale as I turn away to give her a moment. 

_You’re safe, with your_ _p_ _ack, with me,_ _darlin'_ _,_ Abbie’s mind whispers as she wraps her arms around her Omega and pulls her close, kissing her temple as Kate holds on to her for dear life. 

It warms my frayed heart to watch Kate being comforted by her love, during these abhorrent times. I force my mouth shut to prevent my words mingling with the fine job Abbie is doing on her own. To destract myself, my eyes travel between Omi and G, hoping they may also one day... 

‘Mel said...’ 

‘Mel?’ Olivia asks, as much out of curiosity as to halt what Omi was about to say. 

‘Melinda...’ 

‘Warner?’ she clarifies with a knowing look. 

Omi shrugs as a self-conscious blush seeps up his neck. 

Painfully aware of her sudden, brutal interrogation, Liv clears her throat, mutters an apology under her breath and turns to me for help and solace. I link our pinkie fingers whilst leaning into Omi's shoulder. 

‘I’m sorry Omi,’ I voice on behalf of my embarrassed Alpha. ‘I suppose we’ve just got so used to being... _us_... around you, we sometimes forget that some people are more private and deserve their boundaries to be respected,’ I finish, my expression turning hopeful when Omi brushes his shoulder against mine. 

‘Thanks Meg,’ he says gruffly, coughing in to his hand. ‘And it’s alright baby girl,’ he coaxes, glancing at Olivia. ‘I just... I don’ know what it is yet and I don’t wanna ruin it with guessing and dreamin',’ he admits, staring at my life partner until she meets his gaze, biting her lip nervously. 

‘Still, I’m sorry Fin,’ Olivia voices her own apology just as G walks into the kitchen. 

He pauses at the doorway, sensing a tension in the air. Wishing to be mindful not to interrupt and dive headfirst into a conversation he heard through mental chatter, but not in person, he watches silently. 

‘You can come in you know,’ Abbie quips with a quirk of her eyebrow, instantly cutting through the tension. 

G remains rooted to the spot, his shoulder leaning on the door frame as he surveys our pack. ‘Let me breathe in the joy I feel at seeing everyone in one place,’ he whispers; the packs stiffness melting away as we allow ourselves to simply enjoy each other’s company, without further mention of the horrors that lurk outside our ranch grounds. 

I watch as Abbie and Omi snipe over who'll make breakfast; to the point Olivia barges between them and proceeds to demand they move aside, expertly taking over breakfast duty. 

My clit throbs at her sudden dominance. I inhale a slow, steadying breath as my eyes journey from my soulmates luscious lips to her defined arms as she carries bacon, eggs, sausages, harsh browns, bread and beans from an array of cupboards, to the hob. My gaze then travels south over her butt, her jeans snug against her pert ass and strong thighs. 

Only when I catch Liv, Kate and G staring at me whilst Abbie and Omi smirk like naughty school children, do I realise I am one: salivating; two: literally feasting on the beauty of my Alpha; three: giving my entire pack a running commentary of exactly which parts of her body I am currently appreciating. 

I blush crimson as my eyes dive to the granite in mortification. 

‘Oh, come on guys!’ Abbie gloats, her dirty mind goading us. ‘Do please carry on!’ she jokes, elbowing Liv in the arm before my expression tells her to _shut the fuck up._

My Alpha is immediately by my side as another wave of arousal surges through me, causing my lungs to constrict painfully as I struggle to breathe; my heroine and her aura suddenly my _only_ focus. 

I stand up too quickly, the stall clattering to the floor behind me as I excuse myself; as my body begs me to ravish Olivia right there on the crumb island, everyone's presence be damned. 

I sense her before she knocks on our bedroom door softly, announcing her presence but waiting for my acquiescence. I pace the floor, as my _every_ fibre demands I let my Alpha in and fuck her brains out until I’m sated. 

It suddenly dawns on me: _my heat._

Within a blink of an eye, my Alpha has become prey to my urges; her body the most intoxicating pull I have _ever_ experienced, even more powerful than our first in heat mating, post-surgery. Why? Because I’m beginning to realise how powerful I am, how dominant I can be, how much havoc I could potentially wreak. 

Another knock at the door signals my Alpha’s continued wish to check on me. 

‘Don’t Liv,’ I warn as I back myself into the furthest corner away from my mate, only to find this distance does nothing to dampen my rioting arousal. 

My breaths come quick and shallow as my body _aches_ for her touch, her taste, her everything. My mouth actively salivates as images of her magnificent form pummel my senses. 

This feeling; one I have felt before during our last heat, but not so all-consumingly due to my weakened state; terrifies the _hell_ out of me. 

It’s the pull they speak of, _she_ spoke of, that makes the allure of a lower statused pull person nigh on impossible to resist. It’s the pull Olivia contended with for over a year before my transition. 

_How... did... you...?_

Thinking of my Alpha only brings further pangs of ravenous hunger migrating straight to my crotch; my body surging with electric energy so potent, I feel like a live wire, one second away from taking my mate, whether she’s ready or not. 

A half sob escapes my lips at this heart-breaking thought: my dominant status is causing my senses, my needs, my desires, my arousal to grow _dangerously_ urgent; my animal urges overwhelming my human mind as my entire being aches for Olivia Magdalena Benson so ferociously, I’d... 

‘Lex?’ I flinch as her clit twitching dulcet tones reach my ears. I grip onto the bed frame to stop myself tearing the door down and... 

_Breathe!_ I attempt to draw in sufficient oxygen as my heart bruises my rib cage, my lungs seize and my head throbs in pained anguish as my conflicting desires threaten to tear me apart. 

‘Lex, please, let me come in. I’m worried,’ my Alpha pleads as my clit swells and quivers in carnal response. 

_Oh God,_ I hiss though gritted teeth as I shut my eyes and cradle my head in hopes of calming my molten liquid need. But images of my Alpha on top of me, beneath me, inside me, fast track through my mind in ever more rapid loops. _Stop!_

Fantasies of what I want to do to her, her to do to me, race through my brain as the known images fade, submitting to my self domination. I’m flooded with fantasies of my Alpha pinned down and helpless to my dominance, helpless to my exploration and _utter_ taking of her mind, body and... 

_STOP!_ I scream internally as these disturbing images vanish as quickly as they began. 

I open my eyes and whimper in shock, my chest heaving as I meet the gaze of an extremely worried, yet equally heated Alpha. 

_Alex,_ she whispers, _knowing_ the impact her deep voice caressing my name has on me. 

_Get away from me_ _,_ _Olivia_ _!_ I order huskily as my clit quivers, throbs and pulses on the brink of ecstasy at the sight, the sound, the scent, the presence, the aura of my magnificently intoxicating Alpha. 

I press myself into the wall beside the bed as Olivia takes a step back, submitting to my earlier request, somewhat. 

_Lex, I think I know what’s going on here..._ my Alpha starts, taking a tiny step closer as I flinch and slam my thighs together. She immediately freezes as my senses dine on her pheromones; my body wired with scorchingly tortuous need. _You’re in heat and you’re at_ _full strength,_ Olivia hazards an obvious guess. _You’re terrified you'll lose control and hurt me. You’re terrified you’ll become what you fear most..._

_Her..._ I whimper, my eyes shut, tears streaming down my face, my body insanely tort and tense, as I fight in earnest not to forcibly claim my soulmate. 

_You will never be Her,_ my life partner argues as I easily form a counter. 

_Then why the fuck_ _..._ _is it_ _..._ _taking_ _..._ _everything_ _..._ _not to_ _..._ _rape you right now?_ I ask the heinous question, keeping my eyes shut to avoid the look of disgust and fear no doubt crossing my Alpha’s beautiful face. 

_First, it wouldn’t be rape,_ Olivia states firmly as my chest heaves painfully under the weight of this sudden and terrifying internal war. _Because I will_ _want you,_ _always..._

_You_ _..._ _don’t want_ _..._ _to be_ _..._ _utterly_ _..._ _dominated..._ I argue, remembering Olivia’s discomfort when I began to during our last heat; images of Donnelly raping her causing a tumultuous trigger in both of us. _I... need to... dominate you..._

_I’m stronger than I look,_ she tries to joke but it falls flat as I inhale a shuddering breath in a frantic effort to still my ricocheting heart, my surging urges, my rioting mind. _Second,_ _you_ _’_ _re fighting your urges. She didn’t!_

The ache between my legs grows ever more infuriating with every syllable she utters. 

_Please... my... Liv... You need to leave..._ I beg breathlessly; my hand shaking with the effort to maintain my grip on the bed frame, to avoid surging towards my enthralling Alpha. 

I sense the pack nearby; uncertain whether to intervene; whether they have the collective strength to ward me off, if necessary. 

_I_ _’m..._ _the most_ _..._ _powerful status_ _,_ _Liv..._ I husk as my hips begin to involuntarily grind against the seam of my pants. _No one... is strong_ _..._ _enough to stop_ _..._ _me_ _,_ my voice breaks, my entire being distraught as I’m unable to control my bucking hips, my rioting need. 

I sense my Alpha dismiss our out of sight pack with a flick of the wrist, closing the door to further secure our privacy. 

_My life,_ my body shudders as her voice invades my every fibre. _The first time_ _..._

I can’t bear further stimulation without friction. I ease myself down onto the bed, place a pillow between my legs and begin humping the living shit out of it to stop myself dominating my lower statused life partner. 

I hear her swallow audibly, her words interrupted by the scene in front of her. I risk opening my eyes, my thrusts uninterrupted as my gaze meets Olivia’s. I come undone as I feast on the heat undulating from her being; the tip of her tongue protruding between her lips, her chest billowing with all-consuming arousal, her _entire_ frame shaking with heated need as her hips buck in time with mine; her face screaming of her carnal appreciation at my antics. 

_Fuck..._ she breathes, unable to murmur anything more intelligible as I come again, rutting into the pillow like my life depends on it as I throw my head back in exquisite ecstasy and momentary satiation. Abruptly, my hunger returns with such renewed force, I’m almost blinded by the strength of it as my blood surges either to my nipples or clit with an urgency that leaves me light headed with animalistic want and a _complete_ inability to deny it again, and again, and again. 

I hear a gasping moan from across the room. I lower my eyes in search of the reason to find my Alpha openly touching herself; her fingers working furiously inside her pants, her eyes utterly focused on me. These images, her actions, are too much for my fragile psyche as a wave of pleasure on the precipice of perfection ripples through me, leaving me shivering in the wake of my most powerful orgasm yet. 

I inhale a desperate breath, to keep myself conscious as a flash of worry dances across my Alpha’s otherwise fully engaged features. 

I shake my head, the only reassurance I can consciously give as the abused pillow abruptly fails in sating my relentless lust. I groan in sheer frustration, requiring more direct stimulation to stroke my quivering folds to absolution. 

I mirror my mate, stuffing my hand unceremoniously into my jeans and start fingering my clit furiously as I watch my Alpha come so exquisitely, her legs buckle from under her. 

I momentarily pause my ministrations to check in on Olivia, only to find her writhing and bucking on her knees, her hand working feverishly under her clothed crotch, her eyes half closed in ecstasy as she abruptly leans forward, a hand steadying her as another raging orgasm rips through her. 

_Oh..._ I groan in utter euphoria, my mouth slack as I bring myself to such a clit quivering climax, I collapse onto the bed in a writhing heap of exposed nerve endings, as pleasure erupts and scorches every fibre of my being. 

I’m not sure when I fell asleep, or collapsed; which ever came first. 

The next thing I remember is waking under the adoringly watchful gaze of my Alpha. I stare into her bronze orbs, observing her fiery arousal battle with quiet relief that I’m awake. 

_Hey,_ my mind mutters as I bury my crimson features in one of the pillows self-consciously. 

_Hey,_ Olivia whispers back, waiting for me to meet her gaze once more. 

When I finally do, her smiling eyes melt me like no one else ever could. _If you don’t get away from me and_ _wipe that gorgeously cocky grin off your lips in the next five seconds..._ I warn as I roll myself away from my Alpha, who's leaning against the wall beside our bed, staring at me like I’m her next meal. 

_You won’t hurt me Lex_ _,_ she thinks confidently, though she remains seated, giving me some distance. Not enough, but some. 

_How can you be so sure?_ I question, as renewed sparks of heated arousal and desire begin to stoke every inch of my body. 

_Because you stopped yourself touching me when all you wanted to do was throw me against the wall and dominate me_ _,_ Olivia explains, taking her own steadying breath as her body syncs with mine. _Je_ _..._ _sus!_ she husks as I drag myself from the bed, to lean against the wall on the opposite side of the room. 

_Honestly... Liv... one of us... needs to..._ _leave_ _,_ I state heatedly, somehow angry with my Alpha for voluntarily putting herself at risk. 

_You... aren’t... a risk... to me_ _..._ Olivia counters just as sternly. 

‘Do you... _realise_ what... I’m fantasizing... about... doing... to... you... _right_... now?’ I voice aloud; my hunger, anger and fear too overwhelming to remain nonverbal. 

_Yes,_ my Alpha replies, inhaling a shuddering breath to calm her own rioting urges. _And it’s._ _.._ _nothing.._ _._ _I didn’t._ _.. fantasize about_ _doing._ _.._ _to you._ _.._ _pre._ _.._ _transition_ _,_ she reveals, shocking me with crushing insight into her pre pack telepathy thoughts. 

I stare at her before remembering the impact this action has on my buckling willpower. _You... you fantasised... about_ _..._ _raping me?_ I ask the heinous question, _hating_ myself for the excitement this thought ignites in my abdomen. 

Olivia looks at the floor in shame as her answer, an achingly revealing and painful truth, finally passes her lips. _Yes_. 

_When?_ I ask, conflicted between disgust and relief that my soulmate understands this, me. 

_When I first saw you. In the early._ _.._ _days... working.._ _._ _the case,_ my Alpha admits as she rakes a hand through her hair. _Remember when you invited me over to test me._ _.. yo_ _u knew I was either going to save you or.._ _._ _kill you,_ she adds, shaking her head brokenly. _I can_ _’_ _t tell you how close I..._ _I... came to..._

_What st_ _o_ _pped you?_ I ask, only half aware my surging arousal is currently secondary to the harrowing importance of this conversation. 

_I had this overwhelming desire to protect you. It was stronger than my hunger to take you. It was the strongest feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. And you know why?_ I stand motionless, waiting for her to continue. _Because I saw a beautiful, independent, courageous woman who’d been brutalised by more than half the people she’s encountered._ My Alpha glances at me now, her face contorted in memory. _I wanted to be THE person to show you, you were worth more; you were worth everything that this life and cruel twist of fate had denied you. I fell in love with you then and I’m in love with you now,_ her gaze bores into mine; her love, trust and awe shimmering in them, silencing the last flecks of my uncontrollable desire. 

_That’s why I know you won_ _’_ _t hurt_ _me_ _;_ she shares with confidence. _You_ _have suffered more than_ _anyone. ANYONE! You are the_ _strongest, most magnificen_ _t person I have ever met in my life_ _!_ _Fa_ _r stronger than me_ _!_ _So,_ _if I_ _could_ _control myself enough to resist your pull until you consented... Damn!_ _You’_ _re_ _more likely to become a nun_ _than rape_ _me._

My chest heaves as a ribbon of guilt crushes my lungs painfully. _Oh God, Liv!_ I slowly lower myself to the floor, my head in my hands as tears flow freely down my face in unstoppable torrents of anguish. 

My Alpha crawls to the end of the bed and peaks around it to where I’m sitting, drowning in my fears, achingly alone. 

I sense her crawl cautiously towards me, trying to read my non-existent signals, as I cry into my hands and knees.

Only when I feel a pinkie link with mine do I realise my Alpha is either the bravest or most _stupid_ woman I’ve _ever_ met. But before I can give the thought further merit, I melt into her powerful embrace, curling myself into her very essence as she surrounds me with her loving adoration and understanding, for eternity. 

_Real leaders lead with love, sweetie. And by God, you are the epitome of it. Your every action, your every choice, your every word is for one reason alone: Freedom for all Omegas (and other lower statused pull people) from sexual violence._

_You will never be a rapist. You are nothing like Her!_

_You truly are magnificent; my life, my purpose, my everything._


	24. Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to navigate their heat.  
> An unforeseen development surprises Alex.
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content
> 
> For Chely99, elphiemolizbethbau, lgb, M ❤
> 
> (Thank you for all the comments and the influx of kudos. Means alot).

I'm unsure how we extricated ourselves from each other, let alone made it to our current location. But here we stand, my fingers clutching the overhanging countertop for dear life as my body arches towards my reason for living; my heart ricocheting against my ribcage, my chest heaving dangerously as I actively perspire with the effort it takes to remain standing, let alone stop myself rushing to my only sensory focus: my unrivalled Alpha. 

A terrifying thought seeps into my skull, my memory lapse confirming I’m _not_ in control. _Did...I?_ I ask huskily, my panting lungs making breathing impossibly difficult. 

_No,_ my Alpha immediately refutes my heinous assumption; her oxygen supply equally compromised. 

My momentary relief is quickly evaporated by my intensely overwhelming heat and warring urges. Realising conversation won’t be our strong suit until we give in to our urges, G, the only other presence in the room, clears his throat. 

‘You indicated to Liv that you wanted to talk to me, hence why we’re here,’ George explains succinctly, as the focus of my rioting desires near succeeds in melting me. 

I can’t take my eyes off of her sultry bronze eyes, her achingly kissable lips, her succulent jaw and neck, her throbbing pulse point... 

‘Alex,’ G voices, attempting to gain my riveted attentions. ‘Alex!’ he states more firmly when he realises softness won’t work. 

My Alpha licks her lips seductively, causing arousal to drench my panties as my entire being trembles involuntarily. I audibly moan as Olivia tightens her grip on the Grange oven opposite me. 

Only when G actively steps between us, blocking our uninterrupted view, is eye contact finally broken. Almost immediately, our other senses double in strength to balance the loss of direct sight. 

_‘Alex!’_ G howls directly in my face, causing my head to snap to the side in muted surprise. 

I have never seen George convey negative emotions... _ever_. But his expression, a mixture of helplessness, guilt and resignation, currently haunts me. 

_You... don’t... know... what... to... do..._ I gasp hoarsely, terrified; inhaling sharp breaths between each word as an eruption of warmth melts my entire being; my abdominals and core overcome by waves of shivering need so intense I would kill for it. 

George shakes his head hopelessly, having never felt more useless in his life. 

_You... won’t... hurt... me..._ Olivia whines, near begging me to touch her, to taste her; her muscles flexing taut; my Alpha a tightly coiled spring. 

‘How are you so sure?’ G interrupts our intoxication once more. 

I _feel_ the rumble of my Alpha's growl of irritation, rather than hear it. I almost combust on the spot; my panties ruined instantly. 

_Every..._ Olivia inhales a desperate breath. _Because... every... thing... you_ _’_ _ve... done..._ _has... been..._ _to pro..._ _tect_. _.. me_ _,_ my Alpha eventually concludes her point; the sight of her trying unsuccessfully to control her panting chest, almost painful to observe. 

A low whine of soul shattering frustration echoes from my lips as I close my eyes in an effort to shut out my Alpha's all-consuming intoxication long enough to form a cohesive sentence. I fail after several attempts; my mouth hanging open and useless as my lungs, heart and clit dominate my blood flow. 

‘Exactly,’ G’s voice seems muffled in a room reeking of Olivia... _Jesus!_ ‘Alex,’ he attempts to regain my attention, again. I force my eyes open. ‘You left the room, you used the pillow, you avoided touching Liv. And when Liv touched you, you _controlled_ yourself,’ he provides his useless summary, his words meaningless in my current, hyper aroused state. 

I close my eyes a second time, in futile hopes of shutting _everything_ out, closing _everything_ down; most of all the focus of my mind-numbing intoxication and _every_ sensation she is currently stirring in my over stimulated body. 

_Breathe,_ I self-chastise, surprised when my lungs ease ever so slightly. _Control... your... arousal..._ I try, sensing a shift in my screaming lungs, ricocheting heart and throbbing clit. 

‘Alex, did you just self-dominate?’ 

My hearing truly zones in on his voice, his meaning, for the first time since my Alpha's heaving chest, shallow intakes of breath and pooling arousal demanded my absolute attention. 

_U... huh..._ I affirm between deeper inhales; my carnal desires quietening to a dull aching throb, from a deafening crescendo of desperate need. 

My eyes stray voluntarily from my Alpha for the first time, upon the sudden realisation I have conscious thought _outside_ my soulmate’s pulse point and taste. 

When I meet G's gaze, he quirks an eyebrow triumphantly. ‘Self-dominate, like you did just now, like you did in Cragen’s office before you met Barba, and you’ll be able to love Liv without needing to...’ 

_Sounds... great... but how will_ _your._ _.. needs be met... if you don’t... dominate?_ Olivia instantly identifies a pitfall, her eyes on me; the three of us achingly aware of her meaning. Without dominating Liv, my needs as her Pure Blood Alpha may not be sufficiently met, leading to further frustrations. 

G's therapist, poker face is abruptly situated. We both know he's attempting to stop his own face from falling, like ours have. ‘We can work on that, Liv. It’s very important its noted. But right now, I fear if I continue standing between the two of you, one or both of you will kill me to reach your mate,’ he states half seriously as Olivia snorts mirthlessly, her body primed to pounce on me. 

‘Three things before I leave,’ G pipes up again, as another warning growl emits from my Alpha’s throat. He turns to me but keeps Liv in his sights. ‘Know you can self-dominate, so use it if things get rough or out of hand. Second, ‘Teflon’ will always be in effect. And third, you have shown incredible restraint, Alex. _Trust_ it. Just remember who you are. You’re the most incredible human to all of us. You’ve never shown any hint of anything different, even now...’ 

My Alpha’s grip tightens on the counter top as her body half lunges in our direction, at me or at G, I’m unsure. What’s clear is her patience is waning; a deep moan escaping her lips. 

_Self_ _-d_ _ominate, Teflon,_ _Good Alex;_ _got it!_ I summarise without pause, incredibly thankful when G takes the hint to leave; Olivia a hairs breadth from charging us. 

As soon as my eyes meet hers, my chest heaves furiously, my clit throbs hungrily and my carnal urges skyrocket to explosive proportions, once more. 

_Calm... yourself..._ I order myself silently; my nerves shot as I eyeball my magnificent Alpha. 

My self-domination has an unexpected, dual effect: Olivia’s equally panting chest abruptly shudders to a halt; her eyes burning from the sudden shift in her mind and body. 

_No! I_ _didn’t... I didn’t mean_ _you too,_ I correct, directing my words solely towards my Alpha. _I need you at full_ _strength... to fight me..._ _Liv, fe_ _el your heat..._ I watch as Olivia’s body infuses with earth shattering lust, her eyes bursting with carnal desire, her fingers pinching desperately at the countertop; her every fibre yearning for me, her PBA. 

_Anything,_ my chest heaves in open wonder at my mate, her self-control. I swallow thickly to silence a whimper. _Anything_ _, besides_ _encouragement or_ _‘_ _Teflon’_ _,_ _is purely self-domination until I say otherwise._ _Clear?_ I clarify as I feel, sense and watch the last vestiges of my Alpha’s self-control buckle under the strain of her all-encompassing arousal. 

She breathes a barely audible affirmative before she barrels into me, propelling me backwards, with the sheer force of her body’s momentum. 

I arch backwards onto the countertop as she takes my mouth savagely, her impatience evident with every nip of my lips as she forcibly enters my mouth, tasting and dominating me like only _my_ Alpha can. 

Her hands roam my body; my hair, cheekbones, jaw, neck, shoulders, breasts, sides _fleetingly,_ hips, thighs... 

And I melt right then, writhing against the love of my life, on the cold, hard granite surface. She tears her lips from mine for breath. I throw my head back, my mouth wide with silent ecstasy as my Olivia continues to dominate my body; her head firmly nuzzled beneath my jaw, her teeth biting my neck; her hands nowhere near my contacting clit. They don’t have to be. The feelings, thoughts and arousal her dominant actions ignite, more than enough to throw my aching bundle of nerves over the edge, again and again and again. 

I feel her athletic frame stiffen, shiver and pulse above me; my Alpha experiencing her own fierce orgasm as she bites down hard on my neck, tasting my purest blood. My hands claw through her short brown curls as her hips buck uselessly against my arched frame; her leg abruptly pushing and spreading mine, her jeaned core finally finding the purchase it so desires as she begins rutting against my thigh furiously. 

Olivia eventually lifts her head from my most intoxicating scent, her eyes boring into mine as she comes for the umpteenth time. 

It’s the most beautiful sight I have _ever_ seen. 

_Calm..._ I self-soothe, falling into enthralling bronze depths as a smile crosses her stunning features. I know the effort it takes to withdraw herself from my bleeding neck, to check on me and my consent. 

_Don’t stop,_ I beg her, my grip in her hair tightening in sheer desperation, in fear she's about to stop; my Alpha's control something to behold. 

An almighty moan erupts from her lips as her hands begin clawing at my shirt, tearing it from my body as I grasp the rolling pin bar behind my head for purchase. I breathe as deeply as my nerves and body will allow as I feel my Alpha’s expert hands scorching my flesh hungrily, ravenously. 

_Calm... your... self..._ I self-dominate just in time; my urges abruptly building to such an astronomical extent, I almost break under an _intense_ desire to utterly devour my mate. 

Olivia doesn’t notice, her carnal lust for my exquisitely inviting body overwhelming her as she engulfs my nipple; her tongue driving me wild as her fingers tear at my zip. I arch into her mouth as she tugs at my nub, her hands forcing my jeans over my thighs in one swift motion. 

I’m unable to silence a desperate gasp as my Alpha abruptly orphans my breast, her mouth descending on my navel and pubic bone; my panties my only barrier. I feel her nibble the lining of my panties as her hands grip my hips, stilling them. She makes quick work of the offending material, tearing them from my body; her mouth instantly latching onto my aching, pulsating clit; forcing shuddering gasps, moans and cries from my writhing form. 

_Ca_ _..._ _lm..._ _Oh... Jesus!_ I force out as my Alpha laps and suckles at my nub with such ravenous intent, my body melts under the sheer skill and dominance of my incomparable mate. 

My body erupts in a pyroclastic cloud of unadulterated pleasure, as scorching sparks of heat ignite and burn through my entire frame, keeping my over stimulated body in a feverish state of exposed nerve endings; relentlessly licked, stroked and suckled to repeated, soul shattering climax. 

Olivia remains between my legs; my thighs clenched either side of her head, before involuntarily relaxing and quivering as another orgasm rips through me. 

My body sags under the weight of my Alpha’s relentless ministrations; my exhausted body no longer having the energy to arch, my hands losing their ability to grip the rolling pin bar. 

My chests pants and heaves uncontrollably; my entire being at the mercy of my skilfully gifted soulmate, as my lips finally husk our word, before she turns my body inside out. 

_Tef_ _..._ _lon_ _!_

Olivia immediately halts her assault, lifting her head slightly from my drenched and quivering heat to lean her chin against my flexing abdomen, her inhales shallow and rapid as she attempts to catch her breath. 

After several silent minutes punctuated only by gasping breaths and thumping heart beats, I finally acquire adequate strength to raise my head to look into her gorgeously flush features and beautifully blown eyes, knowing I paint a similar picture for my Alpha. 

I use my elbows to steady my ascent, cautiously putting hand to granite as Olivia peels herself from my nakedness. I test my feet on the tile floor, hoping and praying my shaky legs hold me. I brace myself against the countertop, internally celebrating when my limbs refrain from buckling, as my Alpha's ravenous gaze travels the length of my exposed body. 

_Un..._ I try as my blood surges to my crotch. I shake my head before trying again. _Undress..._

There’s no miscommunication this time as my heroine tears off her shirt and bra; her athletic perfection flooding my senses and spurring my arousal to cataclysmic proportions. 

It’s too much. I close the gap between us, stopping inches from her half naked body; purposely teasing her senses and mine, as I test just how strong my willpower can be. 

I survey her magnificence in its entirety, starting with her soul shatteringly beautiful, olive duskiness; in stark contrast with my luminescent paleness. Her bronze eyes, fiery with hunger and filled with intent. Her achingly plush lips, so kissable, so succulent, so perfect... 

My heat intensifies, burning to the surface as I lower my focus from Olivia’s lips to sniff the alluring scent of her throat column. 

My Alpha senses my interest in her pulse point, moments before my lips graze her skin. She stiffens instinctively, causing my sudden, scorching arousal to take a momentary dip. 

_Back away_ _..._ _slowly,_ I command, my heart shattering with the realisation my heroine has shown fear at my actions. My Alpha immediately wraps her arms around me, her urgent need to convince me she is anything but scared of me, obvious. _Liv_ _..._

Agonisingly, Olivia stays put, her body slackening as her arms tighten around my body; her nose mirroring my earlier exploration as my entire body stiffens, desperate to deny the want surging through my veins. 

‘Liv!’ I voice heatedly, trying to disentangle myself from her stubborn embrace. 

‘You... won’t... hurt me,’ she whispers into my neck, causing involuntary ripples of molten liquid desire to riot through my nervous system. 

‘Liv... _Please!’_ I husk weakly as my Alpha openly nuzzles and kisses my jaw. ‘I can’t...’ My body begins to shake with the effort it takes _not_ to pin Olivia to the countertop behind us. 

My heroine finally releases my body, but not soon enough. Violent, carnal urges consume my entire being as I suddenly grip her nap aggressively, jerking her towards me until my teeth sink into her succulent throat, drawing blood within seconds. 

Silence. Not a hint of a whimper. 

As I suckle her most intoxicating fluids, my senses overloaded by extreme arousal, I back her into the crumb island; my grip harsh, unrelenting. 

I bite her harder. 

The silence is deafening. 

_Mine!_ my head screams as my body surges forward, propelling her on to the island surface forcefully; my teeth only letting go in the nick of time to avoid tearing her throat open. 

A whimper; the subtlest sign of unease and discomfort. It _excites_ me, it... it... 

_‘_ _STOP!_ _’_ I howl breathlessly and with such force my Alpha stiffens, her big bronze eyes fearful and trained on me. ‘Stop,’ I whisper this time, disgust coursing through my veins as I observe Olivia steal herself against my violence; my own body beginning to tremble uncontrollably as my adrenaline spike nose dives into guilt and shame. 

‘My... life...’ my Alpha husks, hating herself for showing fear as she witnesses the resulting impact on my nervous system; her hand still instinctively pressed against her neck where I almost tore her open. 

‘I... I’m...’ I desperately try to form words but find I am simply unable to convey the overwhelming despair and guilt I feel, either in voice or in mind. 

I back away from her, absolutely terrified I've mortally wounded her... 

‘No,’ my Alpha hurries to reassure me, gaining enough of a thread of my thoughts to remove her hand from her bleeding yet thankfully intact throat. 

I abruptly collapse to the floor in shock, in disgust and in soul shattering relief. 

I wake to the concerned green eyes of our good doctor; my body the calmest it’s been since... 

_You_ _drugged_ _me;_ I state, knowing without question. At the same time, I’m decidedly unnerved that I don't smell my mate. _Liv?!_

_Hey there stranger_ _,_ Kate welcomes me back to the world of the conscious; my mind instantly reeling... _Liv's_ _fine Alex. Just a few nick's which_ _are_ _more than expected_ _during._ _.._

_I... I_ _..._ _killed her!_ My anxiety spews from my lips before I can silence it; my overpowering concern for my Alpha muting my senses before I can sufficiently compute Kate’s words. I innately attempt to stand, the modesty blanket falling away from my naked body as I _desperately_ search for my reason for living; belatedly realising Kate and I are in alone in the kitchen. 

_Where is she?!_ I turn to my pack Omega, my body tensed to _batter_ the necessary information out of her, if necessary. But my legs collapse as I spin, forcing me to meet the tiling with brutal force. I cry out in pain before biting my lip in anger, dread and frustration. 

_Alex, please,_ Kate tries again, her hand a hairsbreadth from my shoulder, not quite touching me; always a mindful Omega. _I gave you a little Ketamine to lessen your heat long enough to slow your heart rate..._ _You’ll be unsteady_ _on_ _your... Alex!_

I couldn’t care less about me. _Liv!_ I’m half way to the door, _desperately_ crawling on my hands and knees when it suddenly opens; my Alpha standing magnificently bare chested, heart soaringly alive and achingly whole before us. 

The air is knocked out of me. 

I’m instantly entranced by her aura, her being, her everything; my lungs seizing, my heart abruptly ricocheting anew as my clit swells into a buddle of throbbing, aching nerves. 

_Fu..._

_You._ _.. sedated... her...?_ My seething Alpha questions, eyeing my nakedness possessively. Never have I witnessed a more arousing sight: my dominant mate staking her claim on me, her PBA. 

‘To prevent her heart...’ Kate immediately defends her actions, though she does back away from my supremely dominant Alpha out of an innate, submissive respect; our heat making rational thought obsolete. 

_Leave..._ she demands abruptly, slicing through our Omega's explanation with obvious impatience, as I wrap my arms around Olivia’s legs pathetically. 

Kate knows not to argue further; to provide practical advice whilst we’re in the epicentre of our heat, would not only be foolhardy but potentially dangerous; _even_ for one of our most prized pack members. She edges towards the door, her back pressed against the cabinets and wall, keeping her Omega eyes trained on her undeniably out of control Alpha’s. 

As soon as she quietly closes the door behind her, my Alpha effortlessly picks me up and drapes me over the crumb island, my limbs misfiring due to my drugged state. 

Olivia gently wraps the discarded blanket around me, before spooning my now shielded body, until darkness reclaims me. 

I wake to my Alpha snuggling me with her warmth, her muscular frame tucked close against my back; the blanket preventing skin to skin contact. Her nose is nuzzled into my mane, her fingers clasping mine through the cotton as she waits for my drugged haze to safely pass. 

_How?_ I wonder how my Alpha can be so incredibly wilful in denying her most innate impulses. 

I stiffen as arousal instantly courses through me at her proximity; my thighs quivering as my abdomen clenches with feverish need. I actively rub my butt against Olivia’s crotch. 

A low moan permeates us as she thrusts, once, forcibly, into my buttocks; swiftly conveying her intent. 

_Liv..._ I warn through gritted teeth, the memory of my prior risky behaviour devastating. _I... I... can’t..._ I breathlessly persist before abruptly stiffening again, feeling something hard yet fleshy against my lower back. 

I immediately turn in my Alpha's arms, throwing the blanket aside to investigate the impossible. I inhale sharply in complete shock; protruding between Olivia’s legs is a fully formed and painfully erect penis. 


	25. G!P

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to navigate the cluster fuck that is a sudden g!p
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content.
> 
> For elphiemolizbethbau, Chely99, FallenTemplar709 and M ❤ (Miss you, Ima Corker).
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos. I was worried about introducting the g!p, but your reactions suggest its a go.

The blood drains from my face and shockingly pools between my legs as I stare, frozen, at this _impossible_ and _new_ appendage. 

I feel my Alpha's gaze bore into me as I slowly raise my eyes. I watch her throat work anxiously as her chest continues to heave with intense arousal. 

_Finally,_ our eyes meet; our arousal undiminished. 

Olivia gives a self-conscious half shrug, a knowing look in her bronze orbs conveying this isn't as surprising to her as it is to me. 

_Pain..._ _ful_ _...?_ The only word I can form in its entirety, amongst a litany of incomplete adjectives. 

My Alpha can only shake her head; my mind utterly unable to keep up with the speed with which hers is travelling. Though one thing is painfully clear; underneath her obvious and continued arousal, my heroine is heart-breakingly anxious about my reaction to this new development and its impact on our relationship. 

My attention is once again drawn to the fleshy mass of unexplained heat, standing proudly erect and actively pulsing in time with my lovers unsurprisingly ricocheting heart. 

I can do nothing but stare at this... this new addition to my soulmate; my feelings oscillating between shock, revulsion, intrigue and desire. 

I’ve never been attracted to either sexes genitalia. After being forced to perform oral sex on both men and women for _years,_ it’s incredible I ever wanted to be tongue deep in my Alpha’s depths. 

Though anything phallic shaped has always cultivated a particular, spine-tingling brand of dread, pain and revulsion. 

Having seen nearly every possible kind of penis available, more than even the most seasoned prostitutes at Hunts Point, I assess my Alpha’s sudden member to be of thankfully average size, length and girth. It holds the same olive skin tone as her otherwise perfect and enthrallingly feminine body; the burgeoning pink of it’s... _her_ helmet, the same shade as her achingly kissable lips. I find myself licking my own as my hand suddenly goes to touch it... her. 

_Care..._ _ful_ _!_ My Alpha warns hoarsely, her voice laden with such unbridled desire, I comprehend the reason behind her warning immediately: only touch me if you’re prepared for the result – _ejaculation_ _a_ _nd_ _unbridled_ _heat_. 

I lift my gaze to hers, the scorching desire swirling in her darkened bronze orbs enough to make me forget my own name. 

_Oh_ _..._ _J_ _e_ _..._ _sus!_

My frozen fingers move closer, hovering over her bulging erection. My Alpha abruptly grabs my hand, halting my advance in the nick of time. 

I search her sparkling eyes once more, fierce and animalistic in their conflict; her lips parted to aid oxygen flow to her starving lungs; a silent plea clambering for dominance in a cacophony of rioting thoughts, feelings and sensations. 

I have never found my mate _more_ beautiful, _more_ achingly intoxicating than in this moment; even with her new addition. My Alpha is so shatteringly close to almighty climax, yet she is placing my comfort, confusion and intrigue first. _Only_ my Liv. 

I shrug her hand away and hover over her stiffness once again, clutching at the tiniest threads of my control to avoid touching my Alpha without her absolute consent. 

She nods her head, her expression conflicted between soul shattering relief and debilitating fear at what this could mean and lead to. 

Olivia jolts as I touch her, first one finger then two slowly stroking the length of her, from tip to base, from hood to scrotum. This particular aspect of a man’s anatomy has always held a specific disgust and loathing for me; born from my step father ‘tea bagging’ me, a term I only came to learn later, from the age of 11. 

Only when my Alpha gently cups my jaw in her trembling hand, to lift my gaze to hers, do I realise she’s deciphered enough, within the jumble of thoughts ricocheting through my mind. 

_You... don’t... have..._ her attempts to reassure me remind me she is _not_ my step father. She is _not_ suddenly _just_ a penis and _everything_ it represents to me. She _is_ my life, my love, my heroine; the _only_ safe person to _ever_ show me compassion before, during and after intimacy. 

To lose her, and _everything_ she represents in mind, body and soul, is _unthinkable_. 

I move my fingers down and lightly squeeze her scrotum, unfortunately knowing the impact it has on the wearer. But this wearer, _this_ owner, is different. _Oliv_ _..._ _ia_ _... Olivia... My... Liv..._ my mind roars through the plethora of confusion as my other hand grips her throbbing member, pushing down with expert force. My Alpha whimpers a strangled cry as we both watch enthralled as her penis explodes; endless ribbons of sperm releasing from her painfully engorged member. 

The heady silence is suddenly interrupted by thousands of interconnected thoughts, each vying for priority in a deafening crescendo of white noise. The few threads we decipher centre around our surprisingly constant state of arousal. 

My gaze journeys between the sticky substance on my fingers, to the momentarily flaccid but abruptly re-erected penis, to my Alpha’s scorching bronze orbs; her lips again parted as we both strain for breath. 

We remain in this frozen stalemate, desperately trying to compute the last few minutes. I know my soulmate is waiting for my next move, her body and mind conveying _exactly_ what she hungers for. 

My body and mind _should_ be in conflict. I _should_ be repulsed, triggered, terrified. But my heat, my animal urges, can only focus on one thing: _mating with my Alpha._

I _feel_ the moment Liv hears this one thought in my otherwise abruptly silent telepathy because she reaches for me, leaving her hand in mid-air between us, asking, _waiting_ for my acquiescence, even as her penis impatiently throbs with all-consuming visceral need. 

I take her hand. My Alpha breathlessly nibbles my fingers as she watches me lay down on my back. Her overt surprise is quickly swallowed by her surging arousal. Unable or unwanting to query it further, my Olivia positions herself above me; sweat beading at her temples as she desperately attempts to hide her urgency to thrust against me, inside me. 

I silence her rioting mind by gripping her nape and lowering her lips to mine; kissing away her fears, and mine. A pool of wetness materialises between my legs; our scorching heat so intoxicatingly potent, I’m uncertain whose arousal caused it. 

I audibly keen in to my Alpha’s mouth as she moans through our mutual climax. 

My fingers claw at her nape and back; my desperate need to be flush against her intoxication, _inescapable_. I encircle my calves around her back and actively arch myself into her abdomen, a silent plea for her to fill me, to _own_ me; for us to become truly one in flesh and in body, for the first time. 

Before my mate succumbs to my earth-shattering offering, she leans on her elbow to counter my sudden weight, and journeys her free hand down my body, so achingly gently I almost scream. Her finger tips migrate to my drenched apex, her need to check I’m ready for her almost makes me lose myself entirely; her teasing fingers orphaning my body moments before she turns me inside out with the cataclysmic power of our arousal. 

I suddenly realise I was _born_ ready for this, for _her_ _,_ as she positions her fullness at my entrance. Her gentleness ekes away at my patience; my need for her to fill me so desperate, I’ve never _wanted_ something so absurdly in my life. 

I scoot down slightly, conveying my visceral need, _now_. My Alpha immediately obliges, pushing her hardness into my depths gradually, waiting for me to acclimatise to her girth. Every inch she fills me, is like a hit of heroin to my synapses; her flesh, aura and essence touching deeper than ever before. My walls flutter and clench around her perfection, as my every nerve ending triggers, wires and short circuits simultaneously, engulfing me in relentless waves of _incomparable_ pleasure. 

_Fin_ _ally_ , _exquisitely,_ my Alpha is fully sheathed in my depths; her arousal leaking out of me from her own premature climaxes; my tight walls unlike anything she’s ever experienced before. 

I fear I may die if my life partner moves an inch; my body on the precipice of free falling into a new knowing, for all eternity. The pleasure we have created and experienced before is _nothing_ compared to the feelings, the sensations, the perfection of my Alpha inside me. 

Olivia freezes too, similarly cautious yet knowing, as she stares into my eyes with such raging hunger and promise, a keening whimper escapes my lips; this one moan akin to a starting pistol. My Alpha begins thrusting her hips against mine, her glorious member moving inside of me; brushing, stroking and _awakening_ every dormant nerve ending I didn’t realise existed, in a torturously exquisite moment of mutual actualisation: _we are_ _truly_ _one._

I bite my lip as she hovers above me, purposely keeping my mouth free in case I trigger and need an escape. This thoughtfulness; as she strains to avoid losing control, sweat dripping down her face; is the ultimate sign of trust, love and safety. 

Her control enthrals and frustrates me. I thread my hand through her hair and pinch slightly to further my meaning: _Let go._

She looks at me, shock and concern infiltrating her bronze orbs as she questions me further. Our voices and minds too entrenched in our mating to be useful, I pinch her scalp again, praying my eyes convey the rest. 

The sound that reverberates through my Alpha, akin to a dam bursting, communicates her absolute understanding as her mouth brutally slams down on mine, her tongue utterly dominating me as her hips buck, thrust and writhe against my centre with fevered, animal urgency. 

Even as she takes me; as her tongue, hands, flesh, aura, essence, scent and member dominate me, my Alpha avoids pinning my wrists. Even during her thorough domination, my heroine remembers not to pin me down. 

As our hooded lids, strained breaths, ricocheting hearts and intertwined bodies continue to awaken as though for the first time, I can't love my Alpha more than in this moment of fevered adoration and ownership. Her ferocious domination so _scorchingly_ arousing, even as we fall from the precipice of the known into a new world of unknown riches, sensations and pleasures. 

_Only_ my Olivia Magdalena Benson. _Only my Alpha._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The science behind this will be explained next chapter...
> 
> I wish to stress that I am a lesbian who is not into anything penetrative. I'm saying this because it may be misconstrued from my writing that I believe a penis is necessary for actualisation. This is not my belief. I'm just furthering this fiction. 
> 
> Olivia is and will always be Olivia, and this is who Alex fell in love with, no matter what traumas or additions occur. 
> 
> Soulmates in every sense of the word.


	26. Post Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pack try to make sense of what is happening.
> 
> Rating: Mature Content (quite a bit of swearing).
> 
> For elphiemolizbethbau, Chely99, M and Ima Corker ❤
> 
> Again, thank you for all your lovely comments and kudos!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the exploration chapter. It's a lengthy one. I hope I've covered most things. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> Please remember this is AU and fiction.
> 
> Enjoy and thank you for sticking with me ❤

It took five days for our heat to dissipate. During this period, my Alpha and I barely slept, ate or drank; our desires utterly consuming us. 

Our pack stayed away for their own safety. Olivia became aggressively protective of me, to such an extent, no one approached us, not even Omi. 

Until day three, that is. 

Kate, Abbie and G tried to attach saline and glucose drips whilst we slept. An understandable yet ultimately floored plan. Olivia woke moments before I did, her growl causing ripples of concern and arousal to surge through my shivering form. 

Omi bravely stood his ground, pointing his gun at Liv as Kate and G quickly positioned her IV. They decided to attach mine second. In hindsight, a grave mistake. As they attempted to approach me, Olivia charged forward and bit Abbie's forearm drawing blood. 

Omi positioned his weapon against her temple, the only thing to freeze her long enough for Kate to inject me with life preserving fluids. I decided against squeezing her hand in apology or thanks, knowing to do so would almost certainly result in her injury from my possessive life partner. 

Omi then withdrew his weapon, bowing in apology and submission as all four pack members walked backwards to the kitchen door, keeping their gaze on my seething Alpha until they reached safety. 

Present: Two days post heat 

I stir languidly, thoroughly enjoying the scent and embrace of my sleeping Alpha. I press my nose to her pulse point, breathing in her intoxication and savouring her beauty without the overwhelming urge to bite her, submit to her, mate with her. It’s so exquisitely peaceful after the rampant hedonism of the past several days. My entire being breathes an exhausted sigh of relief. 

This is only the second time I’ve witnessed my Alpha sleeping since our heat began, the first when our pack understandably tried to rehydrate us, spooking my mate into instinctual protective mode for several sleepless night. 

Whatever is happening to Olivia is primal, frightening and against the laws of nature. I lower my eyes, grateful to find her member not tenting the blanket, for the first time in days. Wherever this testosterone is coming from, its already changed my Alpha’s behaviour during heat. This alone is utterly confusing. 

My aching body interrupts my thoughts as agonising pain abruptly riots through me; my joints, muscles and bones screaming blue murder for the seven days we’ve spent lying on the crumb islands unforgiving, granite surface. 

An incessant throb beats at my temples from dehydration. My core aches from near continuous penetration and/or stimulation. 

The need to move my rebellious limbs is suddenly priority one. As gently and delicately as possible, I extricate myself from my Alpha’s embrace. After several gasping minutes of tediously slow movement, as well as silencing my own cries when my nerves jostle after being prone for so long, I succeed in quietly escaping Olivia’s arms, only to howl in pain when I touch a foot down to the floor and put my weight on it. 

My heroine is immediately bolt upright and searching my body for assailants or injury, a subconscious moan escaping her lips at the abrupt motion. 

Almost as quickly, Omi with gun in hand and Abbie with fighter stance, eyeball us, their naked Alpha’s in shock; Olivia’s penis not having made the rounds quite yet apparently. 

My mate abruptly cups herself whilst throwing the blanket over me; always protective, always compassionate, even during her own reveal. 

Omi and Abbie immediately lower their gaze and apologise between bated breaths. 

‘It’s okay,’ Olivia states hoarsely, using her voice for the first time in days. ‘You were trying to protect us and...,’ she looks down at herself for a beat. ‘I don’t understand this either. I’m hoping G and Kate might have something to explain it...’ she tries to quieten everybody’s haywire minds. ‘Oh, and sorry about your arm Abs,’ she diverts the focus away from her newfound member, eyeing the bandage wrapped around our Beta’s forearm. 

‘You were just protectin' your woman, Liv,’ Abbie says before worrying her lip at the gender reference. ‘I’ll say it’s great having y'all back though,’ she adds to cover the blip. 

The feeling of wearing glorious clothes is akin to having shelter during a storm: safety, comfort, warmth. 

I actively sigh as I snuggle into the couch; not the first to wonder why we didn't utilise this cosy lounge for our heated mating. Or even our bedroom... 

Olivia is sitting beside me, her posture unnaturally straight amongst the cushions. I sense her anxiety. I grasp her hand, intertwining our fingers to reassure her I won’t _ever_ leave her whilst enforcing the fact I was a _willing_ participant in _every_ aspect of our heat. 

I watch as my Alpha takes a steadying breath, our pack waiting for her to speak. 

‘Well... um... sorry for being such a bitch during this heat. I don’t know what came over me... in more ways than one...’ she gives the pack a deserved apology, her protective behaviour fascinatingly arousing to me yet unsafe, at least for our pack members. 

‘Liv, it’s okay,’ Kate speaks up, her hand subconsciously positioned over her mate’s arm bandage. ‘You saw me as a risk to Alex when you found us alone, Alex naked and sedated...’ 

‘I know why you sedated me. You’ve only ever tried to protect and save me, Kate,’ I stress to ensure she knows I understand her actions, even if I don’t necessarily agree with them. ‘You’re _always_ keeping me alive. It’s _got_ to be incredibly difficult and frustrating watching me constantly risk my life, my heart, because of my heat, the case, the Omegas... But I _loathe_ being drugged. It’s a catch 22,’ I observe quietly, my gaze focused on Kate. ‘I give you permission to sedate me _if_ you feel my heart won’t survive without it.’ 

Kate nods once, a shy smile crossing her lips at my reassurances. 

‘I was a bitch about Alex's sedation and... well everything around it,’ my Alpha glances at me briefly before returning her gaze to Kate. ‘You don’t pose a risk to Alex. None of you do. But there was something inside me I just... I couldn’t switch it _off._..’ 

‘Until now, out of heat?’ G jumps on this topic. 

‘Yes,’ Olivia states a little morosely. ‘Before we go into a session though, please can I stress again how sorry I am and I truly hope you all forgive me,’ my guilt-stricken heroine eyes each of our own in turn, her gaze flickering between Kate and Abbie in particular. 

Abs gazes at her mate, who nods her head. ‘We're good Liv. We know somethings been happenin' and we want to support you,’ the Texan silences her usually stilted humour, recognising her Alpha’s need for sincerity over levity. 

Everybody nods in agreement. 

‘While we're on this, I’m sorry I aimed ma gun at you,’ Omi pipes up, his brow knitted as he glances furtively towards Olivia. 

A snort punctuates the room, releasing some of the tension. ‘If you hadn’t, I don’t think Alex would be alive,’ Liv admits honestly. ‘I can't thank you all enough for taking care of us during... whatever the fuck _that_ was.’ 

‘Unfortunately, I think _that_ will become your new norm...’ 

‘What?’ my Alpha and I ask in unison, astounded. 

‘Kate and I have been researching archives, encyclopaedias and every corner of the internet,’ G offers, meeting Kate’s gaze for several beats. ‘We have some theories about why this is happening...’ 

‘Theories?’ my Alpha retorts. ‘Meaning you haven’t found any hard facts?’ she asks nervously. 

I squeeze her hand. _I’m here. I love you._

‘Hear us out Liv,’ G counters gently, gesturing to Kate to continue. 

Our doctor leans forward, withdrawing her comforting fingers from Abbie’s injured arm. ‘Let’s start with the sudden appearance of your penis,’ Kate states directly, making Olivia blush slightly even though _everyone_ has now seen it. ‘G said when he was checking your injuries, whilst I was tending to Alex, he noted a deep bite mark and slight tearing to your neck.’ This time I blush crimson. Liv squeezes my hand and waits for me to meet her soft gaze. I do, finding only love where anger should be. She raises our connected hands to kiss my knuckles, whilst shaking her head, refuting my assumption. 

Kate’s voice pulls us back. ‘You dominated Olivia, marking her as yours.’ I close my eyes briefly, affirming what is already evident. ‘We believe this is a factor in how and why this came about,’ Kate insists as G nods in agreement. ‘How did you feel in that moment, Liv?’ 

‘Which in particular?’ my Alpha queries evasively. 

‘When Alex was marking you?’ 

‘I...’ Olivia eyes me anxiously. 

_Tell_ _us,_ _my heroine. I love you._

‘I was conflicted,’ she admits, her eyes desperately trying to read my expression, my mind purposely silent. ‘I was _born_ an Alpha. Being dominated and marked like that felt unnatural. I... my instincts have always been to dominate, to lead, to Alpha. But when you were biting my neck...’ Liv turns her body towards mine. ‘When you pushed me backwards whilst still biting me, I honestly thought you'd ripped my throat out for a millisecond, and there was _nothing_ I could do to stop it... But you released me, and...’ my Alpha awkwardly concludes her point as I lower my gaze in shame at this violence. 

‘Hey,’ Olivia whispers, lifting my head with her knuckle. ‘You didn’t hurt me...’ 

‘Have you _seen_ your neck?’ I argue immediately as my Alpha instinctively lifts a hand to assess her throat column, the other squeezing my hand gently. ‘And I scared you. I _scared_ you!’ I evade her touch, withdrawing myself to the edge of the couch. _‘Jesus!’_

‘Alex?’ G's gentle voice resonates through my horrified thoughts. ‘As the dominant Alpha, you are programmed to enforce this and state your claim over your mate. This may sound strange but this behaviour is entirely natural in the wolf world. And your initial suggestion of utilizing their hierarchy to make sense of our own corrupt system is probably closer to the truth than we realised,’ he adds, keeping his soft black eyes on me. ‘I'd like you to watch some wolf matings before you judge yourself too harshly.’ 

The entire pack senses I won’t easily move on from this so it's decided we watch the footage now. 

Olivia shuffles until her outer thigh touches mine, her need for connection, to convey her love and faith in me absolute. 

As the footage continues, my Alpha runs a hand over my thigh, squeezing me every time the bitch bites the dog. After several minutes of progressively more violent mating, I raise my hand having seen enough of just how violent our heat could become. 

‘Okay, you’ve made your point,’ I admit, finally covering Olivia’s hand with mine; my eyes pleading for a forgiveness she’s denied me. ‘ _Please_ Liv,’ I beg, _desperate_ for her to acknowledge my actions. 

‘I forgive your natural instincts in the heat of the moment,’ my Alpha voices, unwilling to budge from this position; her leg arching over my body, her nose nuzzling my hair to prevent me withdrawing from her again. All I can do is melt into her touch as our pack watches us with barely concealed glee. 

‘Which leads us to the potential reason behind your development...’ Kate starts. 

‘Can we _stop_ sugar coating the fact Liv has a _cock?!’_ Abbie interrupts in true Carmichael fashion. The only reason she can get away with such sass, she herself is a survivor. She understands the damage such a weapon can inflict. 

_Tex!_ Kate breathes her life partners pet name harshly, a warning. 

I swallow hard. This truth being aired so brutally causes post-heat realisation to settle in to my psyche for the first time. _My soulmate has a penis_ _._ My Alpha turns to me, her face awash with shame and uncertainty as her member abruptly strains against the front of her jeans, digging into my thigh as though on cue. Olivia immediately withdraws her touch, mirroring my actions of moments ago. 

_No..._ my mind whines, following her up the sofa until she looks at me with pleading eyes. 

_Shit, Lex. I’m a monster..._

My heart breaks at the disgust and sorrow shining in my Alpha’s eyes. 

‘Liv, would you label Fin or I monsters for being aroused by a partner?’ 

Olivia shakes her head whilst biting her lip with a ready rebuttal. _But you don’t have an almost constant boner_ _!_ _You don’t_ _feel ready to burst_ _with one touch,_ _one look, one word..._

Fin and G share a knowing look which only aggravates the women in the room. 

‘Sounds like you are experiencing the desires of a pubescent,’ G concludes with a slight nod. ‘Add to that, your mate being a Pure Blood, in her prime and a Queen of all things badass; I would stress your reactions are quite understandable...’ 

‘But I can’t walk around brutalised Omegas, or the Supreme Courthouse, with a _fucking_ _erection_ _!’_ my Alpha points out heatedly, brushing away my attempts to comfort her as she stares at her own crotch in disgust, willing her rebellious addition to deflate, or better yet, _disappear_. 

‘Baby girl,’ Fin so rarely uses his voice, our heads snap up in surprise, forever ready to listen to him. A whimper conveys how much Olivia is touched by the endearment. ‘You know how Meg sometimes bosses ‘erself?’ Several heads suddenly nod at his ingenuity. ‘Somethin' for you ta try?’ 

I watch my beautiful Alpha shiver with renewed hope before closing her eyes, her brow furrowing as she concentrates on her self-domination. _Lay down, you piece of..._ The tent in her jeans abruptly flattens. I instinctively link our pinkies, releasing the breath I’ve been holding as Olivia peeks from one eye. Realising she hadn’t misread my sharp exhale, she collapses back onto the cushions with a tremendous sigh of relief, emotions flooding her eyes as she pulls me into her arms. ‘I’m sorry. I love you. I love you _so_ _god_ _d_ _amn_ much.’ 

‘And I’m sorry, and I love _you_ more.’ I kiss her forehead, nose and mouth before regretting my actions as soon as her pants flare again. 

_Fuck!_ She exclaims as she closes her eyes a second time, quickly repeating her task. 

_Sorry,_ I murmur, so utterly in awe of how my Alpha is handling this clusterfuck of a situation. 

_I love you,_ she husks, just for me, running her thumb down my cheek before she loosens her grip on my cocooned body; utilising deep breathing techniques offered by G many moons ago. 

‘What’s happening to me, Kate? Why have I sprung a cock?’ Olivia gets us back on point. 

‘As you said before, you were born an Alpha. You’re instinctually dominant. When faced with a lifetime of submission, your body revolted against this and...’ 

‘So, you’re saying me suddenly growing a dick _somehow_ makes me more dominant?’ My Alpha clarifies, more than a little pissed with this argument. ‘A cock _doesn’t_ make me more than my mate, more than I was when... well... before,’ I rake my fingers through her hair in agreement. 

‘Was there any conflict regarding who was dominant once you had your penis?’ Kate asks bravely, facing her Alpha. 

Olivia and I are stunned into silence because once my Alpha showed herself, I completely and utterly submitted to her, never once attempting to reclaim my dominant stance. 

‘No but I think that was because of me rather than Liv,’ I speak for the first time in a while. It’s my turn to look at my Alpha cautiously, reading her every micro expression. ‘I... When you were my dominant Alpha, it was the one time in my life I wasn’t expected to perform, to be strong or perfect. I could just enjoy you enjoying me, without having to think beyond our pleasure, or worry about harm or pain. It was the _only_ time my mind could truly escape all the wrongs done to me. I could let go, _succumb_ to your dominance and experience _pure_ joy and _wilful_ orgasm,’ I confess, now cradling my Alpha’s beautiful face. ‘When I transitioned, I realised how easily I could hurt you. I _hated_ that feeling. I didn’t trust myself because I’ve never had to...’ 

‘You’re wrong,’ Olivia interrupts me. ‘Your willpower is _the_ reason you survived...’ 

A tear works its way down my cheek as I bite my lip, hoping I don’t fall apart. ‘I wanted to go back to the way we were, to stop myself hurting you, to escape the constant demands to perform, to fight or be an _entire_ statuses pin up, for _just_ five minutes. I’d rather be an Omega than _ever_ hurt you,’ I ignore my Alpha’s efforts to further interrupt me. ‘When I saw your penis, I...’ I shake my head, sickened my what I’m about to say. ‘I thought; _t_ _his_ _could hurt me,_ not you, _it_. Which somehow shut down my need to dominate. I could psychologically become an Omega again so you, my Alpha, could dominate me without me hurting or overpowering you, without me having to perform a duty...’ 

Olivia stares at me with such concern, I blush under the spotlight of her gaze. ‘You know I wouldn’t hurt you, right?’ 

‘More than _anything._ I trust you with my life,’ I reply instantly. 

‘Because during this heat, I felt I was the dominant Alpha and I loved every _single_ second of it. I felt like I was home,’ Liv reveals, shivering slightly when I gently nibble her lips. 

‘And I felt like I was home, being dominated wholly and respectfully by my Alpha,’ I agree, once I’ve had my fill of her succulent lips. 

Again, Olivia concentrates to dampen her arousal. 

‘Does anyone else think _She_ did this in hopes of ruining your relationship?’ G asks the random but pertinent question. Several murmurs of agreement sound. 

‘But I don’t think that’s the only reason this all happened,’ Kate moves on from the topic of _Her_ as briskly as possible, Abbie kissing her fingers in immediate comfort. Kate takes a steadying breath before she ploughs on. ‘Alex...’ 

George abruptly puts his hand up, apologising for the interruption but seemingly desperate to make a point before moving forward. ‘Sorry Kate, but I wish to acknowledge something you shared regarding your relationship with penises,’ he states looking at me. I cough self-consciously, wishing G wasn’t quite so adept at picking up on nuances. ‘I’m not surprised you’re terrified of them. I doubt anyone would argue with your reasons. But it concerns me that you psychologically submitted, even though you’re higher in status, _because_ Olivia grew a penis. I’m not sure you’d feel comfortable discussing this now...’ he waits a beat, reading me right. ‘I do feel some exploration at a later date may be beneficial, Alex.’ Whenever G says things like this, there is no long-term escape. We _will_ be discussing this at a later date. ‘Anyway, sorry Kate. You were saying...’ 

It takes Kate a second to remember where she got to. ‘Er... Another possibility could be that Alex, you’ve now reached as full strength as your donated heart will allow. This means you’re currently in your prime and Olivia’s body may simply be responding to that...’ 

‘Kate, I was probably in my prime before transition, when I was a PBO. _Before_ the heart surgery...’ 

‘But you were never entirely physically safe, until after you transitioned...’ 

‘But Olivia...’ 

‘But your case and... _Her_ _._ Your mind may not have known, but your body sensed it. Hence why this is only happening now.’ 

‘And what exactly is happening now?’ Olivia asks, her patience waning. 

‘If we follow the wolf hierarchy, you are our pack Alpha's, making you our breeding pair.’ 

‘I can’t bear children,’ I whisper, turning away from Olivia’s gorgeous eyes to swallow my emotions. 

‘Until last Thursday, Olivia was entirely, biologically female,’ G states carefully. ‘Remember in Jurassic Park when they discussed life finding a way even though all the dinosaurs were female? Its...’ 

_‘Jesus,_ George!’ I suddenly roar, standing from the couch so fiercely I dislodge my Alpha. ‘We’re _not_ in some _movie._..’ 

‘I’m not saying we are,’ he agrees hurriedly. ‘All I’m saying is the proofs in Liv's pants.’ 

‘Thanks G. How very _scientific_ of you!’ Olivia admonishes him, unwilling to believe his ridiculous breeding theory. 

‘Okay, explain your behaviour during this heat, Olivia?’ He counters smartly, as anyone with his mind would. 

My Alpha bares her teeth in overt anger at her Betas riling behaviour. 

_Breathe,_ I coax, hoping to calm her. 

‘Your behaviour was akin to a territorial stud protecting her future offspring,’ Kate fills in the void G sensibly leaves. 

‘What the hell?’ my Alpha mirrors my actions, standing from the couch in shock and disbelief. ‘This is _fucking_ _impossibly_ _!’_ she barks effusively, pacing around the back of the couch, her eyes on me as I clutch my belly instinctively. 

‘Yes, and seemingly no,’ G states somewhat uselessly as Olivia comes to hug me from behind, her palms over mine. ‘Your relationship is breaking physiological and psychological laws. Yours are a universal plethora of firsts: a Pure Blood Omega existing at all, the _only_ conscience driven Alpha strong enough to fight her own urges, a PBO _educating_ the ignorant masses on our heinous societal hierarchy, a PBO _making_ _history_ by _winning_ a case _against_ two deviant Alpha’s and a Beta, the PBO _transitioning_ to PBA, the Alpha _breaking_ a Super Alpha _twice_ _,_ said Pure Blood and Alpha forming a _consenting_ pack where _choice_ and _respect_ are priority one, a pair who tenaciously continue to _fight_ against a society _desperate_ to shut them up or put them down, two _incredible_ women who are unbreakable, unobtainable, _even_ after such horrifying degradation and trauma, the Alpha _growing_ a penis, the PB _consenting_ to said penis... Can you not _see_ how you both defy the laws of any known universe?’ G eventually finishes his list of our supposed achievements. Though my Alpha and I would mutually argue our fight is as innate as breathing. 

I notice Abbie move slightly from the corner of my eye, a sure sign she wants to say something but doesn’t want to burst the profound bubble G's latest monologue has created. 

_You want to say something, Abs?_ I offer, to escape the expressions of awe covering our pack’s features. 

Abbie nervously clears her throat, highly uncharacteristic for this confident Beta. I try to silence my dread. ‘So, well... considering Liv's dick and all... how come you didn’t run for the hills? Coz I’m not gonna lie, if I was suddenly faced with meat and two veg after only ever eating tacos, I’d bolt,’ she admits, shrugging her shoulders when Kate eyes her with surprise. ‘Sorry doll but we'd be opting for plastic surgery at the soonest opportunity!’ she adds, silencing any worries Kate may have manifested of her mate leaving her under such circumstances. 

I find myself carefully watching Olivia after the plastic surgery suggestion, aware she’ll jump on it. 

‘Kate, is that an...?’ 

‘I don’t know,’ she replies hurriedly, glaring at her suddenly guilt-stricken partner. ‘The fact it happened so... naturally... I don't know. But would that be something you’d be interested...’ 

_‘Hell yes!’_ my Alpha interrupts with heart-breaking vehemence. 

‘I can look into it but no promises,’ Kate offers all she can, elbowing her Beta in the side, a blatant jab for her mate to at least _attempt_ to control herself. 

‘This is something that confuses me though, considering my only experiences with penises have been rancid, until now,’ I share, leaning into my Alpha’s chest to keep her arms wrapped around my body; my buttocks moulding into the front of her jeans, causing the expected result. 

Kate finally tears her admonishing eyes away from a subdued Abbie, her green orbs meeting mine. ‘Did Liv's scent change?’ 

‘No,’ I answer at once. 

‘Let’s not forget the initial hook that carnally attracts us to a potential mate. We’re not initially driven by physical or emotional attraction. Our first pull is purely animalistic: our scent, our aura. Which is why us Omegas...’ Kate doesn’t continue with this wastefully obvious argument. ‘Your scent didn’t change post transition, Alex. Your strength and status did, but not your pull,’ she explains further as comprehension dawns through the pack. ‘So why would Olivia’s?’ Kate argues astutely. ‘We have our sexual orientations, yes. But you’re so in love, so _insanely_ addicted to each other’s pull, each other’s scent _and_ you were in heat at the time. If this had happened outside of your heat, _outside_ of you both being aroused... I’m not even sure if it’s a possibility as _both_ your transitions occurred during sex,’ she blushes crimson, quickly moving on. ‘Am I making sense?’ 

‘Because we’re addicted to one another, because we're so in love and because it happened during our heat, Alex saw past her innate disgust and saw me as... well... me?’ 

‘Exactly,’ Kate affirms passionately. 

‘But what does that mean outside of heat?’ my Alpha’s understandable question bursts our momentary reprieve. 

‘That’s something I think requires further exploration. But the fact you’ve just experienced seven...’ 

‘Five,’ Olivia and I correct simultaneously. 

‘Five days of heat and I assume pleasure...?’ G half asks, our intimate proximity speaking volumes. ‘Suggests this isn’t entirely repugnant to either of you, because of the reasons Kate’s already mentioned.’ 

My Alpha exhales a long breath, her cheek nuzzling mine as I attempt to fuse my back to her chest, snuggling ever closer. ‘What a _mindfuck_ _!’_ she concludes this cluster with an apt expletive. 

_I love you_ _no matter what,_ I reaffirm, leaning my head into her shoulder so I can nibble her ear. She hums at my touch, closing her eyes and concentrating once again on steadying her rioting arousal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to ask any questions. Mez's comments from the last few chapters are so much better than I at explaining all this.


	27. Egregious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia have a heated debate.  
> Meanwhile, there's a developmental in the Omega case.
> 
> For Chely99, M, elphiemolizbethbau and Ima Corker ❤
> 
> I don't quite believe where all the kudos came from. Thank you so much. Also thank you for the lovely comments. These, and kudos, keep me going!

After some persuading, I acquiesce to an ultrasound in hopes of easing my overloaded mind; Kate and Abbie having finished setting up the hospital quarters for any rescued Omegas several days back. 

My mind oscillates between berating myself for the seven days of hedonistic selfishness considering what these Omega... and the absolute terror coursing through my veins at the possibility of being pregnant. 

Crushing fear of passing on my Pure Blood legacy, the tortuous agony would undoubtedly befall my offspring, causes my entire form to spasm as Kate gels my stomach. 

She, G and my Alpha gaze at me with heart-breaking sympathy that does nothing to ease my shallow breaths and rioting adrenaline; Abbie banished to think about her brashness and Omi called back to the squad room with a possible lead. 

_Possible lead..._ _Think about that._

Hope suddenly grows in my soul, distracting me from the horror of my actions, my lack of thought, my negligence regarding any protection. 

I inhale a deeper breath and swallow thickly as Olivia near crushes my pinky finger, somehow understanding I can't currently _stand_ further contact. 

_I love_ _you,_ she says for lack of anything else to say. 

I nod my head in answer to Kate’s enquiring gaze, closing my eyes before the convex transducer makes contact with the cold gel on my abdomen. 

I keep them closed; praying, begging and pleading with the fates for mercy, for once. I wait for the expected gasps but hear none. 

Eventually I can’t take the verbal or mental silence from my pack any longer, my own thoughts ricocheting deafeningly around my head. I open my eyes to all three of them looking at me with differing degrees of relief and or disappointment. 

My Alpha’s expression is hardest to read, her brow furrowed, her eyes downcast and her mouth pulled in as though trying to hide the surprise of her own disappointment. 

I glance at the ultrasound monitor, seeing only colon where my uterus should be. I lift my hand to caress her face, my own relief undeniable. 

G and Kate hurriedly leave the room, correctly surmising Olivia and I need a private discussion. 

_Hey,_ I whisper, my fingers stroking her despondent face. The whimper that escapes her lips breaks my heart. _You..._ _you wanted_ _me_ _to be pregnant?_

Olivia looks at me with such guilt and confusion as tears shimmer in her beautiful eyes. She bites her lip to silence her obvious reply. 

_Oh baby,_ I breathe before I can retrieve it. _I’m sorry... I..._

My Alpha shakes her head as she mirrors my actions, cradling my face softly in her palms. ‘There is nothing to apologise for sweetie,’ she argues immediately. ‘But I’ve got to admit, the possibility that you were made me feel... I don’t know...’ She shakes her head, struggling to find the words. ‘Like I’d accomplished all my status required of me,’ Olivia admits as tears slowly begin to fall down her face. 

I gaze at her, shocked by her confession. ‘Have you thought about this often?’ I ask, suddenly fearful my Alpha doesn’t feel complete in our relationship. 

Olivia pads a thumb over my cheekbone, her eyes looking at me in something akin to worship. ‘Only since 10-month-old Henry was mentioned. I didn’t realise you might want children after...’ 

‘Not my own,’ I clarify too hastily, causing my Alpha to wince. I brush my thumb over her strong jaw in a comforting gesture. ‘I mean, I didn’t want my... my...’ I can’t bring myself to say it. ‘... to experience the things my grandmother, mother and I have been through. It would be like sentencing them to death before they even lived.’ 

‘Is this how you feel now?’ Olivia asks softly. 

‘No,’ I answer at once, gazing into my Alpha’s soul to reassure her. ‘I have you... and you have me,’ I add, not so subtlety searching for my own reassurance. 

Olivia quickly catches on, her gaze unrelenting. ‘You are my _everything_. I don’t need anything more, _ever_. But once you showed an interest in Henry, I feel like my animal juices went into overdrive.’ 

‘Maybe that’s why _this_ has happened,’ I wonder aloud. 

‘Is _this_ okay?’ my Alpha asks shyly, withdrawing her gaze for the first time. 

I bite my lip, wanting to be honest with my heroine. ‘Is _this_ okay for _you?’_ I reflect back to her instead.

A sadness returns to Olivia's expressive orbs. ‘I feel like I don’t have control over my body,’ she admits as she steps away from me, her tented pants proving this. ‘I get what G said about your relationship with _these,’_ she says, gesturing disgustedly towards her own crotch. ‘I just don’t want to...’ 

‘Hey, Liv...’ I say to interrupt her self-destruction. ‘Remember what Kate and G said about...’ I begin, attempting to reconnect physically but Olivia evades my touch. 

‘I don’t think we should... I don’t think I should get anywhere near you until we figure this out,’ my Alpha states in her mind-made-up voice. 

I stand still though every fibre of my being aches to envelop this beautiful soul into my arms. ‘I _wanted_ you Liv. I _want_ you!’ I stress, suddenly angry my life partner has seemingly made this decision without consulting me. ‘You are and will always be my heroine. _Always_. You have _never_ hurt me,’ I continue trying to reassure her that she will _always_ be my one and only soulmate. My anger slowly dissipates into fear. _I can’t lose you_ _._

‘I can sense how sore you are,’ she spits, her disgust radiating off of her. This is also the first time ever, Olivia hasn’t _immediately_ countered my core fear, beyond a heinous death. Losing my life partner would be akin to a death sentence. 

‘I am sore,’ I decide to be honest with her. ‘That doesn’t mean I _didn’t_ want you, and didn’t enjoy being with you,’ I try. 

My Alpha’s expression breaks me. ‘I suddenly grew a _fucking_ penis and as soon as you saw it, you submitted to me. What the _hell_ does that say about how frightened you were... _are_ of me hurting you!?’ Olivia finally shares her inner most truths, causing my mouth to gape in shocked comprehension. ‘And what the _fuck_ does that say about me as a supposedly protective Alpha?’ she barks through gritted teeth, her disgust utterly shattering. ‘I wanted you so I _had_ you. I didn’t even _allow_ time for a conversation before we... I...’ 

I wince at her wording as I take a step closer, unable to help myself. ‘I touched you, remember?’ I lower my head in an effort to regain eye contact with my mate. ‘You were _so_ considerate, _so_ thoughtful, so _you,’_ I stress passionately. ‘I was the one who _needed_ you then. I...' my own dam bursts at this moment. 

_‘_ _Enough_ _!’_ my Alpha barks aggressively, her tone leaving no room for argument. A shiver of anxiety and arousal riots through me. ‘I _wanted_ you more than oxygen. I _wanted_ you so bad I thought I might never _stop_ if you touched me. I felt so uncontrollably turned on by _everything_ surrounding you...’ 

'You didn't rape me!' I suddenly growl in exasperation, trying to get through to my spiralling Alpha.

For the first time since our less than successful penultimate heat, Olivia Benson storms out of the room leaving me so unbelieveably frustrated, I stalk to the only couch in the room and aggressively claw at the seams, gradually destroying it as my anger consumes me. 

I wake from unconsciousness or a fitful sleep, I'm unsure, to millions of tiny clouds or marshmallows all around me. Only when I move, do I remember my callous actions. 

_Shit!_

I slump back into the couch innards as clumps of white foam kick up into the air around me. I cover my face with my hands once I realise my Alpha’s intoxicating scent is noticeably absent. 

_My Liv...The argument... Jesus Alex!_

Several seconds pass before I hate myself even more, _loathing_ my selfishness at wasting time, when those remaining Omegas are being tortured to death. 

That does it. I get up from the couch and stalk into the kitchen, where I find Abbie gulping some orange juice, leaning against the surrounding countertop whilst eyeing the crumb island with distaste. 

‘Hey,’ she says after another gulp. 

‘Hey,’ I return her welcome. ‘You seen Liv?’ 

I observe my Beta's eyebrow quirk in question. ‘Trouble in paradise?’ 

Sometimes the refreshing honesty of one Miss Carmichael can be all the therapy I need. Just _not_ today. ‘Where is she?’ 

Abbie slumps her shoulders, finally sensing my mood. ‘She went to the stables to ride. Last I saw, she was riding that mare into the...’ 

I leave before she can finish, already aware of what the bolshie Beta was implying. 

I storm out of the house, heading straight for the stables when something buzzes. Being so focused and determined in my task, it takes me a moment to remember what the vibrating thing in my back pocket is. I reach for my cell and place it to my ear, not breaking my step as I near jog to the stables in search of my reason for living. 

‘Meg?’ 

A chill travels down the length of my spine. Omi only ever calls me with bad news. ‘I’m here, Omi,’ I assure him, my body abruptly freezing mid step, causing me to stumble slightly. 

‘We got someone in custody.’ 

My mouth immediately drains of all moisture. ‘Omega's?’ I ask dumbly, my mind still trying to catch up after days of exhaustingly heated (what _I_ perceived to be) love making... 

‘Yeah,’ he affirms, the shake in his voice making my anxiety and adrenaline sky rocket. 

‘Have you found them?’ my brain finally jumps into gear; the Omegas _far_ more important than any murdering bastard rapist. 

‘Yeah,’ he says, still without the expected elation. My blood runs cold. 

‘Are they alive?’ 

‘Yeah,’ Omi confirms, making relief wash over my body, numbing my anxiety somewhat. 

‘What kind of condition are they in?’ I ask the pertinent question. _Alive doesn’t me_ _an_ _shit in this situation._ I eye the stables for another millisecond before retracing my steps back to the ranch in order to inform Abbie, Kate and G. We are prepared for their arrival, but our set up could benefit from some final checks. 

‘Most of ‘em are in pretty good shape considering what they’ve been through. Some are needin’ life support...’ he explains further. 

‘How many?’ 

‘Of the 21, we found 18. Five are slippin’. 13 are in decent...’ 

‘What about the other three? We need to get them all here as soon as...’ I state hurriedly, re-entering the kitchen to find Abbie gone. 

‘Meg, the five won’t make it... home... and the others... Melinda found trackin’ devices shoved into their...’ 

‘Omi...’ 

‘We can’t send them there. It’s too dangerous.’ Another shiver runs the length of my body as I freeze midway up the stairs. 

‘We can't keep them safe anywhere else,’ I argue pointedly. 

‘I’m not puttin' you and the pack at risk like that.’ 

‘Omi!’ 

‘I’ve already talked to Liv. She agrees.’ 

My blood boils at this, even as my rational brain sees it’s worth. ‘Where the _hell_ can they go if...?’ 

‘We could use the place you were holed up for a while after your surgery,’ he confirms, lowering my anxieties slightly. ‘Some medical staff are already volunteerin’ to help. And Mel could lead the team. She’s come outta the morgue to help with...’ 

‘I don’t know Mel. Do you trust her?’ 

‘Well, she’s a Beta and she never pushed me anywhere I've not wanted to go. And G and Liv know her. Ask them. She's one _hell_ of a woman.’ 

I’m relieved for Omi. So utterly relieved he has someone who respects his boundaries. He so deserves someone who cherishes him. 'I'm so pleased for you Omi,' I voice to ensure he hears me as pack telepathy is ineffective over the phone.

Unsurprisingly, I don't receive any form of response. My mind immediately shifts back to the Omega's.

Every aspect of our plan has quickly imploded, spiralling out of the packs control. It’s devastatingly unnerving. _The Omega's_ _have been_ _to hell_ _and back, and_ _deserve_ _only the_ _best care in a secure environment. But how secure would it remain_ _if they_ _have_ _tracking devices_ _..._ _?_ my practical brain argues. 

‘What did Liv agree to?’ I ask through gritted teeth, realising we would normally answer any calls together. 

‘Said yeah to the setup we used whilst you were healin’, said okay to Mel leadin’ and to welcomin’ the volunteers back.’ 

After only moments of thought I acquiesce. ‘Make sure you hire the same guards as before too,’ I suggest, concurring with everything my mate has agreed. 

‘Sure Meg. So, you’re confirmin’ this is a go? We need to get ‘em help, _now!’_

‘Yes,’ I answer without hesitation. 

Omi speaks to some people, probably the squad, on the other end of the phone for several moments before he addresses me again. ‘Hey Meg, you and Liv okay?’ 

‘Another time Omi, I promise,’ I brush aside his concern gently. ‘Are the remaining three Omegas still missing?’ I remain on point. 

‘Sadly dead. The survivors watched ‘em die. Only a matter of time til we find them,’ he mutters with barely concealed grief and rage. 

‘Omi?’ 

‘Yeah?’ 

‘We will _end_ this. I _promise_ you that,’ I growl with an iron will, my voice shaky yet strong. 

‘I know Meg. I know.’ 

After several beats, I query something I sensed earlier. _My best friend is holding something back from me._ ‘Is there anything else you need to tell me Omi?’ 

‘The perp...’ 

My palms begin to sweat, my legs to tremble, my heart to quicken and my lungs to seize; a lump materialising in my throat as nausea threatens to engulf me. I know what’s coming. _Which rapist?_ I remember them all. 

‘From what he’s saying, _She_ clubbed several of your past rapists together to form this... ‘Paternal Breeding Association’ he called it...’ 

I swallow my disgust, having already assumed this nauseating detail and noticed the PBA reference. My patience wanes. ‘Omi...?’ 

‘I’m sorry Meg,’ his words break my heart and soul as he desperately attempts to divert our conversation. 

‘Omi,’ I whisper breathlessly, my sanity clinging by a thread. ‘So _help me God, if you don't...’_

‘We got your natural father... and your brother and step father are on the run...’


	28. Knife Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex waits for Olivia, her anger and hurt growing with each passing second. 
> 
> Rating: Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, M and elphiemolizbethbau ❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added some edits to explain Alex's anger better.  
> But let's face facts, this news has overwhelmed her, as it would anyone.

I lock myself in a bathroom furthest away from the main thoroughfare of the ranch house, still sensing my Alphas absence. I’m sat against the bath unit, between the toilet and the sink; my fingers stroking my pulsing temples, my eyes closed to shut out the world and everyone in it. 

_My father. My natural father,_ my mind squirms, trying desperately not to think about ‘tea bagging’ Stefan (my stepfather) and ‘handsy’ Xavier (my brother). 

A shudder of revulsion pummels through me as my mind oscillates dangerously between these _disgusting_ excuses for human beings. David and Xavier, I knew, were psychopathic arseholes with no shred of conscience or decency when presented with a pubescent 11-year-old. 

_I let them... Those Omega’s... If I’d_ _..._ Crushing guilt hits me with the force of a freight train; my entire being jarring, jolting and spinning at this damning realisation. _I let them..._ _Th_ _ose animals..._ I lower my forehead into my knees as my soul cringes with all-encompassing shame. 

A knock at the door causes spasms of adrenaline to riot through my synapses. _Kate._

‘Alex?’ she queries softly. 

I love this woman. But she isn’t the woman I need with every fibre of my being. _Where'_ _s Olivia?_ I ask instead. 

‘Abbie saw her riding about an hour ago...’ the pack doctor offers; aware her Alpha’s are struggling. ‘There’s something on the news you might want to...’ Kate tries, her heart only just beginning to slow with the harrowing yet positive news: The Omega sex ring has been cracked. 

_I know,_ is all I can muster, threading my hands through my hair, not knowing where to turn. I feel totally lost. 

_Alex, I’m worried about you,_ Kate’s mind whispers. _I thought the Omega’s being found would be a..._

Just as I’m about to retort that the reporters obviously haven’t revealed the juicer titbits yet, I smell my Alpha. I immediately stand, ignoring my screaming muscles as I unlock the door and race past my Omega, a concerned look on her angular face. 

I near run down the stairs and into the kitchen where I find her with Abbie and G. 

‘Out!’ I order, glaring at our Beta's as Olivia turns from the open fridge door, seemingly cooling herself. 

My Betas leave the room at once. I can’t even wait for them to be out of ear shot, let alone telepathic range. 

‘Enjoying _cooling_ yourself?’ I ask, my tone scathing. Olivia has the grace to blush with embarrassment. ‘Enjoy the ride out whilst the shit hit the fan back here?!’ I snarl, utterly unable to stop myself, my lip raised, my teeth bared. 

‘Lex...’ my Alpha tries, approaching me. 

I step back reflexively, my anger and hurt growing exponentially with each passing moment. ‘No,’ I state harshly, avoiding her touch with a swat of my hand. ‘I don’t want you touching me right now,’ I regret it as soon as the words leave my lips; Olivia’s heartbroken expression somewhat dampening my seething ire.

‘I left because if I’d stayed a minute longer, I’d have...’ she stops, her features reddening again.

‘You’d have...?’ I goad, desperate to know what's going on inside her purposely distant mind. 

‘I’d have... You have no idea how intoxicating you are when you’re angry,’ she half answers the question. 

I shake my head, too furious to voice my usual reassurances and understanding. ‘You were gone for over an _hour!’_ I spit, slapping my hand down on crumb island. _‘Anything_ could have happened to you!’ I continue, my form trembling with rage as my eyes pierce hers. ‘You _can’t_ just run away every time things get tough Olivia. I can't...’ I pause and inhale several steadying breaths before I lose myself entirely. ‘I’ve always prided us on our communication,’ I say in a softer tone. ‘If we don’t talk to each other...’ I lose the fight to stem my tears. 

I once again gesture to my approaching Alpha to stay back. 

‘I’m _sorry_ about our argument. I’m sorry about what’s happening to you,’ I attempt to appease her. ‘If you wish to wait until we figure this out, I'll obviously respect that. _But_ a _complete_ clusterfuck has _exploded_ in the time you’ve been gone and you’d rather cool yourself in front of the _fucking_ refrigerator than look for me!’ I finally purge what’s truly on my mind. I watch my Alpha’s face fall, her mouth working silently, no explanation coming. ‘Omi called me after he called yo...’ 

‘He _never_ _planned_ on _calling_ me,’ Olivia aggressively interjects, surprising me enough to step back in... I don’t know... fear was too strong a word. I observe her nauseated expression, realising I flinched at her tone. She looks away, out the window, tears shimmering in her eyes as she bites her lip; her brain reordering her thoughts. After a calming breath, she meets my gaze. ‘Okay. One, Fin called you before he called me, but he couldn’t get through to you.’ 

My mind journeys back. _Sleeping._

‘Makes sense,’ Olivia continues, as though my mind hadn’t spoken. ‘Your cell battery may have died and we’re always together,’ my Alpha explains, her eyes lowering once more. ‘And two, I think I might have transitioned somehow,’ she gestures to herself grotesquely, stating the obvious. ‘I think I may be the dominant Alpha because I’m feeling how I did when I first met you, pre your transition. My arousal and dominance are now on _constant_ display,’ Olivia snarls, the edge to her voice distinctly self-loathing in nature. ‘I _hate_ not having control, of anything... My arousal, my body, my _behaviour_. I went for a two-hour ride, on my own, _outside_ the fucking ranch perimeter. That’s why it took me so long to get back. I was on my way to _Brazil_ when Fin called me.’ 

My face obviously conveys my shock and concern that Olivia was _that_ afraid, she risked _everything_ to get away. 

‘I’m sorry you felt so... uncomfortable,’ I struggle for the right wording. ‘I trust you with my life,' I clarify quickly, fearing my first sentence wasn't adequate. 'But what if you'd been... Were you leaving me, Liv?’ I whisper, my hands suddenly vice like against the countertop behind me, willing my legs to hold my body weight.

‘I was trying to leave myself, Alex. I... it’s hard to explain...’ Olivia blinks furiously, shaking her head as though uncertain of everything. 

Her answer breaks my heart. ‘You’re beautiful, in mind, body and soul...’ I begin. 

My Alpha scoffs at this, interrupting me. _‘_ _Except_ for the six-inch _dick_ that _neither_ of us _asked_ for!’ 

‘Liv!’ I try a sterner approach, softly softly apparently not working. ‘If I suddenly grew a penis, would your feelings change towards me?’ I reflect her experience in an effort to jump start her self-compassion, my own news and distress secondary in this moment. 

‘I...’ she stutters as I immediately begin regretting taking the risk. ‘I will love you until the end of time. _Nothing_ will ever change that. I wouldn’t want you penetrating me with it but I’d happily ensure your needs were met and enjoy you, your mind, your body, your soul...’ my love repeats my earlier statement, my heart clenching at her thoughts, and the reason behind why she wouldn’t want to be penetrated. 

‘Then why is it so _difficult_ to see you through my eyes, if you would see me, that way, through yours?’ I whisper, my lip quivering as I watch my Alpha slowly lower herself to the tile floor, her head in her hands. 

‘I’m so sorry...’ she whimpers, her body suddenly shaking with such overwhelming emotion, I can’t help but be pulled towards her, my arms encircling her trembling shoulders as I hold her through her brokenness. 

‘I love you, my heroine. Whether you like it or not.’ 

After several minutes, I pull away to exam her face more closely. 

‘I’m here to stay,’ I whisper, placing my hand over her heart as my insecurities run riot in my own psyche. 

‘I love you so _damn_ much. I just didn’t want you to leave me or me to... _hurt_ you...’ 

‘Your inner code, your moral compass, hasn’t suddenly changed because you have a penis,’ I argue gently, my heart hammering as I search her bronze orbs. ‘Penises alone don’t make men bad, much like vaginas alone don’t make women good. It’s the person attached to it, the conscience _within_ the person, that decides whether they will use their genitalia to inflict irreversible trauma during their lifetime.’ I run my fingers through her short brown curls as she nods her head in understanding, her mood lifting which calms my heart ever so slightly. 

I think of making a quip about threatening to kill her if she ever tries to leave me again but I’m still too hurt, too angry, too out of sorts to get the right timber currently necessary; our relationship the most fragile it's _ever_ been. 

‘What made you come back?’ I ask instead. 

‘You,’ she says nuzzling into my touch as my fingernails softly stroke her scalp. ‘I know Omi was going to call you straight after me, in case you’re wondering why I didn’t call. I galloped back as soon as...’ Olivia explains as she tries to stop me pulling away. 

I need space for the next part of this... whatever _this_ is. I shuffle until my back hits the crumb island. 

‘Why didn’t you give Omi the go ahead, so the five seriously injured Omegas could immediately receive intensive care, at the safe hospital you sheltered me in? Why did he have to call me, so wasting valuable time?’ This and my next point hurt the most, along with her walking out. My Alpha put five lives at risk for no apparent reason. I will never be able to entirely forgive this, hence my need for distance. 

‘Because it was a courtesy request at best, with us being his Alphas. He called me, well you then me, to share the incredible news that the squad rescued some... most of the Omegas. His policing duties govern his decisions out in the field, not us. He called mainly to share the good news but being an Omega, he felt the need to gain our approval even though the main decisions, regarding the medical care for those Omegas, were already made and actioned,’ my Alpha shares. ‘He called us as a pack courtesy, he called to inform us of the somewhat positive news, to explain why the Omegas weren’t going to be transferred here, to us and lastly, to check in, especially with you as we... well... I...’ Olivia finishes Omi's reasoning expertly, washing away some of my concerns. _Some_. 

‘They arrested my father Liv,’ I whisper so softly, my Alpha hears it through telepathy rather than my voice. 

‘What?’ the blood drains from her generally dusky features. 

‘They arrested my _father_ and _you didn’t even_...’ I spit, my rage at her cruelty unparalleled. 

‘Whoa, Lex,’ Olivia sweeps her legs under herself until she's on her knees, padding towards me. 

‘No, _don’t,_ _’_ I instruct her, raising a hand to warn her off touching me. _‘I can’t even begin to understand why you...’_

‘I _didn't_ know, my life. I _didn’t know,’_ she refutes my allegation desperately; her eyes wide in shock, her mouth trembling in emotional agony, her chest heaving in utter mortification. ‘Your father? _Jesus, Alex,_ your _father?!’_

Then it comes to me. _Omi didn’t tell my mate._ _Why would he?_ _Our_ _loyal_ _Omega_ _shared my information with me alone,_ _giving_ _me_ _t_ _he choice to_ _tell Olivia, our pack._ It suddenly all shoehorns into place. 

I bite my lip to silence a whimper, my heart breaking at how convinced I was that my soulmate was capable of such cruelty. 

_You_ _left..._ I counter my own thoughts. 

My Alpha watches silently from two feet away, her entire body ramrod straight as she waits, her soul dying, for the guillotine to fall on the _one_ thing that gives us reason to exist: our relationship. 

_I needed some_ _space_ _, away from_ _gated_ _complexes and_ _perimeter_ _fences_ _. I know it was stupid. I’m so sorry. But I was always, ALWAYS, coming back to you,_ Olivia stresses when she realises I’m waiting for reassurance, _reassurance_ only she can give. 

‘I never thought I'd met my father,’ I finally speak, my Alpha letting go of the breath she’s been holding. ‘But when Omi said _She_ deliberately banded some of my rapists together, my stepfather and brother are on the run by the way...’ I infill, belatedly realising my mate knows none of this. ' I thought... maybe... they'd taken you... when you...' Damning comprehension finally crushes Olivia's soul. 'If _anything ever_ happened to you...'

_Christ Alex! I... I'm so sorry. I was an idiot to go without saying anything. Even more so for riding outside the per..._

‘My biological father raped me...' I attempt to swallow my nausea, but the bile pushes through, my Alpha helping me up moments before I empty my stomach into the sink. 

‘I’m so sorry, my everything. I’m so goddamn _f_ _rick_ _in_ _’_ sorry!’ my Alpha's eyes plead for my consent to embrace me. I nod my head once and wait for the glorious feeling of my heroine’s arms wrapping themselves around me, in the warmest, most comforting, protective and priceless blanket this world can ever hope to offer. ‘I _love_ _you_ with _every_ _thing_ in me! And I will be by your side as we _punish_ each and every _bitch_ and _bastard_ whose _ever_ _laid_ a finger on you!’ 

'I'm sorry too... I...'

I finally allow myself to cry, the crushing emotions of the past several hours, days, weeks, months, years, engulfing me in a tsunami of utter desolation, relief and shame. My Alpha's arms holding me together where my skin, muscles, tendons and bones currently can’t. 


	29. Sired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is suckerpunched with another shock. But could it be her salvation?  
> Olivia realises something about her newly transitioned status.
> 
> Rating: Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, Ima Corker, elphiemolizbethbau and M ❤
> 
> A special thank you to all you kudos leavers who've taken this fiction over 100 kudos. I am beyond happy. Thank you so much ❤

I don’t know how long we cuddle into each other before my cell rudely interrupts our temporary haven.

I withdraw an arm to retrieve my phone but immediately replace my cheek against Olivia’s, as I answer the call, not recognising the number.

‘Miss Cabot?’ the male voice on the other end queries boldly.

I never acknowledge a caller until I recognise them as a safe person, after learning the depths _She_ will go to, to draw my attention.

‘Miss Cabot, it's ADA Barba...’

‘Mr Barba...’ I voice, for Olivia’s benefit. My Alpha quirks her brow in concern, her hand keeping me pressed into her torso when I try to lean back to look into her eyes. Unsuccessful, I melt into her arms as she nuzzles my temple.

‘Detective Tutuola’s informed me that you know about your father,’ Barba states without preamble.

‘Yes,’ I reply stiffly, the ADA's bluntness refreshing yet insensitive.

‘He’s asking to speak with you...’

I can’t prevent my scoff from becoming audible as I shrug myself out of Olivia’s grasp, needing some space, some room, some air to breathe.

‘You’re on speakerphone with Liv and I,’ I notify him as I press the button, wanting no secrets between us.

‘Detective Benson.’

‘Ex detective but... call me Liv,’ she urges, growing tired of politeness given the clusterfuck that is our present life.

‘Okay Liv. You can both call me Barba.’ We can’t stop the sudden laughter from bubbling up, my own eyes dancing as I watch the crease lines crinkle around my Alpha’s beautiful, bronze orbs. Liv stares at me just as heatedly, her arousal clear in more ways than one. I swallow down my own desire.

 _Not the time._ Our mirth abruptly dies.

‘Did you hear what I said Alex?’ Barba asks, sensing the change in mood.

‘What could he even think to say to me?’ Olivia, not having heard what Barba initially mentioned, freezes with new knowing. I nod my head once to affirm her suspicions.

‘He’s said if you speak to him, he’ll reveal where Stefan and Xavier Bauer are hiding and give you the information we require to ensure Donnelly gets the hole.’

I stare at my soulmate, my heroine, as I swallow thickly. Liv shakes her head vehemently.

‘This could all be a ruse to get you out in the open,’ she voices gravely, her words making complete and haunting sense. ‘I... I can't... If they kidnap you, I’ll...’

‘I know,’ I whisper, rubbing my hand over hers in mutual comfort. ‘But I’m stronger than...’

‘Until they drug you...’ Olivia argues passionately, her fear of me being abducted and raped to death so consuming, her entire body shakes with the overwhelming henacity of it.

‘My Alpha,’ I purr, brushing my hand against her moistening check. ‘They have been... free...’ I almost choke on this last word, my guilt crushing me. ‘Free men since I was a little girl. They could have taken me at any time. They didn’t,’ I stress, my iridescent eyes imploring my love to listen. ‘They’re too cowardly to come for me, hence why they chose defenceless Omega's. And they know if I find them, I’ll kill them myself,’ I state with such confidence, a shiver radiates through Olivia’s entire being.

‘So, what’s it to be Alex?’ Barba's voice cuts through our heated gaze.

I check the time on my cell phone screen. _1:02am. The precinct will be quieter._ I look into Olivia’s soul as I voice the words she least wants to hear. ‘I’m on my way.’ Though her respect in my decision billows off of her in waves.

I end the call, my eyes never leaving my Alpha’s; the heat, fear, admiration and love surging between us enough to make my centre throb.

‘Let’s _end_ this, my heroine.’

She nods once, getting to her feet and offering me her hand as I take in my surroundings for the first time in hours.

_Kitchen. Ranch. Home. Liv. Safe._

_Indeed,_ my Alpha nuzzles me. ‘Mind if I just go freshen up?’ she asks, both of us knowing exactly what she’ll _really_ be doing.

A flash of heat riots through my core. I stem it; my arousal contained within seconds, Olivia’s still somewhat outside of her control.

As my Alpha tends briefly to her needs to ensure everybody’s safety from her overprotective wrath, I inform the pack of our plans.

Olivia and I arrive at the precinct with G in tow, his presence paramount for my... our emotional wellbeing.

Omi and Barba meet us at the lift and quickly take us to a ‘comfort’ room they use to ‘interview’ child victims.

‘Why aren’t you taking us straight to Alex's father?’ my Alpha asks the obvious question. I quickly clutch her hand under the table, her protectiveness entirely arousing yet unpredictable since transition.

 _Breathe,_ I whisper. Liv breathes, her eyes instantly filling with guilt that I’m comforting her.

_I love you._

_I love you._

She squeezes my hand this time.

‘We thought it best we tell you now, before you walk in...’

‘What?’ I ask heatedly, having no patience for further surprises.

‘Sorry I didn’t tell you on the phone Meg. I just wan'ed to be with you when you found out...’

‘Found out _what,_ Omi?’ I question through clenched teeth, my heart abruptly bruising my ribcage as my already strained anxiety sky rockets.

 _Breathe,_ my Alpha mutters soothingly; her voice, her instruction, allowing me to breathe.

‘Your dad...’

‘Yes?!’ I seethe, my lungs collapsing as my chest heaves under the weight of insufficient oxygen supply, my hand crushing Olivia’s. I order myself not to faint as darkness encroaches on my vision. _Don’t!_ I beg myself. _Breathe._ My lungs immediately relax. I inhale an audibly shuddering breath.

‘It's the Cap, Meg,’ Omi reveals cryptically.

My Alpha whines next to me, signalling her understanding. In my oxygen starved haze, I don’t comprehend the significance.

‘Don, my life. Your fathers Don... Cragen!’

Before I know what I’m doing, I race out of the comfort room and stalk blindly in the direction of the cells.

 _Shit!_ I hear Omi curse behind me, fully aware no one has the status to stop me.

I hear them chase me as I tear at the handle to the Hidden Cell, the very one those thugs beat and tattooed Liv, knowing they wouldn't house a former NYPD Captain in the communal cells, no matter what crimes he’s committed. I sense his faint, Frappuccino scent. _I always hated iced coffee._

‘Open this door, _now!’_ I order, my voice demanding absolute obedience as I stare at the mini crowd that’s assembled in a half moon around me.

Several cops step forward to do my bidding.

My Alpha glares at them aggressively, stopping them in their tracks. She turns to me. ‘Lex? I need you to breathe for me,’ she speaks gently, conveying she'll take control of the situation.

At this point, I couldn’t give a _flying fuck_ about the scene I’m making; my only focus, to kill the man who infiltrated us, violated me; _my own flesh and blood._

‘Liv... _open_ the door,’ I demand through gritted teeth, too blinded by fury to notice several officers openly appraising me, in the watching crowd.

‘I can’t sweetie. Not until you breathe for me.’

 _Bargaining. Great!_ My mind seethes, as I concentrate on self-domination. _Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm..._

Only once my heart beat no longer deafens me, does my Alpha, and the surrounding crowd, lower their shoulders with relief.

Olivia cautiously approaches me, her movements slow and measured. ‘Lex, what can I do for you right now?’

I inhale a further steadying breath, as I subconsciously wipe tears from my face. ‘I need to... He wants to speak to me,’ I answer quietly, my chest heaving one final time as I finally become aware of the 10 strong crowd surrounding me.

‘Back off, go about your business and forget you saw this,’ Olivia states quickly, reading the fear and humiliation in my eyes.

My emotions are momentarily forgotten as I witness my Alpha’s seamless domination of... everyone. I have a sudden overwhelming urge to go about my business.

‘Besides Lex, Barba, G and Omi,’ Olivia clarifies belatedly, utterly bemused that her command dominated me.

 _I’m top dog,_ my Alpha can’t help asserting, her stance oozing confidence and dominance. It takes _everything_ not to swoon and melt into a puddle, on the floor.

I shake my head to control my scorching thoughts. _Liv!_

 _Sorry..._ ‘He will give up both Mr Bauer’s and share enough incriminating testimony to put _Her_ in the hole for life, if Alex talks to him, right?’ Olivia asks for clarification, as I wait for the door to be unlocked.

‘If by _Her_ you mean Donnelly, that’s what Cragen promised, yes,’ Barba affirms, nodding his head whilst trying to keep the intrigue of the last few minutes hidden behind his eyes.

Scathing thoughts infiltrate my psyche. I turn to Barba. ‘What have you promised him for this? Life instead of the death penalty? A lesser sentence? Immunity?’ I rattle off potential deals as I begin to perspire with dread, at meeting the man who sired me, raped me, abandoned me, blindsided me.

Barba starts to approach me but a growl from my Alpha warns him off. ‘Nothing, Miss Cabot. I haven’t entertained any deals or plea bargains of _any_ sort with this... this _man,’_ the ADA bites his tongue at the last minute. The former Captain may be an animal but he's still his client’s father.

I turn back to Olivia, somehow knowing she retrieved a key from one of the now absent officers. _‘Please_ Liv,’ I beg as my Alpha stays resolutely frozen, only our pack members knowing the real reason why.

To cover up Olivia’s struggle to fight her bodies near overwhelming urge to form an erection, G takes a step forward, confident our Alpha won’t threaten him.

‘What do you plan to do to him, Alex?’ our psychiatrist asks directly, his black eyes gentle and non-judgemental.

I grit my teeth and swallow thickly, as revulsion and seething rage riot through me. ‘I want to _kill_ him,’ I reply honestly, balling my fists as I abruptly kick His cell door.

‘You can’t go in there alone, Meg,’ Omi warns, more for Cragen's safety than mine.

‘How many more people are going to come out of the woodwork, Omi?’ I ask no one in particular, even though I mention Omi. ‘How many _more_ before this all stops?’ I feel my ire shift towards guilt, shame and despair. I try _desperately_ to hold onto my anger, but it evaporates as swiftly as a sudden storm on the muggy, New York summer day. ‘I...’ I find myself speechless as a deluge of tears threatens to drown me.

‘My life,’ my Alpha links her pinky with mine, her touch sending a grounding jolt through my willowy frame. ‘This is it. I can _feel_ it. Remember what Barba said. We could be one conversation away from getting _Her, Him_ and _Them._ The _main_ players, Lex,’ my soulmate assures me, drawing me closer when I nudge my forehead into the crook of her neck.

‘Liv...’ is all I can say, my hands clutching her leather jacket lapels as though my life depends on it.

‘I know,’ my Alpha whispers, the very notion this man sired, abandoned and raped me; a man who mentored Olivia for four years in SVU, her pseudo uncle, the man she thought her father _should_ have been; utterly soul destroying.

‘What can we do for you both?’ G asks softly, his heart going out to us; Omi speechless by his side.

After a moment, I remove my nose from Olivia’s pulse point. ‘Let me get this information out of him before _They_ kidnap, rape and murder somebody else.’


	30. Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex faces her father.
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, Ima Corker, M and elphiemolizbethbau ❤
> 
> Thank you for the continued comments and kudos ❤
> 
> This is a long chapter. Other than an Alex/Donnelly showdown (which is coming), I think this is the chapter you've been waiting for. Enjoy!

After a soul destroyingly lengthy debate, it was decided Omi and Barba would shadow me, much to my Alpha’s chagrin. 

The idea of being cramped in the Hidden Cell with Donald Cragen and Olivia Benson would only end one of two ways: one of us killing him or Liv ravaging me. 

I need space, and my Alpha knows it; my body and mind in conflicting flux: desire versus rage. I attempt to swallow both when Liv _eventually_ opens the door. Omi, with weapon in hand, enters first to scope out my... _His_ current location within the cell 

He is patiently sat, cuffed, ready and waiting, behind a table at the far end of the small space. Two redundant chairs await occupants. I know I’ll remain standing. 

I lift my gaze and take in the man with fresh eyes; the man who sired me. _Sired me for Christ’s sake!_

‘Alex.’ I stiffen. _It’s the first time_ _he_ _’s_ _used my given name and_ _he_ _feels_ _now,_ _of a_ _ll_ _clusterfucks,_ _is the appropriate time to use it?!_

I bite my tongue before my fiery rage erupts, causing irrevocable damage to any chances he’ll stick to his word and disclose locations and damning testimony. 

‘Oh Alex,’ he breathes, his face suddenly in his hands and his shoulders shaking with... 

It takes _everything_ in me to control my urge to bolt or charge him in utter disgust and ire; his display nauseating at best. I grind my teeth and swallow thickly, my body frozen as my mind oscillates between the two possibilities. 

I breathe. _Deeply._

‘Where’s Stefan and Xav?’ I talk business before I forget myself entirely, my frame stiff and unmoving. 

‘I’m so sorry Alex,’ he sniffs. 

_You are so very mistaken if you think_ _this_ _one, lone, useless word will make any semblance of difference to those you have hurt,_ _raped, killed._ I’m relieved my mind abruptly snaps into attorney mode. ‘Where are they?’ I ask again, my voice steady and firm; only a slight hitch in my tone audible. 

‘Please sit down,’ he implores, withdrawing his hands from his drenched face to look at me; his features flushed. 

I wince. It pains me that his innate arousal is so nauseatingly overt. I swallow the threatening bile as I stare him down. ‘I will stand!’ My retort resonates through the room. 

His face reddens still further at my outburst. _Oh Jesus!_ My legs almost give way in sheer desolation. _Breathe_ _goddamnit_ _!_ I self-dominate, sickened to my very core. 

‘Promise you’ll talk to me and allow me to explain, and I’ll tell you _everything_ you want to know,’ he bargains, staring at me with pleading eyes; his pupils blown yet steadfastly meeting my gaze, not wandering my body. 

‘Tell me where they’re hiding, _right_ now, or any kidnaps, rapes and or murders will be entirely on you,’ I counter scathingly, realising I'll need to control my tone if I’m to avoid reeling each time he blushes. 

He stares at me for several beats, obviously weighing up his limited options, before his nods and lowers his head. ‘Would you like to record this, counsellor?’ he suggests, looking at Barba. 

The ADA retrieves a voice recorder and presses play. 

‘Present are Detective Odafin Tutuola, Attorney Rafael Barba, Mr Donald Cragen, and at Mr Cragen’s request, Miss Alexandra Cabot,’ Omi chimes in, using his most professional voice. 

‘Rafael Barba, Prosecutor speaking: Have you been read your rights, Mr Cragen?’ Barba takes the floor. 

‘Yes,’ 

‘Do you understand your rights and have you signed documents to this affect?’ 

‘Yes, and yes.’ 

‘Were you offered legal counsel?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

‘Did you refuse counsel?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

‘So, you are willing to talk without your attorney present.’ 

‘Yes.’ 

‘Where are Stefan and Xavier Bauer? Two suspects in the Omega Oppressors movement and the ongoing criminal activity of the Paternal Breeding Association, a sex trafficking ring,’ I ask, repeating my question for the record. 

‘They’re in a container ready for shipment, at the harbour. Container 5103 on the Western side.’ 

I glare at his shiny, bald head. ‘If you’re lying to us...’ 

‘There’s no reason to lie anymore,’ he murmurs softly, lifting his head as a relived breath leaves him. 

Omi moves to leave. I grab his arm before he opens the door. 

‘Are there any other shipments we should know about?’ I ask, my stomach churning at this, assumed but until this moment not entirely certain, detail. 

‘Yes,’ he answers heavily as my legs threaten to collapse from under me. ‘Containers 5115, 5281 and 5430.’ 

My grip on Omi strengthens; my Omega placing a hand at my waist covertly, to aid my sudden dizziness. 

_Breathe,_ he coaxes. I breathe. 

‘What will we find in these containers, Mr Cragen?’ Barba takes over, reading my internal struggle expertly. 

‘Waif and stray Omega’s who don’t hold a light to you, Alex.’ His despicable attempt at a compliment, speaks volumes of his _perverse_ attraction to me, his own daughter. 

My hand grips onto Omi for dear life, my chin resting on his shoulder, his arm the only thing keeping me grounded yet upright. 

_Breathe, Meg. I’m ‘ere,_ he whispers achingly gently, repeating what he’s heard Liv mantra many times before. 

Unbeknownst to me, Omi gives Barba a look over my head. 

I hear the cell door open and shut. Only slightly later do I realise Barba left to inform the squad of my stepfather and step brothers whereabouts, as well as three further containers crammed full of fresh sex slaves, ready for shipment to three corners of the corrupt underworld. 

It takes several minutes for my body and lungs to equalise; my head still reeling and turned into the reassuring, milky tea scent of my Omi. 

I hear the door open and close again before I inhale the distinctive scent of black coffee. _Barba_. 

Yet, its the intoxicating and dominant scent of my Alpha that overwhelms my senses. As the door closes, her beautiful scent diminishes but remains, reassuring me much like Omi’s. 

I inhale a final steadying breath before I turn back to _Him,_ his eyes on me. _Obviously!_ I shudder despite myself. ‘How do you know these shipments haven’t already...’ 

He looks to Barba who interjects gently. ‘I asked him this and whether there were any other shipments we could intercept, before I left the room, Miss Cabot.’ 

Instead of being mortified that I zoned out, I just nod my head, not wanting to be in the same breathing space as this man for any longer than is necessary. 

‘Good. Thank you, Barba,’ I say on autopilot, my upbringing and breeding... I halt my thoughts right there, shaking my head and rubbing my temples at my own stupidity. 

_Meg_ _,_ Omi utters, squeezing my waist to bring me back. _You got this._

I finally step away from my anchor, ridiculously proud of my own two feet as I cautiously make it to one of the unoccupied chairs opposite _Him_ _,_ using it as a balancer as I meet his gaze once more; my head held high, my back straight, my deportment feigning status and strength. 

‘And this incriminating evidence you promised, that would ensure _She_ gets the hole?’ I ask stiffly, my fist vice like against the back of the empty chair. 

The proud smile he gives me makes my skin crawl, a shiver radiating up my spine. 

‘Go to the James A. Farley Postal Service building. Find PO Boxes 34, 176 and 920. They contain signed and sealed documents that will incriminate Liz Donnelly a hundred times over.’ 

His use of _Her_ name bristles me; uttered like naming an old friend, not a criminal mastermind behind the systematic abduction, torture, rape, forced slavery and murder of seemingly countless Omegas. 

‘By Liz Donnelly, who do you mean?’ Barba clarifies. I’m glad the ADA's here. 

‘Elizabeth Donnelly.’ 

Barba passes a note through the food hatch on the door, deciding against leaving a traumatised survivor and an Omega alone in a room with a highly dangerous man again. 

‘How long has this been going on? How many Omegas?’ I question, unable to silence my mouth, even though my psyche screams at me to stop; my inner sanctum unprepared for his answers. 

‘Years, Alex. Years,’ he confesses solemnly. ‘Rape, slavery and murder have always existed. But when Agnes came into our lives, we finally gained some understanding of this pull hierarchy. We felt it but we hadn’t understood it...’ 

‘Did you... Were you complicit in my grandmothers murder?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

I gasp before I can silence it, both hands now vice like against the back of the chair to prevent my sudden, murderous intent being realised. 

‘I suggested Agnes Cabot stayed with the Donnelly’s. Liz being her ADA after all, and Bernard...’ I clear my throat, a sudden obstruction suffocating me. ‘... being a Senator. I thought... I honestly didn’t realise they, and my partner, were bent. I promise you that,’ he stresses, his once soft brown eyes, now the eyes of the devil. 

‘Your partner being...?’ Barba interjects. 

‘Max Greevey.’ 

‘You’re lying. You told Liv... Detective Olivia Benson that you'd never met my grandmother, had nothing to do with her...’ 

‘I lied then, as I didn’t want to be linked to either Agnes or Kristen’s murders,’ he answers plainly. ‘I’ve just admitted to being complicit. Why would I lie about that?’ 

_You have a point,_ I gravely admit. 

‘When you spoke of Elizabeth and Bernard Donnelly, and Max Greevey being bent, what did you mean?’ Barba gets us back on point. 

‘Bernard Donnelly and Max Greevey falsely imprisoned, raped, tortured and murdered Agnes Cabot, whilst Liz Donnelly watched,’ he reveals, affirming a long-held notion of mine. 

_She always did like to watch_ _,_ my mind retorts venomously, remembering the Donnelly's sickening confessions as they raped me. 

Omi gives me a barely noticeable foot tap of encouragement as he moves to stand next to me. 

Barba moves as well, deciding to take one of the empty seats across from Cragen. 

‘I was responsible for putting her in the lion’s den, or in the middle of a wolf pack!’ he quips, wrongly assuming his dire attempt at wit, whilst speaking of my grandmother’s murder, might win him some points. 

It doesn’t. 

I glare at him, using my most ice queen worthy stare. He visibly shrivels. _You fucking_ _..._

_Breathe Meg._ I breathe. 

Seeing how negatively his gross attempt at levity was received, Cragen adds; ‘Max was sentenced to life. The case against Bernard was deemed a mistrial, and had a lack of physical evidence... Max didn’t wear a condom...’ 

I squeeze my eyes shut a moment, remembering my numerous rapes at the hands of Senator Donnelly. _He didn’t bother_ _after_ _my abduction, as my escape was never intended_ _._

I shake my head to reacquaint myself with my surroundings. ‘How did you meet my mother, Kristen Cabot?’ 

He noticeably cringes at the mention of my mother. ‘I met her during Agnes’ original case, against her then landlord who...’ 

‘Move on,’ I order, not needing the specifics of yet another assault against my grandmother. 

‘I was very protective of Kristen after what happened to Agnes. And Kristen welcomed my protection, because she was of _age_ _,’_ he stresses the last word, his meaning clear. My mother was a fully developed PBO: the most vulnerable of status’, with no one to protect her but _Him_. 

I close my eyes, _knowing_ more than anyone how excruciatingly lonely life is for a PBO. _Imagine if Liv hadn’t found me...?_

_But she did Meg. Liv did find_ _you_ _;_ Omi immediately comforts me, his eyes staring ahead as his mind focuses solely on me. 

‘Did you protect her?’ I ask, my voice shaking with dread. 

He shakes his head as a wince crosses his face. ‘No... No, I didn’t,’ he admits, tears forming in his eyes. 

I finally relent and sit on the unoccupied chair, my legs too untrustworthy to remain standing. Omi moves to stand to my right, Barba sat to my left. _Sentinels_. 

I inhale a shuddering breath as my palms slick with renewed anxiety, my mouth cottons, my heart riots, my lungs seize and my stomach drops to the earth’s core. 

‘What happened, Mr Cragen?’ Barba queries, sensing my need for time. 

He continues to gaze at me, his eyes searching for something he will never find: forgiveness. ‘We had several amazing weeks...’ I wince at the notion my mother willingly slept with this... this... with _Him_. ‘But her pull...’ 

_God no!_

‘It just got too much and...’ 

_St_ _op! Please_ _just fucking_ _stop!_

‘... I raped her. I couldn’t stop myse...’ 

‘Stop!’ I hiss with raging disgust, _damned_ if I’ll listen to him excuse his actions and _blam_ _e_ them on my mother’s pull. 

‘I’m so sorry Alex. _God,_ I’m _so_ sorry!’ he pleads as he begins to cry. 

A lone tear escapes my right eye as I watch this heinous scene: _my..._ _Him_ _, my_ _mother’s_ _rapist, crying over raping her._

_‘_ _Control_ yourself!’ I spit, stilling his sniffles of self-pity. 

‘Then what happened, Mr Cragen?’ Barba saves me again. 

He exhales a weighted breath, his gaze remaining resolutely fixed on me, as though he’s getting his fill before he never sees me again. ‘She... Kristen ran. She ran like a bat outta hell. Understandably...’ he adds, making me sick to my stomach. 

A rapist sympathising with their victim is akin to a domestic abuse perpetrator crying over their victim’s dead body, after years of relentless abuse. 

_Abusers remorse: but only for themselves_ _._

‘Years later she burst into the precinct. I was a Sargent by then... Kristen demanded I protect her and her daughter.’ 

I close my eyes to prevent him seeing the pain swimming in my depths. _How desperate must my mother have been to plead one of her rapists for protection?_

‘She threatened to ruin my career and... I couldn’t let her do that,’ he whispers, as unbridled rage surges through my veins, the only thing stopping me from killing him, the slight, covert pressure of Omi's calming thumb on my shoulder, feigned as him leaning slightly on the back of my chair. 

_Breathe,_ _M_ _eg. Please Meg._ I breathe as Omi places his foot against mine. _I’m ‘ere._ _You’re safe._

‘What happened?’ Barba coaxes. I reopen my eyes, awaiting his answer. 

‘I... I...’ he stifles a whine as his orbs explore mine. ‘I gave her to the Donnelly’s...’ 

My body can no longer aline with my controlled exterior. I instantly stand, but instead of leaping over the table to throttle the life out of him, (the very idea of touching him repulses me), I stalk to the opposite side of the cell and lean my forehead against the cold, stone wall, _desperately_ trying to calm myself down. 

Omi is by my side in an instant. _Meg?_

_Please give me a minute... Please... just..._

_Wa_ _nt_ _me to get Liv?_

_No... She’ll kill him..._ I know with utter certainty as my shoulders sag under the weight of this new information. _He_ _... he_ _gave my mother to_ _... them. Oh._ _.._ _Jesus!_

I can sense my Omega’s desperation as my breathing spirals out of control, my body swaying dangerously. 

A finger suddenly wraps around my pinky, holding on so tightly I fear I’ll lose circulation, bringing me back from the precipice. I look down, and gaze at our linked fingers, then up at my Omega. 

_I_ _seen_ _Liv do it_ _,_ _so I_ _thought._ _.._

I don’t care who’s watching in this moment as I lean into my Omi, allowing his strong arms to embrace me. 

A vehement knock on the cell door interrupts our calming quiet. I know at once it’s my Alpha. 

_I can’t face her Omi. If I see her, I’ll fall apart. I can’t..._

_No worries, Meg._ _I’ll deal with her... You okay me leavin’ for two secs?_

I nod my head, wipe my eyes and inhale the deepest of breaths. Within moments I’m staring down the monster who dares call himself my father, as Omi leaves the room. 

My Alpha’s aura instantly fills the cell, causing my body to keen towards her. I purposely keep my eyes on _Him_ to stop myself reading the concern no doubt swirling in her beautiful... I shake my head again to rid my mind of bronze orbs, olive skin, powerful arms and kissable lips. _Not now, Cabot!_ I self-chastise; Barba keeping his eyes respectfully directed forward, to give me some privacy to collect myself. _He_ doesn’t, his eyes continuing to implore me to forgive the unforgivable. 

The door thankfully reopens. Omi re-enters without the sudden rush of Olivia's scent. I am both thankful and crushed. 

_Where is she?_ I enquire, needing to know. 

_Just down the hall with G. Close,_ Omi reassures me. 

_T_ _hanks_ _Omi,_ I reply, so very grateful for him. 

_They found the_ _Bauers_ _where_ _Cap..._ _Cragen_ _... He said we'd find 'em. And the three containers_ _were_ _housin_ _' some 45 Omega's each. All alive, thank fuck!_ he telepathically fills me in on the reason behind Liv's interruption. _Still_ _waitin_ _' on '_ _er_ _paperwork._

I grit my teeth in relief and renewed rage. _Fill Barba in,_ I request. 

Omi hands a piece of ready paper to the ADA who nods once, giving nothing more away. Again, I remember why I like this man. I then sit back down next to Barba, opposite _Him_. 

The ADA looks at me for a millisecond, before he presses the record button once more. ‘Mr Cragen, you mentioned you gave Kristen Cabot to the Donnelly’s. What does this mean?’ My respect for this man for keeping his head, maintaining his professionalism and ensuring this heinous interview is recorded, grows exponentially with each passing second. 

_He_ clears his throat, his eyes still on me. ‘It means I gave her to the people who murdered Agnes. I knew she would suffer a similar fate at their hands.’ 

‘Similar fate being? For the record,’ Barba asks for clarification, even though we all know. 

_He_ shakes his head and looks pointedly at me as though he wishes to suddenly spare me further anguish. My blood boils at his abrupt _c_ _are_. When we look at him with dispassionate eyes, he can do nothing but speak. ‘I knew they would rape her into submission, or rape her to death, if her spirit was too strong... I knew her spirit was strong, like yours Alex.’ 

Every fibre of my being wants to hurt him, _badly._ I clutch the table leg with both hands to prevent my fists from battering him to death, as Omi places his palm on my shoulder, subtly keeping me seated. ‘You gave my mother to barbarians, _knowing_ her fate,’ I voice aloud, the searing disgust in my tone evident. 

‘Yes,’ he replies quietly, years of regret in his eyes. 

‘For the _job_ _?’_ Omi growls, his first audible input since the beginning; his palm leaving my shoulder before he hurts me, his own rage clear. 

‘I had a new life then. A career, a wife I adored and who loved me. I couldn’t bring a strange woman and her daughter into my home. It...’ 

‘Okay,’ Barba interrupts, sensing the understandable tension considering the harrowing topics currently being discussed. ‘So, you gave Miss... Kristen to the Donnelly’s. What happened to the child?’ 

_He_ shifts uncomfortably in his seat. ‘I... I... um... I don’t know. The first time I saw Alex was...’ 

‘You don’t know what happened to your own daughter?’ Barba asks, his tone incredulous. 

‘I thought it best she be nowhere near me after what I did to Kristen. I heard you had a stepfather and brother... And I had my suspicions Alex was mine, but I wasn’t absolutely sure until...’ 

‘Until?’ 

‘I touched her... you,’ he replies, looking from Barba to me. 

I swallow audibly at his words as screaming sparks of revulsion riot through my body. I level my eyes on him. ‘You _gave_ my mother to those degenerates, then you _allowed_ your daughter to be looked after by an _abusive_ stepfather and brother whilst _letting_ her think her mother had committed suicide. Then you _allowed_ your daughter to be placed in the system, then the streets, when the system was as abusive as the rest of them?’ I list off the heinous nature of his actions and subsequent inaction. 

‘I thought I might rape you if I...’ 

‘Did you?’ I ask bluntly, _desperately_ needing to know this detail. 

_He_ looks at me for the longest time, so long in fact that Omi leans over the table between us to silently force a confession. 

‘No.’ 

I look at him suspiciously. 

‘I haven’t, honestly,’ he stresses, his face sweating for the first time. ‘The first time I touched you was when you tested me in my office, a couple of weeks back,’ he adds in earnest. ‘You know you remember each and every one of them...’ 

_I do._ _You’re_ _right._ _She must have thought_ _you_ _’d_ _raped me_ _._ ‘Did you give me to them?’ I ask my next query in a litany of question marks. 

‘No. _They_ found you by tapping your phones,’ he answers honestly. ‘I was the one who found you and ensured you were rescued before they...’ 

‘You found me because you know all _Their_ back-alley places to rape lower stated pull people!’ I shout scathingly. ‘Don’t _tell_ me you _saved_ me when the entire reason you knew where to find us was because you’d been there and _enjoyed_ the _mechanise_ on _offer_ _!’_

_He_ blanches at my fierce allegation. That is enough evidence of his guilt, for me. _Disgraced_ _Former Captain Cragen_ _is a_ _perverted,_ _serial_ _rapist at the very_ _least._

‘I saved you from...’ 

‘They raped me so viciously, I was in hospital for _f_ _ive_ months!' I howl. ‘ _She_ raped...’ I bite my tongue before I reveal Liv's secret, that Donnelly raped her too. 

Cragen looks down at his hands on the table in front of him, chewing his lip. 

‘Liv said we were there for days before you ‘found’ us. _Days_...’ I silence myself in favour of controlling my breathing. 

‘I couldn’t lead the squad there straight away or they’d know I had connections...’ 

‘Saving your own skin again, Mr Cragen?’ Barba questions heavily. 

‘You gave my grandmother and mother to _Them_. You say the first time was a mistake because you didn’t know. The second time was anything but. Then you _sacrificed_ Liv and I, your pseudo and actual _daughters_ , to _save_ your career... _again_?’ I list his despicable cowardice in one damning summation. 

Hedeflates under the weight of his crimes. 

‘All to save _face?_ ’ I add, twisting the knife. 

‘I didn’t know for sure that you were mine until you touched me...’ 

‘I'm no bodies, _least_ of all, _yours_ ,’ I correct him savagely. ‘And what difference did it make, me being your daughter?’ 

‘It meant I’d _never_ touch you inappropriately,’ he argues self-righteously. 

‘So, if I hadn’t been your daughter, I’d have been fair game? You’d have raped me?’ 

Cragen remains silent at this, lowering his head; my interview tactics tying him in knots. 

A nauseating thought strikes me. ‘You disappeared the day _after_ I touched you. Did my touch...?’ My skin crawls as I wait for him to face me; images of me testing him, of his straining erection, battering my senses. 

Eventually, he raises his gaze to meet mine. ‘I did _everything_ I could to keep you safe from me.’ 

‘Safe from your sexual aggression, but not your cowardice!’ I counter, seething that he would attempt any argument at all. ‘You _raped_ numerous women to _save_ me? You _raped_ countless victims because _touching_ me had so _aroused_ you? To _save_ me from your _savagery_ _!?’_ I glare at him in sheer anguish. ‘And you knew what _She_ was capable of, what _She_ did to my _family_ , yet you said and did _nothing_ ; not to me, Liv or Om... Fin!’ I retort, standing over this man who once called himself the Captain of SV- _fucking_ -U, who will _never_ have the _right_ to call me his daughter. ‘What the _hell_ does She have on you?’ 

‘Liz knew I was a deviant. She knew I’d raped Kristen. She knew it’d take _everything_ for me not to rape you. So, she embroiled me in the trafficking of Omega's through the Paternal Breeding Association...’ 

‘You _e_ _mbroiled_ _y_ _ourself_ _!’_ I spit with such potent venom; hebacks his chair into the wall behind him. 

‘Yes,’ he acquiesces, any counter argument redundant. 

‘How embroiled did you become, Mr Cragen?’ Barba asks firmly. 

‘I... I...’ he stammers, his breathing shallow and erratic. ‘I got as involved as you can get.’ 

These vile words are the straw that inevitably breaks the camels heavily loaded back. 

I vaguely hear Barba asking for clarification, a clarification I _don’t_ need to hear, as I storm out of the Hidden Cell feeling the most disgusting and violated, I have _ever_ felt by any one human being. 

My last conscious thought: getting as far away from this repugnant entity as I possibly can. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edits done on the grammar.


	31. Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has only one destination in mind.
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, elphiemolizbethbau, M, shadowcub and Ima Corker ❤. 
> 
> Thank you for your ongoing kudos and comments support!

I’m unsure where I’m headed. My Alpha and G following behind me, silently arguing over my safety and whether the Container Story has broken. It has; G dutifully informs us, having scrolled the internet before my forceful exit. 

I ignore them in my haste to escape the precinct, the street, the block, the city. 

I sense them either side of me, their chatter quietening as they realise, I’m currently unreachable. 

I keep my pace swift and unrelenting, oblivious to the pinch of my stilettos or the bruising beat of my heart, as I unconsciously head downtown. 

Thoughts of the newly rescued Omega’s haunt my gradually awakening mind as I hear Olivia growl warningly behind me. I sub-consciously turn to her, her bronze orbs assessing my renewed awareness in seconds. 

_Someone got too close... just warning them off..._ her beautiful mind explains. I nod silently, so incredibly thankful Olivia’s no longer questioning my motives or vulnerability, my direction telling of my intentions. 

After keeping this pace for over half an hour, and losing my stilettos at some point on route, I finally stop in the middle of the sidewalk to catch my breath; Olivia not far behind me. G hailed a cab I subsequently refused to get into, several blocks back. 

The taxi parks up next to us, the door flinging open in invitation. My Alpha waits for my decision, never wanting to take it away from me again. 

I shake my head, abruptly realising my face is wet from crying, my feet bloodied from walking barefoot and my body and mind screaming from overwhelming exhaustion. A secondary aside is the crowd we're attracting with every moment I remain exposed outside. 

I get in the car, a soft whimper of pained relief escaping my lips as my body relaxes into the back seat. 

Instantaneously, the fifty strong crowd lunges for my open door. My Alpha hastily leans across me and slams it shut, demanding I face forward as the cab pulls away from the sidewalk. I submit to her command, my exhaustion too crushing to question her strange request. 

‘The Harbour,’ G instructs knowingly as my Alpha attempts to link our pinkie fingers together in comfort. I move my hand from the back seat to my lap; not out of reach but the gesture enough for Olivia to comprehend I don’t want to be touched. 

The closer we get, the denser the crowds become. 

I bite my lip anxiously as the cab driver slows to a snail’s pace; my eyes wide, my pores open, my heart ricocheting and my lungs collapsing as deja vu haunts my psyche. 

Images of my Alpha being stab, Omi being gang raped, the rabid mob reaching, searching, finding my skin... 

I feel Olivia watching me. I close my eyes briefly to shake the harrowing memories. It doesn’t help. 

_Breathe._ _You’re_ _dominant now.You and your pack are safe,_ my mind reassures me as I open my eyes to bronze pride. 

_Damn straight you are,_ my Alpha affirms huskily, subtly covering her lap with her leather jacket to save me from yet another trigger. 

I reach out to touch her covered knee, silently conveying my overwhelming gratitude at her thoughtfulness, her presence, her very existence. She grins a self-conscious smile, slowly loosening her death grip on the leather hiding her erection. 

A palm slamming on my door window drags me kicking and screaming from our moment. I flinch reflexively as the faces immediately outside smile, leer and gurn against the glass, My Alpha hurriedly leans over my lap and bares her teeth to the baying mob. Thankfully, all of them back off. _All of them._ I turn to her with all-consuming love radiating from my iridescent eyes, before the avalanche of conflicting emotions crash down on me once again. 

_Breathe,_ I self-dominate, my pack taking the opportunity to breathe themselves. 

_We are okay,_ Olivia whispers soothing, moments before the cab driver decides he’s had enough. 

‘Alright, lady. I love what you stand for. A- _fucking_ -men! I’d do anythin' to see you win that upcoming case. But this...’ he says, gesturing to the mob and then his cab. ‘This is my livelihood, ma’am. I...’ 

I lean forward, _desperate_ for him to know the steps he’s already taken are more than enough; this being my first cab ride _ever_ that I haven’t been taunted, harassed or touched. ‘I’ll reimburse you for any damages. Give G...’ I point to George. ‘... your digits,’ I suggest, the driver giving G his full attention. 

I open the door, forcing the crowd back abruptly when they smell my and my Alpha’s dominant scents. 

I get out before Olivia can stop me, my Alpha instantly climbing out my door to be beside me. We wait impatiently for G to stop his impromptu chat up, the doc looking decidedly embarrassed when he realises his Alpha’s are waiting for him, _outside_ the cab. 

_Sorry,_ his mind murmurs as we take in the conflicted crowd; their facial expressions oscillating between awe, lust, anger, fear and excitement. 

I inhale a steadying breath, my rage near impossible to reign in; in no mood to give these potential threats an inch. ‘Move aside and let us pass,’ I demand, relieved when the involuntarily submissive mob part like the red sea. 

I surge down the path the mob create at pace, _needing_ to reach the Omega's before one of Donnelly’s unidentified minions do; my Alpha and Beta following close behind me. 

My energy stores ebb, only my anger and determination pushing me forward as my senses zero in on a scent I can only describe as Kate. This realisation disgusts me, my Alpha tendencies recognising the scent of an Omega for the first time, the sheer number of them overpowering Olivia’s autumnal wood fire essence. 

I abruptly stop, causing Olivia and G to ricochet into me. 

‘My life?’ I hear my Alpha whisper as my body trembles under the deluge of sensory triggers infiltrating my every fibre. _Breathe... You_ _can do this..._ _You’re_ _the most incredibly compassionate and thoughtful person alive... You can fight this_ _..._ she encourages, quickly understanding my sudden struggle. 

I gaze into her eyes as I breathe and allow her words to soak into me. _Breathe... I can do this..._ _I’m_ _thoughtful and compassionate... I can fight this..._

When I still don’t move, my Alpha almost links our pinkies before thinking better of it. Instead, she stares into my soul. _You are not Him..._ _You will never_ _be_ _him... You are not nor will you ever be a rapist,_ her being whispers into my rebellious mind. _Now_ _let’s_ _go help the Omega’s._ _.._

Only when I begin moving my stiffened limbs, do I notice the crowd now wrapped around us. 

Being too shaken, _t_ _oo_ concerned for the rescued Omega’s welfare, and _too_ enraged to stop walking, the mob can only give way as I tear a path through them; beyond caring if they touch me as my drive to reach the Omega’s becomes overwhelming, priority one. 

Whenever someone touches me, I growl or shove them away from me. When my Alpha tries to help, I give her an intense stare that screams: _I can do this!_ My rage, hurt and anguish so achingly intense, I realise I have enough angst to fight off an entire army in this moment. 

More people crowd round in hopes of catching a glimpse of the Pure Blood Alpha, the ‘President of Humanity’, the most _fuckable_ person on the planet. 

But once I’ve shoved several perverts over forty feet into the mob, they settle. Instead deciding to watch me stalk through their number with one goal in my mind: The Omegas. 

We finally reach the front of the mob, fenced off from the ensuing bedlam in front of us by the SVU squad on scene. 

I quickly gain the attention of the blonde southern belle... _Rollins_ _was it?_

_Yes,_ my Alpha supplies helpfully as she tries to keep from moulding into my back; the mob too excited by our presence to remain still. 

Detective Rollins jogs over to us, a grim mix of relief, horror and exhaustion in her eyes. ‘Well, can’t say I’m sad to see y'all here,’ she states more cheerily than any of us feel, before she motions for us to squeeze through the gates. 

Once Liv, G and I make it to the other side, I turn my fierce gaze on the barely contained mob. _You will r_ _emain_ _behind these gates._ _Do you understand me?_

The first twenty rows of people shout affirmations in a variety of languages and tones. 

_And keep those behind you, behind you. Okay?_

Another chorus of acquiescence sounds before I turn back to Detective Rollins; her face a picture of unequivocal desire, before she remembers who she’s staring at and snaps herself out of it. 

I quickly clasp her hand, wanting to retest her conscience given the hungry gaze she just gave me. 

She shuts her eyes momentarily, seemingly understanding my need to repeat this, before she again, opens one eye then the other. A smile crosses her face. I return a lopsided half grin; too enraged and anguished to spare more. 

‘What can I do?’ I ask, looking above Detective Rollins head, finding several Omegas with blankets around their shoulders, more sitting in the dozen ambulances, others still pouring out of the containers. 

‘We need more buses,’ my Alpha states behind me. 

‘Well, if I had your voice down the phone, I swear they’d be several hundred racing ‘ere,’ Amanda quips, drinking in Liv with something akin to enthusiastic awe. 

‘Grab me a phone,’ Olivia orders, seemingly oblivious to the impact she has on the young detective. 

Rollins gives Liv her cell as she gestures for G and I to follow her. ‘Havin' a psychiatrist could come in handy,’ she says as she points to Detective's Munch, Beech and Carisi. ‘Dr Huang, think your services will be better directed by our Sergeant,’ the blonde suggests. George waits for my approval. I nod once, watching as he quickly approaches the small gathering of detectives. 

It’s at that moment I hear a gut-wrenching cry. My hackles raise as I immediately search for and find my Alpha unharmed, her eyes boring into mine before she gestures behind me, the cell going back to her ear. 

I turn, surmising whatever it is can’t be too heinous for Olivia to immediately go back to her call. In front of me stands at least thirty Omegas, their eyes blown from drugs, yet their expressions telling of their comprehension that I am here, their PBA, their only champion is here. 

The woman I assumed shrieked moments before approaches me, hands held out in disbelief as I step towards her, shortening her painfully sluggish journey; her body drugged and heartbreakingly used. 

‘It's... you? You... you _saved_ us?!’ she asks, utterly perplexed and disbelieving of her own eyes. ‘Am I dead?’ 

This question causes any thinly veiled control over my composure to give way, in a slow yet devastating tsunami of crushing emotions. 

The Omega tentatively reaches out to brush tears from my face; the gesture so gentle, so loving, so comforting, my heart shatters; not needing to wonder at the horrors this incredible, compassionate woman faced at the hands of the devil and his playmates. I lift my hand to cover hers, leaning my cheek into her palm as my soul dies and soars in equal measure. 

‘You’re... a... angel,’ she whispers, as her misty eyes release under the weight of her trauma. 

‘Can I... Can I hug you?’ I request, waiting for a consent I’m not certain will be given. 

The woman throws herself at me, her arms circling my body as though her very life depends on it. I embrace her as wilfully; this awe-inspiring survivor giving me hope she, and they, haven’t been completely broken by their experiences. 

I awake in my bed, in the ranch, in Katonah. I abruptly sit upright, my limbs protesting as I wonder how the _hell_ I got here. I immediately conduct a full body survey, starting with my core. Occasionally, throughout my life, I would black out. So, the only way I’d know I’d been assaulted was by feeling the searing, chafed pain thriving through my vagina and the dull ache in my lower belly, where my cervix was torn open... 

_Stop!_ I command my disobedient mind. _My centre_ _doesn’t_ _ache,_ _throb_ _or_ _chafe_ _. I_ _haven’t_ _been raped._ The reason I can make this sweeping assumption, I’m never raped just once. 

Relief floods me when my thoughts finally catch up with my body assessment. _My_ _muscles are tired and strained, but I have no bruising, no_ _bites,_ _tears,_ _scratches or burns._ _I_ _haven’t_ _been beaten_ _._

_Being beaten_ _generally occurs_ _during_ _the rape_ _s,_ _my intoxication too..._

_Stop!_

I belatedly search for my absent Alpha, surprise taking centre stage in my consciousness, that I didn’t immediately seek the safety of my Alpha. 

_Status, growth, independence,_ I note, self-consciously. 

_The Omegas... Fuck!_ I race out of bed, my muscles screaming at my sudden burst of adrenaline. I tear at my night dress and pull on a pair of jeans and Liv’s neglected, worn shirt from the floor. Her scent surrounds me as I call for her. 

I belatedly focus on the sound of the shower turning off, the door being hurriedly opened, my Alpha standing in all her gorgeous magnificence, a towel haphazardly covering her penis. 

_Wha_ _...?_ _Wher_ _...?_ _Ho...?_ my mind asks all at once, my desperation to fill in the blanks between embracing that incredible survivor to now, all-consuming. 

Olivia drops her towel in her haste to comfort me, her hands cradling my jaw as I glance at her erect shaft with dazed eyes. 

She follows my gaze, blushing profusely before she quickly grabs the towel and covers herself. _Sorry..._ my Alpha mutters as she repositions her hands either side of my face. Olivia looks into my soul; her ability to read my hurricane of emotions, the _only_ thing preventing my entire being from shattering. W _hat’s_ _the last thing you remember?_

_Hug,_ is all I can say, but it’s enough. 

My Alpha caresses my cheek in understanding, keeping me grounded as she briefly collates what I’ve missed. 

_You_ _stayed until_ _every last_ _Omega w_ _as_ _released from the containers..._ (All of them had been chained, caged, or bound to sickeningly similar devices to the ones used to pin Olivia and I down, during our own brutal assaults). _You made yourself available to anyone who wanted your time and you rode in the bus with your hug survivor,_ my Alpha reveals as my memory starts to return. _You held her hand_ _whilst they gave her meds for pregnancy,_ _ST_ _D’_ _s_ _and antibiotics for..._ I nod my head, the graphic details unnecessary. 

_What's_ _her name?_

_I..._ _don’t_ _know,_ Olivia replies, crestfallen. 

_Will she survive her injuries?_

_Yes,_ my Alpha states passionately, her lips lifting into a half smile before trembling with ever encroaching emotion. 

_Is she..._ _Ar_ _e they safe?_

_Yes,_ Olivia confirms as vehemently, her eyes moistening. _I’m_ _so proud of you,_ she whispers, brushing at my tears with her thumbs. 

I inhale a shuddering breath, realising we have subtly changed topic. _How much did you hear?_

_Everything._

_Why_ _couldn’t._ _.. Why couldn’t I hear you?_

Olivia blinks, ashamed. _I shut my telepathy off to_ _avoid_ _distracting_ _you,_ she explains quietly, gnawing anxiously at her lip as her swimming bronze orbs wait, hope, _plead_ for forgiveness. 

I clutch her hands cradling my face. _I... l need you_. The last utterance I can muster before the encroaching blizzard of emotion caves in on my achingly fragile mind, body and soul. 


	32. Liquid Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Alex and Olivia reconnect successfully?
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content.
> 
> For Chely99, Elphiemolizbethbau, Shadowcub, Ima Corker and M ❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I have a relatively new job which has taken alot of my enthusiasm and time. But don't be concerned, DD is still very much a passion of mine.

Olivia's powerful arms envelop me into my only safe place: my Alpha’s chest. _My home_.

I melt into her as I’m overcome with such intense sobs, Olivia tightens her hold around me and spreads her legs to prevent us from falling.

Her valiant attempts to maintain our balance is eventually fraught when she accidentally backs us into our bed frame; our bodies tumbling into the sheets with graceless abandon.

As soon as I settle on top of my soulmate, my anguished yet hungry lips search and find Olivia’s. Involuntary shudders rack us as tears continue to flood my checks; a new urgency overpowering my harrowing desolation.

I taste the utter perfection of my heroine, the glorious, velvety chocolate of her lips and tongue, as I feel a shiver of overt arousal travel the length of her.

Even under my ministrations and her obvious desire, my Alpha's muscles are so incredible tense, her fear of losing control and hurting me seeping from her every pore.

 _You won’t hurt me, my love..._ I whisper, breaking our kiss to gaze into her shimmering orbs. Olivia raises her hand to brush at my endless tears, her own flowing freely as we stare into each other’s souls; her other absentmindedly stroking my abdomen.

_I just know how you..._

_Stop,_ I interrupt her, knowing what she’s about to say as my chest heaves anew with crushing emotion. _I need you..._

 _I know. I need you too,_ my Alpha affirms, instantly quietening my rioting insecurities; though her body remains heartbreakingly rigid beneath mine. _I don’t want to hurt you,_ she explains, carnal arousal and anxiety vying for priority in her bronze depths.

 _You never have,_ I insist, my chest heaving once more, as my emotions threaten to utterly consume me. _Please!_ I beg, as Olivia’s features burn with such forlorn hopelessness, my soul shatters.

 _I want you more than anything... Anything..._ she whispers, inhaling a deep breath.

 _Then take me... Please Liv... I need you... I need you to dominate me... Please... I feel I’ll lose myself... without you... without you taking me..._ I beg my Alpha, as my entire being threatens to crumble under the weight of recent and distant events. _I... love... every... single... part of... you... You’re..._

 _I have a cock... for... fucks... sake!_ My Alpha barks, her body trembling as she fights to stop herself tossing me under her and ravaging me.

A sudden thought strikes me. _Remember when... I took... your dildo... in my mouth? I wait for Olivia to nod her head slowly. I took... I did... that... because... I find every... part... of... you...irresi...tible..._ my breath falters as my desperately panting lungs near collapse; my Alpha’s roaming thumb, lightly brushing inches from my ultra-sensitive nub, _insanely_ distracting.

Liv eventually realises what she’s doing, stopping at once with a silent apology; removing her hands from my body and forcing them to claw the bed sheets instead.

I finally inhale adequate breath to think. _If... I’d... do... that... with... plastic... imagine... what... I’ll... do... with... some... thing... that... tastes... of... you..._

Olivia assesses me for several excruciating beats, her entire form shaking with the effort it takes to remain still and _obedient_ against her own rebellious desires.

Eventually, my Alpha gives a barely discernible nod. I quirk my eyebrow in query, to be sure. Her beautiful features confirm my only hope, wish and dream.

My hands slowly caress her jaw and cheeks as I kiss her, slowly, lovingly, desperately.

I sense the moment her rigid muscles relax, and her ready arguments mute, as she _finally_ melts into me. A low keening rumble escapes my Alpha’s lips as she gives in entirely to our scorching desires.

I take her mouth with delicate urgency, as I reacquaint myself with the magnificent deliciousness’ of her tongue.

I fuse my body to my soulmates as she raises her hands from where they were ravenously clawing at the sheets. Her arms envelop my body before she deftly flips us, her athletic form (and erect member) pushing me into the bed. She pauses, relinquishing my mouth and carefully assessing my reaction to her throbbing penis pressed into my thigh.

I thread my fingers through her hair, lightly scratching her scalp as my iridescent eyes mirror the love, trust and adoration I find in hers.

 _I love you..._ we breathe together, our tears overwhelming us once more, as my Alpha slowly kisses my jaw and throat, down to my collarbone. I arch my neck, submitting myself entirely to her. Olivia runs her nose along my throat column, savouring my scent before biting me, marking me, _owning_ me, _dominating_ me, _scarring_ me for life

My Alpha growls possessively as her hips instinctively buck against mine, her member straining and _desperate_ to be inside me. Olivia whines as she attempts to still her jackhammering thrusts. I twist her hair to regain her attention. Olivia immediately focuses on me, pushing herself off me to search my heated gaze.

_I’m sor..._

_Don’t be... I’m yours... my Alpha... I trust you... Take me..._ I husk passionately, ripping my shirt to convey how much I need her.

Olivia tears her own shirt off before she takes my erect nipple in her mouth, her palm massaging the other. I arch into her tongue as her free hand splays over my abdomen, lightly caressing my navel once more. Olivia’s lips, palm and fingers feel like lighter fluid to my already blazing core; a moan eliciting from my soul as every scorching ember of my molten being melts, then erupts, into my Alpha; my intrusive thoughts simply unable to penetrate these moments of unrivalled bliss.

Excruciatingly slow and teasing, Olivia lowers her fingers to my public bone. My breath gives out as my ricocheting heart bruises my rib cage, my chest heaving as my lungs seize.

My Alpha raises her head to gaze into my soul, checking, always checking for my comfort and consent. I can’t help the renewed stream of tears that flow from my eyes as I pull my magnificent mate to my lips, her taste instantly allowing me to dismiss the reasons behind her pause.

My actions scream of my urgent need to escape everything but my Alpha.

I lopped my arms around her neck to prolong our kiss as I innately begin to buck against her thigh, the friction I’m craving still not quite enough.

Olivia quickly unzips my pants and delves inside them, her palm cupping my centre in a wholly loving and protective gesture before she gently begins to stroke me, her fingers rubbing either side of my ravenous clit in a motion so exquisitely teasing, my body buckles under the weight of it.

I see stars as ripples of incomparable pleasure surge through me in endless waves of orgasmic euphoria; my Alpha’s expert fingers coaxing me further than I could ever dream of, as my body shatters under thousands of cataclysmic eruptions, each more powerful than the last.

I tear my lips from Olivia’s as my lungs beg for oxygen. I inhale several shuddering breaths as my Alpha continues to caress my aching centre, my body feeling more liquid than whole as I melt into a puddle of scorching liquid heat.

I can no longer form conscious thought as another round of orgasmic perfection rips through me, leaving me utterly boneless; my arms dropping to the bed either side of me, as I submit completely to the pleasure my Alpha is bestowing on me.

Eventually Olivia stops her heavenly ministrations, as her burning gaze stares into my glazed orbs.

_Okay?_

_U... huh..._ is all I can muster as my centre continues to swell and contract through the final echoes of my multiple orgasms.

My body remains splayed, boneless, useless as I attempt to inhale adequate oxygen to awaken myself from this exquisite dream state.

It takes several minutes before I feel my bones, ligaments and muscles return to my skin; my entire frame continuing to shiver and tremble from the intensity of the pleasure I’ve experienced.

When I finally re-enter the world of consciousness, my Alpha is laying by my side, leaning on her elbow, _feasting_ on the scent and sight of my arousal. The hunger radiating from her bronze orbs is enough to twitch my clit and drench my already ruined panties as I slowly reach inside her pants, my eyes staring into her soul as my palm finds and gently grips her rock-hard member.

Olivia exhales forcefully as my hand begins stroking her; my touch conveying all my Alpha needs to know as I roll onto my side to face her, my lips instantly taking hers as my thumb lightly caresses the tip of her penis, my hand pleasuring her until she gasps into my mouth, as she comes undone in my hand, her gorgeous seed painting my palm as her hips buck into my touch.

Heavy breathing is the only sound emanating from us for several minutes, Olivia having withdrawn my hand from her pants seconds before my touch causes another spurt of pleasure.

We lie there, breathing in the heady bliss of sex, mating and absolution.

 _You really don’t mind... it... do you,_ my Alpha states rather than asks, as she gazes into my iridescent eyes with something akin to wonder.

 _I love... every... part of... you,_ I insist, intending to squeeze her member once more. But Olivia thwarts me. Instead she pulls at my pants, quickly tearing them from my body. I instinctively mirror her actions, ripping away her jeans and panties, leaving us naked, _ravenous, starving_ for the feast that is our life partner.

We collide once more; our hands, fingers, mouths, teeth and tongues tasting, gnawing, biting, licking, caressing, stroking, grabbing, exploring every inch of flesh served to us. The sensations so overwhelming, I succumb to multiple orgasms, though I have no idea which touches, caresses or appendages cause these undulatingly magnificent waves of relentless pleasure.

 _Can... I?_ My beautiful Alpha seeks my permission for our ultimate connection. Tears form in my eyes at her thoughtfulness, even during such _undeniable_ arousal.

 _Only... my Alpha..._ my mind utters in answer to my own thoughts, not my heroines request.

 _I... know..._ Olivia replies anyway, to reaffirm my safety.

 _Take... me... Liv..._ my last conscious thought as my Alpha climbs on top of me.

 _Oh... I... intend... to..._ I hear my mate promise huskily; her voice, her words, her intentions alone enough to cause another climax to riot through my senses.

Her fingers gently explore my opening, finding me ready, willing, _desperate_ for her to fill me. She spreads my copious arousal to ease our connection still further, before rubbing me onto her painfully erect member. The sight alone, enough to breed ripples of orgasmic promise that tingle my every nerve ending.

 _Okay... my Alex?_ My Alpha breathes, her intoxicating features floating above mine. Any conscious thought is lost in her heated utterance of my name, as my arms urgently pull her entire length on to my impatient being.

I _feel_ my soulmate above me, on me, _inside_ me. I feel every millimetre of progress she makes as her penis, achingly gently, fills my core. I lift my hips to quicken the agonisingly slow and thoughtful process, my Alpha’s compassion losing out to my innate urgency.

My centre greedily welcomes every inch of my heroines throbbing cock, as I feel her stiffen and tremble above me, _desperate_ to keep her load until we are truly, madly, deeply one.

Finally, inevitably, we become one; beads of sweat dripping from my Alpha, her concentration all encumbering, as she gazes into my soul.

She leans on her elbows either side of my shoulders as she waits for my core to comfortably accommodate her girth. A moan escapes her lips as I jerk my hips towards hers, to deepen her depth still further.

 _I... love... you,_ her mind whispers as she bites her lip to keep from losing control.

 _I... love... and... trust... you... with every... part... of... me,_ I murmur back, my own arousal _ravenously_ urgent as my core twitches with an earth-shattering _need_ for my Alpha to move, to take me, wholly, sweetly, _dominantly._

Then she does.

It’s the most exquisite feeling, actually _feeling_ my Alpha inside me, instead of plastic. During out heat, we were too consumed by hormones for me to drink in the perfection of these sensations.

Olivia moves slowly, teasingly inside me, the gentle motion enough to ignite every scorching fibre of my being in a blazing inferno of moltenous heat so volcanic, I’m unable to hold the cataclysmic sparks inside me a moment longer, my insides melting with every shuddering plume of liquid magma; made that much more exquisite when I sense the moment my Alpha shatters under the deluge of pulsating flesh erupting all around her.


	33. Tub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to spend some time together.  
> Barba calls.
> 
> Rating: Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, Ima Corker, elphiemolizbethbau, M and WarriorRanger ❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks. Life just got in the way. As promised, I haven't forgotten DD or you.
> 
> A special thanks to DD's cheerleaders, especially Ima Corker's rally call. Means so much ❤

Waking intertwined in Liv's arms is my favourite time of day. Her olive nakedness perfectly offsets my fair skin, her warmth melting my ice. 

Her features, relaxed in sleep, are the most beautiful I’ve ever seen; her hair, mussed from a full nights love making, aching to be touched. 

I extricate my hand from under her protective arm and lightly play with her hair, careful not to press too hard to wake her. 

The post-sex scent exuding from my Alpha is so intoxicating, so _arousing_ , I can't control my fingers as they journey the two inches to my freshly ravenous clit: my nose gently brushing against her neck as I breathe in her magnificent essence. 

‘You’re going to be the death of me woman!’ Liv murmurs groggily, her senses waking her to my antics, my arousal. 

I smile sheepishly into her throat column, inhaling her as I continue touching myself; my body feverish, my fingers furious as I coax myself to my umpteenth orgasm. 

I feel Olivia’s innate reaction to my scent against my thigh. I sense her breathe into my equally mussed hair, knowing there is nothing more intoxicating than a Pure Blood _reeking_ of sex, or heat. 

Still shaking from the strength of my climax, I reach between our bodies, finding and fondling her painfully erect member. A gasp rumbles in my ear as my fingertips lightly speckle her length. I watch her abdomen waver as she attempts to stave premature ejaculation, a common ailment for newly cocked Alphas, it seems. 

I continue my teasingly gentle speckles, _thoroughly_ enjoying my impact on Olivia Benson. 

I raise my head to look into her beautiful bronze orbs; her mouth open, her breathing hitched, her pupils entirely blown. 

_Please?_ I ask, taking my Alpha by surprise. She looks at me, not understanding for several beats, as my fingers continue to stimulate her. Then her honey eyes widen in comprehension. 

_You? You... you never_ _have to do that..._ Liv stutters, moments before she ejaculates into my hand. _Shit! Sorry... I..._

I grasp her chin to ensure she’s listening to me when I say: ‘Don’t ever apologise for being aroused, for climaxing, for experiencing pleasure with me,’ I stress with _every_ fibre of my being. ‘I love that you allow me to touch you, that you allow me to want you, to love you,’ I continue, the sudden tears blurring my vision, catching me off guard. ‘You’ve had so much to cope with and sometimes I lose sight of that with... with... everything...’ 

‘Hey,’ my Alpha mirrors my jaw cupping. 

‘No,’ I utter forcefully. ‘I love you and I need to give you more of my emotional energy,’ I say, nuzzling her cheek. 'You’re hurting too.’ 

I feel my Alpha rewrap her arms around me, her own chest heaving as emotions race down her face. 'Lex...’ 

_Don’t,_ I order, using my higher status to my advantage. _Allow me to take care of you._

I quickly skip into our ensuite bathroom, feeling my Alpha’s semen running down my inner thighs. I fill our tub to the brim with warm, velvet suds, testing the temperature before re-entering the bedroom and stopping dead, my mouth wide in shock as I watch my naked Olivia trying to balance a towel on the end of her erect penis. 

_What...?_

My Alpha looks at me shyly, a blush reddening her dusky features. _I... I stumbled across a_ _YouTube_ _video once about methods to strengthen a man’s... a person’s endurance..._

I can't help but laugh at my soulmates ridiculously cute attempts to avoid... 

_So_ _, I_ _thought I’d give it a go,_ she further explains, her embarrassment too tempting to resist. I approach her, raking my fingers through her hair as she hides her mortification in my jawline. 

_Talk to me,_ _my_ _Alpha._

_I'_ _m the luckiest person alive to wake up next to you,_ Olivia answers evasively. I gently wrench her hair, slowly forcing her head back. Her gaze lowers at the intensity of my enquiring stare. _I want to kill Don. I want to main and then kill Donnelly. I want to burn the world if it means keeping you safe._

I let go of her hair, instead, threading my fingers through her short curls as I wait for her to meet my eyes. 

_I know_ _,_ my mind whispers. _I_ _can only imagine how devastating it was to find out_ _who your pseudo... to find out who he really_ _was._ I stop before I mention ‘father’, the link too agonising to bare. 

_Not as devastating as what you’ve..._

_Let me_ _take the lead on emotional care for once, Liv. Please_ _!_

The struggle in my Alpha’s eyes nearly tears me apart. The resulting tears cause my soul to melt because my Alpha is _s_ _howing_ me just how broken she is, whilst my being shatters at the fallout of such vulnerability; the emotions currently free falling from Olivia, telling of her patience and neglect in favour of my trauma. 

_I love you. You are beautiful._ _You are strong. You are magnificent_ _. You are my safety._ _You_ _are my home._ _I trust you with my mind, my body, my soul..._ _My heroine..._

My Alpha steps into the barmy suds, a soft moan escaping her lips as she lowers herself into the tub. 

As soon as I kneel beside it, she looks at me in alarm. _You’re not getting in?_

‘This is your time,’ I reply, dunking the sponge in the suds in preparation. 

‘I want you with me,’ Olivia stresses with a small frown marring her stunning features, her hand outstretched. I wipe away a stray tear as I realise it’s been months since we’ve had time to truly take care of one another. 

_Okay_ _,_ I relent with a half grin, desperately wanting to appease my Alpha. She instinctively splays her thighs, indicating my innate position small spooning her. I shake my head and gently lean her forward, lowering myself into the gorgeous warmth behind her. I softly pull her shoulders back until she nestles into my breasts. Then, I dance the suds drenched sponge over her abdomen in light circles, until I hear a contented sigh echo off the bathroom tiles. 

Olivia hears the phone before I do, my Alpha on constant alert even when I’m gently massaging conditioner into her scalp. She stiffens instinctively, my trauma'd body swiftly following suit as she arches her neck to gaze at me upside down. 

_I know..._ I agree, knowing our cells only ever ring these days with bad news. 

I get out of the tub, wrapping a cotton fleece towel around me to fight off the sudden chill, not breaking my step as I race to my phone, on our bedside cabinet. 

_Barba,_ my mind notes, as much to notify my Alpha as to mull over the potential reasons he would call. 

I press the answer button and remain silent, just in case. 

‘Miss... Alex?’ he corrects himself, _finally_ acquiescing to my wish of calling me by my first name. Too much has happened for us to remain on such formal terms. 

‘Rafael,’ I state, to return the compliment. 

‘Rafa,’ he offers, making me like him even more. 

‘Okay, Rafa.’ 

‘It’s about _Her_ _,’_ he says, not wasting time asking stupid question about how I am. It’s obvious to anyone with half an atom of empathy: I am teetering and the only thing keeping me sane is my Alpha. 

On cue, Olivia appears by my side, her damp hair in disarray as I gaze at her naked perfection, for distraction. She immediately links our pinkies; my thoughts silently yelling the subject behind the call. 

I hit the speak. ‘Liv's on too,’ I state for everybody’s benefit. 

‘Olivia,’ he says in greeting. ‘Granger and Novak are wishing to enter talks of a plea deal...’ 

‘We’ve already denied them, _her,_ that privilege. The Grand Jury's already spoken...’ 

‘I know,’ Barba agrees. ‘They’re simply implementing stall tactics to delay Donnelly’s trial, until the PBA storms died down,’ he makes an intelligent guess, his tone laced with disdain for his contemporaries. 

‘So, what are you telling me?’ I ask, still in the dark. 

‘Judge Ridenour agrees with my assumption,’ Barba reveals, making my heart bruise my ribcage as my Alpha squeezes my finger. ‘He's wanting the process to follow the appropriate timeline...’ 

‘When?’ I interrupt him, _desperate_ for his bluntness. 

‘Her trial will begin in two days.’ I meet Olivia’s intense gaze, her eyes concerned yet hopeful. ‘Judge Ridenour’s going to leave it up to you, whether you wish to be present for the entire trial or just for your witness statement. But you know what the Donnelly Dedicators and Omega Oppressors will say if you are present.’ 

‘That I’m abusing my higher status to win the case, influence the jury...’ I surmise correctly, getting the distinct impression Barba hasn’t revealed everything yet. 

‘Which is why Judge Ridenour has ordered a bench trial,’ he finally offers the real reason behind his call. 

‘A bench trial?’ I whisper, disbelieving of our good luck. 

_With_ _no jury to sway, Judge Ridenour_ _alone will decide the verdict. And being an asexual male, he is non_ _status'd, s_ _o_ _immune_ _to the_ _politics_ _of the sexual hierarchy,_ I deduce within seconds, my Alpha’s face near splitting with glee. 

‘It's about _fucking_ time,’ Olivia growls, breathing through her teeth. 

In this moment, I’ve never found my Alpha more alluring, more powerful, _more_ _Alpha_. 

The cell in my hand is dropped and forgotten, as I launch myself at my waiting mate. 


	34. Invitation Only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia talk to the pack.
> 
> Rating: Mature Content 
> 
> For Chely99, WarriorRanger, M, elphiemolizbethbau and Ima Corker ❤

After finally working my angst, turmoil and anxiety into oblivion, several times over; and having exhausted my Alpha's semen supply, I collapse on top of her; our bodies fused, drenched, sated. 

‘Can I die now please,’ Olivia husks with her last grain of energy, her muscular arms wrapped around my back to hold me close, as she finally succumbs to a deep slumber. 

With some effort, I raise my head to gaze into my Alpha’s sleeping features. I marvel at the strength of this incredible woman, her foolhardy decision to stand by me, to protect and save me in ways I never thought possible; my constant, my sentinel, my heroine. 

And last night, she gave me the gift of _her_ , _all_ of her. Her stoic leanings will forever and always cause me anxiety. But last night, and certain other nights, confirm that Olivia Benson is not only human, but _is_ capable of lowering her guard sufficiently to allow me to see her, _truly_ see her. And I cherish, love and adore every part of her. I need her to know that. _Desperately_ needed her to know that, before what’s coming next. Any show of weakness within our relationship, within our pack, will be devoured by the defence team, by Donnelly herself. 

Once my Alphas slept off the last of her exhaustion and we’ve both eaten our weight in gloop, gratefully supplied by Kate and a far too knowing Abby, we call our pack to the living room. 

I immediately smell a difference in Omi's scent. I eye him cautiously as he finger combs his decidedly unruly hair. My Alpha senses it too, her entire body stiffening in quiet alarm. 

_Always on alert,_ I tease, hoping to ease the sudden anxiety permeating the room. 

‘I may’ve ducked to Mel’s last night, after my shift,’ Omi admits sheepishly, his eyes downcast as he realises his mistake. 

Abbie hides a smirk, whilst the rest of us stare at our loved Omega with slight disapproval. 

‘You know we can’t take any chances right now,’ my Alpha barks protectively, her hand squeezing mine. 

‘Omi knows more than anyone,’ I interject in an attempt to steady Olivia’s nerves before she erupts and scares half the pack away. ‘Every time he goes to work, he takes extra precautions because he knows if the media, the Dedicators, the Oppressors find us...’ 

‘I never put our pack at risk, Liv,’ Omi whispers, his features anguished. ‘Mel...’ 

‘I know Melinda, Fin,’ Olivia reassures him. ‘She’s a conscience driven woman. I trust her. I trust _you,’_ she stresses, wanting him to know he’s not being reprimanded. ‘I just think it’s best you stay home for a while, to protect you, her and us.’ 

I glance at my Alpha, surprised by aspects of her suggestion. We would _never_ _willingly_ be kept apart. 

She senses my dismay. ‘Or invite her here,’ Olivia corrects herself. I squeeze her hand in silent agreement. 

‘But my... her work...’ 

‘Will mean _nothing_ if this ranch is _infiltrated_ by _murderous_ _bastards_ hell-bent on _raping_ Alex and you Omegas, before _killing_ the _entire_ pack,’ Liv howls as she stands to pace the floor. 

I glance between Kate’s paling and Omi's worryingly ashen features. _Too much gloop._

My Alpha glares at me for my silent retort. I bite my lip to stem further telepathy. Instead, I soften my expression before returning my attention to Omi. He meets my gaze, his entire being heavy with guilt at his stupidity. 

‘During our withdrawal,’ I start, gesturing unnecessarily between Liv and myself. ‘If you hadn’t been in the hallway between my apartment and the stairs, I’d have run naked to Olivia. I was _that_ _desperate_ to be with her.’ My mate stops her pacing. ‘So, I get it,’ I eye my Alpha. ' _We_ get it.’ She sits back down beside me, gritting her teeth with embarrassment. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers, her eyes eventually meeting Fin's across the living room. ‘Sorry for being a dick,’ Olivia apologises, nervously waiting for an acknowledgement from Omi. 

He gives it almost immediately, his head lowering in forgiveness. 

My Alpha isn’t content with her own apology. She rises from her seat and kneels in front of our Omegas, her head bowed in shame and submission. 

‘Please forgive me,’ she pleads, her desolate tone striking a chord amongst the entire pack. 

I observe as our pack descend on their Alpha, engulfing her in layers of bodies, arms and legs that cause my chest to hitch with intense emotion. 

Having spent the majority of my life alone, fearing the presence, scent and touch of others; to feel wholly immersed, accepted and safe with these five incredible people, and watching their love for each other, and me, takes my breath away. 

Once the human pile is five strong, I can’t hold myself back a moment longer. I descend on my pack, reaching to embrace them all as far as my arms will allow, my mouth kissing the top of Olivia’s head as I squeeze my entire world for dear life. 

My Alpha eventually tires of being near suffocated. 

_Okay guys,_ she sniffs, desperate to wipe her flowing eyes and runny nose. Our pack immediately disperses, giving Olivia the room to clean her face. 

‘Just wanna say I’m sorry for duckin' out,’ Omi says before clearing this throat gruffly, awkwardly trying to hide his emotions behind a manly sound. 

Olivia chuckles, her eyes instantly dazzling as the pack sigh and snort away the last of their tears. ‘I’d never have left Fin,’ she quips, giving his arm a soft punch. 

Omi immediately looks between us. ‘Can I go call ‘er?’ 

My chest heaves anew as my Alpha meets my gaze. I bite my lip as she stares into my soul. 

‘I think it’s best we give you all the facts before you call her, just in case,’ I suggest, anxious of the next few minutes, the next few days, weeks... 

Omi looks understandably deflated, yet curious of these _facts_. The rest of our pack’s features oscillate between dread, similar curiosity and hope. Abbie's about ready to combust. 

I swallow thickly, receiving a reassuring nod from my Alpha. 

‘Barba called,’ I begin, inhaling deeply. ‘It's about _Her_ case.’ I eye Kate who has noticeably stiffened, her Beta instantly comforting her. ‘The trial begins tomorrow...’ I continue speaking, not wishing Kate, Omi, Abs or G to be left waiting. ‘It’s bench to remove any arguments of mistrial pertaining to my status.’ Kate takes her first breath. ‘Judge Ridenour is asexual, so won’t be influenced or dominated by hierarchy.’ G nods his head. Abbie squeezes Kate’s thigh as Kate to snuggles into her mate, her anxiety still present yet more stable. Omi rubs his knees, his expression closed, his head down. 

Being an SVU cop, he knows these small mercies mean nothing if the defence team enter a not guilty plea by reason of insanity. Placing Elizabeth Donnelly in a mental institution would be equivalent to locking her up in a candy shop; so many vulnerable, tasty morsels to gobble up. 

His thoughts unfortunately filter through to the rest of the pack, sobering any small wins I was hoping to gain. Pack telepathy isn’t always helpful. 

‘Barba offered me the chance to sit in,’ I push forward, any positives from the heinacity of tomorrow gone. ‘I will be taking up his offer, as will Liv.’ Olivia and I had spoken about this fleetingly between our vigorous bouts of lovemaking. I’d stated I was going and my Alpha instantly argued she wasn’t going to let me face _Her_ alone. ‘Unfortunately, this invitation only extends to us,’ I add, my heart breaking as I watch Kate’s face fall. The idea of facing her rapist is terrifying yet empowering. ‘If the entire pack turns up, Judge Ridenour will refuse us, _every_ _single_ _one_ of us, entry. He can’t be seen to be favouring our pack. He’s reshaping every letter of the law as it is...’ 

‘You believe he's sound?’ Omi asks, raising his head and looking at me for the first time in a while. 

‘He and Lena are the only judges who’ve not bent the law for their own gains, Oms,’ Abs pipes up, her experience working within the court system suddenly vital. ‘In my time at least.’ 

I give Abbie the faintest smile. ‘What other choices do we have? Barba did the t-shirt test on him. Said he _really_ got in there. Nothing,’ I share, glancing briefly at G, forever in awe of his genius. 

‘How're you holding up?’ he takes his cue, his eyes gentle yet all seeing. 

‘Can I go call Mel now?’ Omi asks a second time. We know he’s wanting to escape the seriousness of the upcoming conversation, as much to reconnect with his mate. 

‘Jesus, sorry Fin. _YES!’_ Olivia gushes. I notice her take a deep steadying breath. I pad the couch next to me. She immediately comes at my call, wrapping her arms around me as we wait for Omi to leave to make one of the most important calls of his life. 

Kate moves to leave too. 

_Stay, if you wish to. This didn’t just happen to us,_ I offer, never wanting Kate’s experiences to feel any less important, relevant or heinous than ours. 

The pack doctor places a hand on Abbie’s arm before turning back to us. ‘Don’t worry Alex, I’m working with G individually. So, I’m receiving support,’ she assures me, before standing and leading her nosey girlfriend out of the living room, shutting the door behind them. 


	35. Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to work through some of their fears, emotion and trauma with George, before the trial.
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content due to rape discussion. 
> 
> For WarriorRanger, Ima Corker and Chely99 ❤

Once it’s just George, Liv and I in the room, my Alpha tenses, uncomfortable with where my mind is headed.

 _I’m anxious, of course. But I’m more concerned about Liv and the fact you won’t have the opportunity to give your side of the story..._ I dive in, gazing at my life partner as G assesses us.

 _I couldn't survive us being apart for six months..._ Olivia counters at once, turning to George for affirmation.

 _Yes, but you’re avoiding the emotions behind your voice not being heard..._ I argue back, wishing my Alpha would take down her skyscraper walls in front of others besides me.

‘Alex, why is it important to you that Liv talks about her feelings regarding this?’ G interjects for the first time.

I lower my gaze to meet his. ‘Because I know how I would feel if the roles were reversed,’ I admit, glancing at Olivia again briefly.

‘And how would you feel?’ G explores.

‘Like my opportunity to face my rapist...’ My Alpha raises her lip in distaste. ‘She _did_ rape you, Liv,’ I stress, wondering if this is the key to her lack of feeling regarding this matter.

‘She started to...’

‘Was there penetration?’ I challenge her script. My Alpha turns away, causing guilt to nestle where the need to be right had been moments before. ‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper, horrified by my actions. Olivia links our pinkies before giving me the softest look that melts my icy self-punishment.

I return to our original topic. ‘I’d feel like my only chance to face my rapist, and take back some semblance of control, has been torn from me...’

‘Is this how you feel Liv?’ G asks my mate.

‘No. I feel relieved I won’t have to talk about what happened, about how useless I felt. How...’ my Alpha pauses to clear her throat. I take her hand in mine and squeeze for dear life.

 _I love you;_ I vehemently whisper.

‘I don’t need to claw back control from Elizabeth Donnelly,’ Olivia stresses with a sharp shake of the head. ‘I know I can kill her. It’s... It’s about clawing back control of myself, which has become even more difficult lately,’ she gestures to her semi erection, subtly poking through her skin tight jeans. ‘I had no control when we were... there. _None.’_ I squeeze her hand even tighter. ‘It's one of the only times in my life I've been completely powerless to protect Alex... _you,’_ she stresses, turning to me. ‘It’s the first time I couldn’t...’ My Alpha stops mid-sentence, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her if she utters another word.

‘Take your time, Liv,’ G coaxes gently, using a stalling technique to prevent Olivia escaping this difficult subject, disguised as an empathetic reprieve, and to prevent me interrupting.

She glares at him, having utilised this very technique on many rape survivors in her time in SVU. To his credit, G doesn't wilt under her dominant gaze. I thread my fingers through hers to halt their starring contest. It works.

‘It’s the first time I couldn't do _anything_ but watch you being...’

‘Use your words, Liv,’ G suggests. ‘It helps you control the narrative and take back your power.’

‘Raped. Dominated. _Brutalised,’_ my Alpha’s voice cracks on the last word. ‘And I couldn’t do a _fucking_ thing to stop her... them,’ Olivia growls, heartbroken.

I eye G, ready to intercede. He shakes his head. I bite my lip to remain quiet.

‘I’d seen you mauled, pinned, abused before; during the hells, when El... Novak...’ she stops the unnecessary tally.

 _I’m sorry,_ she apologises, her eyes imploring mine for forgiveness.

 _My heroine, you save me like no other,_ I whisper at once, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. _I need you to get this out, okay sweetie?_

She nods her head gravely. ‘But this time was different... It was like the rapes weren’t the main event for her,’ my Alpha grits her teeth and swallows thickly. ‘It was like Donnelly was raping Alex to get to me... She was putting on a show... She used Lex's ultimate fantasy against her, forcing her to...’ Olivia glances at me to assess whether I’m comfortable for her to disclose this aspect of our experience. I nod my head once. ‘She forced Alex to orgasm repeatedly by tickling her.... Donnelly was arousing my mate to... get at me... to prove Alex wasn’t _mine..._ And yet, it was as though she was trying to arouse me... to prep me for something...’ Olivia continues, exploring a gut instinct the drugs and trauma forced me to blank out.

‘Donnelly let Bernard rape you first,’ my Alpha continues, closing her eyes a moment before thinking better of it. ‘I’ve always found that _odd,’_ she adds, shaking her head. ‘As the dominant Alpha... Donnelly should have gone first, right?’ Olivia asks G, the hierarchy expert.

‘You would have thought so, yes,’ he agrees as I nod my own head silently, never having thought of this before, in all the fuckery of this entire incident.

‘So why did she allow her lower status’d husband to... rape you first, even though he'd been... raping you all your life? Even though she’d waited since Kate, since your mother, _all_ her life... for _you?’_ my Alpha queries aloud.

We both turn to George, hoping he’ll have an answer for Donnelly’s strangely subordinate behaviour.

‘Unless she plans on using this to her advantage,’ he finally speaks. ‘Maybe she banks on you...’ he looks solely at me. ‘... recalling this, so she can come across as submissive to Bernard.’

‘But anyone worth their status can _smell_ the difference between their ranks,’ I retort more harshly than intended.

‘Agreed, but she is herself a rape survivor, yes?’

We both nod.

‘We all saw the scars on her body when we... burst in.'

‘And the reason you saw the scars?’ I counter expertly.

‘Because she was butt naked following three days of raping and torturing you,’ he answers without pause. ‘But maybe she was forcing your, and Liv’s, arousal to weaken the argument of rape...’ G doesn’t add anything further to this _ridiculous_ notion, all three of us aware arousal is an involuntary, physiological response resulting from direct stimulation, consented or not.

Olivia becomes deep in thought for several minutes. G and I wait for her to work through her mental clutter.

‘She admitted I was more her type. That in a non-hierarchical world, she’d be more attracted to me...’ she remembers, not necessarily seeking any form of answer or explanation in particular. ‘She always liked to watch and listen. She confessed to getting off to us making love, when we were all under the same roof...’

‘Wait a minute, Donnelly confessed to finding you more aesthetically pleasing, hormones aside?’ G asks with his pointer finger raised.

‘Yes,’ my Alpha replies, this being news to me too.

‘She also admitted to being a voyeur?’

‘Yes.’

George’s expression closes down as his brain works in overdrive.

‘She also admitted her most intense fantasy was watching me rape Alex,’ Olivia volunteers, sandwiching my palm in both of hers as a clear sign of my safety and protection in her hands.

‘So, she liked to watch, which could explain why she let Bernard go first. She found you more aesthetically pleasing which could explain why they kidnapped both of you. And she deepest fantasy is watching you rape Alex?’

Again, Olivia nods her head.

‘I have a theory,’ G murmurs after a moment. Both Olivia and I lean slightly forward in anticipation. ‘I wonder if she was trying to use your dominant, Alpha instincts against you,’ he begins, causing us to frown in overt confusion. ‘Perhaps she was trying to awaken your Alpha urges by showing how much ‘fun' raping Alex was. Maybe she was trying to break you enough, for your primal desires to reengage,’ he continues.

When we show no signs of understanding, George sighs and holds his head in frustration and discomfort.

‘I’m _really_ going to have to spell it out, aren’t I?’ he asks rhetorically, already on his way to explaining his thoughts. ‘What better way to utterly destroy _you_ and _your_ relationship, _and_ fulfil her _ultimate_ fantasy.’

Comprehension hits us like an ice bucket of water. I feel Olivia move uncomfortably next to me.

‘Just so I have this right,’ I begin, sensing my soulmates emotional turmoil. ‘Your theory is that Donnelly kidnapped us, to break me through rape and using my ultimate fantasy against me; to break Liv through rape and being forced to watch me being raped in hopes of eventually awakening her genes, her animal urges to rape me herself?’

‘To become your father, Liv,’ G surmises, causing our collective stomachs to drop. ‘Perhaps the Donnelly’s planned on pegging the entire incident on you...’

‘That’s just fucking absurd,’ Olivia barks, repulsed.

‘And yet, not entirely unheard of,’ G counters gently. ‘Elizabeth Donnelly avoided prison for every one of her heinous crimes, until now...’

‘I would never rape you,’ my Alpha focuses her bronze eyes on me, her emotions flooding her features.

My heart breaks and my soul shatters at her need to confirm this. I cradle her beautiful face and wipe at her steady tears. ‘I _know,_ my love,’ I assure her passionately. ‘I trust you with _every_ fibre of my being,’ I whisper assertively, nuzzling Olivia’s left temple as she wraps her arms around me.

_I love you._

_I love you._

‘This is all conjecture,’ G interrupts our moment after an appropriate time. ‘We don’t know if this is _actually_ what Liz planned.’

I scoff at this as I extricate myself from my Alpha’s embrace. ‘I’m amazed we didn’t see this before.’

‘When you said you felt powerless Liv...’ G segues to the core of Olivia’s trauma. ‘I can imagine as an Alpha, that’s a rare feeling,’ G pads out whatever he’s about to say. ‘I can only imagine what it must have been like watching...’

‘Spit it out, G,’ Olivia demands impatiently.

‘But who disabled Donnelly?’

My Alpha inhales a steadying breath as I squeeze her hand once more.

‘Who incapacitated her so thoroughly, she’ll never walk without a limp, or experience an orgasm, ever again?’

 _‘Seriously?’_ she asks, as a wry smile crosses my lips.

‘Seriously,’ G replies, without humour.

‘Okay doc, enough about me,’ Olivia diverts the conversation, feeling she's spent long enough in the limelight.

G gives her a rueful look, aware of what she’s doing. His conflict at wanting to continue with our Alpha's rare sharing, and checking in on me, obvious. His need to assess me wins out due to the time constraint of tomorrows trial.

‘Alex, you said you were understandably anxious about tomorrow,’ G reflects what I said at the outset of the conversation. I shake my head in awe of his memory.

‘I’m worried about my Alpha’s reaction to her,’ I admit. My soulmate glances at me, her expression unreadable. ‘I’m worried about my own reaction... but the thing I’m most scared of is not doing my testimony justice,’ I confess, gazing into Olivia’s soul. ‘I... I can’t remember a lot of what happened because of the drugs... the trauma... I sometimes think it would have been better _you_ giving a statement. You, my heroine, you witnessed _everything,’_ I whisper, running my knuckles along her cheekbone. ‘I’m terrified I’ll mess up and the defence team’ll rip my statement to shreds, saying I was too under the influence of substances unknown to give a true picture of what happened to me, to us.’

‘Barba will make sure that doesn’t happen,’ Olivia attempts to reassure me.

‘But Defence Creep and Bitch...’

‘Won’t be able to play their usual games because Judge Ridenour won’t allow it,’ my Alpha counters once more.

‘What if Ridenour refutes my statement, the evidence, the...’ I list, my anxiety beginning to impair my breathing.

‘Hey,’ my heroine purrs in my ear, instantly igniting my arousal and successfully distracting me from my panic. ‘There is no way he can. Your statement will be harrowing and heartfelt. Your injuries speak for themselves. Tony Mills’ video recording will prove the rest. There is no way she can explain away a bloodied dildo, with your and my DNA on it,’ she lists several of the many irrefutable lines of evidence.

My anxiety and arousal continue to vie for attention. ‘She can’t be sectioned. They can’t argue insanity. She’ll escape and...’

‘She won’t!’

‘Let her _speak_ Liv!’ G raises his voice for the first time since I’ve known him. Olivia bites her lip, realising our Beta is right. ‘What are you most terrified of Alex?’

I give my Alpha a gentle glance before opening my mouth once more. ‘I’m _terrified_ Donnelly will be freed to complete her original mission, whether that be simply to rape us to death, or something even more heinous...’ I swallow thickly, having thought until now that rape was the worst kind of death. ‘If she immobilises us like before, she’ll cut out my tongue to prevent me from speaking, so I can’t dominate her and...’ I shake my head and inhale as deep a breath as my tight chest will allow. ‘She _will_ torture us like nothing we’ve _ever_ experienced before,’ I state with absolute certainty.

I watch my Alpha seek permission from G to speak. As soon as she has it, she cradles my jaw in her palms. ‘If she’s freed, I _will_ kill her. I promise you with _everything_ in me. I _promise_ you, my everything.’

Never have I believed my Alpha more.

‘Sorry to burst your bubble but cutting out her tongue may be the way forward...’ George quips half seriously.


	36. Final Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex meets Melinda.  
> Barba prepares Alex and Olivia for the case of their lives.
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> For Ima Corker, WarriorRanger, Shadowcub, Chely99 and Elphiemolizbethbau ❤

And so, I wake to today, _the_ day, the start of the trial, the start of _our_ trial, _her_ trial, the _entire_ packs trial; every one of us so enmeshed with Elizabeth Donnelly, whether we want to be or not.

The disgraced judge is like a putrid fungus who infects every life form she touches, spreading her spores far and wide, to cause the most devastation, trauma and pain possible. And she set her sights on us, on me, my life partner. Whatever we did to deserve this most possessive of obsessions and heinous of punishments, we will never know. But it stops here, now.

I have no further innocence to shred, vulnerability to break or status to own. And I hold each member of my pack to the same standing, as well as _every_ innocent or broken individual.

 _No one,_ not _one more person_ will attack, beat, rape or attempt to kill any Omega, any lower status'd, or otherwise vulnerable, person under _my_ watch.

I know in truth this is a pipedream, but then, 18 months ago I would _never_ have dreamt of this magnificent heroine bursting in to my life, at the worst (at that point) time of my life.

_My Olivia._

I drink in her features, relaxed and droopy in sleep. I exhausted my Alpha last night, drawing _every_ last drop of arousal from her in my not-so-secret goal to temper her animal urges to kill our nemesis, today. I believe what my Alpha said yesterday; she will kill Donnelly if the heathens sectioned in a mental institute.

 _But where will that leave the pack? Me?_ I think practically and selfishly. _Even though I have come to trust my higher status like never before, it will only ever take one obsessive, one stalker, one psycho to drug me, taser me, to knock me unconscious and tie me up. Then I’m simply dragged back to my Pure Blood Omega roots, the world’s most potent aphrodisiac..._

‘Hey,’ my Alpha interrupts my wayward thoughts, my mind so focused I hadn’t noticed her wake. Olivia runs her knuckles against my cheekbone as she leans in to kiss me softly. ‘I will _never_ leave you...’

‘But if you kill her...’

‘I’ll engineer it to look like self-defence,’ my Alpha replies succinctly.

I smile sadly while pulling her close and threading my fingers through her hair. ‘What if I said I’d rather I killed her?’ I counter intelligently.

Concern immediately floods her eyes at the thought. ‘No way,’ she refutes with steely resolve.

‘And why is that?’ I continue my line of subtle yet pointed enquiry.

My Alpha lowers her gaze momentarily, realising. Olivia sighs as she raises her head to look at me, the dropped penny muting further arguments. Instead, my Alpha just replaces her head on my chest, listening to my steadying heartbeat as we become lost in our own thoughts.

When we finally enter the kitchen, the ranch hotspot is a hive of activity; Abbie and Kate dancing around each other for the microwave, Omi and Melinda at the hob cooking bacon and eggs, and a subdued George sitting alone at the crumb island, lost in thought.

Everyone turns to greet us. Omi grasps Melinda’s hand, kisses it, then leads her to us.

Olivia steps in front of me, to protect me or help with the introductions, I’m unsure.

‘Liv, ya know Mel,’ Omi says with bravado, though I sense his nerves.

My mate takes Melinda's hand warmly in both her own. ‘Good to see you again and dressed in something other than a lab coat,’ she jokes to lighten the mood. ‘Glad to know you actually leave that place,’ she adds before turning to give Omi the opportunity to introduce me.

‘Good to see you too, Olivia,’ Melinda smiles broadly, enjoying and appreciating the warm welcome.

‘Meg... Alex,’ he corrects himself before glancing at his mate.

 _Omi has a mate!_ I chime excitedly, making the pack collectively take a breath. This doesn’t go unnoticed by an eagle-eyed Melinda. _A Beta mate,_ I give him the slyest of subtle winks.

‘I’m honoured to meet you Alex,’ she greets softly, her nerves less easy to decipher, but still present. ‘Sorry to come to your ranch so... _swiftly._ Especially with...’ she stops herself before she puts her foot in it. Everybody knows what today is. ‘Fin says you both invited me here,’ she mentions, her surprise obvious.

‘I’m honoured to meet any woman who makes Omi... er Fin... An inside joke he can tell you about later,’ I quickly explain to make her feel included. ‘Omi doesn’t trust easy and I know you have a history working at SVU together, and with this one...’ I grin, hip bumping Olivia, who returns my smile. ‘So, if two of my most _trusted_ family...’ A sudden cough/sniff/sigh sounds around the room at my choice of words. ‘Yes, family,’ I state again, gazing at each of my pack in turn. ‘If two of my family give you amazing recommendations, I’d be an idiot not to meet you,’ I conclude, offering my hand. Melinda stares into my eyes, seeking secondary consent before she shakes it. I silently appreciate her thoughtfulness.

The contact is most certainly a test, as well as a welcome. I’m elated when I don’t feel so much as a hint of a jolt of desire. If Melinda fights my intoxication, she’s either as straight as they come, or she’s one hell of a strong woman. I’m undecided which. Either way, Melinda has been further vetted by my closest allies.

 _One final test..._ ‘Have you been introduced to everybody?’

‘I have, several times over,’ Melinda affirms good naturedly, smiling at the obviously gleeful pack.

 _Has she touched you Kate?_ I check in with my most vulnerable pack member.

The doctor struggles to keep her communication with me private, still surprised by how much import I place on our Kate. _Yes, she and Abs know each other from court..._

 _Of course!_ I suddenly realise a third member has already vetted her.

 _... so, Mel was very happy to meet me_ , Kate replies, not quite reassuring me.

 _She touched you and there was no impact?_ I query further.

 _Yes, and Abbie, and G, and you by the looks of it. And Olivia. We're good. Thanks, though Al,_ Kate assures me this time, using a nickname she’s been meaning to try out.

 _I don’t hate it!_ I joke, causing everybody but Melinda to laugh. I’m keenly aware of the medical examiner not being left out for too long. _Everybody agrees?_

 _Hell yeah!_ Omi’s mind yells first.

 _Definitely!_ calls Abbie.

 _Yes!_ stresses Kate.

 _Absolutely,_ says a reserved yet vehement G, suddenly connecting the dots that he would no doubt have met Melinda at some point too. _Indeed Alex, indeed,_ he confirms proudly.

I gaze at my Alpha. Her lips graze my temple as she whispers her affirm.

 _Welcome to our pack Melinda!_ I announce, my heart bursting with warmth as we watch Omi pick Melinda up off the floor and spin her round before kissing her so hungrily, the pack wonders whether we should leave them to it.

 _Get a room guys!_ comes Abbie’s inevitable quip before the entire pack laughs with joy that Omi has found _the_ one, and that Melinda is that one.

 _Mel, please,_ the examiner offers. _Melinda’s too formal for such occasions,_ she adds, causing me to chuckle and nod my head as I invite her into my arms, and into the fold of the pack.

_Welcome Mel._

_Howdy Mel!_

_Hi._

_Hey._

_Hello again._

_Come ‘ere!_

The journey to the Supreme Courthouse is fraught with anxiety yet little drama. Olivia parks the car as close to the steps as she can, the crowds making a back entry impossible. She turns off the gas and lands her loving bronze gaze on me. ‘You ready, sweetie?’

‘As I’ll ever be,’ I answer honestly. ‘How about you?’

My Alpha nods her head, a tiny smirk twitching her features.

‘What?’ I ask, surprised at her light expression given the gravitas of the next few hours, days, weeks.

‘Just think of how Fin and Mel were this morning, okay? Let it warm every part of you...’ she requests, abruptly instigating a mindfulness exercise in our car, as the crowd of people become increasingly aware of our presence; my scent still powerful through the locked doors and blackened windows. ‘Just think about their love today,’ she asks as I eye her suspiciously. ‘Yes, G suggested this,’ Olivia admits. ‘Don’t get lost in our love. You know I love you,’ she kisses each of my knuckles in turn. ‘But don’t get side-tracked by me in there. We’re strong, we're healthy, we're inseparable. _Nothing_ and _no one_ will change that. But think about Fin and Mel. Their love. What we're fighting for. Okay?’

A lone tear threatens to escape my eye as I gaze into her magnificence. ‘I love you.’

‘And I love you, my everything,’ she whispers, wiping my tear before it falls down my cheek. ‘Omi and Mel, okay?’

‘Okay,’ I acquiesce before we both take in the hordes of people now surrounding our vehicle.

 _Breathe,_ my Alpha instructs. _We’ve got this. Omi and Mel._

Our twenty strong security detail thankfully appears through the melee, and escorts us safely inside the Supreme Courthouse.

We pondered whether an escort would draw more attention and so be counterproductive, _especially_ given my new found confidence in my status. But having narrowly escaped a sniper during my last case, the pack argued the necessity for security, even though it draws further attention to our arrival.

Our guards leave us at the entrance, at my insistence. Having desperately hidden away as much as I practically could for years, I need a sense of freedom, of space, of not being smothered by lustful gazes, unwanted touches and aroused bodies. The metal and drug detectors also strengthen my resolve.

 _That went well,_ Olivia comments nervously, obviously wondering when things will start to go wrong, as we enter the same jury deliberation room we used for the Grand Jury.

 _Let’s stay in the moment,_ I suggest, earning a wry smile from my Alpha.

_G?_

_G,_ I admit as Barba strides in, closing the door behind him.

‘Alex,’ he says before turning to my soulmate. ‘Olivia.’

‘Liv,’ she corrects him, earning the smallest of smirks before he moves on.

‘Judge Ridenour is expecting me in his chambers in... seven minutes,’ he says after checking his watch. ‘For the usual bench warning, before we begin.’

During my case, Donnelly ensured this happened under the guise of formality. In truth, beyond normal practice, she did it to enjoy me being in a room with what I thought were three predators, without my Alpha's protection. I try not to think of what she no doubt did as soon as I left.

I shake my head to rid myself of such disturbing notions, feeling my life partners protective gaze on me.

_I’m fine._

_Fine?_ Olivia questions this due to ‘F.I.N.E' being one of G’s favourite acronyms: feeling insecure, neurotic and emotional.

 _I think that’s quite a fair assessment today,_ I answer honestly as my Alpha clasps my hand in hers. I inhale a steadying breath as I reciprocate her squeeze.

‘So just to recap, it’s a closed, bench trial.’ Both Olivia and I nod. ‘Only Ridenour, Granger, Novak, you both, numerous marshalls, Donnelly and myself, will be present.’

I voice something I’ve been chewing over for some time. ‘Why am I, the key witness, allowed to observe the entire trial?’

Barba gives me an appraising look. ‘It _is_ highly unusual practice isn’t it?’ he asks without expecting an answer. ‘I’ve not queried the defence benches acceptance formally as they may retract their permissions. But, if I’m honest, I believe its simply so Elizabeth Donnelly, Novak and Granger can feed off you before she’s sent down for life.’

This disturbing yet believable notion causes bile to fill my oesophagus and mouth. Being unable to swallow it down, I quickly grab a cup, turn away and deposit the contents before wiping my mouth, disappointed in my reactions.

‘Hey,’ my forever alert Alpha is by my side in a heartbeat. ‘We knew this, my life. We knew this would be the only...’

‘But _surely_ they can argue a mistrial if I’m...’

‘That’s why I’ve been adamant you give your statement first.’

I glance at him, surprised he hasn’t told me this rather imperative information until now. ‘Why didn’t you...?’

‘Because if I did, I knew you’d be up all night, unable to sleep...’ Barba answers bluntly, standing his ground.

‘What if I _hadn’t_ prepared it? What if I _hadn’t_ prepared myself...?’ I retort angrily, adrenaline surging through me.

‘You _have_ prepared yourself. You’re Alexandra Cabot,’ he replies at once, not altogether diminishing my ire at his risk taking.

‘I think it’s safe to say neither Alex or I are impressed,’ Olivia states calmly, internally seething.

Being a Beta, Barba picks up on the underlying threat behind my Alpha’s calm. To his credit/own risk, he still doesn’t back down. ‘I know, but I’m not sorry and I said you wouldn't always like me.’

‘No, you said I wouldn’t like you, full stop,’ I correct him.

‘So, I did. How am I doing?’ he asks, with genuine intrigue.

‘Too _fucking_ well,’ Olivia snarls scathingly.

He waits for my reply.

‘I’m angry.’

‘Good,’ he responds immediately with a victorious expression. ‘You have _every_ right to be. If you went in there calm and poised, without a hint of anger or despair, it would make Ridenour wonder...’

‘Wonder what?’ I ask, instantly suspicious. ‘Do you know what the defence team will argue so you’re...?’

‘I have my suspicions,’ he admits. ‘I need you angry... trauma'ď...’

‘I never _won’t_ be, Rafa!’ I bark, my hackles raised and my ire surging.

Olivia begins to move between us but I raise my hand to stop her as Barba steps forward himself. ‘You’ve experienced so many traumas, that you’ve become overtly desensitized, overtly impenetrable, overtly detached and unemotional. _Overtly,’_ he stresses again when I sense my Alpha’s readiness to punch him. ‘You’re _so_ incredibly strong that some people may be forgiven for thinking you _haven’t_ been brutalised all your life,’ he whispers softly, respectfully remaining outside my personal space. ‘I need Ridenour to see _you,_ the Pure Blood _Omega,_ the victim, _not_ the survivor. Do you see?’

My Alpha's aura finally calms slightly as I gaze into Barba’s eyes, _hating_ yet understanding the emotions he’s needing from me; emotions I keep locked away in the darkest depths of my soul.

He needs me vulnerable, desolate, trapped, raped, brutalised.

I tear my suddenly moist eyes away from him, lowering them. ‘When will I be called?’

‘This morning.’

It's then I realise what I have to do, what my Alpha _has_ to do. ‘Liv, I need you to stop protecting me. I need you to go into the courtroom alone and wait for me to be called,’ I request without looking up. ‘Once it’s over, we can... I can... I’m sorry...’

I feel Olivia’s conflict at wanting to embrace me, _especially_ since I’ve asked her not to.

‘I need you to go Liv. I’m sorry. I love you and...’

‘And I will always love you... I understand...’ come my Alpha’s parting words before she leaves the room.

As soon as she’s outside sensory range, I grip onto the back of a chair for dear life, _loathing_ Rafael Barba, Elizabeth Donnelly, Casey Novak and Lionel _fucking_ Granger, and _everything_ they represent.


	37. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Alex react, facing Elizabeth Donnelly for the first time since she brutalised her?
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, Elphiemolizbethbau, Ima Corker and WarriorRanger ❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, life getting in the way. But I am determined to finish this trilogy.
> 
> Thank you for continuing to read DD.

When Barba leaves for Judge Ridenour’s chambers, I'm alone, desolate, abandoned; the closest I’ve felt to being an Omega since...

 _Don’t! You’re not alone. Your mate is across the hall, waiting for you. Your packs at home... I have a pack who love me..._ I self-soothe, knowing to allow the darkness to creep in any further could...

‘Well, well, well,’ comes the husky tones of Defence Bitch, closely followed by Sleazebag. ‘I thought I smelt a bitch in heat,’ she goads, sniffing the air and licking her lips.

‘Mmmm. God, I’ll _never_ get used to your scent Alex,’ murmurs Sleazebag, his eyes closed as though he’s locked in sensory euphoria.

I stand to my full height and step forward in a purely Alpha gesture. ‘Keep _drooling,_ but we know I’m the highest status here,’ I state icily. ‘You can’t overpower me.’

Novak inevitably advances, her lapdog directly behind her. ‘Maybe so... for _now,’_ she drawls, baring her teeth. ‘But knock you out or drug you up, and you’re _mine,’_ she bates, smirking when my disloyal body noticeably shudders. Bitch steps ever closer. ‘Just one little pinprick, one smothering cloth, or one glancing blow to the back of the head...’ she smiles hungrily. ‘Then you’ll realise what hell _truly_ is. You ain’t seen _nothing_ yet!’ Novak promises, her face so close I can smell her breath, taste her toothpaste.

‘Back... _off,’_ I snarl with every dominant bone in my body, just as she lunges forward, attempting to crash her lips against mine. I stiffen to prevent myself recoiling; my command halting her unwanted advance as she involuntarily bows her head in submission, forcibly heeding my words and stepping back.

She noticeably seethes that her assaults’ been thwarted. Sleazebag looks as deflated, obviously hoping for sloppy seconds

‘We've got to go,’ Granger says now he knows he won’t have me, the coward that he is. ‘Ridenour can’t be left waitin...’

Through submissive yet Alpha teeth, Bitch spits: ‘I _will_ have you one day. If it’s the _last_ thing I do, it’ll be _worth_ it!’ she promises darkly before leaving, her threat muted somewhat by my dominance.

 _Breathe!_ I self-dominate as my chest constricts painfully. I lean forward over the table, bracing myself, my arms parallel to the surface to open out my chest as I take several deep, lung bursting breaths. The pain doesn’t cease.

 _Breathe Cabot!_ My heart seizes in my chest, causing me to groan and cough at the same time. I lay my forehead against the table surface, as I pray my weakened organ survives this abrupt reminder of my vulnerability.

Having tested it time and again, with vigorous love making, I’m surprised and angered it chooses now to remind me.

_Christ sake, breathe... Open your chest. Fill your lungs and know you’re not dying today... I am not going to die... today!_

I slowly raise my head to crane my neck, inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth, determined to beat this hiccup... _Yes... a hic... cup..._

_I won’t let them, her, be freed because the star witnessed carked it before she could give her statement!_

Bizarrely, I make myself laugh, which immediately releases the tension suffocating my chest. I breathe deeply for the first time in minutes, and sigh with mind numbing relief.

I feel a trickle down my temple. I raise a hand to wipe my brow to find it beading with sweat. I reach for a tissue from the handily positioned box to my right. After mopping the last remnants of my anxiety away, I risk journeying back to the trigger of my sudden panic.

I know _exactly_ what Novak was trying to do, beyond the obvious; _she wants me intimidated, in fear for my safety, a helpless Omega._

_Enough! Calm yourself. You’re powerful. You’re worthy._

I stand up straight, square my shoulders and allow the last of my anxiety to drain from me, as I ponder why Bitch Novak would even try such a...

Dawning hits. _She knows Barba would want me vulnerable. She also knows I am hierarchically superior, and the likelihood of her raping me in the Supreme Courthouse would be a stretch. She did it simply to bring out my Pure Blood Alpha, to knock the vulnerability out of me. Novak wants me realising my transitioned status._

I inhale a steadying breath. _Clever bitch._

For the next few, agonising hours, I’m left to stew over my encounter with Sleazebag and Bitch. It’s both a blessing and a curse; to distract me from the very real fact, at some point today, I'll be facing the most heinous of _psychotic deviants_ to _ever_ rape me.

Eventually, a very nervous looking court steward knocks, then enters the room when invited. His anxiety, and arousal, are palpable as he stutters his words. ‘M-miss... Al... Alexandra... C-c-Cabot, you have been c-called to the s-s-tand...’ he finally says, his eyes avoiding mine.

I don’t have the energy or inclination to comfort him. _I’m about to walk into the lion’s den. This boy hardly just did the same... or did he?_

‘Lead the way,’ I order crisply, aware its customary for all witnesses to be chaperoned to the courtroom.

He does as instructed as I grit my teeth, attempt to steady my frayed nerves, and pray my brain and heart obey me for the next several hours.

I follow closely behind the steward, avoiding all the stares and ignoring the gasps as I’m led through the halls of this _dreaded_ place.

 _Breathe,_ I murmur in hopes of slowing my increasingly tight chest. _Calm yourself. You’re safe._

Just as the boy gestures towards the closed doors that signify my destiny, I intake several shuddering breaths and impatiently wipe a lone, traitorous tear from my cheek.

 _Christ sake, Cabot!_ I admonish, disappointed in myself. _What would Liv say? That I have nothing to be disappointed about. I’m allowed to feel. I’m allowed to be hurting..._

The steward opens the door at my nod.

Barba states my name for the record, as I enter. ‘Miss Alexandra Cabot, witness for the prosecution. Please take a seat on the stand,’ he says softly but firmly.

I only semi hear him, my eyes drawn immediately to the glass cube to the right of the courtroom, where the jury would sit. Inside is a standing, uncuffed, unmasked, immaculately dressed, yet emaciated Donnelly. I’m shocked by her sickly appearance and extremely petite frame.

 _Whilst she was..._ _she seemed huge, insurmountable, the epitome of power, strength and evil: the dominant Alpha. She made me feel so small, helpless and insignificant..._

 _Solitary Confinement doesn’t suit you;_ I take control of my wayward thoughts. _Unsurprising, given you get your kicks from watching people being..._

I interrupt this equally unhelpful thought process and decide to refocus on her drastic weight loss, as I make my way to the stand. Elizabeth Donnelly does not look well. The tiniest bud of glee grows in my darkened heart.

 _Please let her be terminally ill with the most painful and slow acting disease known to man,_ I beg the fates, as I finally look her straight in the eye.

I know she’s been waiting for me to meet her gaze. Her expression is surprisingly animated, given her weakened state. I instantly want to claw the elated and hungry smirk from her face as she feeds off my appearance, my scent seemingly protected by the screen, as I’m unable to smell her... _Thank God!_ Her stench will forever hold a place in my sinuses. To actually sense her would cause my already triggered gag reflex to erupt in an array of glorious technicolour.

I swallow harshly and tear my eyes away from Satan, the temptation to smile at her to show my growth in confidence, so very nearly breaching my necessary composure.

Once I allow one expression, emotion, feeling, I fear I may show them all.

I sense her appraising me, her feel her eyes locked on my pulse point, her desire barely contained by the glass cage she finds herself in.

To avoid meeting her gaze again, I seek the reassuring presence of my soulmate. I look everywhere, at everyone. With _excruciating_ clarity, I realise that my entire reason for living is not only crushingly absent, but I have no idea of the reasoning behind it.

_Where..?_

I abruptly turn to Barba, my eyes search his face for any explanation for this terrifyingly unforeseen development.

 _Where’s Olivia?_ My quietly panicking mind wonders again as I try to draw his gaze; my traitorous chest beginning to constrict once more.

Barba finally looks at me, his eyes sad, empathetic and angry.

_What happened before I...?_

I’m aware Donnelly is practically dancing in her attempts to regain my attention. I now understand her earlier animation. Somehow, someway, between my Alpha leaving the jury room and me entering this godforsaken courtroom, Olivia has disappeared, and I couldn’t be more stricken.

_Is she safe...? Is she...? Is...?_

I abruptly stand up, triggering a deep chuckle from inside the cube. ‘Where’s...?’

 _Sit down,_ Barba mouths as Donnelly’s laugh continues to rattle every nerve within my shaken body.

‘Silence in my courtroom,’ Ridenour states with obvious annoyance. ‘Is there something the matter, Miss Cabot?’

I turn to stare at the judge with something akin to soul deep shock and chagrin. _Are you for real?_ My mind reels but my mouth remains obediently shut.

‘Miss Cabot hasn’t seen the defendant since the incident,’ Barba fills the pregnant silence. ‘Surely, you can understand the impact this has on the victim.’

The word ‘victim’ goads my discomfort even more. I force my rebellious muscles to sit down; though every fibre of my being wants to flee, to _find_ my Alpha, to ensures she's _safe._

_Where are you, Liv?_

‘I do understand, Mr Barba,’ Judge Ridenour concedes, forgiving my peculiar behaviour as traumatic nerves as he rounds on the defence bench. ‘Control your client or I will be forced to send her back to her cell.’

Sleazebag and Bitch, who I hadn’t noticed until now, hunch slightly in their seats. A positively gleeful Donnelly abruptly halts her attempts to draw my gaze and sits down, in anticipation of the most entertainment she’s experienced in the last eight months.

_I’m in hell..._

‘And _wipe_ that grin off your face, Miss Novak, or I’ll deem you in contempt of court!’


	38. Checkmate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex attempts to survive on her own.
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> For Chely99, Ima Corker and WarriorRanger ❤

_This is exactly what they, what she, wants... Me alone, on the witness stand, about to reveal every depraved detail of what she did to me, for all their viewing pleasure._ I internally boil as my gaze remains on the only person nearing an ally in the room, Barba.

My other senses continue searching for my Alpha. _Can you hear me, my heroine? Please... Liv? Where are you? Are you...? What the hell have they done to you?_ My pleas are left heartbreakingly unanswered. I can neither smell nor hear my life partner.

I gaze down at my hands in a futile attempt to steady my nerves as I feel every deviant pair of eyes feeding off my discomfort. I sense Grangers gaze wedged squarely between my breasts.

 _Heinous bastards, each and every one of you! I hate you! I HATE you! I HATE YOU!!_ My mind howls as I grit my teeth; my mandibles audibly clicking under the strain of my clenched jaw.

‘Miss Cabot,’ Barba’s close and gentle tone invites me to raise my head, my forlorn eyes taking in his mirrored weariness. ‘I’m...’

 _If you hadn’t wanted me vulnerable, I’d never have requested my Alpha leave..._ I volley silently, my anger at his role in my love’s disappearance revealing itself through a low growl that only we can hear.

At the same time, Bitch erupts from her seat and barks: _‘Coaching!’_

‘Alright Miss Novak, keep your hair on!’ Ridenour counters, simultaneously succeeding in silencing and enraging her. ‘Mr Barba, I have been _waiting_ hours for this testimony. So, unless there’s some legal or health related impunity preventing Miss Cabot from giving said statement, I will ask you to step back and address the court.’

Having already withdrawn at my warning, Barba gives me one final guilt-ridden glance before he steps back into the court gangway.

 _You should feel guilty, you..._ But then sensibility hits. _Rafa didn’t send Olivia away. I did._ My expression softens slightly. I sense a near undetectable relief surge through him.

‘Miss Cabot, how did you and the defendant...?’

‘The _defendant_ has a name,’ Bitch interrupts him purposely.

_Breathe..._

‘And yet, she is still _legally identified_ as the defendant,’ Barba fires back before turning to await Judge Ridenour’s ruling.

‘Innocent until proven guilty, Mr Barba. If the defendant would rather be identified by her given name during these proceedings, I cannot deny it,’ he concludes, making my skin crawl.

Ridenour is right. But every little battle Donnelly wins in this courtroom, is another thrust into my ravaged core. My pelvic muscles twitch in empathic memory.

I inhale a steadying breath as I keep my gaze trained on an unwilling anchor. I sense his unease with this weighted responsibility. I’m beyond caring for his or anyone’s discomfort. Only that of my Olivia concerns me now.

_Liv... I close my eyes._

‘Miss Cabot, how did you and Mrs Donnelly meet?’

 _Breathe..._ I inhale a deep breath and open my eyes on the exhale. ‘She put herself forward...’

‘Define ‘She’ for the record,’ Bitch goads, out of her seat once more.

‘Miss Novak, you can and will get you opportunity to question Miss Cabot in due course,’ Judge Ridenour assures her. ‘But if you continue to interrupt every syllable, I’ll be dead before the end of this trial,’ he concludes mirthlessly.

Bitch sits down as Granger's gaze travels from my breasts to my lips.

 _Fucker...! How is Ridenour not seeing this...? Calm!_ ‘She put herself forward as the presiding judge for my case,’ I answer succinctly whilst ensuring I stand up to Novak’s bullying tactics.

Barba purposely stands directly in front of me, in an attempt to shield me from at least three ravenous pairs of eyes.

‘Mrs Donnelly, Miss Novak and Mr Granger, if you don’t _desist_ in looking at Miss Cabot like she’s a cut of prime meat, I will end this trial right here and now, and _sentence you_ to the maximum,’ Ridenour threatens, turning to glare at Donnelly.

 _Thank you!_ My weary mind whispers. _He’s not Donnelly. He’s not Donnelly._

‘You can’t do that, Your Honour,’ Granger whines pathetically.

‘I can if I place her defence team in contempt of court and she moves one finger closer to _touching_ herself!’ he suddenly roars as all eyes land on the defendant, who is barely a hairs breadth away from masturbating. ‘For public _indecency!’_

Donnelly quickly raises her hands, having purposely pushed the boundaries to evaluate how much she could get away with, and failing miserably.

I’m conflicted between being grateful Judge Ridenour is keeping every deviant in check, whilst my soul shatters that Donnelly would _even_ try to get herself off on my unease, in open court.

 _Liv... Where are you?_ I shiver involuntarily as I tear my gaze away from the monster currently smiling at me. _Fuck you!_

‘Miss Cabot,’ Barba’s voice draws my attention again. ‘And which case was that...’

 _‘Objection,’_ Bitch barks, standing once again as I wonder whether this counter is even legal. ‘We all know about that case, Your Honour...’

‘Suddenly in a rush are we, Miss Novak?’ Ridenour queries sarcastically, his moustache twitching with dark humour.

‘Well... I...’

‘I think Miss Cabot’s case requires some introduction, for the record. But only some, Mr Barba,’ he warns.

‘Your Honour,’ Rafa answers with an understanding nod. ‘Which case did Mrs Donnelly put herself forward to reside over?’

‘Mine,’ I state with force before realising this isn’t an adequate answer. ‘I was gang raped by three men in Central Park, 20 months ago.’

‘And why did she wish to reside over your case?’

‘Objection! Conjecture only,’ calls Granger.

Barba’s eyes blaze but the rest of him remains outwardly calm. ‘Did she tell you why she took your case?’ he asks, before Ridenour overrules us.

‘Yes.’

‘When?’

‘When she was preparing to rape me.’

 _‘Objection!_ As we will attest, there was _no_ rape...’

 _What the...?_ I internally rage.

‘Miss Cabot’s injuries...’

‘Miss Novak, you will get your chance to defend your client,’ Ridenour interrupts Barba’s counter. ‘Overruled.’

‘Please answer the question, Miss Cabot.’

‘Mrs Donnelly told me why she took the case, during the time she kidnapped me and...’ I pause to silence the whine I know would accompany voicing my Alpha’s name.

‘And what did she say?’ Barba mindfully moves on.

‘She admitted she organised the park gang rape as she had planned on ‘scooping' me up into her pack, and thought such a heinous incident would leave me _desperate_ for any kindness,’ I answer as I stare into Rafa's soul, to ignore the eyes subtly raking my body. I’m surprised no objection comes.

‘Why would she want you in her ‘pack'?’

‘Because I was a Pure Blood Omega, the most intoxicating and fertile of all status'. Or, so she thought...’

‘What do you mean?’ Barba follows my line of intrigue expertly.

‘After a particularly brutal rape 11 years ago, I was forced to have a hysterectomy or die from internal bleeding,’ I voice haltingly, remembering one of the _many_ traumas etched into my psyche. ‘Donnelly wanted me for breeding and sexual slavery..’

‘And you know that because...?’

‘She admitted to being involved in the kidnap, rape, torture and murder of both my...’

 _‘Objection!’_ Novak howls so aggressively, I startle despite myself. She rewards me with a languid grin. ‘Hearsay.’

‘Sustained. Move on, Mr Barba.’

Rafa hides his frustration well, recovering quickly. ‘Miss Cabot, you said earlier that Mrs Donnelly was preparing to rape you. Can you tell the court what was happening?’

‘I woke blindfolded, spread-eagled and pinned down. I was naked, laying on my back, my hands above my head. I was completely helpless,’ I respond shakily, inhaling a steadying breath as I watch Novak remove one of her hands from the table.

I turn to Ridenour, not caring that I’m breaking protocol. ‘Can you please ask all persons in the room to keep their hands where you can see them.’

The judge stares at me for several moments, before my meaning clicks. He immediately eyes Donnelly, who’s panting with overt arousal; though her hands remain within safe boundaries, following her initial warning. Ridenour then notices Bitch only has one hand above the defence desk. ‘Miss Novak,’ he states with barely concealed rage. ‘Hand _above_ the _darn_ table!’

‘I wasn’t...’ She immediately raises both hands as though burned, her face flushed from the humiliation of being caught out, or publically fingered, I’m not sure.

‘If anyone puts their hands _anywhere near_ their nuts, I’ll not only give you a cell, I’ll give you the gen pop for _five years._ Do I make myself _clear?’_ he roars as I finally see why this man was invited into the judicial system.

‘Your Honour,’ rebounds around the room as every person within it feels compelled to answer him, bar one, two: Donnelly and myself.

‘Continue before hell _freezes_ over, Mr Barba,’ Ridenour demands irritably, his gaze remaining on the defence team.

‘You were saying you woke to find yourself tied up and helpless. Had you been sleeping?’

I return my gaze to my current anchor. ‘No, I was drugged. They had attached an intravenous drip to my arm, which they used to dull my senses when I became too agitated or panicked.’

‘Who is they?’

‘Elizabeth and Bernard Donnelly.’

‘Mrs Donnelly's husband, who pled guilty to your kidnap, rape and attempted murder?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why would they drug you to calm you down?’

‘I had an undiagnosed heart defect.’

‘How would they know you had a defect if it was undiagnosed?’

‘Because both my mother and grandmother died of heart attacks, as a result of years of brutal sexual assault,’ I explain. ‘Along with the Pure Blood gene, came another physiological weakness: a strained heart.’

‘But how would they know this?’

‘Because my mother and grandmother both suffered cardiac arrests as a direct result of Max Cready, in the case of my grandmother, and Bernard Donnelly, in the case of both, admitting to raping them to death, whilst Elizabeth Donnelly watched.’

 _‘Objection!’_ Sleazebag and Bitch holler in unison.

‘To which part?’ Ridenour requests clarification. ‘As both Max Gready and Bernard Donnelly have been convicted of their crimes.’

‘We object to the statement our client was watching,’ Novak takes the lead.

‘So, you’re admitting she was an active participant?’ Barba snipes expertly. ‘Because Mrs Donnelly's DNA was _all over_ that room, and Miss Cabot... and Miss Olivia Benson,’ he adds cautiously, looking over my shoulder in subtle check in.

I clench my teeth at the mention of my Alpha. But, I internally marvel at the stupidity of Novak, and Barba’s ingenious checkmate counter.


	39. Blindsided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's onslaught continues.  
> Barba tries to present the case in a minefield.
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content (Descriptive discussion of dark fantasies and experiences of rape). 
> 
> This chapter was written in one day in celebration of the return of the legend that is M. When I saw your comments, I may have squealed slightly. I'm beyond happy to hear from you.
> 
> And not to forget, this chapter is also for Chely99, elphiemolizbethbau, WarriorRanger and Ima Corker ❤

Bitch remains uncharacteristically mute, belatedly realising she's backed Donnelly’s defence into a corner.

Ridenour picks up on this. ‘Nothing to say Miss Novak?’ he quips darkly.

‘Why was Elizabeth Donnelly’s DNA all over you?’ Barba drives home the point, sensing his advantage.

‘She _raped_ me...’ I whisper, my voice catching before I can stop it.

‘Objection!’ Novak barks, her upright frame shaking with adrenaline. ‘There was no...’

‘Saying statements without counter evidence is a waste of _my_ time, Miss Novak. Another _useless_ objection and you’ll be in contempt of court. We _clear?’_ Ridenour warns as I bite my lip to stop my own, less controlled response to Bitch's idiocy.

‘Your honour,’ she replies, sitting down and glaring at me with something akin to lustful fury.

_Breathe..._

‘Please continue Miss Cabot...’ Barba coaxes, as I withdraw my subtly challenging gaze from Bitch. ‘You were sharing about Mrs Donnelly raping you,’ he further prompts, reading my suddenly glazed expression, staring off to where Olivia _should_ be.

I nod with comprehension, my temporary elation replaced by traumatic memories, and the soul shattering reminder I am utterly alone. _My Alpha..._ ‘After Bernard raped me numerous times, _She_ demanded he stop, saying it was her turn. She proceeded to touch me and herself about the sexual organs, until she climaxed.

Whilst doing this she told me, us, Olivia Benson and I, her fantasies, her darkest thoughts, her most heinous drives...’

‘Which were?’ Barba queries, only his eyes showing his discomfort at having to ask the question.

‘She confessed to fantasizing about raping me since I was... 11,’ I murmur between swallows, lowering my gaze; sensing Donnelly’s arousal even though the glass prevents me from smelling it. Bitch and Sleazebags pheromones more than make up for it. It's overpowering.

‘If that’s the case, why hadn’t she?’

‘Because she likes to watch,’ I slowly raise my eyes to my sole ally. ‘She admitted to being the mastermind behind my repeated rapes at Bernard’s hands, since that age. She liked to watch me being raped. That’s why she _allowed_ Bernard to ravage me first. She's _aroused_ by it,’ I state bitterly, worried I’ll vomit if I don’t get these disgusting truths out in one chunk.

‘So why did she rape you if she preferred to watch?’ my anchor asks, for clarity.

‘Objection! Leading!’ Novak jumps up once more, her need for dominance insatiable.

‘Why was your blood found on the dildo Mrs Donnelly was wearing, if she preferred to watch?’ Barba rewords his question.

I grit my teeth, fully aware of _her_ reasoning but wary of an impending objection. ‘You will have to ask _her_ that.’

‘Mrs Donnelly does not intend to take the stand,’ Granger reveals through smiling lips.

I noticeably bristle, causing a hearty laugh to journey from the glass cube. I close my eyes for several seconds. _Breathe... You should have expected this... This is all for show, for her arousal and amusement... I’m a fly trapped in a spiders web..._

‘You state Mrs Elizabeth Donnelly raped you,’ Barba tries to refocus me. Even though I know what’s coming, the idea that I’ll have to explain it fills me with repulsion and dread. ‘Please explain, Miss Cabot,’ he requests gently, his eyes conveying an empathy his words do not.

Bitch, Sleazebag and Donnelly lean forward in anticipation of the inevitable; the victim voicing the unspeakable.

‘As I said before, both Donnelly’s would drug me when I got too agitated...’

‘Or aroused!’ Granger snipes gleefully, filling my pregnant pause.

‘Steward Roberts, escort Mr Granger to a cell, now!’ Ridenour speaks for the first time in a while, his suddenly booming voice spooking everybody.

‘Huh?’ comes Lionel’s moronic response, his complete shock making sentence formation impossible.

‘How _dare_ you imply...’

‘Miss Cabot orgasmed during her consensual time with Mrs Donnelly,’ Bitch plays their ace card. ‘Miss Cabot’s vaginal fluids were found...’

‘As a result of forcible, digital and foreign object penetration....’ Barba tries as I lower my head, my features blushing crimson.

_Oh God!_

Another maniacal laugh penetrates the glass walls. I shudder despite myself.

_Breathe..._

‘Get him _out_ of my courtroom!’ Ridenour orders his stewards as Granger focuses his gaze on me, determined to sexually harass me one final time.

‘You _whore!_ Be ready for me, Alex. I’ll strike when you least expect i...’

 _‘Out. Now!_ ’ Ridenour roars, standing up from his chair with sheer disgust and frustration.

As Granger is forcibly removed, I stare at my anchor, wondering how the _hell_ I’ll ever escape... _this_. Even if Donnelly’s locked up for the rest of her life, both Bitch and Sleazebag have vowed to take her place.

_Have they already...? Liv...? My love... Where are you?_

‘All I can do is apologise for Mr Granger’s behaviour, Miss Cabot. And ensure you have 24 hour protection, and Mr Granger is ordered to serve time to think about his harassment,’ Ridenour promises. ‘Would you like to press charges?’

‘When will this end?’ I sigh with barely hidden exhaustion. ‘If _She_ gets life, there are hundreds more who now know how to incapacitate me,’ I say to anyone listening, which happens to be everybody. ‘I will _never_ be free...’

‘Never,’ Donnelly speaks for the first time, gaining my attention. She immediately starts flexing her fingers, her nails skittering the air in lieu of my flesh. I can’t help becoming entranced by the motion, causing my body to disobey me in the worst way. Warmth migrates to my core so heartbreakingly readily, my walls contracting as she increases the pace of her ‘tickles', _knowing_ exactly what she’s doing to me.

Rafa moves to stand between us, noticing the trance Donnelly is forcing on me. ‘Miss Cabot,’ he says gently, so as not to frighten me. I jolt anyway, raising my gaze to his face; my heart beating out of my chest. ‘You will be free because you are a magnificent woman, of incredible strength, elegance and poise. And you’re the highest status known to man,’ he attempts to reassure me.

Sleazebags idol threat doesn’t scare me. He’s a cowardly runt who feeds off others higher status' to feel powerful.

_He won’t be a problem._

But Bitch... Novak will. She’s an Alpha who’s wanted me since she met me. She’s assaulted me twice, and attempted to a third time this morning. She won’t stop and no longer cares about the consequences.

_She would risk her life, her freedom, to dominate me._

I stupidly glance at her, finding her predatory eyes locked on me, her nails ‘tickling’ the surface of the defence bench; her intentions clear. She and Donnelly want to remind me of my bodies rebellion, that they know how to break me and how easy it is to arouse me with the slightest tickle of their nails.

 _Look away... Looking away isn’t weakness, its preservation. Look away!_ I self dominates, instead staring into the eyes of my unwilling anchor; my body equal parts heated and desolate.

‘I don’t know what the _hells_ going on here, but you both better _desist_ with your finger thing right this _instant...!’_ the judge bellows, sensing the acrid tension fogging the courtroom.

His warnings enough. The Alpha’s desist... for now.

 _We’ve got to tell him before Bitch... Novak outs me, sabotaging any trust Ridenour has in us,_ I attempt telepathy with Rafa. Nothing happens. _Godammit!_

‘Miss Cabot, you were...’

‘I need to clear something up,’ I begin, my body shaking though my voice remains steady. ‘I did orgasm during one rape committed primarily by Bernard Donnelly,’ I confess, my soul dying hearing my own words. ‘I was forcibly tickled by Liz Donnelly until climax. Tickling arouses me. She knew this after admitting to getting off to Olivia Benson...’ _Liv..._ ‘... and I making love. Tickling was part of our foreplay. The recording of Donnelly admitting this has already been entered into evidence.

‘Elizabeth Donnelly masturbated to us and _used this_ against me during an incident being presented in this case.

‘Whilst Bernard Donnelly was raping me, _She_ relentlessly skated her nails into my armpits and over my ribs and sides, with the sole purpose of _owning_ my body.

‘She ordered Bernard to stimulate me...’

‘Sorry Miss Cabot but ‘stimulate'? For the record,’ Ridenour asks. I try to dampen my anger by reminding myself he is asexual.

‘ _She_ ordered him to stroke my clitoris to climax, whilst she tickled me and he continued to rape me.’ I finally stop, the impact of my confession, utterly soul destroying.

The courtroom is suffocatingly quiet. The only sounds: my, Donnelly’s and Bitches heavy breathing; mine the opposing end to theirs.

‘Mrs Donnelly was ordering her husband to sexually assault you, whilst he was raping you, and she was assaulting you in turn, herself?’

‘Yes,’ I whisper, wishing the witness stand would swallow me up.

‘Objection!’ Bitch barks once again. ‘Miss Cabot, by her own admission, was drugged to the hilt. How can we be sure she didn’t fantasise or hallucinate this whole thing?’

‘So Miss Cabot’s injuries, the bloodied bondage equipment and dildo, and _all_ the DNA evidence, as well as Bernard Donnelly’s guilty plea, are pure hallucinations and/or fantasy? That’s what you’re arguing?’ Barba counters Novak with disbelief in his voice, posture and expression.

Ridenour allows several excruciating minutes to pass before he finally rescues Bitch from her ridiculous misstep. ‘Overruled, Miss Novak.’

‘Miss Cabot, please continue with your statement,’ Barba requests as softly as he can.

‘After she ordered him to stop, _She_ undressed and touched my sexual organs whilst masturbating herself.’

‘Was she saying anything whilst she...’

‘Yes. _She_ spoke openly about her ultimate fantasy of watching Olivia Benson raping me.’

‘Olivia Benson, your life partner and fellow hostage?’

‘Yes,’ I hiss.

‘Why would Mrs Donnelly share her darkest fantasies with you?’

‘Because we weren’t expected to live beyond their control,’ I utter, never more certain of anything in my life. I’m still surprised when no objection comes.

‘Did Mrs Donnelly share anything else?’

‘Objection. Hearsay.’

‘Congratulations counsellor. You _finally_ utilised it in the appropriate manner,’ Ridenour ribs Novak. ‘Sustained.’

‘What happened next?’ Barba bristles slightly, clenching a fist in his pocket.

‘ _She_ walked behind me. By this time, I’d been forced into a more upright position, with my torso bent forward. _She_ forced herself inside me and proceeded to rape me to exhaustion.’

‘She continued to rape you until she was nearing collapse?’

‘Yes. They'd prepared glucose drips, like Max Crea...’

‘Objection. A different case,’ Novak counters again.

‘Sustained,’ Ridenour can only agree.

‘They had prepared glucose drips to prevent themselves dying from over exertion.’

'They had planned your kidnap and rape?'

'Yes.'

‘What was your condition during this?’

‘My vagina was torn open, my cervix ripped apart; my body covered in bruises, scratches and deep bite marks. My heart was weakening and my body was being pumped with an unknown drug to ‘control' me and lengthen my suffering.’

‘Without this drug, do you believe you would have died?’

‘Yes. They pumped me purely to keep me alive as long as possible. But I had a heart attack as a _direct_ result of their assaults...’

‘Objection! There is no way to know for sure that Miss Cabot’s heart attack was a result of...’

‘So, women in their thirties just happen to have heart attacks all the time?’ Barba retorts, incredulous.

‘Miss Cabot already said herself, she has a heart defect,’ Bitch counters too keenly.

‘Would Miss Cabot have died if the drugs and heart attack hadn’t happened?’ Ridenour asks, to end the argument.

‘Yes, Miss Cabot's loss of blood, internal injuries and the resulting infections from the bite wounds, some of which just missed her jugular, would have killed her without immediate medical attention.’

The courtroom is silent for only the second time.

‘Had you ever had a heart attack before?’ Barba spears the message home.

‘I'd been light headed and experienced black outs before. But not to my knowledge, no. And certainly not to the point of hospitalisation.'

‘Miss Cabot was so brutalised, terrified and trauma'd, her body gave up in several ways. Only evasive surgery...’ Thank God Barba didn’t mention the heart transplant, vibrates through my head. ‘... saved Miss Cabot's life. It took five months of continued medical invention and care for Miss Cabot to recover sufficiently to be discharged.

‘Make no mistake, Miss Cabot was kidnapped, forcibly drugged, pinned down and heinously abused to the point she could have died several different ways. _That’s_ attempted murder,’ Barba focuses his entire being on the judge, praying he deals the only _possible_ verdict.

‘I have a video that journalist Tony Mills filmed on entering the area where Mrs Donnelly was holding Miss Cabot, and Miss Benson. It is disturbing viewing but is necessary proof. I have already submitted this into evidence. I urge you to watch it to aide your verdict.’

‘Objection!’ Bitch states, about to refute this ‘evidence'.

‘Calm yourselves, Miss Novak and Mr Barba. I’ve already watched it.’ It gaols me that this circus is necessary given Ridenour had already _seen_ this most damning piece of evidence. ‘Do you have anything to counter the evidence put forward by the prosecution?’

The question. _THE_ question. And Ridenour is brave enough to ask it. For the record.

My heart flutters with hope... for several seconds.

‘The defence has the right to argue their case, Your Honour,’ Bitch answers cleverly, side stepping his blunt question.

‘Indeed you do, Miss Novak. Anything further Mr Barba?’

‘Not at this time, Your Honour,’ Barba eventually replies, after noting my barely discernible nod.

_This was always coming. To ensure a fair trial, this must happen._

I square my shoulders and clear my throat,preparing myself for the _hell_ I know Bitch has planned for me.

‘In that case, over to your, Miss Novak,’ Ridenour transfers control, power and ownership of this case, hopefully only for now.

I steal myself as Bitch stands, her chest puffed out with undue confidence. It unnerves me.

_No defence attorney should look this arrogant considering the evidence Rafa has put forward._

‘I wish to relieve my defence attorney of her duty and question the witness myself,’ comes the hideous blindside behind Novak’s confidence.

The Bitch smiles at me as she voluntarily leaves her desk and walks out of the courtroom, a free predator, to plan her own heinous capture of me; her body language conveying she is neither surprised or perturbed by this development.

_They planned this... Oh Jesus fucking... BREATHE!_

‘Chambers now. And that _includes_ _you,_ Miss Novak!’ Ridenour shouts before Bitch struts out of earshot.


	40. Supreme Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Donnelly go head to head. 
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content (Please be warned, this is a very disturbing chapter). 
> 
> For Chely99, WarriorRanger, Shadowcub and Ima Corker ❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After my absence, I felt my readers deserved the court case all in one very long chapter. I'm unsure enjoy is the right word, but 'Enjoy'.
> 
> Slight edit since first posting to mention Alex being gagged.

Ridenour halts proceedings and gestures for the two attorneys to be escorted to his chambers.

My own terrified escort cranes his neck through the suddenly opened doors, his gaze scanning and finding mine, before he lowers it submissively.

‘Your Honour?’ I state with barely concealed desperation, _beyond_ caring _She_ will hear it.

Ridenour turns from his bench door, surprised to find me still present.

‘Where’s my Alpha?’ I ask, swallowing thickly as everything in me prays he knows.

His brows knit in confusion. ‘Miss Cabot...’

 _‘Please,’_ I beg openly, practically leaning over the wooden bar separating us and earning myself a disgusting half-moan from the glass cell behind me. I ignore it.

‘I thought _you_ were _the_ Alpha,’ he states, confused; his moustache twitching with intrigue.

‘Judge Ridenour _...’_

‘I admire the fact you haven’t used your dominance yet.’ Ridenour’s bizarrely timed compliment would have meant something, any other time.

_Just not... now._

I’m about to reopen my mouth when he stops me with a raised hand. ‘She’s in the cells.’ Conflicting relief and concern flood my system. ‘It would stand her in good stead to show your level of restraint, Miss Cabot. She’ll be released in the morning,’ Ridenour shares before turning back to his chambers door. ‘I _strongly_ suggest you go back to the jury room until I recall you,’ he concludes before entering his chambers.

Every fibre of my being screams for me to run to the basement, to careen down the stairs and set eyes on my beautiful Alpha. But to break Ridenour’s trust now would risk my testimony, the entire case.

_Donnelly freed is not an option._

_Olivia not being freed is also not an option!_

_Fuck!_

I know my Alpha will be tearing her hair out at the thought of me being alone during this; her mind creating the worst possible case scenarios, driving her crazy with despair and turmoil.

I feel like clawing out of my own skin at the prospect of Donnelly crossing examining me. But part of me is glad Olivia won’t be here to witness it.

I know how the legal system works. Donnelly will get her 15 minutes of ‘wanking’ material to live out the rest of her days wet, rubbing herself raw.

 _The thought of my Alpha..._ I close my eyes and wince at the notion. _Oliva’s suffered enough. She wouldn’t survive watching me being ravaged again._

It’s only then I realise I’m still in the same room as the demonic heathen, flanked by numerous deaf, male, gay guards.

Without turning to her abrupt cackle, I straighten my shoulders, stalk to the court doors and ‘lead' the terrified court steward back to the deliberation room.

I break _every_ nail clawing the oak table surface, before the young sap comes to announce my recall.

 _No shit, Sherlock!_ I inwardly retort, amazed he hasn’t melted into a puddle or peed himself; his nerves that I will notice his _painfully_ _obvious_ arousal, almost an amusing distraction.

 _Almost_.

The very fact he is aroused is an immediate amusement blocker, an _instant_ reminder of the very reason I’m here.

 _Arousal_... _Animalistic_ , _sadistic_ _and morbidly consuming arousal... The very thing that’s nearly killed me so many times..._

‘Miss Cabot...’ the visibly shaking pup whispers self-consciously, interrupting my dark thoughts. ‘They’re waiting.’

I stand and ‘follow' him to the Supreme Courtroom.

As he announces my presence, I inhale the most important breath of my life, knowing I’m about to face the she-devil herself; a person without boundaries, restraints, morals or conscience. And this will be her final opportunity, if she’s convicted, to abuse me. Therefore, I have no doubt _She_ has _nothing_ to lose. Which makes her wired, dangerous and unpredictable.

My slight relief noting Donnelly’s still caged is rapidly eclipsed by the position she has taken within said glass cell. _She_ is standing in the corner closest to the witness stand, within a metre of me; the glass present but visually useless from that distance.

She wants me to feel intimidated, dominated, touchable, even when it’s not physically possible.

I don’t even register Bitches absence; always certain of this unfortunate turn of events.

My eyes wander to the cells entrance way, my mind distracting me with thoughts of Olivia. _She’s safe, she’s buffered from this, she’s being released tomorrow..._ I sigh with something approaching relief.

Until....

‘Wrong, dishonourable ex-judge Elizabeth...’

‘This isn’t a theatre or a comedy show, Mrs Donnelly,’ Ridenour shoots down her opening gambit; another sign _this_ judge is fair, wise and closed to any attempts to further unsettle me. _Thank God!_ ‘I’ve granted you latitude, due to your constitutional right to present and defend your own case. Though any missteps will cost you your defence. Are we clear?’

Donnelly keeps her sharp eyes trained on me, continuing to feast when I meet her gaze with a glare of my own. ‘Perfectly... Your Honour,’ she mutters as an afterthought, realising she needs to be slightly respectful to keep this opportunity.

‘Proceed,’ he states, causing my body to stiffen in anticipation of her penetrative questioning.

 _She_ smiles her most nauseating grin, conveying an air of noxious dominance despite her frail frame. ‘Miss Cabot,’ she practically purrs, making me want to gouge her eyes out with blunt steak knives. ‘Having been an Omega myself...’

‘Mrs Donnelly, get to where you’re going!’ Ridenour commands sternly, having no patience for false empathy from a perpetrator to their victim. 

‘Fine,’ _She_ openly huffs with displeasure that her first line of _questioning_ has been scuppered. I would find this amusing if I wasn't sat in this _fucking_ chair, in this _fucking_ witness box, eyeballing my impressively _deranged_ rapist, alone. ‘What has been your hierarchical status for most of your life?’

 _Simple enough but where are you going?_ I internally wonder, knowing nothing is _ever_ simple with Elizabeth _fucking_ Donnelly. ‘Pure Blood Omega,’ I answer succinctly, feeling everybody’s eyes on me. My skin actively crawls. I itch my arm to try to calm my abruptly burning flesh.

‘And where are Pure Blood Omega's positioned within the hierar...?’

‘Objection! Every alien and his wife knows where Pure Blood Omega’s are positioned,’ Barba intercedes, my senses and emotions so focused on Donnelly, I’d forgotten his presence entirely.

‘Sustained. Move on Mrs Donnelly,’ Ridenour stresses.

 _She_ looks pissed once again, her restraint never having been her strong suit, after being in power so long. She rolls her eyes before focusing her predatory gaze back on me, licking her top lip in her efforts to mess with me.

Even though I remain externally stoic, inside I’m screaming.

‘What’s an Omega’s average life expectancy?’ Donnelly asks, sounding and appearing confident once again.

‘Objection. Relevance?’ Barba interjects calmly, though I sense his discomfort with this obscure line of questioning.

‘I have an end goal...,’ _Of course you do._ ‘Some latitude, Your Honour?’ She asks, suddenly acting like butter wouldn’t melt to execute whatever deviance she has planned.

I sense Ridenour’s conflict, having no real argument to oppose her request. ‘Granted, but I’ve already warned you of the consequences for overtly or covertly abusing Miss Cabot.’

‘Please answer the question, Miss Cabot,’ she husks, speaking as though the judge hadn’t just threatened her defence; seemingly unperturbed by his warning. It irks and sickens me.

I feel my breaths shorten, as my chest begins to pant then constrict... _Breathe_...

‘I have no idea...’

‘Let me tell you...’ Donnelly interrupts me purely to convey her dominance over me at this moment. It hurts. It hurts so deeply.

_Breathe... Cabot!_

‘Your Omega’s clever experiment hasn’t only been collating current demographics but life expectancy across the status', for comparison I assume...’

It takes me a minute to realise she’s talking about G. I have to bite my tongue to correct her. _He’s neither an Omega nor mine._

‘He found Omega’s have the second shortest life expectancy; Male Omegas with 59 and female Omegas with 44. Male Omegas can only be identified through tou...’

Rafa stands up, physically objecting before he even opens his mouth.

‘Get to where you’re going, quick time, Mrs Donnelly,’ Ridenour saves him muscle usage. Barba sits down with a nod.

‘What do you think the average life expectancy is for Pure Blood Omega’s?’

My heaving chest abruptly stills under the sudden rage rioting through me. _She really just asked me that?_ I inhale as steadying a breath as I possibly can before I look her right in the eye. ‘Considering the only other Pure Blood Omega's, my mother and grandmother...’ I almost lose my calm resolve. _Breathe... She’s trying to rile you... Don’t let her win..._ ‘were murdered...’ _... by you!_ Every fibre of my being urges me to scream, Donnelly no doubt wants me to scream... _Calm..._ I self-dominate. ‘...I don’t see how a life expectancy has been formulated.’

The slightest flutter of admiration dances across her avid gaze before she bites her inner cheek with painfully overt arousal. It takes her a moment to recover. My gut tenses with renewed nausea.

‘But if we look at the age jumps between status', we get a pretty good idea,’ Donnelly swerves my fastball entirely. ‘Surprisingly Beta’s live longest and is the only status where women outlive men, 82 to 78. Then Super Alpha’s not far behind with 75 and 77. Alpha’s: 71 and 74. Omegas, as I’ve said are 42 and 59,’ _She_ reads from a file retrieved from her wooden seat. ‘So, if we applied the same jump between Alphas and Omegas to between Omegas and PBO's, the average life expectancy would be around 13 for a female Pure Blood Omega.’

‘Not that I’m not enjoying this statistics lecture but again, relevance?’ Barba challenges once more.

‘Mrs Donnelly?’

‘The reason I’m applying this ground work is because all three Cabot’s broke the mould. How old are you, Miss Cabot?’

‘Don’t _ever_ speak of them!’ I snap, before instantly regretting it.

‘Your Honour, please can I question Miss Cabot as a hostile witness,’ she practically purrs, panting over my sudden ire.

‘Objecti...!’

‘Not on your life, Mrs Donnelly,’ Ridenour rules immediately.

‘How old are you, Miss Cabot?’ _She_ asks a second time.

‘32,’ I snarl, my every fibre raging in turmoil.

‘And what is a Pure Blood Omega's primary purpose in society?’

_You unimaginable bitch!_

_She_ smiles, reading the torment in my eyes.

I grit my teeth to prevent myself ordering her cell be unlocked so I can bathe in her blood. _Calm yourself... Cabot! Before Ride... nour throws... out the case._

‘What relevance does...?’ Rafa tries again.

‘I am simply attempting to convey my innocence in this awful mess,’ Donnelly replies coyly, utilising her fragility to her full advantage.

She _really_ does look pathetic, other than when she switches her dom on.

‘There is a reason behind this...’

‘Then get their sharpish, Mrs Donnelly. My patience is waning,’ Ridenour warns once more.

‘Please answer the question, Miss Cabot.’

I swallow audibly in a last-ditch attempt to keep my disgust inside my gut, my oesophagus burning with stomach acid. ‘Breed,’ I whisper.

‘Sorry, what was that?’ _She_ asks, for no other reason than to deepen my torment.

I clear my throat. ‘To breed.’

‘And what else?’

‘Objection! Your Honour...?’ Barba jumps out of his seat in exasperation.

‘I don’t actually know the answer to th...’ Ridenour ponders aloud, unfortunately providing Donnelly with the opportunity to re-ask her question.

I remain tight lipped, awaiting Ridenour’s ruling.

Whilst the judge remains ponderous, Donnelly asks me again and again, then again; _repeatedly_ until I’m actively trembling in my seat; completely ignoring Rafa’s attempts to silence her.

‘To _submit_ , alright?’ I admit, _hating_ myself for allowing her to harass me. The resulting shame floods my being as I realise, she is currently dominating me.

‘Objection! I call for Miss Cabot's last statement to be struck from the record!’ Barba states at once, his voice an anchor fighting against the stormy sea raging inside me.

‘Miss Cabot answered a question that was not appropriately objected to, until after her response,’ _She_ argues expertly, her supreme judicial knowledge coming to the fore.

‘Your Honour, _She_... Mrs Donnelly is _blatantly_ intimidating my witness.’

‘Agreed. Mrs Donnelly, if you use my decision time to repeatedly shot gun Miss Cabot again, this is over.’ From her amused and excited expression, the warning hardly registers for Donnelly. ‘But Miss Cabot willingly answered the question before my ruling...’

‘Because she was beaten down by...’

‘Mr Barba, Miss Cabot is the highest status in the room, possibly the world...’

Rafa’s eyes convey his acute displeasure. ‘That being as it may, Miss Cabot is a victim of Mrs Donnelly's...’

‘Innocent until proven guilty, Mr Barba,’ Donnelly argues sickeningly sweetly, her gaze boring into my thundering pulse point as I try not to vomit, to jump over the witness stand, to throttle her. _She_ licks her lips at me. I currently feel like dying.

‘I find it hard to believe Mrs Donnelly could impact Miss Cabot, in a status sense, from that box...’

‘Miss Cabot is currently shaking, You...’ I pray the ground swallows me when my anchor points out my agitated state, even though it’s for my benefit. Donnelly has the gaol to openly smirk, actively getting off on my despair.

‘Miss Cabot, would you like me to stop proceedings?’ Ridenour asks an impossible question. ‘Mrs Donnelly’s already wavered her right to take the stand...’

I run my hands through my hair and attempt to swallow the lump choking me. ‘No.’

‘If this is too traumatic...’

‘It’s _fine_. Let’s continue,’ I whisper, _agonisingly_ aware to stop now could mean Donnelly going free on a technicality or on appeal. _She can’t walk the streets... and I can’t come back here._

Donnelly audibly moans in response to my determined resolve.

‘Mrs Donnelly, restrain yourself!’ Ridenour warns.

I’m beginning to wonder whether his warnings ever go any further. I’m fast feeling I have no allies in the room. _Exactly how She wants me to feel. Fuck...! Breathe... Calm yourself!_

‘Going back to when you said a Pure Blood Omega’s main purpose in the hierarchy is to breed and submit, would that then suggest your purpose is to be dominated?’

 _You indescribable pervert!_ My mind howls as I turn my outwardly stoic gaze to my anchor, waiting for the...

‘Objection!’

Donnelly abruptly stamps her foot in frustration, irritated at being interrupted mid-flow, once again.

‘The... Mrs Donnelly is purposely intimidating the witness...’

‘I’m getting to the crux of why I did not rape her,’ Donnelly states evenly, subtly revealing what I already knows.

She’s going to argue I wanted it, to be tied up and ravaged so savagely. I close my eyes briefly at the genius heinacity of this defence. _Jesus Christ!_

To further disrupt Donnelly's flow and quicken up this torturous process, I speak, albeit out of turn. ‘Are you arguing that because I survived being a Pure Blood Omega for 30 years of my life, that I somehow _wanted_ all my assaults? That I actively _participated_ and _consented_ to them? That I _signed_ _up_ to be tied down and violently taken?’ I ask, aghast shock and disgust lacing my tone.

 _She_ actually laughs at my summation, delighting in the fact I have brought further images to her mind’s eye, from _that_ night. ‘Yes, and I have irrefutable evidence to prove it.’

This is the first time Donnelly has genuinely shocked me. _What...?_

‘Please find Exhibit 19, a contract signed by Miss Cabot, before commencement of her domination by myself.’

‘Objection! This is obviously a fake or a...’

 _She_ gloats at Barba’s attempts to make this piece of evidence inadmissible.

‘The signature was verified to be Miss Cabot's handwriting and fingerprints were also matched,’ Donnelly smiles her most devious smile, feeding off of my utter horror like a crack addict inhaling coke.

‘Overruled, Mr Barba,’ Ridenour has no choice but to agree under this damning evidence.

I feel a scream of agony bubble up within me as I realise too late, I’m experiencing a panic attack. ‘No...!’

A wild laugh penetrates my ear drums and splinters my insides as I try to inhale enough oxygen to remain conscious.

_It must... She must have... forced me... whilst... whilst I was... drugged... God-fucking-dammit!_

‘If I can read the exert to the court?’ _She_ asks boldly, positively basking in the reaction her ace card is inducing in me.

‘Objec...!’ Barba immediately rears up in disgust.

‘No, Mrs Donnelly. I can read it with my own eyes,’ Ridenour spares me the gory details, though part of me wants to know _exactly_ what I’m supposed to have _fucking_ signed.

‘I demand an independent body checks the veracity of _this_ document,’ Barba adds, seething because he’s never known such bullshit. _Utter, unadulterated bullshit!_

‘Did this contract say anything about the fact you were to carry on until you nearly killed me?’ I challenge her directly; completely unable to fathom...

‘I ask the questions,’ Donnelly states dominantly, before her need to break me overpowers her. ‘But since you asked, the contract you signed stipulated that I _must_ carry on, even when you _explicitly_ asked me to stop or you began to bleed. I was hesitant but you _insisted_. And with your higher status, I _had_ to submit to your _demands,’_ For as long as I live, I know these nauseating lies will haunt me. ‘Our safe word was ‘Tickle'. You never used it.’

I grab the wood beam in front of me to stop myself killing her, as my world begins to spin and my vision begins to blur once again. _Breathe_... 'You... gagged me... I... I couldn't...'

'So, you're admitting we _did_ have a safe word?' _She_ challenges me, trapping me.

 _Fuck you and your sick brethren!_ 'We had... no... contract,' I state as clearly as I can with my heart threatening to explode. _Breathe... oh God... breathe!_

‘And you admitted to experiencing orgasms under my touch,’ Donnelly attempts to further corner me. ‘You orgasmed multiple times, remember, Al.... Miss Cabot?’

‘Objection!’ Barba howls, still standing. ‘If this was the case, why did Bernard Donnelly, who was _there_ with you, plead guilty to seventeen counts of rape, thirt...?’

‘Because he got overly excited and started raping her... Miss Cabot, before she signed his contract,’ she explains smoothly, deflecting Rafa's barb with ease.

She’s had months to focus and prepare her defence. What I’d arrogantly perceived as a slam dunk case has suddenly become excruciatingly complicated.

 _Jes... us... Breathe... Cab... ot!_ The darkness encroaches as my seizing lungs scream for me to breathe.

I square my shoulders to open out my heaving chest. Donnelly’s eyes almost leap out of their sockets at the sight of me thrusting my breasts forward.

‘See... Even now she’s teasing me,’ she husks, sniffing the air in hopes of catching my scent. ‘Miss me, Alex?’

Mortifyingly, I’m unable to stop the dry heaves abruptly dominating my body.

 _‘Enough_ of this!’ Barba roars as he looks beseechingly to Ridenour. ‘Isn’t is _obvious_ Miss Cabot’s having a panic attack and is _completely_ repulsed by Mrs Donnelly’s remarks?’

‘And for the record, an orgasm _is not_ a sign of consent, but is a natural, physiological reaction to stimulation!’ Barba adds, beside himself with collected rage.

‘Agreed. Miss Cabot, I wish you to step down for your own mental wellbeing,’ Ridenour stresses, looking at me sympathetically; making me feel helpless, weak and alone. ‘Mr Barba, get your verifier sorted today,’ the judge urges before he turns to Donnelly.

‘No matter the outcome of Mr Barba's verifier Mrs Donnelly, you have tried to push boundaries to the point of repugnant and reprehensible,’ Ridenour states, eyeballing the frail, ex-judge. ‘I’m truly sorry that I allowed it to go as far as it did, Miss Cabot. But I had to give adequate grounding to truly see Mrs Donnelly’s character around you,’ he apologises to me. I’m _not_ in a place to accept it. ‘Whether this contract was signed or not, Mrs Donnelly caused you grievous bodily harm and emotion distress, which almost led to your death.’

Turning back to Barba, he continues. ‘I have to agree that a 30 something doesn’t suffer a heart attack without just cause,’ He then looks at me. ‘I requested your medical records, Miss Cabot.’ I raise my blurred and haunted gaze to him. ‘You didn’t have a hereditary heart defect,’ he mentions softly, utterly blindsiding me. ‘Your healthy heart eventually gave up due to unimaginable duress, after suffering repeated sexual assaults since your 11th birthday. This has been proven in guilty plea testimonials given by Bernard Donnelly, Stefan Bauer and Xavier Bauer...’

The mention of my step father and brother blindsided me, having not mentally prepared myself for more than one rapist. _Donnelly's... her own cluster... fuck. There’s no... room for more..._

But then... I wipe my tear-stained face. I hadn’t realised I’d been crying. ‘They... they... pled...’

‘Guilty, yes,’ Ridenour affirms gently, his eyes warm and true before his tone becomes serious. ‘I used you, Miss Cabot. I truly hope you forgive me one day.’

Throughout this abrupt turnabout, I hear Donnelly banging the glass furiously, attempting with every last grain of energy she possesses, to get to me. (My vision is blinded by further unshed tears).

Ridenour turns towards the courtroom. ‘I am required to wait for Mr Barba to source an independent party. Court is...’

‘I can’t... I can’t come back here...’

‘Miss Cabot, there will be no need for you to retake the stand...’

‘No... _Here_...’

Belatedly comprehending what I’m simply unaware to sufficiently articulate, Ridenour nods his head. ‘Mr Barba can notify you from home.’

‘Olivia?’

‘Stays the night, I’m afraid, Miss Cabot.’

‘See... her?’

Ridenour appears uncertain. ‘Best not, to avoid an appeal argument you used your status to your advantage.’

A keening whimper inevitably escapes my restraint, my heart breaking as I hear further commotion to my left.

‘What the fuck!?’ Barba yells.

I stupidly blink my eyes to clear my vision just in time to watch the guards manhandling a masturbating Donnelly, tearing her hand from her pants and pinning her to the floor.

‘You will always be mine, Alex. I _own_ you! Every time Olivia tickles you, _every_ _time_ she uses a plastic phallus on you, _every_ _time_ you gaze into her eyes, at yourself in the mirror, _every_ _time_ you orgasm, you _will_ remember...’ A shriek echoes through the room as one of the guards brutally wrenches her arms behind her back.

'Silence her!' Ridenour and Barba yell together. The deaf guards don't hear them.

‘... And as Ray Daniel’s once so eloquently put it: “You’re the best fuck I’ve ever had” and “I’ll rub myself raw thinking of you!”’

It takes Barba gesturing infront of the glass cell for one of the guards to _finally_ slam a hand over her mouth, gagging her.

But the damage is already done. I proceed to vomit over myself, the witness stand and the walk way beyond, before I collapse unconscious, into my own filth.


	41. Alpha's will be Alpha's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex wakes up.  
> Olivia's absence is explained.
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content (Heed the tags. You've been warned).
> 
> For Chely99, elphiemolizbethbau, WarrierRanger, M and Ima Corker ❤

The first sense to return is my sense of smell. I’m abruptly enveloped by the intoxicating scent of autumnal firewood and spice.

My ears pick up numerous hushed voices, though my scrabbled brain is unable to compute what is being said.

_Liv...?_

Two of those voices become abruptly silent at my weak yet hopeful telepathy.

_Shh... my life, just breathe, just breathe... You’re safe... I’m here..._

My body won’t cooperate; my limps boneless, my muscles seemingly atrophied, my eyes welded shut, my brain uncooperative.

_My... Alpha..._

_Shh... my everything... Just rest... Answers are coming..._

The darkness threatens to consume me once more... I attempt to make sense of what is happening by sniffing for less comforting scents, my Alpha's a conflicting cocoon of arousal and alluring comfort back into the abyss; her hold so warm, firm yet gentle.

_Are... you...?_

_I’m here, Alex..._ My racing heart and throbbing clit dance on cue. She must be.

Two nauseating scents abruptly burn my sinuses: Novak _and_ Donnelly. Adrenaline surges through my body without the corresponding stiffness. It’s almost as disconcerting as the scents assaulting my olfactory system.

_Don...?_

_Shhh... sweetheart..._

_Donnel...?!_

‘Can you give her something?’ I hear my Alpha’s glorious voice and feel the heartening rumble through her chest. It’s then I realise my head is tucked safely into the crook of her neck. I’m becoming more aware by the second. Though, the meaning behind her question is still lost on me.

‘Her metabolism is burning the Nitroglycerin and Xanax off quicker than I can administer it...’ _Kate!_ ‘And I don’t want to use Ketamine unless I really...’

 _Ketamine..._ The drug the Donnelly’s used on me, to sedate me, to force my compliance. A cold sweat drenches my body at its mention.

My heroine senses my increasing awareness, perspiration and panic. ‘Kate, _please.’_ I hear the begging lilt in Olivia’s tone. Though she respects Kate's expertise and rights as a human being, to refrain from using her Alpha status to dominate her.

‘Until we know why Alex is burning them off quicker than normal, I don't want to flood her system with further sedatives,’ our Omega states firmly, holding her ground against her pack Alpha.

‘Fine,’ my soulmate barks grudgingly. ‘Can I at _least_ get her out of...’

‘Until Mel arrives with G, I can’t adequately assessor her physical state Liv,’ Kate denies her once more.

Our good doctors’ words send a shiver of terror through me; my paralysed form simply unable to convey my feelings beyond a heavily laden thought. _What... happe...?_

 _You’re safe, Alex,_ Kate’s mind attempts to reassure me. _You’re unable to move because I’m struggling to sedate you sufficiently to slow your heart rate,_ she explains openly, conflicted in wanting to provide the facts without scaring me. _You should be unconscious with the doses I’ve given you._

_Why...?_

_Why is it not working or why do we want you unconscious?_

_Bot..._

I hear Kate inhale a steadying breath, which makes my skin crawl. I feel anger ripple off my Alpha as she growls warningly. I sense Kate back off.

_Later, sweetie... Just focus on breathing..._

_Please..._ I try.

_Kate, do it... Now!_

Darkness.

Olivia’s POV - earlier today.

I know why Alex practically demanded I leave, but it still hurts like hell. The fact my everything, my _entire_ world, has banished me so she can channel her vulnerability, prior to facing the She-devil from hell herself, seems beyond suicide to me.

But Alex ordered my absence.

And so here I find myself, making my way to the courtroom, feeling listless, angry and alone.

I sense the interest of harried attorneys, cuffed defendants, haunted survivors and their family members, as I walk by; my head blank save for the haunted expression on my life’s pained face.

I understand why Barba requested this of her, but Alex agreed more eagerly than I expected. My mate will be alone in this _hellhole_ , for potentially hours, until the court has followed due process to a sufficient standard to invite the key witness to the stand.

My past nervous tic of digging my nails into my palms until they bleed returns in agonising fashion; my nails breaching every layer of skin within seconds as I clench my fists to breaking point. The pain only partially soothes my rioting angst, as I arrive at the courtroom entrance and wait for the nerdy looking steward to open the _Goddamn_ door.

I feel like a trip wire, within milliseconds of breaking someone’s neck or beating an unsuspecting victim to hell, as blood begins dripping from my raw and deepening wounds.

When the _infuriating_ steward takes a _fucking_ age to check his register to ensure he can let me in, I feel myself reach my limit, my painfully frayed patience at an end.

‘Well, _lookie_ who we have he...’ comes a voice so excruciatingly deserving of my rage. 

Without fully turning round, I interrupt the Bitches arrogant musings with a forceful backhand.

Shocked I would try something in public, Novak is caught seemingly off guard, almost losing her balance in the process.

As I face her, my expected satisfaction doesn’t come; her smile and the faintest scent of my soulmate causing me nothing but unrivalled fury so intensely murderous, I know without a shadow of a doubt I will _kill_ this _rabid bitch_ for _ever_ thinking she could lay a hand on my life.

I advance on her without a thought for the repercussions, the bystanders; my absolute need to defend my life’s honour, the only force driving me forward as I grab Novak by the neck and proceed to force her into the adjoining wall.

A sharp pain in my butt, then the immediate loss of feeling in my legs, results in my ungraceful collapse to the floor. 

Above me, Novak and a suddenly present Sleazebag... _fucking coward..._ bask in my temporary paralysis. Four guards come forward, after assessing me to be adequately subdued, cuff my arms behind my back and proceed to drag me to the cells below.

As the door is slammed shut and locked behind me, the almighty fury igniting me only moments before gives way to shattering guilt and shame as I realise, I played right into _her_ hands.

_Novak and Donnelly wanted me out of the way. And they’ve got their wish... Jesus fucking..._

Due to my stupidity, Alex is alone, in a room with wolves who will sink their teeth into her at the slightest hint of vulnerability; the _very_ thing Barba has asked of her.

 _I’m so sorry!_ my mind yells, hoping Alex hears me yet praying she doesn’t.

Four hours pass. I’ve succeeded in trashing my cell and even seriously considered attempting to gnaw my way through the bars; my guilt, helplessness and the deafening clock, driving me insane.

I steadfastly ignore the glares from the two guards who will have to clean up my mess, when sensibility hits.

_Godammit Benson! Be an Alpha!_

‘Unlock this cell, _now!’_ I stare one of them down, my eagerness to protect my life suddenly within sight.

The guard looks through me.

 _What...?_ I’m flummoxed, sensing my higher status. Then a thought comes to me. _They're deaf... to stop prisoners..._

I gesture to regain their attention and sign my demand, holding my breath, praying I’m able to dominate them using sign.

They both come forward, practically fighting with their keys in their haste to submit to me.

 _Thank..._ I sigh with relief; not allowing myself to entertain the hollering screams of self-criticism, doubt and the resulting guilt, in favour of the _urgent_ need to find and protect my life.

I bulldoze past both guards, knocking them over as I race up the stairs and through the courtroom door.

I freeze. The sight that greets me, tears me apart and splinters my soul.

Alex is tied to the prosecution bench, her clothes in disarray as both Donnelly and Novak take their pleasure from her frighteningly still form.

 _My life?_ I try. No answer comes.

I slam my hand over my mouth to silence a haunting moan of anguish at this most disgusting of occurrences, forever scorched into my mind’s eye.

_Is she...? Don’t!_

I almost double over in revulsion, only my self domination preventing me from vomiting all over the marble floor and announcing my presence, less than 15ft from them.

They’re so intent on their next orgasm, they haven’t heard me come in.

I feel eyes on me. I gaze up to the judge’s chair to find Ridenour tied to it, his expression imploring me to stop this heinacity. I raise my hand subtly to calm him and redirect his line of sight, to prevent him giving me away.

Without further reinforcements or weapons, I know I can't beat both of them. Alone, I’d _annihilate_ them. Together, their too powerful, too strong.

I fight against _everything_ in me howling to blaze into them and cause as much damage as I possibly can, before they subdue me. _But then where does that leave us?_ I shake my head to stop further thoughts of what I _know_ they would continue doing to us, to my...

_Godammit!_

My heart shatters anew as my senses are deluged by sights, sounds and smells so revolting, I fear I’ll...

_Enough thinking... Do something, you idiot!_

I grit my teeth and belatedly crouch down, both Alphas still too intent on sating their carnal desires to notice a powerful, seething and vengeful Alpha in their midst.

I silently crawl under the defence bench and spy the supposedly impenetrable guards, and a knocked-out Barba, tied up and locked in the glass cage.

 _Fucking... Breathe!_ I try to calm my ricocheting heart, collapsing lungs and trembling muscles. Novak's sated moan causes every sinew, fibre and tendon within me to tighten, threatening to fray and snap at any moment. I momentarily close my eyes and swallow to control my ready nausea, before I search for something, _anything_ I can use as a weapon.

‘You... know... this is _fucking_... amaz... ing and all...’ Bitch acknowledges breathlessly, as she ruts over Alex’s thigh. ‘But... _Christ_... I’d love... to... see... her... fear... and feel... her... thrashing!’ she continues sickeningly, whimpering and moaning anew as a further orgasm surges through her.

Donnelly can only laugh in answer, her need to reach her next high, her priority.

I’m nine tenths of the way to losing my paper-thin restraint and killing us both, my _entire_ body trembling with all-consuming angst, rage and vengeance.

Seconds before I charge the rancid heathens, the guards from the cells open the connecting door.

It’s then I realise what’s felt like an eternity has only been a minute at most.

The men raise their weapons as Donnelly realises they have guests. She spins round mid orgasm, her smile wide and challenging as two shots are fired.

 _‘No!!!’_ I bellow from under the table, knowing this is _exactly_ what _She_ wanted, planned.

I tackle the men to the ground as one of the psychotic _fuckers_ slams into the floor, dead.

After subduing them, I turn to see Bitch, Novak, laying in a pool of her own blood. Donnelly, though hit, continues to thrust over my life’s face; her eyes boring into mine, _daring_ me to stop her.

A piercing growl exposes my unrivalled fury as I throw myself at her, propelling us both onto the marble beyond the bench. The _infuriating_ smile that _still_ adorns her frail features is my _only_ target. I draw my fist back as far as it can physically go before I put all my strength into the punches raining down on her face.

‘You _killed_ her! You _fucking_ psycho. You _fucking_ killed her...!’

I yell, howl, shriek, scream and holler as I purge each and every possible thread of my anguish, shame, rage and despair on this most evil and heinous of She-devil’s now bloody and concaved facade.

I continue to exorcise my demons as a litany of flash backs sear my optic nerves, propelling me to increase the severity of my assault still further, even as my fists eventually slam into the cold, hard floor.

‘Liv... stop!’

Only when a familiar hand touches my shoulder, do I stop; realising I have completely obliterated Donnelly’s face, head and skull.

I try to inhale adequate oxygen, my chest panting furiously as an extended burst of adrenaline courses through my nervous system.

_Liv... It’s okay... You’re both safe now._


	42. Knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can the pack revive Alex?
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> For WarriorRanger, Velvet95, Chely99, Ima Corker and M❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edits done.

_Let her go, Liv,_ Kate requests when G, Melinda, Abbie and Fin finally charge through the door and crowd around us; their shock palpable as they take in the bloody scene.

I tighten my hold on my soulmate, growling possessively. Every fibre of my being screams at me to never let her go, _ever_ again. To never allow another soul to touch her, to sully her flesh with their sickness.

Mel steps forward. I bare my teeth in overt warning. She backs off instantly, raising a hand in apology.

‘Liv, we _need_ to take a look at her...’ Kate tries again, looking over my head despondently, when I don’t respond.

‘Liv,’ I sense G crouch down beside me, us. _‘Please_ let us assess Alex. We need to administer...’

I clutch my life even tighter to my chest; my fear of losing her so incredibly intense.

Only when my best friend places his hand on my shoulder, gentle yet firm, do I realise I’m perspiring, trembling, hyperventilating.

 _Baby girl,_ the pet name he uses _only_ when he needs to get through to me. _Meg... Alex needs help. We got three docs here waitin' to do just that. Let ‘em help her, Babygirl. Let ‘em help her..._

His soft words are like liquid honey to my frozen, yet shivering muscles. _Help?_ My mind struggles to form even one syllable.

 _Help,_ Fin assures me, keeping his hand on my shoulder; his touch anchoring me in this most horrifying of clusterfucks.

I loosen my death grip on my life as sense and urgency re-enter my awareness. I lower my beautiful soul mate gently to the floor keeping our pinkies linked as Kate, G and Mel descend on her, unceremoniously tearing at the last vestiges of her modesty, in their haste to save her life.

I wince, my heart dying as I watch them work on her; her aura so peaceful in amongst the sickening heinacity surrounding her.

Donnelly and Novak still lie where they fell; the job of processing their bodies falling to Melinda, once she has carefully stabilised Alex.

_Alex..._

The hand squeezes my shoulder in silent empathy. It almost breaks me, his kindness. I quickly look down at my bloodied hands, as much to distract myself from the scene unfolding in front of me as to hide my emotions.

I sense Fin kneel down beside me, reaching for my fingers. When I show no resistance, he proceeds to check each of my knuckles and fingers, quickly realising what I am yet to notice: I have several broken bones.

_I’ll get Kate to have a look at you once we have Alex safe..._

_Safe...?_

_Safe Liv..._

The thought that Alex might now be physically safe is such an alien concept, as we watch Kate and G quickly initiate CPR.

A sob escapes my lips, quickly developing from a cry to an anguished shriek as I observe the pack try to save my reason for living.

 _The... the ketamine..._ I wonder silently, terrified and disgusted that my decision to protect Alex from the horrors of her latest rape, may be causing her current...

_Liv... Baby girl... Nothing you did caused any of..._

_Really, Fin? Really?_ I turn on him, my self loathing and seething fury needing a target, any target. _Maybe if I hadn’t hit the Bitch, maybe if I’d killed Donnelly when I first had the chance, maybe if hadn’t been so fucking certain of my own medical knowledge, we wouldn’t be here, in this fucking travesty today!_ My telepathy dripping with core deep rage for my own stupidity and failures.

 _Baby_...

‘Stop it!’ I bark, unable to prevent my feelings becoming verbal. ‘Just Goddamn _fucking_ stop!’ I yell at my innocent Omega, my heart breaking as I watch his face fall.

‘Miss Benson...’ comes a voice I’m mortified is _still_ present.

I turn on Judge Ridenour, giving Fin his rightful reprieve in favour of a deserving target. ‘What the _actual_ _fuck_ were you doing?!’ I snarl openly, watching him shrivel inside himself. ‘How much must have gone so _fucking_ wrong for this...?’ I gesture to Donnelly and Novak’s corpses, to distract both myself and Ridenour from Alex’s weakened and half naked state; swallowing hard as I do so. ‘How many _revolting_ things _must_ have fallen into place for my... life...?’ my voice cracks, as my gaze inevitably returns to my soulmates unconscious form.

‘I’m sorry,’ Ridenour whispers, his words so _painfully_ inadequate, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

A mixture of both escapes my constricted throat as my muscles hover between adrenaline fuelled violence and collapse.

‘I’m... _so_... sorry...’ he repeats, begging for a forgiveness I can _never_ give.

I advance on him, my rage all encompassing. _‘Look_ at _her_...’ I snarl, baring my teeth as I point to where my pack are still trying to revive my everything. _‘Plead_ for her...’ I almost lose myself. I bite my inner cheek to find the necessary resolve to continue. ‘Ask for Alex Cabot’s forgiveness _when_ she wakes up... If she _ever_ feels ready to see you!’ I add, stepping into his personal space, his gaze low and guilt ridden. ‘You _feel_ that guilt and _fucking_ choke on it!’

 _‘Liv!’_ my attention is immediately on my mate, then my Omega. ‘She has a pulse. We need to move... _Now!’_ Kate orders, leaving no room for her Alpha to tell her otherwise.

I return to my mates’ side instantly, wanting to help but my mangled hands make it impossible as G, Kate and Mel lift Alex onto a stretcher they brought in with them.

As soon as my life is strapped in, Kate, G and I make for the court entrance, not giving a damn who we run over as we force the door open.

 _I’ll stay with Mel,_ Abbie replies to Kate’s enquiring backwards glance.

 _Go..._ I hear Mel whisper to a torn Fin. I turn just in time to see him kiss her passionately before he runs to catch us up.

My heart plunges further into my gut as I feel his loyal presence at my side once more. My treatment of him was horrendous.

 _Fin..._ I begin breathlessly, as we power through the packed hallways, unceremoniously mowing down those who dare get in the way.

 _Don’t Babygirl..._ he mutters softly, his hand squeezing my arm briefly. _Concentrate on Meg._

I don’t need to be told twice; tears streaming unchecked down my face as the air bag currently dwarfing Alex’s features, continues to force life into her unwilling body.

_Please don’t die... please don’t... Fight this, my life... Fight... You’re safe now... You’re with your pack... Fight... Oh God Jesus, fight!_

Alex’s POV - Ranch Hospital

I wake to the incredible scent of my Alpha. I actively sigh in contentment at this most beautiful...

‘Lex? Sweetie?’ I hear my Olivia whisper softly, her words as delicate as silk.

I try to open my eyes, my lids fighting against me as I breathe her name telepathically.

The next sound bursts my euphoric bubble: my Alpha attempting to quieten a sob. 

I will my eyes open; immediately planting them on Olivia once my brain belatedly registers my request.

‘Liv?’ I husk, my voice hoarse as I note my heroines suddenly closed expression, her bandaged hands. My heart abruptly roars to life, undulating between arousal and fear.

 _Alex..._ her internal voice laced with relief, anxiety, guilt and fear.

I try to sit up, my body denying me this seemingly simple wish as I take in the entirety of my Alpha. ‘Olivia... are you alright?’ My ridiculous question causes her to chuckle incredulously. I internally bulk, _loathing_ the feeling of awkward hesitancy weighing between us.

‘You’re asking me if _I’m_ alright?’ my Alpha replies with a question of her own, her eyes conveying her surprise. ‘You almost _died_ , my life,’ Olivia admits, the use of her endearment calming me even as her words wedge themselves into my soul.

‘What happened, my Alpha?’ I drop an endearment of my own, swallowing hard whilst hoping with _everything_ in me we can shore up whatever gulf has come between us.

‘I’m so... sorry, Lex... I’m... _so_ sorry...’ my heroine suddenly utterly falls apart, whimpering sobs wracking her chest as she looks everywhere but at me.

My anxiously ricocheting heart abruptly halts its surge, my panting chest seizes and my skin openly perspires as I’m overwhelmed by blood curdling fear; my mind envisioning any number of heinous possibilities.

‘Liv...?’ I wait for her to meet my gaze, my heart breaking at the emotions I see swirling there.

My Alpha lowers her head, biting her lip; frustrated that she can’t run her fingers through her hair.

I look at her hands, my panic rising with every second her silence drags on. ‘What happened to your hands?’

Olivia suddenly raises her head and looks me straight in the eye, her gaze fiercely uncertain. ‘What’s the last thing you remember?’ 

In an effort to keep my Alpha talking, I reply without censoring my answer first. ‘Donnelly masturbating in her cell, echoing Daniels' words as the guards tackled her.’ I regret this as soon as my response is out of my mouth, noticing Olivia pale considerably. ‘Liv!’ I bark this time, my anxiety and patience blending spectacularly. ‘ _Tell_ me what happened,’ I order, _hating_ that I have to use my status to get her to talk to me.

A goose bump inducing whine escapes her lips as my Alpha fights my unwilling domination. Olivia inhales a shuddering breath before she asks me a horrifying question. ‘Where would you like me to start?’

My heart plummets as my gut twists with all-consuming unease. ‘The moment I asked you to leave...’ I state with baited breath, my skin crawling with thoughts of what might have happened to my life partner.

Olivia fills me in to the point she signs her way out of her cell. Then she pauses, causing my stomach to knot with overarching anxiety, even whilst I’m in awe of her ingenuity.

‘Liv...’ I prompt her when she shows no hint of continuing.

A deep sigh of resignation escapes her as she leans forward, her crossed arms no more than five inches away from my skin. I _yearn_ to touch her, but an unspoken feeling _insists_ I wait, _we_ wait.

‘I...’

‘Why could I smell Donnelly? And Bitch?’ I ask, my entire being crumbling under my Alpha’s desolate gaze. ‘Did they do this to you?’ I add, concern and anger threading my tone as I risk grasping her wrist.

The instant our flesh touches, under the deliciously familiar currents of electricity and arousal, I somehow _know_. I release her wrist as though I’ve been burned.

In slow motion, my skin begins to crawl from head to toe, my breaths quicken, my heart rockets, my stomach queases and my vision blurs, with the soul destroying realisation I’ve been raped by Donnelly _and_ Novak. 

A whimpering cry slips past my restraint, as I start to implode in a desperate attempt to separate myself from the body, I am forced to call home.

‘Did they...? Did they... you?’ I’m terrified to ask. _Even_ more terrified of my Alpha’s potential response.

A keening whimper erupts from within Olivia as her eyes finally lose their fight against the deluge of emotions behind them. As tears flood her face, she looks at me with something akin to astonished reverence.

‘No,’ she whispers, trying to clear her throat but failing miserably. ‘They’re dead, sweetheart.’

Tears collect in my cheek hollows as a shuddering breath wracks my body. It takes me several minutes to rein in my emotions enough to speak; my Alpha laying a prone and bandaged hand against my arm in comfort. ‘How?’


	43. You feel this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to survive the impacts of rape from their differing perspectives.
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content.
> 
> For Chely99 and WarriorRanger ❤

After Olivia tells me how she beat Donnelly to death and regretted not killing Bitch herself, I'm surprised the expected relief doesn’t come.

Even after being slave to the disgusting sexual hierarchy for decades, I've never become desensitized to the devastating effects of rape.

A putrid fungus grows deep within my soul, its spores infecting my every cell so ravenously, I breathe rape and sexual abuse almost as innately as I breathe oxygen.

I feel _infected, diseased, ruined._

My conflicted mind aches to know what they did to me; to rid my overwhelmed psyche of _agonising_ imaginings. Yet, Donnelly and Novak are... were notoriously sick. _Even my worst-case scenarios may pale into insignificance..._ I shake my head to clear it, aware my Alpha can hear my wayward thoughts.

Olivia leans forward, gently placing a kiss at my temple. ‘I’m sorry...’

I whimper in desolation, in relief, in confusion. _‘Why_ are you...?’

‘Because I wasn't there,’ my Alpha interrupts me; her heart-breaking utterance enough to make me keen in despair.

I shake my head as tears continue to race down my face. ‘You _saved_ me... _again_... my heroine...’

‘I almost _killed_ you...’

‘How...?’

‘I ordered Kate to give you Ketamine...’ my love confesses, her chest heaving as shattering guilt consumes her. ‘It... it stopped your heart... I... I... Oh _God_... Alex... I’m...’ Olivia collapses into my lap, her body wracked with devastating sobs.

I bend over her, thumbing away her tears and whispering loving reassurances into her hair. ‘You are the _only_ reason I’m still alive. You wanted to protect me from what was happening around me. You _stopped_ them killing me,’ I utter softly, as my Alpha continues to purge her anxieties and despair. ‘You make me feel safe, honoured, respected, loved. I love you with _every_ fibre of my being. _And_ you have extinguished my last waking nightmare,’ I add, wishing to soothe her soul with my love. _‘Because_ of you, I have lived. _Because_ of you, I have survived. And _because_ of _you,_ I can now thrive,’ I murmur into her nape, nuzzling her soft curls as her gasping breaths slowly quieten to sighs.

‘I love you, Lex,’ my Alpha whispers; her tone so fragile, so untrusting, _so_ uncertain.

I lift her chin, forcing her to meet my gaze, as I cradle her jaw gently in my hands. ‘I’m alive, Liv. _Because_ of _you,’_ I stress, staring into her very being as I plead with her to believe me. ‘You have saved me in _every_ way a person can be saved. You are my heroine _and_ my heroin,’ I whisper determinedly, _willing_ her to see what I see; a shero deserving of every medal under the sun. ‘I _love_ you with _everything_ in me, my incredible Alpha.’

‘How are you so st...?’ her voice breaks as she sniffs through her tears, her self-loathing _painfully_ evident. ‘Strong? I should be comforting you, yet...’

‘Hush,’ I silence her; my own chest heaving with unspent emotion. _‘You_ make me strong,’ I say, gazing into Olivia’s bronze orbs with something akin to desperation. ‘All you’ve _ever_ done is be strong for me,’ I gently tighten my hold on her jaw when she opens her mouth to challenge me. ‘Let me be...’

‘They _raped_ you. _She_ _raped_ you _,_ my life,’ my Alpha states with such deadpan urgency, I recoil slightly at her tone. ‘Yes, that’s more like the reaction I deserve,’ she continues, sensing the sting of her words.

My heart stutters as I battle to stop myself utterly falling apart. ‘ _Don’t_ do this. _Don’t_ push me away with some misguided, _guilt_ _ridden_ martyrdom,’ I beg with everything in me; my hands still cradling her jaw. ‘I _can’t_ bare it!’ I state with agonising honesty, _truly_ realising the toll watching me being dominated by two powerful Alpha's, has taken on _my_ Alpha. It's killing her that she wasn’t able to protect me... again. I’m suddenly terrified of losing her. ‘ _Please_ Liv,’ I begin to cry in earnest, as my hands thread through her hair, down to her nape and across her shoulders in utter desperation. _I can’t lose you! I can’t lose you!_ I mantra as I bury my face in her neck, my senses overwhelmed by her magnificent scent as my heart seizes in protest. _I love... you! I’d rather die... than lose you! I can’t survive without...!_

 _Breathe, my life. Breathe for me!_ My Alpha abruptly begs as the monitors go haywire and the periphery of my vision darkens. _Shit! Kate...! Please, my... everything... I’m sorry..._

I wake again. My first thought: _how many more times will I wake before my heart, my donored heart, finally gives up?_

My senses immediately latch onto my Alpha, relief and anger both vying for my attention.

 _Lex?_ Comes the nervous enquiry.

I open my eyes at once, feeling the difference between this anxiety induced episode versus the drug induced darkness before.

Just as I’m about to lay into her for her selfishness, I notice the black eye marring her features. My anger is immediately diluted by concern; my gaze meeting her swimming orbs.

 _‘Jesus_ , Lex... I’m sorry...’

‘What happened?’ I ask hoarsely.

‘You had a panic a...’

 _‘Not_ me. What happened to your eye?’ I clarify, melting slightly because Olivia put me first.

‘I asked Fin to punch some sense into me,’ my Alpha replies candidly, obviously horrified at her own behaviour.

I would laugh if I wasn’t so hurt. _What the hell, Olivia?_ I challenge her. _I thought you were going to leave me! I was so afraid you'd leave, I..._

 _I would never leave you,_ Olivia’s mind vehemently echoes as she stands from her seat and proceeds to kneel beside my bed as though in pray.

 _Please forgive my selfish, egotistical, whack job reaction,_ she openly begs, her bandaged hands laid in front of her, millimetres from my skin. _I..._ my Alpha frowns as she tries to find the right words, or remembers something disturbing. I’m not quite sure, until... _She looked at me, really stared at me, before I charged her,_ she finally utters, gritting her teeth to control her rebellious emotions. _It... When they... kidnapped us, they... She knew me being powerless to stop your... it... would ruin me more than any amount of physical abuse..._ Olivia inhales sharply as I take in my own breath, swallowing the last of my residual anger as my eyes sting with renewed tears. _And when She stared at me... She didn’t care that you were... unconscious... because She knew... She knew the impact of her actions on me... would... would... bleed into your awareness, if... if you ever woke up..._ My Alpha shuts her eyes for mere seconds, a lone tear trailing down each cheek. _It was like she was inside my head, telling me I wasn’t worthy of you because I couldn’t protect you...I... I felt like dying in that moment, knowing the truth would seep from me, whether I wanted it to or not... That if you lived, you would... know,_ she shakes her head, _utterly_ disgusted with herself for what she is yet to say. _And in that moment... I actually prayed you were dead..._ Olivia lifts her gaze to meet mine, the horror behind her words etched into every line of her face. _To stop you knowing... To stop you reading me... To stop your soul imploding completely due to my failings..._

_Liv..._

_I failed you, Lex... and I let my Alpha pride, my ego get... I was blind to what was right in front of me, because of my own ego, shame and... shit...! You... you were in front of me... Are right in front of me... And I will never let that psychotic heathen into my head ag..._

_She got inside my head too, Liv,_ I admit, my chest heaving as I desperately try to inhale adequate breaths. _She said I signed a contract that gave her ‘permission' to ruin me._ I wince, the horror on my Alpha’s face conveying everything I need to know. _She claimed me as hers, said she owned me and promised every time you make love to me, I’d see her..._ I continue, unseeing as the heinous depravity of my court appearance spews from my lips. _Then she said I was her best fuck and that she’d...’_ I grimace as the revolting words lodge in my throat, choking me.

‘Hey,’ I hear Olivia’s voice permeate the darkness, her sudden touch drawing me back from the depths of almost certain ruin. ‘You feel this?’ she asks shakily, attempting to control her own emotions as she haphazardly places my index finger to her lips, kissing it softly. My heart jumps at the contact. My Alpha senses my body’s carnal reaction to her. ‘What did you feel when I did that?’

I shake my head, not understanding.

‘What did you see when I kissed you?’ she clarifies, cutting through my struggling psyche.

‘I saw you, _us,’_ I respond. ‘I felt... I felt my... myself quiver...’ I confess, biting my lip as Olivia kisses my finger again.

‘And that is why we’ll thrive,’ my Alpha says with the first half smile I’ve seen adorning her features in too long. A beautiful sight. I sense my chest constrict as I openly gasp for breath. ‘Forgive me, my everything...’ she pleads, her smile gone as she tries to tuck a stray hair behind my ear.

‘Kiss me, my heroine,’ I husk, licking my lips as my mate obliges whole heartedly.


	44. Hard Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do Alex and Olivia get to reconnect?  
> Kate checks on her Alpha's.
> 
> Rating: Very Mature Content.
> 
> For WarriorRanger, Chely99, M and Ima Corker ❤

I melt into Olivia’s kiss; her taste, touch, scent, presence, the _only_ thing keeping me grounded as I cling to her shirt collar for dear life, purposefully deepening our reconnection.

Our bodies begin to tremble as all-consuming arousal riots through and between us; my Alpha opening her eyes and pulling away momentarily to check in with me, her elbows keeping her balanced where her injured hands cannot.

I immediately tug at her shirt lapels, forcefully pulling her back to my lips, on to my body; my message intoxicatingly clear.

 _I need you..._ my actions and mind plead as I run my fingers through her hair, _desperate_ for my Alpha to reclaim me; Olivia as desperate to claim me, smothering me in her glorious...

 _Liv!_ comes Kate’s intruding telepathy, seconds after she enters the room.

My Alpha tears her lips from mine, fully intending to lay into our pack doctor for having the gaol to interrupt our absolute priority: reconnection.

I purposely distract her, subtly grabbing Olivia’s crotch to regain her attention; a moan escaping her lips. Though, I withdraw my hand before she completely embarrasses herself in front of our Omega.

Eventually, we both feel composed enough to face Kate; my Alpha’s chest still panting as she returns to the chair beside my bed.

Kate appears suitably embarrassed, yet with a stony resolve behind her mortification. ‘Sorry to...’ she stammers before clearing her throat. ‘As your doctor, I warned _you,’_ she states gravely, looking from me the patient, to Liv the boundary pusher.

I instantly glance at Liv, her eyes downcast and her cheeks flushed from exertion, from being admonished.

‘I warned you Alex’s heart can’t take...’ Kate continues, actively showing her displeasure with our pack Alpha.

Even as I admire our plucky Omega, I feel driven to correct her narrative. ‘I _needed_ her, Kate. Liv pulled away but I tugged her back,’ I clarify as our good doctor blushes again, this time with self-mortification. I have an overarching need to rescue her from herself. ‘Kate.’ I wait for her to meet my gaze. ‘Thank you for everything you have done.’

She half smiles, shrugging her shoulders to appear nonchalant, whilst standing in a room filled with tantalising pheromones and a pissed Alpha. ‘It's nothing really. You mean everything to us,’ Kate’s voice hitches with unshed emotion.

Her distress causes my heart to clench. ‘It’s okay, Kate. Come here.’ I offer her my hand which she gladly takes, holding it in both her own, treasuring this rare non-medical touch.

I keep my still angry Alpha at bay with constant eye contact, my gaze conveying _everything_ I feel for her as our Omega inhales several steadying breaths to keep her emotions in check.

When Kate tries to silence a whimper, I turn to her, squeezing her hand as I do so. ‘What’s on your mind, Kate?’ I ask, our Omega so terrifyingly efficient at silencing her own thoughts, Olivia and I continue to be thankful for Abbie.

She noticeably gains a handle on herself at my question, shame adorning her features instantly. ‘You’ve been through so much and _I’m_ the one struggling to hide my...’

‘Please don’t hide...’ I request gently, hating that our Omega feels the need to hide so much of herself from us.

‘I honestly thought we’d lost you this time,’ Kate whispers in a rush, withdrawing her hand from mine to pick up my medical chart. We all know she’s done this to create some distance. ‘I... when...’ Eventually our doctor decides on a more innately safe topic. ‘You heart stopped for three minutes. We weren’t sure whether you’d wake up brain damaged, let alone wake up at all,’ she shares before checking my vitals on the heart monitors beside us, to bury the last of her emotions. ‘Everything looks healthy and stable,’ she confirms before turning her now watery gaze back to me.

‘Is there anything else Kate?’ I ask warily, troubled by her continued distraught-ness. ‘Are my other injuries...?’ I risk querying, knowing if Donnelly and Bitch raped me, I could be...

‘You have no physical injuries. The assaults appeared to be entirely external...’

My Alpha audibly winces at Kate’s oversharing. ‘Kate,’ Liv growls in warning.

‘Liv!’ I mirror her tone to calm her, my sharp gaze piercing hers. ‘Surely you realise that’s ‘good’ news,’ I say stiltedly, _loathing_ the fact the psychotic heathens got off on me. But hearing no penetration occurred is the smallest of mercies.

Liv nods her head slowly, breaking the saddest half smile I’ve ever seen. It shatters me. ‘I know you think me not knowing is worse, but I’m not sure I can handle anything beyond what’s just been shared,’ I attempt to reassure my struggling Alpha as Kate busies herself with my next IV. ‘Knowing they... _She_ didn’t penetrate me, means I’ve survived worse, so I can survive this... Does that make sense?’

We both hear the resounding ‘Yes' echoing in Kate’s psyche. A rape survivor herself, our Omega just... understands.

Instead of her suddenly, seemingly reckless lack of control agitating Liv, it has the opposite effect. Another heinously abused Omega immediately comprehending my argument, gives an innate authenticity to my words. Belief slowly dawns on my Alpha’s features as she realises, I’m not trying to soften her guilt. I’m simply speaking a truth that will make this minutely easier for me to cope with.

‘Yes,’ Liv belatedly answers my question, her eyes melting as they gaze into my soul. My heart skips a beat, the monitors bleep on cue.

‘I think your heart needs a break,’ Kate suggests in her doctor tone. A tone we can easily dominate being her Alpha's, yet it holds a certain timber that demands obedience.

A thought occurs to me. ‘If I’m not otherwise injured, can I have a bath... shower... something?’ I ask, forgetting my dominant status and reverting back to a post rape Pure Blood Omega.

I feel my Alpha's breath hitch at the inclination. Only this forces me to acknowledge how devastated I truly am at being taken by... _Stop!_ I self-dominate as tears abruptly spill down my face.

‘You’re safe. You’re loved. You’re powerful. You’re safe. You’re...’ Olivia begins to mantra verbally and telepathically as I swiftly fall apart; my Alpha subserviently looking to Kate for permission before enveloping me in her arms.

As soon as she surrounds me, I feel her safety, I feel her love, I feel _her._ ‘I love you,’ I whisper into her neck as tears continue to rivet down my face.

‘And I love _you_ , with _everything_ in me,’ Liv murmurs into my ear, whilst nuzzling my hair. ‘I love you so _goddamn_ much!’ she reaffirms, pulling me tighter against her chest as the monitors bleep frenetically around us.

I sense Kate approach. My Alpha does too as she begins to release me before the predicted warning. ‘Sorry to...’

‘Alex heart needs space,’ Olivia finishes for our Omega, standing before her resolve desserts her. My Alpha’s gentle gaze pierces my chest one final time before she kisses my temple and leaves.

I continue to lock onto her scent until it slowly, gradually fades to nothing. I audibly whimper at the loss. Kate’s by my side in an instant.

‘Remember she’s just the other side of that door. This room was purposely built to lock out scent. Liv's closer than it may seem.’

I nod slowly, digesting this information as I turn to my Omega. ‘Can I shower?’

I watch her grimace slightly as she weighs up the medical implications and possible strain on my heart versus the stress of remaining unwashed, fettered, unclean.

‘If you promise not to make the water anything above lukewarm, you can have a quick bath. I worry if you collapse in the shower...’

My judas mind immediately argues the possibility of me losing consciousness and drowning in the bath.

_Uhuh... That’s why someone will have to be with you. Preferably not Liv for obvious reasons, but I can’t ask you to choose someone else so..._

‘If she doesn’t touch me...?’ I counter expertly, eyeing my Omega pleadingly.

‘There’s no way I’ll win this one is there?’ my doctor scoffs, knowing when to walk away from a battle.

 _Not a hells chance!_ I confirm in case she didn’t already know.

Kate laughs good naturedly, before placing her hand on the bed, waiting for my consent. I instantly pick up her palm and hold it in mine once more.

 _Jesus Christ, it’s good to have you back!_ Her soul whispers whole heartedly.

 _It’s so good to be back, Kate,_ I half smile, my recent experiences preventing further happiness, at this time. And something still niggles me. _Is there anything else you haven’t told me yet?_

My Omega immediately blanches. _Go have your bath..._

_Kate?_

_Alex..._

_Kate?!_

_Please..._

_Tell me..._

_Don’t..._

_Tell me right now!_

_You’re pregnant._


	45. Pup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to find their way through this latest development. 
> 
> Rating: Explicit Content (rape resulting in previous pregnancy warning!)
> 
> For Chely99, Velvet 95, Ima Corker, WarriorRanger, shadowcub and M ❤

I feel the blood drain from my face as my stuttering heart, and the interminable beeps of the monitors, deafen me.

I watch Kate hurriedly approaches my bed, a syringe in hand, as my senses are abruptly overwhelmed by my Alpha.

_Liv..._

I hear numerous muffled voices above me, their tone and message lost to me. I feel myself gladly falling into the drug induced abyss of nothingness.

_I dream of the unnecessary chicken wire cutting into my thumbs; His status alone enough to force my obedience. I dream of Him, Stefan, my step father furiously tickling me as he rapes me; trapping me in a claustrophobic bear hug as his purposely skates his long nails up and down my sides, before camping in my armpits._

_I dream of sitting on the guest bathroom tiles, pregnancy test in hand. I dream of the shop assistants face when she hears my piss poor excuse for buying it. I dream of my mother drilling into me the importance of such tests, from the age of two. I dream of having no instructions on what to do next. They never came. My mother died before..._

_I dream of those two lines appearing where only one should be..._

_I was 11..._

_I was 12..._

_I was 13..._

_I was 14... twice..._

_I was 15..._

_I was 16... three times..._

_I was 17... twice..._

_I was..._

I wake in a cold sweat, despite the calming drugs injected into my system. I sense nothing. No one. It absolutely terrifies me.

_Liv?_

A door opens. Quick footfalls follow.

_My life._

My ricocheting heart abruptly bursts with relief and arousal.

‘Liv...!’ Kate raised voice takes some of my attention.

‘I’m _staying,’_ my Alpha states in no uncertain terms as my eyes finally heed my wishes and open.

A rebellious sob lodges in my throat as Olivia and Kate gaze at me with polar expressions. My Alpha looks ready to combustion with excitement, before she reads my immense discomfort and schools her expression. Kate looks ready to cry, her sorrow and understanding, _utterly_ heart-breaking. I lower my gaze, unable to stand this; _this_ news, their faces, my...

‘You know?’ I ask my Alpha unnecessarily, my mouth dry and woolly.

 _Yes sweetie,_ Olivia replies cautiously, quite perplexed by my reaction to this seemingly glorious news. _I’m back to being all woman. It was only when you cupped me that I..._

I suddenly think of it too. The expected fullness never materialised. _Did it hurt?_ I question quietly, my eyes back in my lap.

 _No my life,_ Olivia replies, actively restraining herself from touching me, getting closer to me.

My relief at her answer is short lived.

_I’m pregnant..._

My Alpha remains silent, nodding slowly, her eyes registering my dismay.

‘I’m pregnant!’ I growl, regretting it as soon as the painful truth hits my unwilling ears. ‘H... how...?’ I stutter, desperately trying to make sense of this.

When Olivia works her lip uncertainly, Kate steps forward. ‘I don’t know, quite honestly,’ our doctor admits, shaking her head. ‘It shouldn’t be medically possible. But then, neither should this _damn_ hierarchy be.’ Kate checks my vitals. ‘You’re a medical anomaly Alex...’ she continues to assess me, her eyes and hands busy. ‘You’ve always had an incredibly high metabolism and insane healing ability. It’s the reason you’ve survived...’ Kate pauses, realising further explanation is unnecessary. ‘When I noticed you were burning off the Nitroglycerin and propranolol, I knew something was happening. When I got your blood work back...’

‘Why...?’ I ask again, my chest constricting with unshed emotion. _Why?_

 _What’s happening, sweetie?_ My Alpha asks, _desperate_ to comfort me; her magnificence within torturous proximity.

I curl into myself as images from my nightmares threaten to consume me. I hear a groan keen from my broken-hearted Alpha, realising I have ruined what should have been one of the happiest moments of her life; Olivia and Kate’s minds abruptly flooded by devastating images of my multiple, rape induced pregnancies and miscarriages.

I’m unable to stem the tears as my Alpha and Omega stand by, their consent seeking hands ignored in my desperation to simply disappear from a world too brutal and sick for the tiny being growing inside me.

The very idea makes me heave. Kate quickly retrieves a disposable vomit bowl that is soon filled to the brim. Olivia finds another just in time; her eyes horrified at my telepathic revelations, torn from my soul without my consent.

It takes almost half an hour for my sobs to give way to harrowing numbness, in realisation my body’s conspiring against me yet again. I’m too trauma'd to care that my recent mental chatter, that my current withdrawal, are breaking my soulmate.

I stare blankly ahead, my psyche shutting down as the horror of my bodies continued drive to birth Pure Blood Omegas, makes me hate _everything_ wrong with this world, with this vessel I’m forced to call home.

 _My... everything..._ my Alpha tries, _desperate_ to reconnect with me in any fashion.

I continue to stare into nothing. _I’m... sorry... I’m sorry... I’m..._ I begin to mantra repeatedly, suddenly appalled my selfishness is breaking my Alpha's heart and ruining her most prized moment...

_Don’t, sweetie... Please don’t apologise for..._

_I’ve been pregnant 27 times... Each time I miscarried as a result of subsequent sexual battery... When... when I lost the ability to have children, I thanked fates for this small mercy... My... my body was ruined... The heinous dangers of producing Pure Blood Omega offspring..._ I wince, looking down at my belly with something akin to disgust, self-loathing and core deep guilt.

I lift my head, tears still streaming down my face. _How can I bring PBO pups into this world...?_

‘Pups?’ Olivia wonders, shocked to the core.

We both turn to Kate who looks at me quizzically. ‘How did you know?’

‘I was a twin; my mother was a twin and my grandmother was one of triplets. But I’m the only surviving...’

‘You have a tw...?’ Kate begins to ask.

‘She was stillborn,’ I whisper, returning my gaze to my Alpha.

_I’m sorry..._

_No..._

‘How do we know they’ll be Pure Bloods or Omegas?’ Olivia asks before she can stop herself, her hope not entirely diminished even as her soul shatters reading the pain in my eyes.

‘Because every child my mother and grandmother had was female and...’

‘You’re step brother...?’

My skin crawls as revulsion ripples through me. I swallow in an attempt to deny the resulting nausea. ‘He was my... my step fathers’ son from a previous relationship...’ I grimace as memories of their assaults surge directly into my consciousness; drowning my Alpha and Omega in flashbacks of my suffering at their hands.

 _They’re in jail. They can't harm you. You’re safe Lex... You’re safe..._ my Alpha immediately reassures me.

I choke back a sob, inhaling an almighty breath. When this doesn’t work, I bite my lip to silence my cries.

Finally, it’s too much for Olivia. _‘Fuck_ this shit!’ she barks before she climbs on the bed and wraps her arms around me. ‘I love you. You’re safe. I’m here. You’re Alpha is here,’ she whispers into my hair. ‘We will work this out toget...’

‘I can’t have them...’ I state with such finality, Olivia pauses stroking my hair.

 _What?_ She challenges before she can silence her inner thought.

‘I’ve never taken pups to term...’

‘Because of other external factors...’ Kate clarifies.

I turn to her. ‘Yes, but I don’t know if _every_... miscarriage was the result of my trauma...’ Both Olivia and Kate remain mute, awaiting further explanation. ‘My mother miscarried... 17 times and still birthed my sister. My grandmother... miscarried many times and only successfully carried my mother to term... I don’t know if we... we have a genetic predisposition...’

‘If your body can build an entire reproductive system in less than three weeks...’

‘I can’t bring them into a world like this...’

‘We can transition them,’ my Alpha suggests blindly.

‘At what age?’ I scoff, incredulous. ‘I turned at puberty. Eleven years old,’ I stare into her soul. ‘Are you suggesting our children transition as minors?’ I ask her seriously, ire diminishing the flow of my tears some.

Olivia’s mouth works silently at this.

‘How far along am I?’ I sniff, wiping my nose as I turn to Kate.

‘You’re 13 weeks,’ our good doctor imparts gravely. My Alpha and I stare at her opened mouthed. Kate raises her hand to silence the multitude of conflicting timelines racing through our heads. ‘Yes, you’ve formed a fully functioning uterus in less than three weeks,’ she says, looking at me. ‘And yes, you only had a penis for a few weeks,’ she adds, glancing towards Olivia. ‘But remember what I said about your metabolism and healing process? It appears this extends to gestation,’ Kate explains, as I focus on my washboard stomach.

‘I’m in my second trimester, in less than two weeks?’

‘Yes.’

‘So why aren’t I showing?’

Both Kate and I snap our heads towards my Alpha when she suddenly laughs awkwardly.

‘Sorry...’ she murmurs, lowering her gaze in mortification. Her telepathy tells us all we need to know. Liv is shocked that I’m more focused on the fact I’m not showing than on being so rapidly in my second trimester

‘They’re healthy and not all mothers show until...’

‘I’m not a mother...’ I counter at once, shattering my Alpha’s dreams once more.

‘We can protect them, sweetie,’ Olivia hugs me closer, nuzzling my forehead.

‘I think we need to talk about the strain this will undoubtedly put on your heart, Alex,’ Kate introduces a notion I’m not altogether shocked by. ‘Especially with the speed with which they are developing...’

‘How many...?’ I ask suddenly, my heart laden with conflicting emotions.

‘Three...’

 _Oh God!_ I exclaim, wondering how three pups will fair in a world so unjust and heinous.

 _There’s a real possibility you’ll have to choose... down the line..._ Kate says cryptically.

‘Choose what?’ Olivia hurriedly asks, dreading the answer.

‘Alex, your womb appears healthy and more than capable of carrying your pups to term. I would closely monitor you if you decided... I’m worried about your heart,’ Kate interrupts herself.

 _‘Choose_ what?’ my Alpha queries again, not easily distracted when it comes to anything involving me.

Kate turns to Liv, inhales a steadying breath, then proceeds to say the one thing that thoroughly ignites my maternal instincts. ‘You may have to choose between your life and those of your pups...’ Kate confesses, her complexion paling as she sways under this truth.

‘There’s _no way_ I’m choosing _my_ life over my pups!’ I bark earnestly as my Alpha embraces me tighter still.


End file.
